Hey another OC for the making. This OC is by EctomorphicHomo I hope you like it.
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-Note: My oc’s existence does change a lot of things in the Naruto show but not too much, I hope you don’t mind-

Thanks for telling me ahead of time. I'll make sure to adjust my ratings than.

Name: Tsubaki Hyuuga - 椿 (Tsubaki) meaning "Camellia flower"

Nice

Affiliation: Konohagakure

Good

Era: Warring States Period

Oh ok

Gender: Female

Ok

Birthdate: February 10 Aquarius

Ok

Age: Tsubaki isn’t born in the same period as Konoha 12, but if she were, her ages would be;
Part I: 11,
Part II: 15,
Part III: 16,
Boruto: 31

Ok and thanks it gives me an idea of her age

Personality: Bipolar at times, violent, extroverted, blunt, tsundere, protective, hardly takes serious things seriously, sometimes perverted, easily panicked, is mannerless but also mature from a young age.

So some things are contradicting such as being violent, tsudere, taking things seriously but being mature which makes no sense. If she's mature than half of these would be eliminated. We see tsuderes as childish, if you can't take serious events seriously than your immature, if you are manner less than clearly you're not mature. Tbh this whole list goes against being mature. I would suggest either remaking the list to fit the personality or make the above traits her younger self and as she gets older becomes mature.

Appearance: 5’7 in height, thigh-length dark purple hair, lavender eyes, pale skin, and cherry pink chapped lips. She wears a custom-made beige kimono, the left side without a sleeve, the right side with a short sleeve, and the lower part only covering her left leg. Underneath that, she wears a thin black dress that has a long sleeve covering her left arm, and the lower dress part covering her right leg. She wears black short tights with ninja tools strapped to her right leg, and a yellow bandage dressed firmly around her waist with the Hyuga emblem embedded onto it. She has a poorly dressed bandage wrapped around her right leg and wears dark purple gloves. Her ninja sandals are black and is without a heel like most women’s ninja sandals have.

Beautiful description skills. I could imagine the entire outfit.

Family: Hidashi Hyuuga(Father), Hatane Uchiha Namikaze(Mother, deceased) Kokoro Hyuuga(Older sister) Touga Hyuuga(Cousin) Komoki Hyuuga(Trainer/Sensei) Hatani Hyuuga(Best friend) Tenzen Hyuuga(Grandfather)

Wait wait wait. Why is her mother a Namikaze and a Uchiha? If you're gonna do this pick one or the other. Plus if this is in the past than no clans would be mixing to even get this combination in the first place, especially a clan like the Uchiha, or the Hyuuga for that matter.

Abilities and Jutsu's:
Chakra Nature: Wind and Fire release (Affinity)

Nice

Other: Water release
Wind: Fuuton: Reppu-Ookami/ Wind style: Gale wolf Kaze Bunshin/Wind clone
Wind style: Vacuum Sword
Wind style: Spiralling Wind Ball
Wind style: Vacuum Blade (Uses this technique to infuse wind style chakra into her weapon Hisuinoha to enhance its strength)
Fire: Katon: Ryuuka /Fire style: Dragonhead
Water: Water pistol
Water style: Decent vortex Water dragon

Nice and seeing that you only have 2 water jutsus I'll let it slide.

Kekkei Genkai: Byakugan: 8 Trigrams 64 palms 8 Trigrams Palm rotation Byakugan length 50km Gentle Fist 8 Trigrams Air palm
Fuantei Byakugan/ Broken Byakugan: (Combination of the Sharingan and Byakugan that was created by Hamura when he was attempting to create a dojutsu to form a new clan, but the chakras of both dojutsu didn't mix, causing it to become unstable, which is where it got its name from)

I hope you explain how he even got both to fuse them in the first place. Cause even if this changes Naruto a bit that doesn't mean everything goes out the window when it comes to how they got it, and such. Hopefully we see more of this Humara person.

-Allows the user to see chakra particles, cell particles, and organisms invisible to the normal byakugan.
-Allows the user to predict any jutsu before it is launched by reading the patterns of chakra flow from the hand signs formed; Meaning it can be used with their eyes closed.
-Just like Itachi's Amaterasu/Black Flames which burns anything in its path, this byakugan allows the user to use a fire style technique called Amatanako/Raging White Flames, which melts anything in its path, turning it into a burning hot liquid. It can also melt other liquids, gases, and can liquify fire as well.

Please pick one and I meant to say this earlier but why have both this broken Byakugan and the regular? It should be one or the other to keep her from being overpowered.

Fuantei Byakugan weaknesses: -Uses more chakra than the Sharingan
-The veins burn
-Only works once she is emotional (seriously angry, shocked, extremely depressed)
-Causes blindness after 15 years of usage

These are some really good backlashes but if it burns the veins it will kill them years before they go blind at 15 if that is your intention.

Past: At age 2, Tsubaki was held as a hostage by one of the Senju clan’s shinobi and was used to threaten her mother Hatane Namikaze into doing something for them. Her mother decided to follow their orders to save Tsubaki, and later on (1 year later), Tsubaki found out that she had died for her. She made sure to memorize that Senju’s chakra.

Wait so why isn't the mother's Uchiha name in? We don't know anything about the mother, we need a little backstory on her.

At age 3 is when she awakened her Fuantei/byakugan. Hyuga guards were sent to take her in, since she was the younger one out of her and her sister, she was forced to endure the swastika curse mark. But when she saw her father trying to protect her from the guard all while his curse mark was activated, it awoke something in her. She ended up taking down the guard, but right after that she passed out, and that’s when they secured her body and later placed the curse mark on her. On that same day, her father was placed in prison for defying the clan leader Tomomi’s orders. Ever since that day, Tomomi has been trying to get his hands on Tsubaki’s fuantei byakugan.

You can't awaken what's an accident. An accident is specific to the person so if you want her to have this broken Byukugan than it has to be her accident however it doesn't say anything about that. It doesn't even say how it got to her just that it was awaken by her. If that is the case than why even have a fusion accident? This needs to be fixed to have more sense. I suggest while she was kidnapped she was experimented on before she was saved and the experimentation mutated her Byukugan to become the broken one when she awoken it. Also she's 2, how is she remembering things like this at 2 years old? Unless she doesn't have infantile amnesia than she won't remember these events as a child. Plus what would make a 2 year old activate this when fully grown adults can't? How did her dad get a curse mark? These things need to be explained.

From ages 3 - 5, Tsubaki has been training under Komoki Hyuuga to master her byakugan, but a the same time, Komoki was given a secret task of trying to find ways to get Tsubaki to use her broken eye again so that she could examine it and report every detail to Tomomi. One day, Tsubaki got emotional because of a question she had asked, which caused her fuantei to appear again for the second time. After Komoki gave the details to Tomomi, he ordered Komoki to prepare Tsubaki for the battlefield the next morning. On that morning, Tsubaki went out on the field, with orders not to go up against or go anywhere near the Senju or Uchiha, which she did not follow when she found and killed the very same Senju who kidnapped her mother, driven and overtaken by emotions from her fuantei. On that same day, she was attacked by a Senju when she was out of chakra and was flung to the side along with another Uchiha boy. She knew she wasn’t supposed to go anywhere near the Uchiha, but something told her to protect that boy, which she did. Later on, Tomomi let it slide, as he believed that boy was going to die anyway. Unbeknown to him, that boy grew up as the one we know as Madara Uchiha.

Why is she killing from ages 3 to 5? A senju at that. You're telling me a fully grown adult senju couldn't handle a toddler? The man who killed her fully grown mother was killed by a toddler. This is very Mary sue. You're not the only one who did this too. Not one 3 year old was able to kill like this. Think of many prodigies in animes or even Naruto no one is able to kill as a baby or a toddler. I'm sorry but as I said this is highly mary sue. She needs to be older and it doesn't give her any closer. Wouldn't you want this to part of her story to change and make it more interesting? This should be part of her adult life to add more depth to her character.

At age 10, she met Hamura Otsutsuki who explained to her what her byakugan was and how to use it. She was also given a bit of his chakra since her chakra wasn’t enough to tame the byakugan. His chakra formed a crescent moon symbol on her hand, which plays an important role later on.

Ok she explained it but how did Tsu even get it? It's not clear we just know that Hamura messed up in making something but we don't get a reason to how it got to Tsu or how it unlocked.

Once in her early 20’s, war still arose, when the Senju proposed a treaty with the Uchiha, the Hyuga, the Namikaze, and many other clans. The Uchiha and Hyuga declined, and instead insisted on allying with each other to overwhelm the Senju into surrendering, and that is when she met Madara Uchiha. Madara of course immediately recognized her chakra from all those years ago, and sooner on he revealed to her that he was the boy she saved that day which then deepened their trust for each other. Though, she does get a bit tsundere around him. When Madara discovered the crescent moon symbol on her hand, he demanded an explanation of where it came from. Madara was interested in the sage of six paths theory about the details at this time, so he has seen various paintings from his Uchihian ancestors with that same moon symbol hidden in the backgrounds. She told him it was from when she met Hamura Otsutsuki when he gave her chakra, which caused Madara to further investigate why she had Otsutsuki blood running through her. That’s when he found out her byakugan was so strong because it had parts of the Sharingan in it.Over these years, Tsubaki has become a very valuable asset to the Hyuga clan, and soon everyone starts to respect her even as a branch family girl. Tomomi’s daughter Hishima Hyuga was soon elected the new clan leader, and respected Tsubaki’s strength so much so that she insisted on removing Tsubaki’s curse mark if she could. Later on, she ordered all of the main family to never activate Tsubaki’s curse mark, even if she does something disrespectful to them.

This started off ok than became mary sue. When did she get a curse mark again? Why is everyone loving her and not feared by her power? Especially if they know what it is. How is she respected and stuff when she hasn't done anything to be respected of? She kills one person and is emotionally unstable and boom respect? It doesn't make sense. How the hell is she getting all this power? Why are things getting added that wasn't even in her in the first place? You said it changed Naruto that's fine but that's history this OC is just overpowered for nearly no reason.

At age 25, she met Mito Uzumaki who was a friend of Hatane Namikaze, Tsubaki’s mother. Their relationship develops, and Mito soon starts training her to achieve the Byakugou seal. In this same era, the Uchiha and Hyuuga’s alliance deepens to the point where they are trusted to fight on the battlefield with each other. Tsubaki of course couldn’t help but beg Madara to be her fighting buddy.

Ok. That's all I can really say about this

---Her back story is unfinished, but is this enough to pass?---

It passes for enough but it needs a lot of work.

Additional facts: Hates Tomatoes only because Madara likes them Has an unhealthy obsession with dango treats Cannot cook Loves dogs Terrible at explaining things Easily angered and confused Love interest is Madara Uchiha, though she does have competition since many strong women from the Uchiha clan want him. She feels that since she isn’t from his clan, he wouldn’t like her in that way She has met Hashirama, Tobirama, Izuna, and has made plenty of friends during her time Her opinion on Hashirama’s personality as a Senju wasn’t as bad, but she still didn’t trust him Tobirama pissed her off She became good friends with Naomi Uchiha (creator of Izanami) She’s had fer fuantei byakugan for more than 15 years and hasn’t gone blind because she hasn’t been getting really emotional.

Everything was ok till you got to this last part. Just because it's been 15 years and she hasn't gone emotional doesn't mean a thing. If someone is destined to die in 2 years but they take a lot of medicine and are the healthiest they can be they can and will still die. It doesn't matter what they do differently. When you described what this is you said that at 15 years they go blind you didn't add any special conditions. If you didn't want her to go blind than why add this condition in the first place? To make it seem like she has to be careful? It's more interesting to see her endure and overcome being blind than it is seeing her nearly avoid it. This will need to be fixed and have more detail.

Lastly, she dies at age 78 from chakra poisoning

Ok
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Final Analysis- This OC was ok at best. It started off alright and ended on a bad note. There is so much unclear, she has too much power, many things don't make sense and so on. For instance we don't know a thing about her mother at all. We just know she's some kind of Namikaze Uchiha which still doesn't make sense. We see she was kidnapped and don't have a full explanation of why. When a kidnapping happens it's for a reason. Some may think it's random but it's not always a specific person, it can be a age group, gender, skin color etc. The way this is set up is non-sense. Than we have her just getting more and more powerful with no enemies. Not one enemy in her whole life but the person she killed as a toddler with no backlash from aggressors or punishments from the caretakers she was with. Nothing. She's just honestly loved for no reason even though she has done more harm than good. Her getting this broken byukugan and we don't even know how makes no sense. She just gets it even though it was made by someone else on accident at that. Than it says that she will go blind after 15 years and she doesn't and I bet she never does. This OC lives without any consequences. She just lives and everyone helps her through it without her taking the matter into her own hands. That's what have been read. There are questions that need to be answered and many things that need to be explained. Unfortunately this OC has a Mary Sue rating. You said it changed things in Naruto but the only true change in this was the time period with little different events. The problem wasn't the change, the problem was her. You are a great writer and I believe you can do what's necessary to make her clear and understandable especially the personality since that was the thing that made no sense and she didn't act like she had any of that in her past. Thank you for letting me review your OC. It was an honor.
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