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Chapter 9: That Feeling When You Have No Idea What You're Feeling

I think my feelings are more tangled than my headphones.

~Starlight24

"I think I like Max," I admitted, a little shyly to Deeds, Marie and Hailey. Hailey was getting a facial done, her face slathered with avocadoes and cucumbers, Marie was carefully applying nail polish on her long, shiny fingers and Deeds was trying to find a dress. We'd all just decided to meet up on Tuesday for no apparent reason and I'd been trying to muster up the courage to tell someone about my mild infatuation.

The response wasn't the nicest, either.

Hailey choked on her own spit and a cucumber flew off her face. Marie's nail polish went askew and smeared across the skin on her finger. Deeds somehow managed to drop the four dresses that she was holding and one of the hangers broke.

"Him?" scoffed Marie, trying to frantically rub nail polish off her skin with a remover. She was the first to react from the girls' shocked trances. "Why? What messed up your brain cells so much? I mean, I know you didn't have that many to begin with, but I didn't think your head was that wonked up." And she was one to talk about smarts, of course (kindly note the sarcasm).

Deeds shook her head. "Honey, you're a popular kid. Max is a stupid geek from the school's math club." Stupid geek? Talk about oxymorons.

I still kept my lips pursed, allowing them to continue even if I was mentally insulting them. "Look, Max is okay, but... why would you do that to yourself when Jase is so obviously interested in you?" asked Hailey, softly and more politely.

"Jase what!?" I asked, my eyes almost bulging out of my skull.

"Hails, don't be an idiot." Deeds cut in, dryly. "Jase is never interested in anyone. His ego is too damn high for him to actually go chasing after someone."

"Whatever," muttered Hailey, rolling her eyes. "Well, he's obviously mildly curious to know Day, because it's pretty obvious that Day doesn't like him and when someone doesn't like Jase, he'll go out of his way to make them his." I mentally cringed, reminding myself not to 'become his'.

"But Max, though?" asked Deeds, incredulously. "What made you like him!?" she looked genuinely shocked about this piece of information.

"Erm... he somehow makes me feel special. He complements me in a way that no one ever has, and he makes sure I feel... wanted in this new school. There's no other guy that's told me that my eyes are beautiful, no other person that's made me feel like I'm worth something and not just another blonde." It was hard to talk about my feelings like that when the three girls in the room were looking at me like I'd just sprouted another head.

"No offense," started Marie, and I knew that this would be offensive. "But you've never really met many people and have no clue what it's like to be in love." Eh, not as bad as I thought.

"Yeah," said Deeds, feeling backed up. "I mean, you can't just base feeling special because of one guy, who happens to be a weird shy kid anyway." There was nothing wrong with being shy.

I shrugged, acting nonchalant. Telling them had been a bad idea. "Uh... I guess it doesn't matter anyway. Not like I really know him, and I just thought he was nice. I'll just forget about him... he seemed a bit weird anyway." I lied, internally kicking myself.

*****

"Who on Earth is Collen?" I asked, cocking my head in confusion at the fancy invite that had been slipped into the slot in my locker. I was groggy, owing to my lack of sleep at Deed's place last night, and my brain wasn't really able to process anything, forget random stranger's invitations to parties.

"Some college kid. He's pretty cool." Bryan replied, his locker close to mine. I squinted at the spidery handwriting in front of me, still muddled up.

"And why have I been invited...?" I asked, not able to grasp this.

"Dylan," grunted Zachary, rolling his eyes. He'd come to pick up Bryan because they both had Math together. I didn't know them too well, but they seemed nice. "He can't shut up about you and it gets Deeds really pissed." I flushed. Why me?

"So he wants to meet you," continued Bryan. "He's really cool, but his parties are a bit... rough."

"Chicken," chuckled Zachary. "Bryan is a good boy, you see," he told me, filling me in. "He doesn't like getting drunk. He's such a little boy." Bryan punched his shoulder and Zachary laughed. "Oh... right. Bryan doesn't want to be humiliated in front of you." Bryan rolled his eyes and I laughed.

"I don't like getting drunk either. I tried wine once and it was disgusting." I backed Bryan up.

"See? I'm not the only one! It's just you guys who think it's cool to guzzle down bitter liquids to give you a reason to act retarded." Bryan said. That put things into perspective.

"Whatever, Bryan. You just like fancily putting whatever I've been trying to say all along. You're a chicken." Zachary chuckled, and the two of them ran away.

Just then, I got a text.

Jax101: Hey Day ;) Guess who...

OH MY GOODNESS YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.

DayWinterz: JASE WHAT THE HELL HOW DID YOU GET MY NUMBER!?

Jax101: It's a secret ;) So you do know me well enough to tell who I am at all times! Then again, my awesomeness is hard to forget.

DayWinterz: Awesomeness? More like your ego.

He took a while to respond.

Jax101: How do you store all that attitude? You're so short I'm afraid of stepping on you half the time.

DayWinterz: Attitude? I prefer to call it sass, which you so obviously lack. And I'm sorry that your ego stretched you out and made you a freakishly tall giant.

Jax101: Well excuse-me, you're one of the most egoistical people I know.

DayWinterz: I'm sorry, but then you don't know a lot of people.

Jax101: -_- Okay then. Also, how big do you think my ego is?

DayWinterz: Do you really want me to answer that?

Jax101: Well... duh? That's kinda why I asked...

DayWinterz: Okay, let's just say that if we needed to construct a building and your ego was the only material that we had, it would be enough to impale the sun.

Jax101: Meh ^_^

DayWinterz: And even then, despite the heat of the sun, the building wouldn't burn because you think that you're hotter than the sun. So you'd skewer it.

Jax101: You think I'm hot, snowflake? ;)

DayWinterz: What!? No, I said your ego would make you think... you know what? Never mind.

Jax101: I always knew you loved me, doll.

DayWinterz: Actually, it's the opposite. I don't love you, which is why you're so interested in me. I'm one of those rare girls who haven't fallen head over heels in love with you.

Jax101: Rare? You're the only one, doll. I was going to ask whether you could come with me to Collen's party considering you so obviously don't have a date...

DayWinterz: Oh you love me so much.

Jax101: ...But I realized you weren't worth the trouble.

DayWinterz: Sheesh! I was kidding!

Jax101: Look who's in love now? You're such a despo to go out with me ;)

DayWinterz: Go away, no one likes you.

Jax101: You're right, no one likes me. Everyone loves me.

DayWinterz: COUGH EGO COUGH

Jax101: K see ya ;)

DayWinterz: Ugh bye. BTW how am I egoistical?

Jax101: Everything about you just screams ego. I mean, that's why you're using all your self-restraint to not fall for me; your ego is too high.

DayWinterz: Self-restraint. I'm surprised the word's even in your dictionary. And for the record, my ego is the size of a pea compared to yours.

Jax101: You have very low expectations of me, doll. I'll end up surprising you.

DayWinterz: Will there ever be a time when I can talk to you and not your oversized ego? Or is there nothing behind that ego... You are literally only made of your ego and there's nothing else?

Jax101: One more line about my ego and you can bid your date goodbye.

DayWinterz: Who said I wanted to go with you!?

Jax101: Don't deny it. Please, you can't play hard-to-get when no one wants you.

DayWinterz: *Puts hands on heart* Ouch, that hurt.

Jax101: No comebacks?

DayWinterz: Why does everyone think I'm always so full of frickin' comebacks!? First Dylan, then you.

Jax101: Dylan, huh? Are you sure you don't like him?

DayWinterz: Are you kidding me? I'd rather date big foot.

Jax101: Haha.

DayWinterz: Yeah, I'm hilarious. Deal with it.

Jax101: Omg I need to get away from your huge ego ;)

DayWinterz: Oh shut the hell up.

Jax101: Bye... unless you wanna continue the convo because you'll miss me too much?

DayWinterz: And you said I had a big ego >.<

Jax101: Bye

DayWinterz: Bye

I reread the conversation and laughed a bit, just for the sake of it. Okay, I'll admit it; I did want to go to the party with Jase. Why? I wasn't too sure myself; because I was pretty damn sure I had a crush on Max. And it wasn't even like I wanted to look cool or popular... I was good enough on my own.

I rolled my eyes and stared at the time on my phone. I'd missed PE thanks to the jerk.

I groaned and flopped onto one of the benches beside the lockers, rubbing my temples. What was going on with me? I couldn't love anyone... and even if I did, I wouldn't know. I've never been in love before, but Max always made me feel like I was the only girl in the world. Yes, I am quoting Rihanna.

Jase made me feel like I was actually special enough to be in the eye of someone so hot (No, I wasn't denying it. He was hot.) and made me want to prove him wrong all the time. Also, I felt more comfortable around him than I did around anyone else... I almost felt like the more I acted like myself, the more he'd like me (as a person).

My head was way too jumbled up. I was getting that annoying feeling when I didn't have any idea what I was feeling.

I walked towards my biology class with my head bent and staring at my phone, my books smudged between my body and my arms. I could feel the jabs of the books against my hip, and I ignored the pain because I was too busy trying to sort my emotions to care.

"Hi!" screamed an annoyingly familiar voice. I squealed, allowing my books to fall with a thud on the ground. I groaned and picked it up, plastering a fake smile while my head was bent.

"Hi to you too!" I exclaimed back, trying to sound enthusiastic and chirpy. My blonde hair, being the unmanageable mess that it usually was, decided to fall free from my ponytail. Okay, to be honest some people called my hair perfect because it spiraled and coiled beautifully when it was tied up, but it was so hard to handle that I couldn't agree.

Cady smiled broadly. "Ohmigosh! You have biology now too?" she feigned surprise, even if she knew perfectly well that we shared that class. "Coolz... we can totes sit together and, like, chat during class."

I did a mental eye roll, but smiled as broadly as her. "Yeah, that would be insanely awesome! I mean, we could totally hang out and stuff." I was such a liar.

She looked genuinely surprised at my offer. "Yeah! So... you're coming to Collen's, I heard?"

I smiled, back at her, surprised that she knew. Suddenly the whole novelty of going to a college kid's party had been sapped away. I wonder why. "Yeah, how do you know him?" I asked.

"Me?" asked Cady, laughing as if she genuinely thought this was a hilarious question. The fakeness in her tone, however, said a different story. There was a certain underlining of malice that I hated. We trudged towards class and she placed her bag next to my usual spot. Like hell she didn't know we had biology together. "Oh, Coles and I were dating a month ago. We broke up because he was too old for me and his college priorities made him busy. We're still good friends, though. How do you know him?"

Oh, of course they were dating. Why wouldn't they be? Cady was such a bitch it killed me, especially because she liked to boast about getting into so many relationships and had her very own army of boyfriends despite being new when I so obviously didn't give a damn.

Now that I thought about it, she was relatively (note the use of the word relatively) better clad today. She was wearing a pair of skinny jeans and a tight t-shirt that rode above her belly button. I realized that she had a piercing there, and immediately averted my eyes because I did not want to be caught staring at her stomach, because that would just seem weird as hell. Also, Cady had this way of not giving people any personal space (Jase and her would make the perfect couple) so things were getting mildly... intimate and I was feeling claustrophobic.

"Hello? Earth to Day?" she snapped in front of my face, causing me to jerk backwards because I just realized how close she was and she was stuffing her chest (yes, she was insanely tall and I was a midget) in my face. It was really awkward, and I moved a couple of steps behind.

"Um, yeah. I don't actually know Coles," I stressed on her ridiculous nickname. Actually, I guess it wasn't a particularly bad nickname, but since she came up with it, the word 'Coles' was automatically hilarious. "But apparently Dylan mentioned me to him and he decided to meet me. I wonder what wonderful stories Dylan has cooked up about me, since he so obviously loves me like everyone else."

Even if I was joking, Cady suddenly went rigid. "I thought he liked Deirdre, because they were dating, right?" she asked, but there was this tinge of hopefulness to her tone that I hadn't heard before. It was like she actually cared about something, which was very surprising.

"I was kidding." I said this flatly in monotone, my face passive. What an idiot.

"Oh!" she chuckled, her eyes suddenly twinkling again. However, despite the enthusiasm she tried to muster, you could see the disappointment behind her eyes. "He obviously doesn't like Deirdre, I mean, it's so obvious. Don't you think so? I mean, Deirdre has absolutely no self-respect and she just expects the whole world to love her. And Dylan flirts so much that I guess he doesn't exactly like her either, and not like she's any better!"

Now it was my turn to go all rigid. "Excuse-me?" I asked. "Deeds has a lot of self-respect that's more than yours and I hate to burst your bubble, but Dylan is head-over-heels in love with her. I don't know what gave you the impression that he doesn't, and he definitely doesn't like you. Now if you have any more issues with my friends, then feel free to go talk about it to people who are actually in your social life. Oh wait, I forgot! You don't have one. You just have your mountain of boyfriends. Be my guest to go ahead and cry to them." I huffed.

Suddenly, Cady's features got all distorted. "Oh, you actually think your Deeds likes you?" I was about to talk, but she cut me off. "Zip it, no one gives a damn. Deirdre is a vile and evil creature that goes around trying to ruin other people's lives. I'm surprised you haven't heard about this before. It is funny how only Natalie and I seem to get that, and Natalie doesn't even like me. I'm sorry for warning you against her, and I do that only because I care. If you don't appreciate that, then that's your loss."

With that, she walked away to another seat, with an extra sway in her hips for her so called 'sass quotient'. I rolled my eyes, unable to believe that she was so dumb.

The period droned on, and I accidently bumped into Nat on my way to the locker. Remembering how I'd wanted to get to know whatever she was hiding (call me nosy if you want, I was curious) I decided to be nice for a change. Actually, I was always nice. She was the mean one.

"Hi! I'm so sorry, I didn't see you there." I apologized, making my eyes big so she could see my sincerity.

"I don't know how you do it," she replied, shaking her head. She had a thick layer of eyeliner that really brought out the brown in her eyes. She looked at me with her puppy-looking stare, and I nearly shrunk back at the intensity of her gaze.

"Huh?" I asked, taken aback by her random comment.

"I don't know how you can be a loner, a liar, a bitch, an attention seeker and a girl with no life, as well as being nice sometimes. You can't multitask so much." She shook her head again and went away, leaving me confused and seething.

I was obviously annoyed at the lunch hall, my fists clenched in front of me. How dare Cady and Nat say stuff like that to me? I know I sounded like a bitch for thinking this, but I was well out of their league and I could literally ruin their lives for this, but I chose not to.

"What happened?" asked Dylan. Even if his question was nice enough, there was no concern in his words. He sat down next to me, and I rolled my eyes pointedly at him, and shrugged.

"Evidently my vibes are saying that I want to be alone, right?" I said, irritated. He threw his hands up in surrender and sat next to Bryan on the other side of the table.

"Hey," said Deeds, sitting beside me. I smiled in acknowledgement, and Dylan shouted in protest. I ignored him, of course.

"Jase asked me to go with him to Collen's," I stated as Marie and Hailey sat by us as well. My statement made Hailey look at Deeds with an 'I told you so' expression splashed across her face.

"Yay! I officially ship it." Zachary laughed, imitating my higher pitched voice. I rolled my eyes, and Marie offered a half-hearted laugh. Zachary seemed to be the only one Marie didn't insult. She must've really loved him to have enough restraint to not criticize him.

"That's nice. He's pretty sweet." Hailey gave me an encouraging look as if she was asking me to tell everyone that I secretly loved Jase. Of course, I did nothing of the sort, because I didn't.

I think.

Wait, what?

"Uh... if by calling him sweet you mean he always looks at me like a shark that's ready to feast on my face, then yeah. He's downright charming." I drawled sarcastically.

"Oh, he's not that bad. You'll enjoy his company, I promise." Deeds and Co. reassured me, but I wasn't too sure about it.

In fact, I wasn't too sure about anything these days, or anyone. I almost felt like the world was conspiring against me to see how I would be able to face it. Nat and Cady were outright mean and everyone from Deeds and Co. were all nice, except other people didn't think so. I didn't know what to believe anymore.

A/N:

Haha, quick update?

PS THANKS SOOOOOO MUCH FOR GIVING ME 1K READS IN 2 MONTHS YEAAAAAH!

(Feeling high, sorry :P)

Picture of Zachary =)

Teaser: Good Girls and Party Poopers aren't the same, are they?

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~Lexi