Chapter Eight

I arrive at Ari's house bearing gifts, Starbucks.

Cameron and I had a great night together. He'd taken me to see the playwright Billy Elliot. It was perfect and afterward, we'd had enough time to go back to his place. No cops were called. We managed to make it back before eleven. Barely. Then I'd had the best sleep of my life. My head hit the pillow and then it was morning.

Ari groggily opens the doors and squints as if she's never seen the sun before.

"Long night?" I ask and hold a latte out for her.

"Yes. I love you! You're the best." She takes the latte from me and kisses me on the cheek. Then she takes a long drag from the cup. She opens the door wide for me to come in. The house is a mess. It seems while her parents were away her bedroom had invaded other parts of the house.

I smirk but don't say anything. I don't want her to tackle me again—she might spill my latte.

"Do you mind driving?" She shoves clothes into a bag resting by the door. "I want to catch some Z's."

"No problem." I didn't mind at all, I was excited to drive my new car anywhere. Ari hands me a bag from the floor. Then she grabs two more bags and slings them over her shoulder and precariously balances her latte in the other hand. She takes a look around and then we head out to the car.

"Nice, car," Ari says. I pop the trunk and we both load her bags and sleep-gear in with my things. "Birthday gift?"

"Yep," I say proudly. "Now I can visit Cameron. Or we can meet halfway."

She grumbles unintelligibly then climbs into the passenger seat. It sounded like she'd said "great", or "oh just great". I note the sarcasm. She's clearly not a morning person. I get in the driver seat and push start the engine. Ari programs the location into the navigation system.

Lake Havafunn. It was a city known for its rich historical background, outdoor activities such as hiking, canoeing, camping, wake-boarding and of course parties on the beach. It's a popular spring break location known for its massive parties. I'd Googled it.

Our party wouldn't be massive. There had only been twenty-five invitations total, split between the two us. She'd invited fifteen of her closest of close friends. A crazy amount. If I counted my closest friends including Kris and Katie—which was a stretch—it totaled me at...let's see here...four people. My lunch friends had only been given invitations because Ari had invited them out of politeness. She was expecting the party to have around thirty. I was too embarrassed to mention my only invite probably coming was my boyfriend.

The house was in a gated community staffed by security guards at every gate entrance. If you didn't have an invitation the car wasn't let through. Apparently, Ari had issues with too many party-crashes in the past and they'd gotten out of hand.

I was excited about this party and doing my best to play it cool. Actually, I was excited about the whole weekend. After the party on Sunday, a few us we were going to take Ari's parent's boat, the Sun Princess, out on to the lake to relax. I couldn't imagine a more fairytale weekend. Life couldn't get any better.

Ari sleeps for the first hour of the road trip, but then the caffeine kicks in and also my singing. I had to keep myself occupied somehow. I don't notice she is awake until she turns the music down and speaks.

"I love your voice." Then she sits up and stares out the window. We still had about two hours to go. "You want me to drive?"

"No."

I'm loving the drive. I always drove when my mother and I moved. I preferred it, time went by faster. And this drive was particularly beautiful. It's all mountains and blues skies.

"How was your date with Cam last night?"

I take my eyes off the road for a second and beam at her, before returning them to the road.

"Amazing. He took me to a play and then we went back to his place for some alone time."

I don't see her face, but her voice goes up a pitch.

"Wait? Are you fucking banging him!?" She shouts at me.

I'd completely forgotten I hadn't told her yet. And three, two, one, gush. I tell her everything about Cameron in the last two days. From our first time to getting caught by my mother in the kitchen.

She listens intently and doesn't interrupt. I didn't realize how much I'd wanted to share my experience with someone until she had asked. The only person who knew other than Cameron was my mother. I didn't exactly want to spill the tea to her.

I finish with a giant exhale of breath. "I want to marry him."

"Really?" She asks. "That good, huh?"

I look over at the digital clock and I notice I've been talking about sex for the last twenty minutes. And Ari had been dead silent the entire time. How rude of me? The heat rises in my cheeks and I feel self-conscious.

"How about you? How was your date with James?" I ask.

"Oh my god. Why are you doing this to me?" She groans loudly. I don't have to see her face to know she is frowning. "We're just friends."

I notice a hitch in her voice. Was she about to cry or was she just that annoyed?

"Ari..." I say and I glance over. Her grey eyes are locked on to me. They aren't filled with annoyance as I expect but wide, curious, and...sad.

I understand her predicament. I like James. He is attractive and a great guy. He is also madly in love with her. He looked at her with such longing, it'd just about break your heart. I had a hard time believing she didn't see it. How could she not?

I wanted her to have what I had with Cameron. I think James could give that to her. Dechlan is out of the question. And she talks about John like he's a placeholder.

"You know he is in love with you, right?" I ask.

Ari scoffs but it's soft and it has no weight to it. I glance at her again. Both of her feet are up on the seat. She is curled up in fetal position and her head is leaning against the window. It's the picture of the brokenhearted.

"No, he doesn't." She says softly.

"Are you sure? Have you tried asking?" I know it's a dumb question. It's not as easy as asking.

"I've known James since middle school. I thought I had feelings for him, I confessed my feelings once, he wasn't interested, end of story. Now we're friends...only friends."

Again, I was seeing another pattern, not necessarily a flaw, in Ari's behavior. Another one of her defense mechanisms. Once someone hurt her or rejected her, she cut them off. She probably couldn't see how much he cared for her because she'd locked that part of her heart from him years ago.

"Everyone thinks he does." She continues with a tinge of sadness in her voice. "He doesn't have feelings for me. He might want to do me, but he doesn't love me. I don't want to ruin our friendship for sex, he is one of the only few people I'd trust with my life."

If I'm wrong about James, I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if she lost him. Ari needed all her support systems. Some of her more intense defense mechanism like flinging herself in the air without a helmet and running across eight lanes of traffic is borderline suicidal. I don't believe she cares for her well-being at all in those moments. On the outside, Ari's life looks perfect. She has everything. But after the night I'd seen her breakdown I know it's not true.

I don't want to be the person to convince her to give James a chance. I'd seen the fire between her and his brother. It's more drama then I'd ever want to incite. Game of Thrones, Dr. Phil levels. If she took this particular leap, she'd have to be damn sure it's worth it.

"I hope one day I find someone who loves me." She says.

The way she says it momentarily gives me pause. I don't know what to say. She says it as if she didn't think she was loved.

The mood in the car has taken a turn for the depressing and I search for anything to say to lighten the mood. As always Ari saves the day or at least the rest of the road trip.

She reaches over to the stereo and turns up the volume. She scrolls through the playlist from my cellphone and picks a song. I'm surprised when she starts to sing and knows all the words to "wish you were gay" by Billie Eilish.

If you can call it singing. I've found another thing Ari is no good at. She is tone deaf. Her voice is awful. I laugh and sing along with her terrible singing.

When the song is over, I smirk and say. "I didn't know you listened to pop music?"

I'd never seen her play anything but obscure bands I'd never heard of. They ranged from folk to dubstep, to rap, but never pop.

"I don't." She says, "I make an exception for Billie. She literally writes the story of my life."

What a depressing statement. Then "bad guy" starts to play. We both turn and look at each other, then burst out laughing.

There isn't a person I laugh more with than Ari. Not even with Cameron. Her humor is similar to my own. We don't even have to say anything to make a joke. All it takes is a knowing glance or a correctly placed pause.

I contemplate what she said earlier about wanting someone to love her. And it dawns on me that I love Ari. It's the kind of love that asks for nothing in return. I don't need her to dedicate herself to me or shower me with affection. All I want is her company, no commitments asked. It's not the same love she was talking about, yet love is love.

The moment has already passed. But I should've told her I loved her. I've only known her since the beginning of the semester, but I know I want her in my life long after high school ends.

Forever.

TBC...on Friday. Thanks for reading!

Happy Pride Month!

I'd like to dedicate this part to KGBuchanan it's truly been a joy to read Delusions of Grace. There aren't enough coming out stories out there. I appreciate you sharing your story and it's a great read.