Coming Back Together (Part 2)

The conclusion you wanted!

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Five months since the decision to take a break. Three months since he'd seen Carter. It had only been three months, but to Donovan it felt like an eternity.

He stared at the elevator numbers as they ascended, willing them to move fast. His duffle bag hung off his shoulder. He hadn't even bothered going from the airport to his apartment. Instead, he came directly to the Bureau knowing Carter would be there.

Three months he'd been away working with his team on a case. In those three months he hadn't talked to Carter at all. It was one the the terms Carter had settled for the time apart. She wanted to be completely focused on dealing with her issues.

But right then Donovan didn't want to be on a break. He wanted his girlfriend back. He wanted his best friend back.

When the elevator stopped, Donovan stood in front of the doors ready to barrel out. He needed to see her.

But before Donovan could charge out, he found the space in front of the elevator filled with a group of people.

In the center of it was Carter, arms crossed, staring down Agent Booth. An agent Donovan knew had been at the Bureau for ten years.

Donovan paused. Why wasn't she with Brock's team?

The group split to let Donovan pass and he exited, hearing Carter talk.

"With all due respect, sir," Carter said. "You're wrong. You aren't looking at it from a profiler's view and that's skewing your theory."

Donovan stopped, fighting back a smile at the girl who he loved, who was able to talk to a senior agent like that with absolute conviction.

The group entered the elevator and only then did Carter notice Donovan. Her face remained exactly the same.

"Hi Donovan," she said. "You're back."

She focused back on Booth as the doors slid closed. Donovan stood there, feeling like someone had punched him in the face. That was it? That was it? No change in her expression? No sign at all that his return after three months meant anything to her.

Donovan couldn't move. Didn't move. Carter had lived constantly in his mind since the break. Even when he worked cases with his team, she was there. Sometimes it was wondering what she was doing, how she was doing. Other times it was her voice helping view the case, asking questions he hadn't thought of.

She was always with him.

But from the way she hadn't even reacted it was like he was no longer with her.

"Donovan, you're back," Mason said, sauntering towards him with a mug in his hands.

Donovan pulled himself together, no way was he letting Mason Douglas see him rattled.

"Yes, I'm back," Donovan said.

"Seem pretty eager to return to the office." He eyed Donovan's duffle bag and took a sip of coffee. "Didn't even stop at your place. You must really love your job."

Donovan wanted to punch Mason for seeing his desperation.

Had Carter seen it so easily? Did the time apart make her see him in a new light? Was his eagerness to see her a draw back, a sign of weakness? Did it seem clingy?

It all came from missing her.

Question was: had she missed him?

Ignoring Mason, Donovan walked away. He needed information and only one person could give that to him.

Brock glanced up from his computer when Donovan knocked on his glass office door. Brock motioned him in.

"Hey," Brock said. "It's good to have you back. How'd the case go?"

Donovan dropped his bag onto the floor.

"Brock, I love you but I really don't want to talk about my case, what I've been up to, or what you've been up to. I want to know what's going on with Carter."

Brock leaned back in his chair, placing his laced hands behind his head.

"A brother leaves for three months and all love is gone. Harsh."

"I talked to you four days ago. Why is Carter no longer in your team? And why didn't you tell me this?"

"You told me when you left that you and Carter were on a break, that you were keeping separate lives. That meant what she did was none of your business."

"I don't care what I said. I'm an idiot and I need to know what's going on."

Had she left Brock's team because she didn't even want to be connected in that way? Mason saw it right, he was desperate. The way Carter acted completely detached gnawed at him. Was it over for good? Had he really lost her?

"Sit down," Brock said. "You look like you're going to have a heart attack."

Donovan sank into the chair in front of Brock's desk and buried his head in his hands.

Starting out he'd thought pushing Carter to confront her issues was a good thing. She'd push him away so many times and each time cut deeper than the one before. After all he'd done to show her she could trust him, she acted like he'd suddenly leave her.

But she didn't understand that he was all hers. He'd fallen in love with a stubborn, damaged girl and despite all the ways she drove him crazy at times, he knew without a doubt she was the only girl for him.

But he'd known she needed to decide if he was the only one for her.

What if she did decide? What if he wasn't the only one for her?

She was beautiful, strong, brilliant, funny, determined. She could have any man she wanted.

"You need to breathe," Brock said.

"I am breathing."

"You sure, you look like you're going to pass out. And man, if you do that then I'm telling Clint and James you fainted. Better yet, that you swooned in my office."

Donovan glared at his brother. Where was the brotherly support when you needed it?

"I'm not going to pass out," he said.

"Okay, then why don't you sit back and I'll explain some things to you so you don't jump to conclusions."

"Okay then tell me."

"Your girl is brilliant." Donovan knew he was calling her that to encourage him but Donovan didn't know if she still was his girl. "But she's also a bit difficult to work with. She tends to see things faster than others and doesn't shy away from pointing out where others are wrong. And in a rather blunt way."

At least Carter was still Carter.

"There was enough friction between the other members and her that she got transferred."

That at least explained her working on Booth's team.

"She'd been transferred twice since you left."

"Are you serious?" Donovan asked.

That amount was extreme. He'd heard of team's starting their careers together and retiring together. But this was Carter after all.

"I'm serious. Some people wondered why she isn't fired. But the thing is, she knows her stuff and she's helped solve tough cases in her time here. The Bureau would be idiots to let her go. She'd barely be out the doors before the CIA would snatch her up."

Donovan smiled. He couldn't help it. He loved how smart she was. He loved that she didn't back down. He loved how she pointed out mistakes even knowing it would piss someone off. He loved her.

"That's why she's with Booth's team," Donovan said.

"Yup. She's been doing pretty good with them. Booth likes her spirit and bluntness."

Donovan hated the little voice in his head that wondered if she liked Booth and his seniority.

"Has she been out with anyone?" Donovan asked.

He knew Brock might mock him for eternity for how gossipy he sounded, but at this point he didn't care. Even secondhand news of her was worth it. No matter how much it would hurt.

He hated feeling so disconnected from her. He had to remind himself that he'd made the decision to take a break with solid reasoning.

"Yeah, actually," Brock said. "She's constantly dating. New guy every night. It's crazy, everyone's talking about around the water cooler."

Donovan panicked for half a second before he took in Brock's taunting look.

"You are an idiot. Dude, she's focused on work in a way that makes me feel like a slacker."

"You are a slacker so that's not saying much."

Brock gave him a rude hand gesture and pointed to the door.

"Gossip time is over. I have work to do. Because I'm not a slacker."

Donovan rose and grabbed his duffle bag. He pulled open the door but paused.

"Do you think I made the right decision?"

Brock took a moment and Donovan appreciated it. The answer he would give would be honest. A quick answer would have been placating.

"Yeah, I do. You told me your reasons and I agreed with you. You told Clint your reasons and he agreed. And if Clint agrees then you know you did something right."

Donovan wanted the words to reassure him but all he could see was Carter's face. There was no light in her eyes at seeing him.

"I hope I did because right now it doesn't feel that way."

"She's still your girl, man."

Donovan left without responding.

He made his way to his desk, figuring since he was there he might as well finish up his report so he could go home and crash. With it being Friday, it meant he'd have all weekend to mull over everything before he was back at work and seeing Carter again.

As he sank into his desk chair, he noticed a post-it note attached to his computer. He picked it off. The message was brief: Donovan, let me know if you're interested in getting dinner. - Carter.

That was it. If you're interested. Was she not interested? Was she merely going through the motion so he didn't feel like he'd been completely cut out of her life?

Donovan crumpled up the note and threw it away. He didn't stop to think or else he would lose his mind.

Waking up his computer, he lost himself in his report. An hour later, he was done and ready to go home. As was the rest of the office, who talked as they packed up to leave. Donovan sent off the report and reached for his bag.

When he rose, he found Carter standing there. She looked completely at ease. Nothing in her manner showed whether she was happy or reluctant to see him. When had he stopped being able to read her?

"Hey," she said. "Did you get my note?" She glanced his desk then to the trash can, spotting it crumpled up inside. She hesitated. "If you don't want to, I understand. I thought I would ask."

What did that mean? Was it for old time's sake that she asked him? A chance to say goodbye?

If so, Donovan wanted to avoid dinner until the end of time. He didn't want to say goodbye.

"I get that it's already been a long day," Carter said. "I thought if you were too tired we could get takeout. But it's okay, if you don't want this."

"Takeout sounds good," he said, not knowing if it was a terrible decision. Would this night mean the end if them? Of a future he saw with her. Man, he sounded pathetic.

"Okay, I just have to get my stuff," Carter said. "I'll meet you by the elevator."

She walked away and Donovan watched her. He forgot how much he liked the way she walked. Confident but not swaggering. Something that was intrinsically Carter.

At the elevators, Mason appeared and all three of them climbed on one together.

"Mason," Carter said, coolly.

"Owens," Mason said.

The air in the elevator seemed to drop a few decrees as they both ignored each other beyond that. Donovan didn't know what to make of the interaction but at least it proved their dynamic hadn't shifted while he was gone.

On the sidewalk, they broke away, Mason departing without a single word or glance. Donovan and Carter walked towards the Metro in silence. Donovan didn't know what to say. Could he ask about how'd she'd been? Did she want to know about how his trip went? When had talking to her become something he didn't know how to do?

Carter seemed fine with the silence, not giving any sign that the lack of talking bothered her. So they spent the whole time on the Metro, getting food, and making it to Donovan's apartment in absolute silence.

Donovan flicked on the lights and closed the door behind Carter. The air smelled a little stale and Donovan wished he'd hired someone to freshen up the place before he got home. A thin later of dust coated everything and Donovan had to resist the urge to clean every surface.

Carter glanced at him. "If you take the left side, I'll take the right side. It would be spotless in fifteen minutes."

Man, he wanted to kiss her. He wanted to hold her and remember what it felt like to do so.

"What about the food?" he asked.

"It will stay and I've eaten so much cold food in the last few months it won't bother me."

Why had she? Because she was working all the time? It's what it sounded like. He wanted to ask her, instead he found her a dusting cloth and they went to work. Moving and cleaning helped. It felt manageable. It helped him realize how much time had past since he was home. Three months was a long time. It was natural for things to feel different between them. He needed to let them find home base again.

That was if Carter wanted to.

She was cleaning his apartment with him.

He hoped that was a sign she did.

Finished, they took opposite sides of the couch and divided up the food.

"I've never asked," she said. "But what is with you and cleaning?"

Donovan fought back a smile, the blunt tone welcomed.

"It comes from growing up with a Marine for a father. But when we weren't kids forced to clean our rooms anymore, our father would talk to us about how keeping order was more than what it seemed. He'd say: how do we expect to take care and respect someone we love when we can't take care of ourselves?"

Carter nodded and half smiled at that.

"Take care of yourself to take care of someone you love. I like that. So, how did your case go?"

Donovan didn't want to talk about the case. He wanted to talk about her? What she'd been doing? What they were?

But he talked.

"What about you?" he asked, after he'd told her everything. "How have you been?"

It felt like the safest question to ask that offered an opening.

Carter rested her arm on the back of the couch and leaned her head into her fist. She seemed calm, completely relaxed. Donovan was neither, ready to jump out of his skin.

"I told you about the therapist your mom knows here in DC," she said. Donovan nodded. "I've been seeing her once a week for five months now and it's been good."

Donovan held his tongue but all he wanted to do was yell: yes but what does good mean?

"She helped me realize that I still held onto feelings of anger and bitterness towards my mother. And that those emotions only served to hurt me. I don't have to let what she did to me be the viewpoint of how I see the world. She is one person and that doesn't mean everyone is like her."

As she spoke, Donovan could see she felt more peace about her mother. He knew that type of hurt might last for awhile, but he saw she wasn't letting it cloud her anymore.

"The other thing that really helped me was about you," Carter said.

"Oh."

Donovan tensed.

"Yeah, she helped me realize that I don't need you. That..."

Carter kept talking but Donovan couldn't hear any of it. Her voice blurred in his ears as what she'd said played over and over. She didn't need him. She didn't need him.

Donovan stood, unable to take the physical closeness when she was so emotional distant.

"Donovan," Carter said.

He shook his head and started gathering up the takeout containers.

"I get it," he said. "I'm glad she's been able to help you."

Carter grabbed his arm, stopping him.

"You heard nothing after that one phrase, didn't you?"

Slowly, Donovan turned to her.

"I can't lose you," he said.

"Great, can you sit down and listen before deciding that you have."

"Carter, you said you didn't need me."

"Yes! And then I went on to explain what I meant but stopped when you looked like I'd shot you. Are you going to sit or am I going to have to talk up to you?"

Donovan sat down, but didn't look at her. He didn't know what to think anymore. Carter acted so calm and in control. Usually he was the one that felt that way and somehow they'd reversed roles.

Carter shifted closer to him.

"She helped me realize why, when I started working at the Bureau, I began to shut you out.

He turned his head towards her.

"It's because as stupid as it sounds, I was terrified to lose you."

When Donovan opened his mouth to tell exactly how stupid that was, she held up her hand.

"Yes, it's stupid. But for the first time in my life I felt out of my element. High school, college, Quantico, those places I knew how to handle. I was surrounded by people I could outsmart, outtalk. But at the FBI everything was different. This was a place where I was surrounded by smart people, who knew what they were doing and had been doing it for years.

"For the first time, I felt scared that I was stupid, that I wouldn't measure up to the expectations of the people around me.

"Part of that fear was that you'd see me in a new light. That I would be just some hot-headed girl who couldn't learn when to shut up and let others talk. Who didn't fit in no matter what. That I wasn't worth your time.

"I was scared of seeming weak and so when I felt weak, or overwhelmed I shut you out. I didn't want you to see that I didn't have it all together. That I was so new and inexperienced."

She smiled at him and Donovan saw all those times differently. The days of being on a new team and how she'd barely shared how'd it gone with him. Working her first case and keeping him at arms length. Small incidents of her closing off peppered over the first months of her time at the Bureau. And then the last one where she'd faced her first life threatening altercation and how she'd pushed him away. It all made sense.

"It was a two sided coin though, because while I didn't want you to see me weak, I also leaned on you like a crutch. You were the one person I knew in a world I didn't know.

"These last five months have been good because I found out I didn't need you to be that crutch. I found out that yes, I'm as smart as these people and that I can do this job. When I stopped having you there to lean on, I realized I know how to connect with other people. Well, outside of a case. I still struggle with being too harsh while working and someone makes a mistake."

Donovan laughed.

"Having you know me so well and feeling so comfortable when I'm with you meant I lost a bit of who I was independent of you. And I found it again."

Right then, Donovan could do nothing but stare at her, amazed by how complex a person she was. To be so strong but feel scared and weak. To be brilliant but to not have seen it. To need him and push him away. Beautiful, imperfect and yet perfect in her imperfections.

"I don't need you to be the everything in my life," Carter said. "But I still need you in my life."

Donovan cupped her face and kissed her. Carter laughed and kissed him back.

"I thought you were going to end everything for good when you didn't react to seeing me," Donovan said.

"I know you said you'd wait but it had been three months. I wanted to be as neutral as possible in case you didn't want to get back together. One of the hardest things I've ever had to do."

"And you nearly drove me insane by doing so."

"Then I take it these means our break is over?" she asked.

Donovan's only answer was to gather her in his arms and kiss her again.

He had her back and he was never going to let her go again.

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Heyo potato!

(Why do I feel like I've done that one before? Whatever, probably have)

There! You can breathe again, they are together once more! The danger is over and your heart can mend. While it is, share you thoughts of it all! 💬💭🗯

How many of you freaked out just like Donovan did when Carter said she didn't need him?

Haha like Carter would never not need Donovan! They are meant for each other, the perfect fit, she would not be the same without Donovan. After all he's the one who helped her back in her high school years realize she wasn't alone. The man has literally helped her through so many issues.

I'm just glad they got through this one. Boy, it was touch and go there for a second! Phew! I'm glad it's all hunky dory now!

Speaking of which, I have a part 3 for you. Something cute to make up for the emotional distress of these two chapters.

OH! Guess what! I have a small surprise connected to Carter and Donovan going to take place on my Instagram for Valentine's day! If you want to discover what it is my username is: joymoment

Vote, comment, follow because you know you're happy that everything all right!

Yup, there's nothing cuter than that

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