OC Sprint (Mitsuki Hazumiko)

This is by HITLERGURLFRVR
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It popped on my head ever since I watched naruto but my friends are'nt anime fans and don't watch naruto.I thought I could ask your opinion.So I have never heard anyones opinion on this.


No problem. I know how you feel. My friends make OCs and watch Naruto but they either do one or the other.


Name:Mitsuki Hazumiko,(Daughter)


A cute name.


Appearance:4'2, Long black hair with violet ends that reaches her knees, Magenta eyes, wears a long sleeved lavender tanktop, Violet skirt, leather fingerless gloves, black sandals that reaches her knees.


That's cute but I would put shorts under her skirt. It is easy to imagine but I would also add some more clothing because she is a ninja. There is some with hair that long in the chunin exams so it's not impossible. There is also a character with multi colored hair too so it's fine.


Appearance:


part 2: black hair with violet ends that is in a french braid,wears fisnet gloves thay reaches her elbow kimono like sakura but the white lines turned to black and the pink to lavander.Violet sandal reaches her mid thigh.


Ok and again I would recommend the shorts underneath her kimono. For the saddles I haven't seen anyone with their saddles that long. The longest I have seen is Sakura's ninja sandle boots. I believe you should keep them the same.


Gender: female


Nice


Age: in naruto 12 yrs old In


Naruto shippudden: 17yrs old In.


boruto: 32 yrs old


For all the ages. Good.


Personality: Cold and sarcastic,mean to you if your not close to her or she is your enemy, she is sweet, caring, skilled, serious when needed to.


Skilled wouldn't be a personality trait however I can see where you are going with the personality. For instance, it's like to a enemy she is mean but to a adult she is sweet basically showing respect to the adult but not to the enemy. It's just a example but please correct me if I'm wrong.


Position:she is an anbu level since she is very strong,She had help with her jinchuriki Sarihano but she keeps it a secret to everyone that she has a high level and has a jinchuriki so she is still a genin.


How old is she at this age. Also why must she have a Jinchuriki? It could just be a summoning sense there are only nine jinchuriki and the ten tails only come after all 9 is combined. I would recommend making Sarihano a summoning and for the level of anbu I would recommend her to be at least 17 or 18 to be anbu level or it could be considered Mary Sue.


Past:She was used by her first love to kill her clan because of his clan being shadowed by her clan he now told everone about it making her clan look bad especially her, in the process a demon woke up from her slumber cause of the distress as she tries to destroy konohagakeru ,mitsuki sealed her inside her. She now trained and fight with her and swore that she will never fall inlove again because of what happens .She want to be the  next legandary sannin to be accepted as a good person so they won't hate her.  


I like how she was used and betrayed than swore to not fall In love again because that does happen. However, it took villages and many ninjas to take down the tailed beasts. So how did she manage to take one down by herself? Also how did she kill the entire clan on her own if they are extremely powerful? Another thing is that there are only really three sannin they were given that name because they were a legendary team. Not even team 7 who had surpassed each of them are called the legendary sannin so maybe she wants to be something else like a kage but not Hokage cause of Naruto and Kazakage cause if Gaara.


Battle:She often uses taijutsu and genjutsu.She sometimes uses her original jutsu called harinjutsu she made it when her clan died when she was training. (its like your in a genjutsu but it affects your real body shows cuts or bruises in your real body and shows the damage in the genjutsu if not realeased you die).She uses her twin blade katana black blade and violet handle. She also uses senbons,kunai's


An interesting jutsu which I think has tons of potential but is a bit OP. I would recommend flaws with this jutsu such as maybe temporary blindness, (I use that for my OC), maybe where they get cut she also feels pain there, loss of tons of chakra, those are just a few examples.


Likes:dangos,ramen,sweets,sparring with Sarihano, black, blue, violet, naruto, sakura, kakashi.


I like how you added not just food but also colors and people giving off a variety of what she likes.


Dislikes: sasuke(will change), pink, bitter stuff, not sleeping, people who hurts her friends, taking away her dangos.


Realistic dislikes. They are realistic for instance. The dango could be a phone, bitter food could be sweet food, or maybe spicy food, people hurting her friends, we all know that, and pink is a bright color. I used to hate pink but it's one of my favorite colors now. Even people which is Sasuke in this instance. Good job


Kekkei Genkai:Arinto ability to see secrets,can make weapons with her blood,and sense hidden chakra.her eyes pupil turns to blue and the rest is violet.


A interesting kekkei Genkai but maybe all of the abilities could be more related such as maybe she can tell the secrets from the way the blood flow. She can sense the hidden chakra because of the blood inside of their body. Also this powerful Kekkei Genkai needs a weakness.


clan: hazumiko clan (wiped out).goal to be the next legendary sannin.


I already explained about the Sannin and what could be a alternative.


Chakra nature: lightning


Wow, one chakra nature. Nice.


Jutsu: ,electric storm jutsu(shocks anyone 15 meters away from her loses a lot of chakra)lightning speed(makes her fast as lightning only used for emergency because if she used this often she will be asleep for a few days).


Pretty cool jutsus. They are unique.


Relationship:


sasuke: they hated each other at first she hated him for always saying "dobe" it reminded her of her brother and she punches sasuke often,they loved each other when they knew each of there clans massacre sasuke comforts mitsuki when she thinks its her fault and mitsuki helps with the plan to avenge the uchiha clan.


If they are 12 years old than Sasuke wouldn't fall in love. In fact even at 16 he wouldn't fall in love. His two marriage candidates he tried to kill....twice At 16, while 12 he didn't care about anything but to get stronger and kill Itachi so he wouldn't fall in love. He didn't even feel bad for Gaara. Sasuke wasn't completely heartless but he was not someone for love for most of the show till the very end when they fought against Kagura.


Family:Sario Hazumiko(Father),Nanami Horiko (Step mom),Senji Horiko(step brother),Haritori Hazumiko(real mom)


Nice.
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Final Analysis- This OC has some little things to work on. One is the shorts if Sakura didn't wear shorts under her Kimono all anyone would see is panties. Sense this OC is wearing a skirt and a kimono later she will need shorts. Another thing is the powerful Kekkei Genkai and Blood jutsu she has. I would really recommend weaknesses or you will be called out for having a Mary sue. Another thing is the tailed beast which should be a summoning for there are only 9 and 10 when they are all combined. The last thing I have to say is with Sasuke maybe have small moments that build up to the Kagura fight for Sasuke wouldn't out the box fall in love with anyone. If you do do this it will be called Mary Sue and tons of Sasuke lovers will write hate, and believe when I say I have seen some very hurtful comments on stories I read when its OC X Sasuke. So I want to warn you ahead of time. Thank you for letting me review your OC. It was a honor and I hope you choose me for any other Naruto OCs you have.
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