OC 47 (Mizore Uchiha)

This OC is by CROLE67 I hope you like it and you should check out this OC's story.
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Name: Mizore Unchia 


Cute name


Age: 12-13(Pre Shippuden) 15-17 (Shippuden) 


Ok so she is the Naruto group's age. Nice


Gender: Female 


Nice


Family: Biological father: Dead 


Biological Mother: Dead 


Father: Minato 


Mother: Kushina 


Oh ok, so her adoptive parents are Minato and Kushina? Wait so shouldn't that mean that Naruto is her adoptive brother?


Appearance: Height 5.4, Weight 148.5


Pretty good height to weight ratio.


(15-20) Black Hair, Black eyes, light to fair skin tone. Long hair (Pre-Shippuden 12-14), Medium Hair (Shippuden 15-20) Always straight. She wears a white shirt lined down the middle, on the bottom lace, and sleeve lining with red, she also wears a black sleeve less jacket the cuts at her thighs tied down with a black rope with traditional sandals/boot type things that travel to her knees. 


A very cute outfit and she wears this as she grows up. That's cool


Personality: kind, understanding, brash, cynical, trustworthy, supportive. 


Nice and nothing clashes here making it bad.


Battle: She is a ninjutsu and Taijustu specialist has she was trained by Minato and Jiraya multiple powerfull Justus that she further expanded, she speeds across battle fairly easily with the, 


Wait, how could she be trained by Minato if he was dead by the time she was born?


•Flying Thunder God technique. 
She has wind style and lighting style 
•Rasengan 
•Wind Bullets 
•lighting strike Justu 
•Chidori 


Who did she learn Chidori from?


•Chigan( rasengan, surrounded with lighting this drains TONS of chakra and can only use it once a every week by the end of Naruto and at the end of shippuden it still is quite dangerous to use and was ranked almost made a forbidden jutsu, she has mastered it now because of the tailed beast because of nature Chakra from the toad sage senjutsu and six paths sage senjutsu.) 


Wait wait, she has a tailed beast? She shouldn't something that seems this advanced by the end of Shippudden?


•Wind blades 


•Lighting Cutting attack’s ( this is a justu that has wind chakra surrounds the fists and or feet, on top of the wind Chakra is Lighting chakra creating a massive explosion that ignties on contact which electrical wind cuts that can travel as fast lighting and with great Precision and with the cutting damage of the wind, this can be done at mid range as well as close.)


Ok this is good.


She has the eternal mangekyou sharingan from Itachi. Her mangekyou sharingan abilities are


Wait, how? When did she even meet Itachi?


Time Stop(It pauses the user in time where they can’t move there physical body but there mentally move around where they can evaluate the situation and do setup jutsu for the attack, they won’t hurt the engine because the jutsu is frozen as well, after the setup of Justus the user goes back into the physical body and act out the actions in the frozen world at super speed, there are limited amount of steps you can take. 30 second cool down)


Ok. This is good.


•Time Manipulation (when in the frozen world you can almost move you physical body and affect things in the physical world, as Justus are still frozen and there is a and even more limited step intake. 60 second Cool Down)


This seems a little OP to stop time and everything around it.


•All Nine tails transformations


Wait what?


•Toad Sage


•Uzamaki Chains (given to her by Kushina) These are stackable together with her eternal mangekyou sharingan which she 1v1 Kaguya to buy time for her team to get the seals and use it on Kaguya, she kept her occupied enough so that the seals can lock her away.


Wait, that attack is made for the Uzumaki clan specifically. Kushina is not her biological mother therefore making it impossible for her to have them. Karin has them because she's a Uzumaki but this girl is a Uchiha and has the blood for it because she has the sharringan. I think the Sharringan is enough for her anyway. Plus how could she have been given the chains anyway if Kushina is dead after Naruto is born?


Past: She was an born Unchia but after the great Unchia massacre she was orphaned but not for long. Later that same day the Nine tails was released from the seal, this happened because Obito was ordered to, he organized this attack with the releasing of the Nine Tails. Mizore who was in the woods when the Nine tails was released found herself standing before him as he attacked but Minato saved her, Minato decided to split the tailed beast between himself, Kushina, and Mizore because of her immense chakra reserves (P.S like half of Naruto’s). Form there she was trained by Minato and know as the Hokage’s daugther.


Wait wait wait, so is this supposed to be a story where Kushina and Minato live? Because if it in than some of the ideas could work but not them all. If it's not than this process is already down. At the time of the nine tails attack Itachi was holding baby Sasuke. Plus the nine tails isn't a candy bar or a hot pocket, we can't just split it in half down the middle.


Relationship: She is currently not married but is in a romantic relationship with Neji and is close friends with most of the 11 except Rock lee, there are intense rivals and always going at it (much like there sensei) also Naruto, Sauske, and Sakura don’t exist and were replaced by my other OCs


Ok wait, why doesn't anyone like Lee? On a unrelated note how is she in a romantic relationship with Neji what's their process, what happened? And why doesn't Sakura exist, there are key parts of the story in all of Naruto and Shippudden that she needs to be there for.


Other: When Minato and Kushina dies during she gives Mizore her chains which no work similarly to the sand in Gaara’s gourd but can also attack and restrain Targets at her will. She was traumatized from a young age and multiple Things happening to her and her team and she decided it was because she was to weak going up against Orichomaru and Obito, she forced here self to work to a point she can protect here friends and family but end up failings save her parents and trainer Jiraya.I would like it if you published this under my name so that people can come to my book, though I might have messed up because I am lonely in part 1.


Ok, I'll do that but I just need to know how she was traumatized if she was a baby, if she was Itachi's age than that's good but being Naruto's age would make her a baby. Not to mention where is Naruto when you talk about minato and Kushina, that's their son shouldn't they be there for him?
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Final Analysis- This OC has stuff that it needs to work on and a lot of holes missing to where I'm getting confused. One is if she is Naruto's age than none of this would have happened. The uchiha massacre and the nine tails attack are in two different places like their switched. Not only that but them training her and Naruto is no where to be seen is a concern. I know he's in the story so shouldn't she have a bond with Naruto, their biological son. The last I want to talk about is replacing Sakura, i get the feeling you don't like her and it's ok but there are tons of key points that happen where she needs to be there. I see so many fanfic writers get stumbled on parts where Sakura is supposed to be there and if they did it their way it would mean a different result from how the canon would have it. I would recommend just keeping her and adding your character to the team because replacing one with OCs being plural would make no sense. What's gonna happen in the forest of death? The match with Sasori? When she saved Kankuro? When she saved Naruto? When she was healing people during the Pein arc? The Kagura fight? And even Boruto where her and Sasuke have a kid who is the main character? None of that can happen properly without her and there are more examples, these are just a few from the top of my head. Other than that, there are questions that need answers and that's about it. All of this is to just help with your OC, and regardless I'm still gonna read her story. Thank you for letting me review your OC, it was a honor.
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