Chapter Ten continued...

The photo is of Ari and Cameron in bed together.

It's seared into my memory. Cameron's lips are on hers and his lips are curled up into a smile. Her arm is raised and clings to his shoulder. They are both topless, but his muscled arms and body are draping around her blocking her bare breast out of the frame. The picture only goes waist up, but I don't need to see any more to know what's happening.

I stare at Ari in despair. She is still looking up at me from the floor of the bathroom.

My heart is shattering into a million tiny shards. My head is pounding and filled with a thousand painful thoughts. My whole body hurts as if someone has beaten me with a wooden bat a million times over. Over and over and over again until my soul has been bashed into billion pieces.

I should say something. Scream at her, hit her, make her feel worse than I do.

I don't. I can't.

I can barely stand straight. I desperately want to be a stronger person. I want to be capable of saying something witty and sharp, to say the right words to cut her down and make her feel as I do. But even then, I know there is nothing I could say to hurt her the way she has hurt me. And deep down I know there is no point. Tears blur my vision. I can barely see.

Ari doesn't care about me. Otherwise, she wouldn't have done this. She wouldn't feel the words I spoke, she would only feel physical pain. I'm not a violent person. I choose to say nothing and walk away.

I sprint into the bedroom and fall to my knees in front of my bag. I collect and frantically shove my things into it. Then I stand and fling it on to my shoulders. Ari is standing by the door, blocking my escape. I shove past her and into the hallway.

"I'm sorry." She says again to my retreating back, but it comes out as a stutter. "I-I-I...don't...I don't...rem..."

I whip around. She is closer than I'd thought. She flinches and steps back. I see it in her eyes, she'd thought I was I going to hit her. There are tears in her beautiful grey eyes and they're rolling down her angelic face. And it's all a lie.

Ari is crying not because she feels sorry but because she wants me to feel sorry for her. What did she have to cry about? Her heart hadn't been ripped from her chest.

"Don't you fucking dare say it!" I shout in her face.

She flinches again. I don't curse, I never curse. But I know what she's about to say. And it was mildly better than saying it was an accident.

"Don't you dare say you don't remember fucking my boyfriend!"

I wait for her to say something, to deny it, anything. Ari doesn't.

We both stand in silence tears running down our faces. Even in her upset and hungover state she still looks like an alluring tragedy. I'm a trainwreck of snout and tears.

At this moment I hate her more than anything I've ever hated. I hate her beauty. I hate her charisma. I hate her intelligence. I hate that she made me believe I was more. I hate Ari made me believe she could care for someone as lame as me. I turn from her and head for the front door.

I'm almost at the door when Cameron steps in front of me. He is smiling and holding up my bikini.

"Ya missing something?" He says.

Before I said I wasn't a violent person, but I have my limits. Cameron had slept with me only moments after sleeping with Ari. He had crawled into bed with Ari, put himself inside of her, and then minutes later screwed me. I see it replaying in my head over and over.

He finally realizes there something wrong and his smile falters. I want to slap him; my palm is itching with the need to hit him. I ball my hand into a fist. No, I want to punch him.

I don't do either. I relax my hand and take a deep breath. I snatch the bikini from his hands and shove it into my bag. I don't want him to ever touch anything of mine again. Then I shove past him and outside. He follows closely behind me.

I get to my car and thank god I have a proximity fob. I couldn't have managed putting a key into a door. My hands are shaking uncontrollably. I open the door. Cameron comes up from behind and places his hand on the door, closing it with a slam. I glare at him.

He's leaning over me and I feel nauseated to have him so close.

He puts his hand on my shoulder and half-pleads half-shouts. "Don't believe whatever she told you. She's a fucking liar and a slut!"

I knee him in the groin. Like I said even I have my limits.

He'd followed me, blocked my exit, start shouting profanities in my face, and he'd been touching me without my permission. Those weren't the reasons I'd lashed out. It wasn't strategic. I was pissed. I'd let my emotions get the best of me and I don't regret it one bit.

Cameron falls to the ground like a sack of rocks. He holds his hands between his legs and groans in pain. He's rolling around like fish out of water. It's overdramatic in my opinion. How bad could it really hurt? Boys were such babies.

I get into the car and lock the door behind me. Cameron has regained himself and is standing in front of my car. He is crouched over with his hands on the hood. He is shouting at me. I reach for my stereo and blast the music so I can't hear him.

Then I look at the reverse cameras on my cars display screen. I've been blocked in. It's no problem. I put the car in reverse and slam on the gas. The car flings backward. I steer the car off the driveway and into the graveled landscape. Rocks fling into my tires and cloud of dust clogs my visibility.

There's a thump. It's not Cameron. I've hit the side of a gigantic cactus. Which in this state I believe is a crime of up to three years in prison. I pull out into the street and look at the front of the house. A path from my tires scores the gravel but the cactus is still standing. I put the car in drive and tear off down the street.

Billie Eilish is blasting through my speakers. It's the last playlist Ari and I'd been listening to. If I wasn't crying already, after listening to a few of her mournful laments, I'm a bawling disaster on wheels. I am sobbing uncontrollably.

Tears blur my eyes and a hiccup follows each break in my sob. I shut the music off and pull the car off to the side of the road. I don't want to crash my new car and die. Not over them. I couldn't believe how dumb I was. Everyone had warned me. Everyone told me to be careful. I was naive and stupid.

I feel terrible about myself. How's it fair? How come I feel worthless? I hadn't been the one to do wrong. They both had me questioning everything about myself. Was I a terrible girlfriend? Was I too boring? Was I not pretty enough? Had I been kidding myself, believing someone like Ari could have real feelings for me? Around and around in my head, I question myself until there are no more tears left to cry.

I reach into my bag and pull out my phone for the GPS directions. There are several unanswered text messages. I swipe them away and turn off all notifications. Before I pull onto the road, I take a good look at my face in the rear-view mirror and make a promise. My eyes are puffy, and my face is streaked with tears, but I will not let them see me cry.

My mother isn't at home. She wouldn't have been expecting me back this early. And though I long for a hug from my mother, I'm also relieved. Whatever pieces I'd managed to glue together would have crumbled in her embrace. I head straight for the shower.

Hot showers have a way of cleansing the soul. Your problems temporarily wash down the drain. And any tears or small cries that escape are camouflaged by the streams of pouring water. I lean under the faucet and let the water cascade down my head, neck, and shoulder. I watch my pain wash down the pipes and into the sewers.

If anyone ever tells you heartbreak isn't physical, then they've never had their heart broken before. There's a painful tightness in my chest. Each breath is a struggle and each time my heart beats it's a punch to the rib cage. It's a low throbbing pain, starting at the center and spreads out.

It's the worst pain I've ever felt. What scares me the most, is the fear that the pain will never fade. If I broke an arm or had a cut, there is comfort in the knowledge, knowing the wound would heal in a matter of days or weeks. In time, bones mend and cuts scar.

This invisible pain, an internal pain of the heart is as much mental as physical. Will I always carry this pain with me? Will the stitches holding my heart together reopen, whenever I think about the wound?

I stay in the shower until the water goes cold and my fingers and toes are shriveled. I don't want to get out and face reality. When I do get out, I'm careful to avoid the sight of myself in the mirror.

I spend the rest of Sunday studying. It's exam week. Half days and exams in every class accompanied by the AP exams. My grades are all I have, and I can't let my mistakes ruin my GPA. I don't eat or drink I only study until I fall asleep on my books. I vaguely remember my mom coming home and putting me into bed.

I don't sleep well. I have a hard time sleeping when I have troubling thoughts on my mind.  I wake up too early to go to school and I dance to kill some time. My mom's boyfriend had cleared out the garage so I could use it as a dance studio. They even installed mirrors for me and a bar. I dance ballet, and ballet only. I pick a routine that fits my mood. It's somber light and ethereal.

It feels nice to express myself in a way that's familiar and comfortable. I don't know why I would ever want to dance another way. When I've exhausted myself and the ache in my feet becomes too much, I force myself to dance even longer. Then I shower again and pretend the salt I taste on my lips is from the minerals in the water and I get ready for school.

I step out on to my porch, it's still too early for school. The sun has yet to fully rise and the sky is a dim blue. I lock the door behind me and turn towards the steps.

I am met face to face with Ari.

TBC...

Do you think the MC will forgive Ari? Do you even think that Ari needs to be forgiven?

I updated back to back the last cliff-hanger was too heavy, this one is not as mean...

Enjoy, and thanks so much for everyone's support. You're the best part of this community.