OC 126 (Aubrielle Kiriguya)

This has been a long wait and I'm sorry for it. I will review the OCs I remember at the moment. If I forgot yours please DM so I can work on it. Till than we have 3 OCs by Shadar-Kin18 I hope you like it.
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Name: Aubrielle Kiriguya.


Cute name


Nickname: Elle.


Nice


Gender: Female.


Cool


Age: 12.


Ok


Birthday: October 2nd.


Cool


Voice Claim: Stephanie Sheh.


Oh specific voice, that's nice.


Appearance: Long blue hair, ocean green eyes, and thin eyebrows. Pale skin, and lean build. Wears a long sleeve blue shirt with her clan symbol on the back, three green bladed waves. Baggy black pants, and a gourd of water on her back.


So she basically looks like Gaara with different colors?


Height: 5'0.
Weight: 85 lbs.


She's quite underweight. She's not even in the middle.


Scars: None.


Ok


Piercings: None.


Ok


Distinguishing Features: Her hair and eye combo is a unique look originating from the Kiriguya Clan.


Well please explain this when you talk about the clan.


Bad Traits: Nosey, Picky, Doesn't trust easily.


Ok


Good Traits: Friendly, Easy-going, and Quiet.


So she has the "childhood friend" personality.


Likes: Swimming, Exploring, Napping, and Training.


This is very vague and sounds very dull for her.


Dislikes: Bullies, Mizuki-Sensei, Ino Yamanaka, and Sakura Haruno.


I'm assuming that sense you put bullies than Sakura and Ino they are gonna be the typical "mean girls" in your story even know Sakura was bullied and Ino was the one who stopped them.


Talents: Flow, the kekkei genkai of the Kiriguya. Using special hand signs, the members can manipulate as much water that withholds their chakra freely.


That isn't very original in the way of Naruto. For instance she's basically a Gaara but without sand it's water and people can already do jutsus to let them control water so it's basically useless.


Clan: Kiriguya.


Ok


Clan Information: Water bending clan of Kirigakure.


So we have an avatar the last air bender OC.


Ninja Rank: Genin.


Ok


Sensei: Vectrice Uchiha.


Wait she has an Uchiha sensei? I hope he either somehow found a way to survive the massacre, this is the past or future, or a different universe.


Teammates: Kyoto Takimi, and Suzaku Ryu.


Ok


Chakra Nature: Water.
Ninjutsu: 5/10.
Taijutsu: 2/10.
Genjutsu: 1/10.
Teamwork: 5/10.
Intelligence: 3/10.


Ok her stats are ok, like about to be chunin level.


Family: Deceased.


Ok


Friends: Kyoto Takimi, Hinata Hyuga, and Shino Aburame.


Ok


Enemies: Ino Yamanaka, Sakura Haruno, and sometimes Kiba Inuzuka.


I figured


Rivals: None.


Ok


Sexual Preference: Closeted gay.


Oh this is different


Love Interest: Hinata Hyuga.


Ok


Theme Song: Misa Theme A.


Ok but when you put something like this make sure to put the anime. Not everyone is gonna know it's death note.


Backstory: Her clan was massacred during Yagura's purge of blood users of Kiriguakure. Her mother, Umiko, was the wife to the Head of the clan. She hid her daughter on a merchant caravan heading to Konohagakure. She left the infant with three scrolls. One detailing the clan history, one with instruction on the hand seals and technique for the Flow kekkei genkai, and a letter from her father before his death. Lord 3rd accepted her into the village once the merchants discovered her. He refrained from giving two of the three letters. As he didn't want her to go down the path of vengeance.


This... sounds like every protagonist practically made in Shounen. It has all the same traits from the basic protagonist. Dead family, could go down destruction, mother protects them as a baby than dies, father is very powerful, powerful clan that still somehow gets killed. It's basically a check list.
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Final Analysis- This OC was... very generic. She has all the properties of an airhead character and is basically the same as every "childhood friend" and protagonist character. Everything is to be accounted for. Not only that but she follows the trope of bullies being associated with Sakura and Ino while their roll was completely different. She basically has a bunch of properties of Gaara from the look, to the moves with just a different coat of paint. She's not a marysue but she's basically a carbon copy of characters and generic types that I can't even say she's original. Not to mention you follow the same bad rules of Naruto OCs, making the bullies Sakura and Ino for some unknown reason, powerful with dead clan and no parents, looks unique even though you made a whole clan just for her to look different. Etc. It makes no sense. As i said she is not a marysue but she needs more work for she is dull and uninspiring. Like just taking bits and traits of characters and such to make her. Thank you so much for letting me review your OC. It was an honor.
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