Finally back making them Naruto OC reviews. I can't wait to start this again though once it gets to 200 that truly will be the end unless you know, popular demand. Well this OC is by Milo_Uchiha thank you for being the first OC back in here. I highly recommend giving her story a look as I will be doing the same. Now without further ado, let's get started.
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This is a Naruto OC:

Her name is Sayomi Senju.

Age: She starts out at 6, currently she is seven.

Ok so the story starts off in her past. That's cool.

Family: She has too much family, UGHHH. Hachiro Senju(Older Brother. Deceased.), Hana Uchiha (Mother. Deceased), Tobirama Senju(Father. Alive.), Hiroshito Senju(First cousin. Alive, I'm going to kill him off soon,), Hashirama Senju(Uncle on dads side. Alive.), Mito Uzumaki (Aunt on dads side. Alive), Madara Uchiha(Uncle on moms side. Alive.), Izuna Uchiha (Uncle on moms side. Alive.)

Ok I will come out and say this. This is to powerful of a family to start off with. You have a dad that hates the uchiha, 2 hokages as family, and 2 very powerful uchihas on your mom side. You will need to cut this list down if you have to have one than please pick one and not 4.

Appearance:

That's what she looks like when she is 18. When she is 18, she has fierce battle scars on her back due to torture. She is a slim and tall figure at 5 feet 6 inches. She is 110 pounds. Her figure is quite skeleton-like due to her heart disease, like Itachi. When she is like 6: She has shorter hair then that, like till her shoulder. She has tinier battle marks on her cheeks. She is 40 pounds. She is a smaller figure in general, height is 3 feet 4 inches.

So she is much skinnier than that, she has been through torture, we'll see why in the past later on, and she does have a heart disease like Itachi. However I am afraid I will have to call you false on the disease. Itachi didn't have a heart disease, he had a respiratory disease. His lungs was the problem not his heart. The rest of this is ok.

Personality: Emotionless. Disgusting. Spoilt. Dangerous. All words that the village sees her as. Though she puts up a stone mask front (like Tobirama), every word hits her deeply. In reality, she's fragile and sensitive. She's quiet and helpful but is scared to do so. Scared because of what the village will think of her. So instead of showing her true, conflicted feelings, she puts up a stone wall between her and the rest of society. In this story she is also just a generally sad person. She is mourning her brother, mother, and cousin, the people that made her sane.

Just because the village describes her like that doesn't mean she is like that. That's more information for the end so you should focus more on her main personality. Next you say she is conflicted and hides her true feelings but what are these feelings? What kind of person is she really? What you described in the beginning was someone else's perspective of her but me as a person who is gonna read this story needs to know how she really is. More detail needs to be added. Plus I hope to see why they call her that because so far we have no reasons.

She is a very large hearted person in general. Not very cheerful, extremely pessimistic. She is also very wise for her age, already knowing that the village is a temporary state of peace and that there is already tension between the Senju and Uchiha. She has a sharp mind during battle, so you better watch out, she's a strategist. That's what everyone knows and well.....it's the half-truth. What everyone doesn't know is that she spares most of her enemies, killing only the ones that she has to, so basically an extreme pacifist.

Ok so we learn a little more about her but we still have more detail on how she's viewed by someone else than how she truly is. you say wise for her age but what age are you talking about? You said we start her at 6 but we got a image of her at 18 so what age is she this wise person? I believe more will be explained but we will see.

Battle: Weapons- she uses a katana that is as white as snow, her deceased brothers sword. She is also very good at using kunai and shuriken (like Itachi ). Her main weapons are her katana, she is good at kenjutsu (The art of the sword.)

It is cool that she is using a sword and it has significance to her since it was her brother's to begin with. I can see why she would be good a kenjutsu.

Status-Right now she is just a genin, in the future she may be an ANBU.

By right now what age is she? Is she 18? Is she 6? I do recommend you don't make her 6 and a genin. While it's good to make prodigies she already has a crazy lot from her family.

Kekkai Genkai- Ok I know this will sound completely Mary Sue but she has the Mangyeckyo. EVERYTHING IS FOR A REASON! I intended for her to have sharingan way later in her life but it wouldn't make sense. She unlocked her sharingan because of her participation in The First Great Ninja War, she saw dead bodies and shit. She unlocked the Mangyeckyo by seeing her brother die on the battlefield or her Mother dying in front of her eyes (It's one of those).

You were right it does sound Mary Sue, though not uncommon. However as you know you usually unlock these from a dramatic experience just seeing dead bodies when she's a ninja isn't that big of a surprise, it's barely a surprise in the real world for some professions I would recommend if you can't choose which one she unlocks her second stage than one death should be for the first and one should be the second that way not only won't you have to choose but it will make sense.

Chakra Natures: Her primary is water(duh) and her secondary fire. (because she's an Uchiha) This also signifies the tension -

It makes sense, good job.

In her mind because the water and fire are battling, it's like her thoughts battling.

So she can't decide which one to use? So in a way she's like Todoroki with his fire and ice? But go into detail on how these are battles cause it doesn't make sense. Is she trying to choose a side with a clan? Is there a deep meaning why she would use one over the other? What makes her think they are battling? These are questions that need to be answered.

Extra- Ok, you are so going to hate me for this. This will seem Mary Sue to you won't it? Yeah it will. That's what I thought. Ok so the Ice Tailed Beast is sealed inside of her. It's not even that insane because it's ligit just the tiniest fraction of chakra that was leftover by the tailed beasts. It's like the remainder, the excess chakra. It's nothing. I honestly created it because Sayomi needed someone to keep her mentally stable.

Here's the thing though. You already have her with water and fire so adding a ice tailed beast is stirring the pot. Now if you want someone to keep her sane why not make it another human or something way less powerful? A friend that keeps her sane? Or a talking cat or dog or whatever? To keep you sane you don't need to have a demon in your brain, if anything those beasts aren't there to make you sane it's to do the opposite. If it's only there for that reason than I really recommend changing it to something else or add more reasons to why it is there, how it developed, it's personality, how it keeps her sane, and much more.

Past: Oh dear lord this will be long. When Sayomi was born, there was tension between the 5 Great Nations. Because SOMEONE(Hashirama) decided that it was ok to give away nuclear weapons(tailed beasts) to the other nations. That tension erupted into The First Great Ninja War. Once again, mindless bloodshed took place. Sayomi's brother, Hachiro was 9 at that time while Sayomi was four. They were sent out onto the battlefield and finished their mission of killing a few shinobi. This was the very mission Sayomi unlocked her Sharingan, They were already tired and had severe chakra depletion. However, a kumo-nin jumped out and tried to slice Sayomi. Hachiro pushed Sayomi out of the way and took the fall. :(. That was when Sayomi's suffering began. Sayomi took his dead body home and brutally murdered that kumo nin.

Wait wait wait let me get this straight, 4? She was 4 and she was killing shinobi? Not only that but her brother was 9? They were taking on missions and killing people at 4? This is where I ask how? How did a 4 and 9 year old get so strong to the point they are killing people? Not to mention, why is she so strong and killing shinobi? She's so smart and sharp but failed to notice a attack coming at her? If she's smart wouldn't she notice that? I'm pretty sure that couldn't have been the first time that happened. Second why are they in the war? There for sure was Genin during this time but not in the war, they don't put every soldier in the war and the same goes for Naruto. Next who sent them out there alone? Why are they by themselves? Do they not have squads or anything? There are a crazy amount of loopholes in this that needs to be addressed.

Tobirama, the Hokage at that time, buried the dead body. I feel so sad now. So two years passed and Sayomi was as strong as hell but she was introverted and stiff. Her father never showed any emotion towards her. She was miserable. She couldn't bring herself to make friends in fear that she would lose them as well. Her only friend was Hiroshito, her first cousin, who used to be Hachiro's closest friend. So think about it. Her brother died at FOUR. She's in the middle of mourning and the only one to help her is the one that reminds her the most of her brother.

Sorry but there is nothing to think about. She shouldn't be in battle at 4 so nothing should have happened and the same goes for him at nine. You're getting into a category where not even itachi was that talented. Not to mention you're telling me that she got crazy strong in 2 years? She's only 6 and she's doing so much already. What did she come out the womb doing ninjustsu. There has been nothing on how she has trained either so where did this power come from? This is a serious Mary Sue problem that needs to be addressed.

Not ideal. That was when everything got worse. Her mother died due to a shinobi sneaking in and finishing her off. Sayomi saw her mother's dead body on the floor at SIX. She unlocked her Mangyeckyo. Tobirama still didn't show any love whatsoever towards her. The funeral takes place, she starts going insane. The stress gets to her....she coughs up blood. She couldn't afford to tell anyone besides Hiroshito(who is an ANBU btwwww). Why didn't she tell anyone? Simple. If the five great nations caught wind of this they would use Sayomi to their advantage and blame her death on an Uchiha or something. -

Why though? Why would they blame it on her? She's literally 6 what could she do? I take that back. A lot. Actually where was she when her mother was killed? Was she just upstairs sleep or something and came out to see her mom dead? It is Stated that these ninjas can sense when they are getting attacked even when they sleep so how is she sharp but couldn't save her mother? Not to mention who are these ninjas who are only coming for her family? Why isn't Tobirama showing any affection? We don't even know Hiroshito's age so how old is he since he's a anbu? There are just so many questions and things that don't make sense.

It would start the second great ninja war so she couldn't tell ANYONE. When her life was the worst it could be....Hiroshito died. Yup. She goes absolutely insane. That was the last straw. She couldn't act anymore, she couldn't keep her emotions in. She shouts at her father to go away and cries herself to sleep. That's my story so far, I guess you would have to read my fanfic to understand more.

Ok but here's the thing. If Her father never cared why is he checking up on her? Why does she need him to go away? Why is she the cause for the second great ninja war? Why is she going insane like this? She knows the dangers of the world and being a ninja so if she's smart shouldn't she know that something could potentially happen to her family. Obviously in the real world we don't want to think of someone killing or hurting our loved ones but it can happen. We don't want to think of our loved ones even dying of age but we know it will and could happen, but we don't go insane so what's so different about her? Cause she's six? She shouldn't even be a fighter at this time. Not to mention the ice tailed beast you talked about earlier didn't even appear once in the backstory, where did that come from? When does it appear? Also how did her cousin die? We just know he's dead but how did he die? These are questions that need to be answered

Relationships: do you seriously think she would be in a relationship? The girl has PTSD.

So she has no friends whatsoever? No family she can count on whatsoever? None of the family members you listed she can't see or talk too? I'm really confused here even Tobi, Sasuke, Itachi, Naruto, and more had people they talked too.

Gender: Girl.

I figured but this should have been at the top.
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Final Analysis: There is a lot to be done with this OC. From the family, to the moves, to the past, tailed beast, there is just a lot. Now many things in the past and even personality did not make sense. It was a jumble of things that need to be organized and refined with more detail. The family is another thing, she has family that are Senju, Uchiha, Uzumaki, just a lot and she doesn't need that. The Uzumaki didn't even appear once in the past but she was listed, in fact many of the people was listed but we didn't hear anything about them or their relationship to her. Her being 4 and being this ninja that kills people gives her no right to be sad when her brother dies from being killed because not only should she have seen this coming but in the end like her they are doing their job. Now it would have been different if she was a civilian but she's killed a handful of people herself and at a young age at that. Next you gave her things she does at a certain age and I don't even know what age that is. Was she 4? Was she 18? I don't know, you have to be more specific about this. Next we never know why the village calls her these names like dangerous or emotionless in the first place, nor do we know what age she became insane. Why do she spare some enemies? What age did she spare them? Was it before or after she went insane? I don't know and that's something that needs to be known about her. Plus you said she was tortured but we don't get information on that. When was she tortured? How? Why? You said she was but didn't give any information on it or even mentioned it at all after that one time. The tailed beast is a big thing, there is literally no information at all about it but she has it we don't even know it's name, you said it makes her sane but we don't know why or how, and like the torture it's mentioned once and never again. We need to know more about it. There is a ton of information that is needed for this OC and there is so many questions that need to be answered. I advise that you look over those questions and add more detail to the OC. There can never be too much detail. I am not saying this to be mean but I am trying to be brutally honest and give you the best review that I can. If you want we can even talk about the OC privately. I want the best for this OC and this story because I believe that deep down she can be a unique and strong OC that isn't a Mary Sue. I hate to do this but I do have to give you a Mary Sue rating though in here you have acknowledged that some parts may be or seems Mary Sue and that is always the first step. This OC has a lot of potential and you are the person who can bring it out.

Thank you so much for letting me review your OC, it was a honor.
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