When they finally decided to form a family, Sara didn't think that it would be this stressful, but finding a sperm donor, which Ava has been really picky and so keen about, is taking a toll on her. The lack of sleep from the previous mission and the weight of the level 10 anachronism they just solved made her cranky that she snapped on a few times agents Ava sent for assistance.

Poor Gary who was "supervising" the legends reported back to Ava squirming after Sara glared at him for flipping a piece of paper too loud for her comfort. The director immediately portal-led herself to the waverider to see her wife nursing on whiskey with her free hand pinching the bridge of her nose. Ava suddenly felt bad for her wife. She looked so tired and stressed out.

"That bad huh?" The taller blonde joked. "you know you shouldn't be drinking" she said with concern. She knows they aren't pregnant yet but in the weight of trying to, she wanted to make things easier and smoother for them.  Ava settled beside her wife in the arm of the one seater couch of her office. She noticed her tensed and unrelaxed muscles so motioned her to turn around.

She frowned when Sara answered. "Last I checked I'm not pregnant yet" when Sara finished her glass, she placed it on the floor and finally rotated. She didn't mean to reply   harshly and regretted it the moment the words left her mouth.  She fought a moan trying to escape her lips when she felt Ava's hands massaging her shoulders. 

"Talk to me" Ava continued to work on the tight muscles on Sara's back "what is bothering you, what is on your mind?" Lately Sara has been feeling everything for some unknown reason. She has been thinking about her past and all the horrible things shed done. Her nightmares were worse, waking her up almost every night. Her wife doesn't know of course. She hated it when she worries and Sara as stubborn as she is, decided that it would be best if she dealt with it alone.  Ava stops when Sara turns around with a frown on her face.

"This is a mistake" her brow furrowed. The tight knots on her back were in desperate need of attention. Unbeknownst to Ava that it wasn't what she meant.

"The massage?  Those tight muscles beg to differ babe, you really need to relax" The chuckle on her lips faded when Sara did not reciprocate. "What's a... mistake?" The taller blonde frowned and held her wife's hand.

"Starting a family? Wanting kids? I mean with you always busy with work and me..." She's stood up, picked up her glass and reached for the crystal decanter on the table "I can't even imagine how we would manage to make time for ...for raising a child". She closes the lid in frustration not even realizing she didn't pour herself a drink. Her head is throbbing again and her grip on her emotions was slowly loosening.

"Hey, where is... this where is this coming from?" Ava cups her cheeks. It pained her that Sara was having doubts, but upon seeing the insecurities in her blue orbs broke her heart. She didn't need to ask because she knows the reason. Sara was afraid, laced with the same hesitation she had the day before their wedding.

"Maybe the fact that I haven't been home in a week? Or that you haven't had a complete sleep in months? Jesus Aves. We almost have no time for ourselves." Her jaw hurts. The flash of hurt and disappointment in Ava's eyes were making it difficult for her to stare back "Maybe we should pause for a while... I'm sorry" Sara didn't even realize that she was crying until Ava's thumb swipe on her cheek. Her lips pressed tightly together, trying to not make a sound.

"Hey please don't cry" Ava kissed her wife's forehead and the bridge of her nose. She didn't know how much this was bothering Sara.  The ever growing pile of worries on Sara's plate was becoming too crowded for her to handle alone. The bureau was busy, swarming with paper works and mess to clean up. They have barely been talking, arriving just in time for dinner or bedtime, too tired and to stressed out to actually talk more about work so they completely neglected conversations about it.

"I'm just frustrated" the shorter blonde leaned closer and melted in the comfort of Ava's strong arms that immediately wrapped around her. Her scent was intoxicating, soothing even. "I don't know what to do anymore"

Ava rubbed her wife's back and gave her a comforting squeeze "I know babe and its okay to be scared, to have doubts." She felt Sara nod against her chest "Remember when I broke down the day before our wedding?" Ava's hands found their way back on Sara's cheeks

"You talked me through it, you grounded me. And I know that is how you feel right now. You feel like you're not good enough, that you have so much red in your ledger and all you do to even it out is close to nothing. Just like my doubts to marry you, this doubt   to have a child is something you will never feel once you hold our baby, just like I'm holding you now. I can never imagine myself not marrying you. The past four years of being together I have seen that light inside of you grow and grow each day. You are not the Sara you once were" she can feel the wetness on her hands as Sara continued to cry.

Sara rarely loses her grip on her emotions. She is used to locking them up in a box and setting it aside to deal with it later or never but the recent events, Ava being injured in a mission two months ago, Laurel's death anniversary a week after that and their almost failed mission that left Zari currently unconscious and severely injured in the med bay, has left her box too full to conceal the pain she was feeling. So she lets everything out tightly holding on to Ava as if her strength depended on her. She pours all the guilt, the shame, the insecurities and the worries she had on the only person she could hold on to.

And Ava, who couldn't do much for her hurting wife just whispered comforting words into her ears while never letting her go. I'm here, you're okay. It's okay. I've got you. The words sounded too loud for her ears that she realized she has been saying them out loud over and over again until Sara was calm.

Minutes later she was tucking her wife in bed at their apartment. The mattress dipped as she joined her and immediate comfort engulfed her. The soft sheets, the drain from the earlier conversation and Sara's warmth almost had her drifting to sleep until she felt a forehead touched her own.

"I'm sorry" a familiar voice whispered, only it was strained from crying. She sees Sara with her eyes shut and on the brink of crying once more.

"You never have to be sorry for feeling what you feel, you don't have to be guilty about them or sharing them to me because that is what I'm here for okay? I signed up for this and I won't have it any other way" Ava kissed the shorter blondes forehead.

The moment Sara opened her eyes Ava's heart almost stopped. It was amazing how those baby blues can pierce through her soul without a single word. She saw how vulnerable Sara was, with her eyes rimmed with red from crying and the tip of her nose too. All she wanted to do at that very moment was to ease her pain, to make it go away. "Let me take care of you" she whispered.

The kiss was soft, not teasing but gentle, Ava was careful enough, treating Sara like a fragile glass that would break any moment if she pushed too hard. When Sara responded, the taller blonde pushed herself up so that she was on top. She can feel her need growing in her core as Sara's hand played at the exposed skin just above the waistband of her shorts but this wasn't about her tonight, it was about Sara forgetting.

So she trailed kisses from her lips to her jaw down to her neck alternating between kissing, biting and licking eliciting soft moans and whimpers from her wife. She paused when she felt her shirt being tugged. She instinctively helped Sara remove it and the piece of clothing was immediately gone.

Moments later Sara's were gone too and the only thing left between her and her wife was her undergarments and Ava was quick to remove those. She unclasps the shorter blonde's bra and nipped at the exposed skin of her collarbone down to the valley of her breasts. Her lips found the soft bud and took her time flicking her tongue and licking until it was a stiff peak while her hand explored the rest of Sara's body.

"Aves..."  Sara whispered with a shaky breath. "I need you" She couldn't handle anymore teasing that she couldn't care less how desperate she sounds.

Ava didn't need to be told twice. Her trail of kisses burned Sara's skin as she traveled down. She found herself between Sara's legs giving them chaste kisses. 

Sara bucked her hips, desperate for friction, for Ava's mouth on her "Please" her begging turned into a sharp cry as she felt Ava's tongue in her core. It was almost too much. With all of Ava's teasing she would've come undone but she needed more.

A gasp escaped her lips as she felt a finger slip into her. She whimpers at the agonizingly slow rhythm Ava was trying to build. "babe...more... please... Ava" She felt another finger easily slip and the rhythm increasing.

Ava moaned and she felt the vibrations send shivers down her spine. Her release was close and Ava knows it too. Ava curled her fingers hitting that spot on her front wall that drove her mad, this time she stills. Shocked by how sudden her orgasm hit her but Ava didn't stop, dragging it out deliciously slow that she almost blacked out.

"You still with me?" she tastes herself when Ava planted a searing kiss on her lips. She tried to say something in response but her voice failed her. She nodded instead still clouded by the haze of her release.

"Thought so. Come here" She feels a warm embrace. She drifted into sleep with Ava humming a hushed tune, all her doubts gone with just a single thought left in her mind, family.