OC 36 (Akirah Fujikawa)

This OC is also by NishiSoyaaa I hope you like it.
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Genre: Anime (Naruto) Going to use this in a fanfiction I am creating, an Oc of mine. 


Good, I can't wait to read it when it comes out.


Are going to meet the Naruto crew Part 1, but I'm still deciding on a love interest. 


Cool and take your time. When deciding on a love interest you have to think of things that would bring them together and may possibly have to break up a couple.


Name: Akirah :(1-明, 2-亮): Japanese unisex name meaning 1) "bright" or 2) "clear."


Cute name and it has a nice meaning being bright.


Surname: Fujikawa 藤河 Japanese meaning 'wisteria river'


Also nice, I like how you also added the kanji.


Gender: Female


Cool


Age: 12


Cool


Family: Minerva Fujikawa (Older Sister- Deceased)


Emi Fujikawa( Mother- deceased)


Nobu Fujikawa( Father- deceased)


Ura Fujikawa ( Brother in Law- deceased) Name meaning: Betrayer


Minori Fujikawa( Fraternal Twin : Non Identical. Alive)


Kakashi Hatake( Adoptive Older brother Alive) - I will explain why below.


Nice and thanks for the life status and name for each person and the little explanation.


Appearance: A girl who has short black messy hair that reaches just above her shoulders. Her eye colour is a misty grey colour, whilst Akirah's skin tone is light. She is around 146.5 cm, and weighs 35.2kg. Akirah is quite tall for her age. Her outfit consist of a brown shirt with cream/beige cargo pants. (The standard ninja pants). She wears the blue standard village headband around her forehead. And wears black fingerless gloves, with blue ninja shoes.


Nice and it's a pretty good height to weight ratio. Not to mention her clothes are perfect for a ninja. Also she has a basic look as well that doesn't make her stand out.


Place of origin: Akirah was born in a small town outside the border of the land of fire. The town consist of a small clan, the Fujikawa clan and their small old man leader, Matsu Fujikawa.


Cool, the fact that it is a nice little town is a great way to show where the clan is.


History: Akirah was born in a small town with her twin brother outside the border line of the land of fire. To keep the relations and clan's alliances, her sister was due to marry a man named Ura, a ninja coming from the Sand Village. At first Akirah didn't trust him, but seeing her older sister love him, she has a mutual relationship with him but still is cautious around him. During the night of the wedding, Ura had revealed to be an enemy, who had originated from the Sound village, coming to get information on the Fujikawa's. He had eliminated the clan, infront of Akirah's eyes, who struggled to protect her sister. During this time her brother was held captive who was then rescued. Ura had succesfully killed Minerva, now trying to kill Akirah. Before sending the final blow, leaf ninja who were requested for help by the chief, arrived and had slain Ura before he could kill Akirah. One of them being Kakashi.


That's good and it shows what happened and how her family and clan was gone in one nice paragraph that summarizes everything neatly where I can see what happened. Good job. Also I didn't know that her twin was a boy before reading this.


Mourning over her family's death, both Akirah and Minoru felt ashamed, so they were allowed to come to the the leaf village escorted by Asuma and Kakashi with other ninja straight to the Hokage. They were ordered to be put under adoption whilst Akirah refused still not over the fact that her family have been slaughtered right in front of her eyes. But the Hokage wouldn't allow the fact of a child living on their own. She disliked the fact living under another roof with someone who she doesn't know or trust. She looked around the room, only accepting the fact that Kakashi would be a better adoptive parent since he was able to protect her, making Akirah trust him.


That's very good but I have one thing to say. Any ninja or anyone brought into the village has to be interrogated or talked to by Ibiki. I would recommend adding they were just asked a couple questions by him before going to meet the hokage. Other than that, this is very good.


Kakashi disagreed not liking the fact to look after a child with his ninja duties but the Hokage ordered him too, naming it as a mission to protect the last surviving Fujikawa, thus labelling the twins the little siblings of Kakashi.


That is great and the fact that Kakashi disagreed at first shows his character. And it was the perfect explanation of how they became his little siblings. Great.


Naming them Akirah and Minoru Hatake


Nice


The fujikawa have either dark brown/ black hair with grey misty eyes.


Cool


Personality:


Before Fujikawa massacre:


Akirah was a very loud girl, she tended to argue a lot with her mother and often ended up with huge slap marks on her cheeks to which her team of ninja and sensei laughed at. She was tough but yet emotionally weak, letting her emotions get out of control. She could have a good laugh with her friends and shouted a lot, which scared the boys on her team when they got her angry.


This is all pretty good and is my sister literally in a nutshell but there is one thing. When acting tough do you mean she puts on a tough act around people so they think she is tough but she is actually really emotional?


After the Fujikawa massacre:


She became quiet, not wanting to talk to anyone if needed be. She missed her squad and family, and friends. She became distant to everyone and the people she would talk to was Minoru and Kakashi. Akirah would ignore everyone else. But after being put on Squad 7 with her older brother Kakashi, (minoru had quit being a ninja), she started to warm up to everyone eventually becoming that loud happy girl she was before, but was occasionally quiet on some days and occasions


Ok so there are many things that should be fixed here. One is that it says she doesn't talk to anyone, anyone, than 2 sentences later it states that she only talks to her brother and Kakashi. Please pick one, if she doesn't talk to anyone she doesn't talk to them, so do she talk to them or not? The next thing is about her being a ninja. I will explain it in the final Analysis so please read that when you get done with the rest of this. Also if she is just getting on a team, one or two weeks won't be enough to change her back to normal. That massacre gave her PTSD which explains how she changed and didn't want to talk, it would take time to change her back. Look at Sasuke for a explain. He isn't happy and cheery like how he was before the massacre. He's the batman, and he stayed that way for years. Of course she can get over in time but it would take actually time, or arcs.


(The reason minoru quit being a ninja was because of the massacre, seeing his precious people die, terrified him and eventually made him give up. Not wanting to go through that trauma again, he became emotionally weak and a coward after the death of his family)


This is also a example of PTSD because he feels like he can't even do anything anymore.


Battle


Akirah is strong but yet weak in other areas. 


0-10


Battle Strategy: 3


Raw Strength: 8


Medical: 0


Stamina: 9


Chakra Manipulation: 4


These are pretty high stats for a 12 year old. Most of the ninjas have 0 for medical jutsu obviously because they fight on the front lines. I can understand that she has good strength but the fact that it is so high leaves little to no room for improvement. Think about it like this. Sakura would have had like a 2 in raw strength back when she was 12 but now that she is 16 and up that number increased to 9-10 She had room to improve so she did, but if Akirah's stamina and raw strength are already very high than all she can do is work on ninjutsu and genjutsu. I would recommend lowering them down. Stamina to about a 6 or 5 and raw strength to about a 6 or 5. That way in the time skip (because everyone knows that they want their OC to get stronger during the time skip) she had more to improve and showed she got stronger.


Akirah's Dojutsu is within her jutsu. It is a family kekkei genkai, that can control the emotion of other people, creating someones biggest fear come to life when either singing or a tap to the forehead. When using much of her kekkai genkai than 2 hours she gets a headache and ends up passing out for a couple of days. When using it for 3 hours she can become blind for a few days. She can only do one person at a time. 


This is cool and a amazing idea but can they control when it is used? For instance, what if she just tapped Kakashi's forehead but didn't intend to use her kekkei Genkai, does it still happen or no?


Akirah has water nature and is weak against lightning type jutsu's, she lacks in forming strategies and just lets her fist do the talking.


Well it does say that she has bad battle strategy so this is really good. Even though she may let her "fist do the talking" she still has a possibility to lose because no strategy means no plan, no plan means no way of assuring victory. So that's good and it works as a flaw.


Relationships with other Characters: 


Forms a strong dependable friendship with Sasuke, since they connect because of the same pain they are going through. This is just a mutual friendship, Sasuke Uchiha will not be a love interest 


Ok, but one thing. How do they become friends if they didn't talk? It does say up above that she doesn't talk to anyone which includes Sasuke so when did she become friends with him and how? We all know that Sasuke is stubborn when it comes to bonds and that Naruto is his best friend so how did him and Akirah become friends besides just from sadness and death?


Akirah feels sympathy for Naruto, so she is very soft and gentle with him, much to Naruto's dismay since he doesn't like pity. Naruto will not be a love interest. 


Cool, does this make them friends or acquaintances?


Akirah surprisingly gets along with Sakura to which shocks the rest of the team, since they thought the two girls would argue a lot. Sakura pities Akirah but the Fujikawa doesn't like that. 


Wait so she hates the pity but she pity's Naruto? How does that work? She does that to Naruto's dismay meaning he is uncomfortable so why would she do it to him if she don't want the pity herself? Her and Sakura getting along is great but the fact that gives pity but hates getting pity is just not right.


Kakashi: Well we should already know, trustworthy form of a bond, loving and sticks side by side no matter what. Can argue a lot though.


Ok, it is made pretty clear so no worries.


I'm still deciding on the love interest.


Take your time it's fine. Deciding on a love interest is harder than it looks. Especially if that significant other is part of a canon couple like SasuSaku or NaruHina. I mean you can still do it but you would have to show how they got together.


Other:


Dislikes Neji: because of his talks about destiny


So than what does she think about him after he chunin exams when he wasn't obsessed about it anymore?


Favourite food: 


Yakiniku


Yakiniku is the Japanese version of barbecue, which invites diners to cook slices of meat and vegetables on a plate or griddle in the middle of the table. Beef and offal are the most popular options at Yakiniku restaurants, but also pork, chicken and seafood are usually on the menu.


That's very cool. I didn't even know what that was so thank you so much for the explanation.


Kakashi scolds her a lot for eating this since it's not healthy but she flips the table and eats it anyway.


Cool


Least Favourite food: 


Arare


Arare is a type of bite-sized Japanese crackers made from and flavoured with soy sauce . Sweet and savoury varieties are prepared. She finds it disgusting why be sweet and savoury at the same time?


That is also a very cool treat that I had no idea about. Thanks for the explanation.
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Final Analysis- This OC isn't bad but she has a lot of holes to be filled, questions that need to be answered, and just things that need to be explained. One thing, and I said that I was going to address it down here, is how old was she when her clan got killed? This is one of the things that need a explanation, heres why. If she was 12 than yeah that would explain how she has a team and sensei but it wouldn't explain why she has to live with someone. Naruto and Sasuke live alone and they are 12 years old so it wouldn't make sense to why 2 twelve year olds have to live with a adult. However, if she was younger like 6 or even 7 than of course she would have someone to watch her but than she wouldn't be a ninja. So if she is 6 than why do she have a team and sensei? Also as I stated before it says she doesn't talk to anyone so how she forming bonds so early? And what is making her so happy again? You can't just have something terrible happen to you and than wake up the next day with the brightest smile so what changed her? These are all questions that need answers along with the questions I asked above. I already explained about the pity thing because you don't want to give what you don't want to receive. If you give praise to someone you would want praise back, but if you give someone a punch in the throat you wouldn't want a punch in the throat. Not to mention she is old enough to think for herself so would you give pity if you don't want it. Also who gave her the permission to be a ninja again? And how did she make it on team 7 afterwards? We know she would need to get a score that is the exact same to Sakura's because she was kunoichi of the year, but taking into account that she already had a team before they were killed meant that Kakashi would have already had team 7. So how did she get on the team? And that brings up the question, how did Kakashi have time to accept a mission and save her? These are many holes in the OC's story and just in general that needs to be fixed and cleaned up. Other than these details I feel like she has the potential to be a awesome OC. I really do, and if you ever need help with her after reading this than message me and I'll definitely help. Thank you so much for letting me review your OC. It was a honor.
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