OC 66 (Akima Kakuyame)

This OC is by TheJourneyer11 I hope you like it.
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Name: Akima Kakuyame (No direct Japanese Translation)


That's fine, it's still a nice name.


Moniker: Akima of the Cutting Water


Nice


Clan: - Kakuyame Clan - Akima one a handful or the remaining members. The clan was wiped out by Orochimaru for an uprising in Otogakure, and then those remaining dwindled out
- Clan hair color varies but is usually browns and blacks. Eyes are shades of blues (but without patterns unless activated... you'll see).
- Before their fall they were highly regarded and respected in Kiri, and many were anbu


Thanks for the information on the clan and what they have as appearance as well as their downfall.


Apearance: - Pre-Shippuden: Cafe colored hair that's usually held up in a tight braid, with a few loose strands framing her angular face. Peachy-pale skin. Dark blue eyes that are usually squinted as though concentrating or irritated. Her outfit consists of short black shinobi sandals, a dark, cutoff turquoise tank top and similarly colored baggy pants. (I'm not talking a super short crop here - you can only just see her stomache. She also wears a mesh t-shirt underneath.) Bandages encircle her forearms and bind the pants halfway up her calves. She has small, corked, water-containing urns strapped to each of her hips by a belt-like harness, and wears a sheathed katana on her back, held in place by two fabric loops. She wears her band around her arm, as she doesnt want to display it prominantly.


This is really good to the point where I can imagine the outfit perfectly on her with her appearance.


Shippuden (War-Era): Hairstyle is the same but has grown a bit longer. She wears the traditional flack jacket, but with short sleeve mesh underneath. She wears baggy navy pants, and keeps her short shoes and leg bandages. She now wears her Allied headband on her forehead proudly. She still has the urns, but now she has two katana crossed on her back.


So she changes ever so slightly but it's still a good change showing the way she grew up. The two katana also indicate more training with her sword to the point where she can wield 2.


Age: -15 (Pre-shippuden, Genin)
-16-18 (Time Lapse, Genin)
-18-19 (Shippuden, Genin)
-34 (Brouto Era, Jonin)


Oh so she's 2 to 3 years older than Naruto. Nice.


Note: Akima has been about Chunin level since age 13, and reached Jonin level around 18. That said, she wasnt made a Jonin till after the 4rth Great War due to initial trust concerns. Her not being around during Chunin exams onlydelayed the promotion further.


Ok, thanks for clearing that up.


Birthdate: Feb 15, Aquarius
Blood Type: O-
Personality: Outwardly reserved and cold, dislikes doing things for fun, sassy when she does speak. Perfectionistic and single-minded. She enjoys competition and mentally stimulating games she sees as worth her time. Usually slow to warm... unless someone strikes a chord with her. Has suppressed kinder/happier emotions from a young age. Overtime, through exposure to Kakashi and, in lesser part, Team 7, these rise to the surface more, and we see that she actually places very high value on her comrads, but didn't see herself as deserving of their friendship. (Explanation Later)


That's good but what is worth her time for games if she doesn't like playing games? Is it just she's picky?


Hobbies: Visiting Hotsprings/Bodies of Water, Sparring, Cultivating Plants, Historical Writing
Favorite Foods: Buttered Bread, Fried Vegetables, Seafood, esp. Crab
Least Favorite Foods: Anything Processed, Candies
Sexuality: Unknown, presumably straight, she doesnt give much though to romantic relationships early on


Nice but there really isn't anything processed in Naruto anyway sense a microwave isn't in the show so she wouldn't need to worry about that anyway.


Kekkei Genkai: Mizu Kontororu (roughly translates to Water control) - The Mizukontororu, or Mizukon, is a dojutsu manifesting itself as dark blue eyes with S-shaped swirls surrounding the pupils (see image). Similar to ice-style, it's a mix of water and wind chakra, but also includes sage energy. (Bear with me, it's not as OP as it sounds)The ability has two parts. Users can sense water around them within a certain radius, which increases with skill. They can also manipulate water by imbuing it with the chakra mix they cast out from their bodies like a field, similarly to the way the 3rd Kazekage could control iron. As users progress, their field of manipulation enlarges and their control becomes more acute, allowing them to control even water vapor.
- The magnitude and radius of control at this varies by user, skill, and chakra and is denotated by three basic levels, each with different eye patterns (level 1 = 1 S, Level 2 = 2...) What makes it more than just a normal water-style ability is that waterwith their chakra becomes ultra dense and almost hard, capable of cutting through rock if concentrated at a point, earning it the name"Cutting Water".
- Mizokun water can also be used to create platforms or a shield. While extremely dense, it's better suited to offensive uses than defensive.
- Mizokon users are frequently proficient in normal water and wind style jutsu.
- The Kakuyame developed the ability when back in the pre-Hashirama era they settled next to an area containing powerful residual nature chakra in what would be later Kirigakure, and the exposure lead to their ability. Sage mode is sometimes achieved and magnifies their abilities, but only by very skilled members.


Ok, I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and take your word as it's not as OP as it sounds because it does sound a little OP. But as I said, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt.


Chakra Natures: Water and Wind, possibly sage


Ok, I wouldn't do sage though if she has a great Kekkei Genkai already anyway. It would make her more OP.


Combat: - Style: Similarly to Gaara, she manipulates Mizukon water tendrils to attack, immobilize, and pierce her oponent. Like Kakashi, she likes to observe from a distance, learning about her opponent, then make the finishing blow up close and personal if possible (with her katana). Loves to leaves the ground and hop around on water platforms to mess with oponents. -


It fits her good as well. Her water jutsus would work greatly like Gaara's and I thought of that as I read it.


Weapons: Katana surounded by Mizukon Water (duel-weilds later on), kunai, shuriken.


Nice, also you wouldn't have needed to explain, I believe I have a picture.


Jutsu: Pre-shippuden:
• Minor Mizukon Water Transformations (ie. makes small sheilds, platforms, water needles)
• Mizukon Water-enchanced weapons (ie. shuriken, kunai, katana)
• Water Clone Jutsu
• Raging Waves Jutsu
Shippuden:
• Exploding Water Shock Wave
• Mizukon Style: Water Tendrils (think like Naruto's Kyuubi tails, but made of water, and not attached to her butt)
• Water Transformation Jutsu (unlike Suigetsu, Akima can only do very minor transformations of small areas of her body, and the effort and chakra required is massive. Only employs in near-death situations)
• Hiding in Mist Jutsu
• Better Mizukon control (higher volume and range, sharper/denser, can now control water vapor)
Boruto Era: • Mizukon Style: Water-shuriken chain jutsu (its complicated, if you're curious ask)
• Bigger Exploding Water Shock Wave
• Mizukon Style: Gale of 1,000 Needles
• Better Mizukon control


These are some pretty good jutsus but I would add at least one or two more well known water or wind jutsus just so she isn't limited as much.


Weaknesses: earth style when not using Mizukon water and lightening style attacks. Non-ocular genjutsu. (She's immune to ocular. Because of her Mizukon sight, she can identify visual illusions fairly easily)


I mean this is could but of course you should be able to see through a illusion thats right in front of your face, especially if you can identify it. The problem would be she can see it but not escape it.


Nationality: -
Birth: Kirigakure -
Pre-Shipudden: Oto then Konoha then Oto (at differing times) -
Shippuden: Oto then Konoha (at differing times) -
Boruto Era: Konoha's Embassary to Suna - Note: During her return to Oto, she was listed as an A-class criminal in the Bingo Book, and a missing-nin of Konoha and Kiri. She was described as "Unpredictable and dangerous. Skilled in water ninjutsu and swordsmanship. It is recommended to kill on sight."


This is all good but if she is to be killed on sight I wonder how she lives to marry Gaara. I do like how she is dangerous and she's supposed to be killed but I wonder where this goes.


Relationships: - Hiramu Kakuyame (Father, deceased) - Saiya Kakauyame (Mother, deceased) - Chinuke Shimura and Tashi Mastuke (Team members on her Sound Ninja Squad. She blames herself for their early deaths (they each died at 13) as she prioritized impressing Orochimaru over protecting them, despite the fact that they told her to do so. She feels she may as well have killed them herself, and this led to much of her harshness towards herself and single minded pursuit of killing Orochimaru. She feels is she fails their deaths will have been for nothing.
- Kakashi Hatake (Team Captain, Mentor, later Father Figure)
- Sakura and Naruto (Team Members after Sasuke leaves, friends, esp. Sakura later on)
- Sasuke (Fellow Sound Shinobu during the time lapse, later her friend and training partner)
- Gai, Lee, Tenten: (She's assigned to their squad after Neji's death and the reformation of Team 7)
- Gaara: (Aquintance, then later friend and comrad during the war, h usband during Boruto Era)
- Tamari, Kankuro, Matsuri (Friends after her marriage with Gaara)


Thanks for every relationship but your saying that even though everyone saw her and not once did they think to follow the law and kill her. It's nothing bad but she's been ordered to be killed if spotted. If she is to live the life you want with her married to Gaara it would need to be changed.


Backstory: Akima was born into the highly regarded Kakuyame clan of Kiri, and lived a fairly normal life till the age of 9, when the village was approached by the desperatefeudal Lord from the Land of Rice parties, who asked that one of them aid in replenishing the fields after a long drought, else the water-needy rice would die. Akima's father went to do so, and the Lord was so grateful he invited the clan to a feast. However, it was a ploy, the clan was drugged, and a large number were captured and taken to Otogakure for experimentation (Orochimaru desired their kekkei genkai and wanted to use them to better understand sage jutsu), including Akima's family. But they quickly revolted (expect Akima, who was to young and told bot to take part) and were murdered. Now an orphan at 10, Akima despaired. After a long several months sitting in a cell, she joined Oto under the guise of being broken and having submitted to Orochimaru's will. Secretly, she planned to get close enough to Orochimaru to kill him and get vengeance. Over time, and seeing lots of pain and suffering at Orochimaru's hands, it evolved into a quest for justice. From that point she had one self-determined purpose: to kill Orochimaru (and, in her mind, bring peace to the shinobi world)... at any cost at all. Thus she got a lot of blood on her hands working her way up Oto's ranks. Then an infiltration mission to the Hidden Leaf goes wrong, and a chance encounter with a certain silver haired Shinobi changes everything. Captured, she decides to join the Leaf as a marriage of convenience, so she can operate openly against Orochimaru. But through time spent with team 7 and under Kakashi, she begins to open up, and wonder if "the ends justify the means" path shes on is really worth it. This comes to a head when she has a chance to kill Kakashi, getting back into Orochimaru's good graces and standing directly at his side, perfectly poised to kill him. If you want to know what happens, please check out my book, Akima of the Cutting Water:) (There are a lot of things I omitted to avoid spoilers, so if things don't make sense (like how see gets from village to village and endsup with Gaara, etc, then I'll be happy to explain, but I didn't want to spoil everything)


Alright but I still want to know why she is allowed to think of killing characters like Kakashi but no one is pretty much allowed to kill her when they see her.
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Final Analysis- This OC's story has some flaws in her story that just doesn't make sense. I already gave the benefit of the doubt on one but the main one is being killed on sight but she's gonna live this life of Marriage and happiness. Being ordered to be killed on sight means when they see her she has to die. Gaara is the Kazekage and it would ruin his image if he was caught marrying basically a terrorist and not once did he think to kill her like the law says. It's the same as the real world, if you are a criminal you are to be killed if it states you have to be, not live a life of happiness and marriage and she somehow gets to live. The best decision would be to just get rid of that sentence in the bingo book to just "be aware of her" and "stay on your toes" than to kill her cause that way she is seen as a threat but can still live a married life. Other than that this OC is pretty much fine, just answer a few questions I asked here and there and she is fully ready for her story. Thank you so much for letting me review your OC. It was a honor.
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