A Guy OC!!!

Hello everyone, today I am proud to update this book again. I am also proud that we have a OC that wants to be reviewed. I am honored to do this OC and is extremely happy to have this person request for me to do him. This OC belongs to NWO_FullMetal. You should check out their stories. They are really good. Now to tackle the OC.
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What sets my Naruto fanfic apart is that 1. It has a whole different class of rookie 9 (Which almost NO ONE ELSE DOES!)


You are correct. For some reason nobody includes all the rookie 9. They include team 7, sometimes Hinata, sometimes Shikamaru but that's really it.


Name: Akashi Senju (I know, not very original but what can I say?What does it mean? According to Behind The Name: it means Crimson. 


It's fine that isn't original. I have seen the name Akashi from this anime called Kuroko no basket. So it's fine, many people use names with meaning. It helps bring character to their OC.


Age: 6 - 7 in prologue - current chapter in progress. (which take place just some little time before naruto is born). 


This is interesting. Many OCs are usually the age of the Naruto group. Though nothing is wrong with that I am happy to see something different. This is great.


Part 0.5 


7-18


Part 1: 19. So you'll get to experience Naruto grow up a bit as I tell my OC's story. Akashi is 19 1/2  at the end of part 1. 


part 2: 25 (Naruto is 18 at this time. 


In part 2.5 : (The Last) 27 


Part 3: (Boruto years) he's 44. Naruto is 37.


Again, it is great to see he is different. I love that you did that. This goes for all the parts.


Gender: Male


Also different which is great!!!


Appearance: 


Hair Color: Light Blond


Hairstyle: Buzzed. 


Eye color: Aquamarine


This is nice. He doesn't have something out of the normal for hair color and eye color. Usually you'll find rainbow and tons of other crap. Blue, green, they are good because Naruto has some unusual hair colors but it is great to see your sticking to basic colors.


Clothing Sections: 


Prologue: Crystal blue t-shirt with the mist village symbol on the front, black shorts, and black shoes.


I like his clothing style but maybe inside of shoes, use sandles. The reason is because everyone has sandles unless your Jiraya and Boruto Sakura. That would be the only thing here.


Appearance continued... When talking clothing he wears long sleeves to cover his automail. (yes I reference FullMetal Alchemist in this a lot. I took one characteristic from Fullmetal and that's the metal left arm and right leg (opposite from Ed Elric in the FMA series) 


I actually like the fact that you used a reference. Plus it is possible for him to have replaced body parts. But maybe inside of metal how about Wood because he's a Senju. You can do what you like but I think the wood would make it better for him.


Gennin years: Akashi wears a dark red hoodie with crystal blue sleeves, with red belts wrapped around the sleeves & pant legs. a pair of black pants, and red boots. He usually wears the black gloves. 


(the multiple belt idea is a reference to how Sora's outfit looks in KH2.) (you can include this part if you wish.) although it's not necessary. 


Again I love the references but maybe instead of the boots how about ninja boots like what Sakura has in Shippuden. For the hoodie is it like Shino's? Other than the boots it's great.


Chunin years (12-15): Standard uniform.


Nice. Nothing all special.


Anbu years (15-24): Then we kinda go back to his usual clothes from his genin years. With some minimal alterations. black pants. black mask, dark red hood. black shirt with crystal blue sleeves.Dark Red belts on his pant legs.  Dark red boots Black gloves 


This is nice. I love how your outfit isn't like ten thousand colors. Not to mention that it is easy for your viewers to imagine. This is great.


On the left sleeve, he has the Senju clan symbol, on the right he has the Hatake symbol and on the back, he has the Uzumaki clan symbol.  


I like how he is showing all the symbols that belong to him.


The Last: Same thing as above. 


Boruto years: He wears a red jacket covering his regular clothing. he still wears a black mask (given to him by Kakashi) 


The only real difference is instead of a hoodie, it's a red jacket with a hood. (think Ed's red coat in FullMetal)


Alright this is good. However there are some people out there that may not know what Full metal alchemist is. So I would provide a picture of the jacket for them. Other than that this is all good.


Family: 


Takeshi Hatake (Father, deceased, Takeshi is also Kakashi's older brother) Tsunade Senju, (Mother), Keisuke Hatake (Brother), Kakashi Hatake (Uncle) 


Naruto Uzumaki (distant relative) 


I like how you named each family member and how you labeled them in what they are to him and if they are dead or not. Also like how you included Naruto too.


Personality: He has PTSD, he knows that life isn't fair and he knows what it takes to suck it up and deal with his problems. 


This is good. It's great that he knows that he won't just be on top. I also like how he isn't going to cry about his problems but inside sucks it up.


he's very hot-headed and short tempered. (he's usually very easy to piss off, but then five minutes later he won't care anymore and just tell you to fuck off. He can be very nice depending on who you are. You'll be able to get to know him better as you read the story.


I like that it's realistic. That your readers can relate to him. That is important. Another thing is how he nice depending on who you are. Most OCs are childish to everyone and it doesn't give them character. You give Akashi character.


He hates being treated like a child when he's been seen as an adult since the age of seven. (He gives up his childhood to raise Naruto, since no one else would,  with help of course from the Hokage in the early years of Naruto's life) 


Like before I love how he is realistic. Many people hate being treated like a child when they act like a mature adult. This makes him very relatable.


He hates it when people try to talk over him as if his opinion doesn't matter.


This like I said is very relatable.


He's very protective of Naruto and isn't afraid of threatening some lives if he needs to. 


I like how he is protective of Naruto because he has a reason. Most people don't have their OC meet Naruto but they are protective of him. You had Akashi raise Naruto and he became protective of him. This also shows character development.


He's very intelligent (about as smart as Shikamaru) often has his nose in a book. His hobby is thinking of ways to create new jutsu and test them. He's often trying to teach his teammates things that Kakashi taught him before being placed as Squad 3. 


Unfortunately the only thing I would argue is being as smart as Shikamaru. For it is a fact that Shikamaru is the smartest. However, you could say that he is the best planner and strategy maker. This would not only make him better as a ninja but also keep haters from saying he can't be as smart as Shikamaru. (It's like they can smell that -_-)


He tries to lead his teammates, but they won't listen to him it's very different. (If you read my fanfic self-titled "Akashi" you'll understand it better. 


Don't worry, I am sure people understand when someone doesn't listen to them. However I do encourage people to read this OC's story.


His relationship with Kakashi starts off very...rocky.


What is their relationship? How does it start off to begin with? How do Kakashi and Akashi meet? I am sure these questions are answered in the story.


Battle techniques: 


Weapon of choice: Swords; chakra chains. 


Are chakra chains, chains made of chakra or chains infused with chakra?


Chakra Nature: Water (Primary) Wind (Secondary) He does learn more elemental styles over the years, but he won't master them all until the end of part 3 so he has long way to go. 


Unfortunately in the anime Kakashi states that you can only have three chakra natures. So it would be a problem if he has all the elements. That is the only thing.


He's an anbu medic at the beginning of part 2. (With training from Tsunade) 


Medical taijutsu is his specialty, although he is no slouch on the battlefield when he needs to be. 


I like how he is a medic. So did he get private training from Tsunade or did he train with Sakura under Tsunade?


Jutsu techniques: (He'll learn more as the story progresses. These are just some of the ones he'll be usuing. Hey I can't give away all of my secrets. xD


Water style: Water Clone Jutsu (He uses this regularly) 


Ninja Art: Hidden Mist Jutsu (taught by Zabuza if you read my fanfic you'll understand) 


Water style: Body of Mizu: outlines the user's body in water. builds up the defense and increases the damage on the impact on the enemy by 20%. (He learns this during the chunin exam arc for his class (Naruto is 5 at this time) 


Wind Style: Wind Blade: surrounds the user's hands in winds making their hands as sharp as blades; allowing them to cut their opponents to shreds. 


Wood style Healing circle: surrounds the user in a wooden case allowing the healing technique to heal any minor damage. (learns this C rank technique while studying the basics of medical ninjutsu and combining it with the Senju clan's wood style technique. (doesn't learn this until he's a Chunin.) books can teach you the basics. He scratches the surface of his capability with wood style, but doesn't dive into discovering what he can really do with it until later on, as he gets older.)


This goes to all the justus above: I like how you added already seen and known Justus. This makes him good because he doesn't have all made up jutsus. Also I like how the jutsus that aren't made up isn't over powered. The only thing I want to know is how did he learn hidden Mist jutsu from Zabuza? This is in the story and I am sure that the question is answered but just in case it's not than here is this to answer.


You may think he's being OP'd but believe me, he's not op in the slightest. Read my book and you'll figure that out very quickly. 


I don't think he is really OP. In fact those are called Mary Sues. In your case though, he is a boy and it would be called Gary Sue. Regardless if you ever think he is OP or is accused of being OP I suggest taking a Mary Sue test online for Naruto. You should get your result.


So basically he starts out with little to no technique. transformation, escape jutsu, substitution jutsu, you know the basics. Like Naruto the multi-water clone jutsu is the only Jonin level technique he learns. Then the majority of it is basic. 


This is good. Though it would have been fine if he knew the basic Justus. But it is also good that you didn't do that because some people make them perfect at the jutsus. I like how he also knows one jutsu at the time too.


He does learn a couple of things, like the summoning jutsu, the body of mizu technique, the wind blade technique. these are the basic moves that you'll see him use a lot.


Alright. It is good that these are all basic Justus and not jounin or Anbu level jutsus because it would scream Gary Sue.


Kekkei Genkai: 


Wood style (he gets from Tsunade but doesn't really unlock or discover this ability until after the search for Tsunade Arc when Naruto is about 12-13. 


This is good that he doesn't unlock it right away. Also how does he unlock it?


Shorai no me (which means Future eye; which he obtains from his father.) Every member of the Hatake clan is capable of unlocking this ability through studying/training. He first unlocks this as a gennin. (He studies a lot and he meditates so that really does help with his concentration. = early unlocking Shorai No Me. 


Alright, however does Kakashi have this too? If all Hatakes have this then Kakashi should have this ability too. Other than that there shouldn't be a problem. If Kakashi doesn't have this ability than why?


Shorai No Me isn't an ability you can control, you'll get a vision of the past or future at random 99% percent of the time.  usually when the user touches something or they're in the same general area as the people in their visions. 


Ok, so does this affect him during battle? The reason is because this ability sounds like it would leave them vulnerable. Also does it activate each time? Like what if Akashi is in his own house? Would it activate?


Shorai No Me has a stage 2 ability which you can control called "Nen Do-me which means Telekinetic eye. Although it takes enormous amounts of chakra and requires a lot of concentration. (therefore it's vulnerable to interruption)


So this one does make you vulnerable. So it is great that you gave a down effect to this ability. It makes it less OP.


He will not learn Nen Do-me until Shippuden years. Which he's 25 at that point which is fair.


This is good. He learns this strong Justus at 25. Of course he could have been younger but it is unique that he learned this at 25.


Akashi is born in the middle of the 3rd great shinobi war. Kidnapped minutes after he was born by a hidden mist ninja.


Ok, I have a question. How come his father didn't stop the people? Was his father already dead by the time he was born? I know Tsunade had to be tired after giving birth so what about the dad? Also where is his brother at the time? I am sure these are answered in the story.


His older brother, Keisuke was being protected by jonin in the chambers of the kage stone faces. 


Why was Keisuke being protect?


Akashi was raised by his kidnapper up until the age of 6. 


How come Tsunade didn't go out and look for him? How come there wasn't a search for him? Also who was his kidnapper and why would they raise him? I just want to know the answers to these questions.


At the age of 4, he was attacked by a crazed man who cornered him inside an alley and sliced his left arm and right leg off. His kidnapper ultimately killed the crazed man and took him to a nearby mechanic which saved Akashi's life by giving him automaiil


Like I asked before i would like to know who is this kidnapper and why is he saving Akashi? That would be the only question. However I believe this is in the story.


(read chapter 4 of Akashi for details on this backstory) 


Then of course the tracker unit from the Leaf finally found him. He orders Akashi to run and so he does. Akashi lived in the remains of Uzushio from the age of 1-6.) and he runs until he reaches the river and then crosses it on a nearby boat. that's how he gets to the land of fire and ultimately the leaf village.


What happens to his kidnapper? Did they kill him? If this guy raised and helped Akashi why didn't Akashi stay and help him? Why didn't he want to protect this man that kidnapped him?


His relationship with Kakashi doesn't start off very well at all. Obito finds Akashi just outside the gates it's days, weeks before he gets to the leaf village because he's so short he's not very fast. How did he get away?  He hid in a nearby shed and escaped being chased that way. He can't outrun the tracker unit for long so he has to think on his feet and hide in the shed. 


Ok so why is he running from the leaf trackers? Aren't they the guys who came to save him? Were they sent by Tsunade? Also why would he run to leaf where they operate?


So when Obito finds Akashi outside the village gates he first wants to help Akashi. So he takes Akashi to see lord third Hokage. Then you read on about his life in Konoha from there.


Ok, so in the story does the hokage recognize that Akashi is Tsunade's son? Also why did Obito want to help Akashi in the first place? What made him want to help?


Yes he has PTSD (he wears metal limbs after a psychopath chops off half of his limbs. I'd have ptsd too xD


As far as romantic relationships go. I want to set him up with obito, but I want to work on their friendship first and building a foundation for it. 


That's good. So will Obito get over his crush on Rin and persue Akashi? Well to all you people reading, read Akashi's story to find out.


I want Akashi to notice his growing feelings for Obito when Akashi is 16, but he won't tell Obito how he feels until he's roughly 18 or 19  near the end of part 1. (no underage bullshit happening here xD  then again I may not set him up with Obito, might make the readers work for it a bit more


I like that idea. It is good to always have a twist to keep the readers on their toes. I am sure this OC fanfic is going to be great.


Also keep in mind that Akashi doesn't learn wood style right away either. I want his development to really show. So chances are you won't see him learn these things for a while.


This is really good because that way he is more realistic in Naruto terms. Just like in real life you don't put a pencil under your pillow and wake up Leonardo DaVinci or put dancing shoes under your pillow and wake up Micheal Jackson.
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So I hope you all liked this and I hope you liked this as well Fullmetal. Now for the final analysis.


Final Analysis: Akashi sounds like a very interesting and cool character, there are some holes in there with his past but other than those I believe everything is great about Akashi. He is very unique too. There are just those questions which I am sure is answered in his story. Akashi is a great character and I think you should be proud of him.
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To all my readers and people reading this story. If your interested in Akashi Senju than you should check out his story. You can get to it by going from the link above to Fullmetal's profile. I think you should read it. So to all you out there I hope you liked this review as well.

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