OC Sprint (Inori Mizuno)

This is by a anonymous viewer, I hope you like it.
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hi, I'd like to submit an OC for reviewing! :3 Just a note beforehand that the fic she's in is an AUverse where the Uchiha Massacre does not occur. Oh, and I'd like to remain anonymous! (ahaha, sorry for popping in out of nowhere, I've been reading your OC Reviews book offline so I haven't been able to vote XD)


It's just fine. I hope you really like this.


Name: Mizuno (family name) Inori (given name)


That's a cute name.


Age: - 12 (Academy Graduation) - 15 (Part 1) - 17 (Part 2)


Oh so she's a year older like neji.


Gender: Female


Nice


Family: - Mizuno Kouji (father) - Yamanaka Inoko (mother; deceased) * Inori chooses to use her father's family name because there's no one else who can continue his lineage and little her did not like the sound of that.


Oh ok, that's cool


Appearance: Inori has pale blonde hair much like Ino's and grey eyes she inherited from her father. Her skin is somewhat tanned from staying out in the sun a lot. She's quite tall for a girl and has a lithe figure later on. During her Academy years she wears her hair long and plaited.


That's cool. She has a interesting look to her that is described simple but has a complex feel.


At 15 she wears it in a high bun to keep it out of the way while fighting and at 16 she chooses to chop it all off, leaving it at chin-length.


Oh ok.


18 onwards it's always at shoulder-length, usually open but sometimes pulled into a tiny ponytail. She's fond of traditional clothing and doesn't really like heavy mission gear. She wears short kimono-esque clothes and utterly inadequate protection for a Shinobi. It comes back to bite her many more times than not. The most peculiar thing about her clothing choice is that the skin of her left arm is never visible, despite the way she tends to flaunt her skin when she grows older. It's most often concealed by bandages


Nice, it's good to see that there is something wrong with not wearing the ninja gear. It's good to see that it comes back to bite her or it wouldn't make sense.


Personality: To sum her up, I'd say, well, annoying. Pissing people off is her favourite hobby. As a child, Inori is the mischievous type who can't keep her mouth shut, and also hates responsibility. She's uncooperative during her time in the Academy and gives her teammates hell for the first year that they know her. She can be kind, though, especially when her father and her civilian friends (more on this later) are concerned, although it's usually covered up by snark.


It's good to see a OC that is different, which is her being annoying. The way she acts already tells you how she would be towards others. It's also good to see the soft side which is when people are concerned about her. Good job.


She's observant and intelligent, but really just flaunts her sarcasm and quick wit more than anything. As she grows older, she learns to be diplomatic. When earlier she only knew how to provoke, she can now placate and manipulate. She grows more accustomed to openly showing kindness and affection, and thanks to the three years she spends with her Genin team she's able to become more cooperative and adapt to her surroundings. Instead her pride and confidence grow, to the point that she grows arrogant off her successes and needs to be brought down to earth. She's also something of a flirt. Teasing and foxy, if you will. Doesn't mind using her body to her advantages.


Its good to see she used her nature to her advantage. The way she is and the way she looks does give her the advantage unless she is facing someone who doesn't care about that.


Battle: Inori much prefers Taijutsu over anything else. She's fast and has great chakra control, allowing her to enhance her strength. She makes use of a pair of weapons called tonfas, which are very versatile. They provide protection to her forearms and can be used in jabbing motions, or with the handle as a hook. They look like this:



This is a very interesting and unique weapon. It looks very effective and would be in the Naruto world. Good job.


Due to her proficiency in close combat, she's rather weak against ranged attacks, particularly Ninjutsu-based ones. She doesn't use Ninjutsu much herself, but here are a few of her techniques:


Good. It's great to see ninjutsu based attacks work against her close combat battle style. It makes her realistic.


Basic Jutsu: Earth Clones, Substitution, Henge - Earth Style: Barrier Technique (learned at age 16) - Summoning Jutsu: Komainu


Oh she has a summoning jutsu. That's cool, as long as it has a weakness.


She has a knack for detecting and dispelling Genjutsu, although setting up her own is a whole other story. She has an interest in sealing/fuuinjutsu and once tried healing jutsu, but wasn't able to learn it due to the roughness of her chakra. Kind of related but kind of not... she specialises in infiltration! As mentioned above, she uses her womanly charm to get her way in a number of situations. In one instance she disguises herself as part of a troupe of dancers. That one ends quite well for her.


It's good to see she has a skill to detect genjutsu but there is one thing wrong. Earlier in the chapter it is said that she has great chakra control but here it says she's rough with her chakra. Which one is it? Is she good or bad?


Past: Okay, this is going to get weird. Inori has ties to the Izanagi Shrine, situated just outside Konoha, through her mother, Inoko. The shrine was built not long after the foundation of Konoha Village and has since been protected by kumoinu and Hinagiku, a woman whose ties to the shrine has made her live a long, long life. The shrine is dedicated to the twin gods, Izanagi and Izanami, and is modelled after the real life counterpart in Japan.


This is pretty good. However, there is no Japan in Naruto. Naruto was made in Japan but there's no Japan, England, or any countries or states.


It's existence is unknown to all except the Hokage, the Council of Elders, and direct descendants of Hinagiku who still live within Konoha. An artefact known as the All-Seeing Mirror is enshrined there. It reflects people in shades of light and darkness and is also rumoured to have prophetic abilities. Inori's mother, Inoko, first came upon the shrine in search of the Mirror. She had the ability to see it for prophecy, and was allowed to do so in exchange for forming a pact with the twin gods—one that tied her life to the shrine and made it forfeit to the gods. Should the shrine or the seal connecting her to the shrine be damaged or destroyed, she would die. This seal is passed down to Inori upon her mother's death at the hands of the original owners of the Mirror, from whom it had been stolen and who wished to get it back.


A very interesting and unique past. It's different to have a shrine and it works in the Naruto world. The way it ties to the life of the person is perfect.


Inori has, therefore, lived most of the life with her father and under constant acquaintance with the shrine lady Hinagiku. She is trained to be a shrine maiden under her and performs kagura at specific times a year to appease the gods. The shrine familiars have summoning contracts with her: komainu (lion-dogs), common shrine guardians. On the other hand, her father is a doctor. He is capable of using medical ninjutsu and divides his time between working in the Konoha Hospital and freelancing in the civilian districts. He and Inori are frequently visited by all kinds of people—farmers, fishermen, prostitutes, local thugs. Some of them are quite the sweethearts and Inori are very fond of them, growing protective of them as she grows older and is exposed to societal prejudices. As such, Inori's childhood is divided between spending time with her loving father, visiting and helping the kind lady at the shrine, and ditching classes at the Academy. Inori also picks up a few techniques from Hinagiku—particularly chakra control. From a young age she's taught to control her chakra to protect her left arm at all times, leading to efficient and careful chakra control in later years.


This is quite good but there are a few things. First the chakra control the weather it's good or bad needs to be stated. Another thing is the fact that she is under the category of annoying and mean so wouldn't they grow to dislike her and wouldn't she instead of get protective of some of them, choose her favorite prank subjects?


Relationships with characters: -


Yamanaka clan: her mother was Inoichi's sister. After her death when Inori was still very young, Inori had very little contact with them until the year her father died and she was offered a position within the clan. She refuses, and since then relations between her and the clan are strained. She detests them, due to the fact that they had nothing to do with her when she was growing up and only extended a hand once she's made a name for herself as something of an accomplished kunoichi.


I see, but why would the Yamanaka clan act like that. They are known as a loving clan so wouldn't they accept her with open arms even before hand?


- Uchiha clan: Uchiha Mikoto is the teacher for her class in the Academy. They're really not on good terms - Inori skips as many classes as possible and loves getting on Mikoto's nerves. Later, she's acquainted with Itachi when she's scouted for Anbu. They're often on missions together and grow used to the idea of having each other as constant company. Inori is the first to acknowledge her feelings and is very open about them.


Ok, this is very well but how did she pass if she always skipped class. Also what happened to Itachi's girlfriend? I know all the Itachi lovers hate this question, (Me) but we still won't be able to ignore her.


Other: - Inori means destiny, while Yori means rely. She's not fond of the name Inori due to the common Ino- prefix of the Yamanaka clan. - Her teammates are a healer and an heir to a fanmade clan. Perhaps I'll shoot them your way later ;) - Inori later officially changes her name to 'Yori', a nickname given to her by one of her teammates, as a move to further separate herself from her Yamanaka roots. - As far as jutsu goes, she doesn't really get much benefits from her ties to Izanami and Izanagi, save for one thing: the Sharingan is ineffective against her. This isn't actually as... OP as it sounds because in the fic she's in, the Uchiha don't have the Sharingan. - In the original draft, Inori was the voice of reason. Funny what happened to that, lol. Sorry for the many messages!! Hope I'm not being a bother ^^;


Your not a bother and thanks for telling me that it is a non massacre story or I would have been so confused. The name she got really fits her in character development. This is good but only one thing is needed to be asked. Are both of her teammates healers? Or is it just one? That's the only question.
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Final Analysis- This character has great potential but there are some questions that need to be answered. The main one is about her chakra. The others are important but not as important. She is very unique with her personality and her weapon. I have yet to see a Naruto OC with that kind of weapon yet so thank you. It brings a refreshing welcome to the OC. She has little to work on other than chakra and information on her lion dogs. Other than those this OC is great and will be well liked. It was a honor doing this OC. Thank you.
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