OC Sprint (Umi Uchiha)

This is by another anonymous viewer I hope you like it.
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This is my Naruto OC and I just want to get some review and help on her. This is my first attempt to write fanfic so I really want to know the flaws in my character design (Theres probably a lot...). I think I wrote too much but I hope you can give me some advice. I'd rather if I wouldn't get named for this. Thanks :) (btw my story starts when the character is 6 and to before the Uchiha massacre and will skip the time period from 8-11)


Thanks for the information and I would love to help you. That is what I am here for.


Name: Uchiha Umi (She changes her name to Yoi after the Uchiha Massacre because she doesn't want to be reminded of the memories that came with the name Umi) (She was called Megumi before she lost her memories at 6 years old)


Nice reason to change the name and I like how it's a nickname that actually goes with her name.


Age: Part I 12-13 Part II 15-17


Cool


Gender: Female


Cool


Family: Uchiha Mikoto(Adopted Mother), Uchiha Fugaku(Adopted Father), Uchiha Itachi(Older Brother), Uchiha Sasuke(Younger Brother)


Oh so she is adopted.


Appearance: Long, black, silky hair to elbows. Messed up bangs. Dark(but not too dark) blue-greenish eyes.


A simple hair and eye color to imagine. Thank you.


Part I: Wears a black, short sleeved jacket. Also wears ninja boots which reaches her knees.


Nice


Part II: Same hair and her eyes turn more grayish-blue.


Ok, how come they change grayish blue though?


Personality: Before the Uchiha massacre she's wild and daring. At first she doesn't smile around anyone but opens up to the Uchiha family. She can be pretty stubborn which causes her trouble sometimes. In Part I and II she becomes cold on the outside. However she still cares for Sasuke as a younger brother and Itachi as an older. She's basically nice on the inside but doesn't show it and doesn't think she should feel that way. Sometimes she's too inattentive and can forget a lot of stuff she's supposed to remember.


Oh so she's like a tsundere in a way. I also like how she has a bad memory. That is a huge flaw in the ninja world.


Battle: She really likes to use shurikens and kunais and prefer close range attacks. She's skilled at genjutsu and ninjutsu(she can use katon, doton and fuuton) but not so much in taijutsu.


Oh so she's more of a weapon master than a close up master. It's different.


Past: She doesn't have memory of anything before 6 years old but she was the daughter of two missing-nin from the Sand Village (Akihiko (28) and Riku (25)). They knew of the Jinchurikis and tailed-beasts and did not believe the beasts should be used that way and tried to assassinate the Kazekage to stop them from sealing it into Gaara but failed. They had wandered around and made a living off missions from smaller villages after running away. Riku was eventually found by the shinobi of the Sand Village and killed while Akihiko fled the scene, hurt. Finally, the Sand Village managed to catch up to Akihiko and Umi (who was called Megumi back then). Akihiko, being hurt could not run anymore so he told Umi/Megumi to run, while he was killed. So Umi/Megumi ran into the Land of Fire but badly hurt her head while accidentally falling off a small cliff and was found by Kakashi(who was still in the Anbu) on his way back from a mission. Kakashi brought her to the Hokage who gave her to the hospital and Ibiki. Ibiki tried to read her memories but found them gone because of Umi's head injury. Danzo, seeing the potential in Umi (who didn't have a name by the time) as a shinobi, suggested putting her in/with the Uchiha Clan so she can become a shinobi. The Third Hokage objected, saying it might be dangerous, but was eventually won out by Danzo. So, the Hokage put her with Fugaku and Mikoto. Itachi then called her Umi because of her eyes and everyone decided to name her that. She was a little taller than Sasuke at the time so they made her 6 years old and several months older than him.


It's a nice past but why would Kakashi out of no where just pick up a random girl and bring her back to the village with him? However, I do like how it was Itachi how gave her the name and that's why she changed it after the massacre but how did they determine her age and how come the sand didn't put her on file for having two missing ninja parents?


Relationship with characters: Doesn't really have a love affair. But she's secretly protective of Sasuke and loves Itachi as a brother. She is sympathetic of Kakashi once knowing his past and tries to be helpful in a really subtle way. She doesn't shun Naruto like others and sometimes understand how he feels.


Cool


Other: Her blue eyes has some sort of strange dojutsu which reacts to her emotions. In Part I she cannot consciously active or deactive the jutsu but in Part II she learns to do it to a certain limit. Basically the jutsu allows her to control a mass of blackish stuff which is a mixture of all five chakra natures. She takes those elements from the nature around her and overuse may cause her to destroy a big part of nature along with her enemy. She can control the shape and density of the mass in Part II but can only use it when she is angry/sad/excited in Part I.


Seems like a very powerful jutsu. What I always say is when you give someone something powerful always make sure to give it a weakness.
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Final Analysis- This OC has little to work on. The only thing that need to be worked on is the Past. For both of her parents are missing nin which means they would have everything of them on file. Including her so wouldn't sand be after her? Correct me if I'm wrong. There are also some questions that need to be answered. Other than that this OC is good and has great potential. Thank you for choosing me to work on her, it has been a honor and I hope I helped you.
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