20. I love you. Neither do I

El got out of the car first and stopped in front of the door when she saw a bouquet of roses next to it. She turned her head towards Joyce and Will who had just closed their doors then leaned over and picked up the flowers she had helped choosing.


"What’s that?"


"It's from my dad, for your mom."


She smiled, it looked like the movies she liked to watch that her father defined as "old fashioned", but he was the old-fashioned now. 


"Oh that's weir-"


"Why are you standing there?" Joyce asked as she joined them.


El immediately handed her the bunch while Will opened the door.


"These are the flowers I told Dad to buy, don’t you like them? It... It was my idea, I really wanted him to give them to you... You know, like in the movies! There are eleven of them, just like me!" She said with a smile.


Joyce pouted as she recognized the bouquet that Hopper had brought her earlier in the week. She ran one hand through El's hair and smiled, gently nodding.


She wanted to talk to Hopper about what had happened, she had gotten really angry but it was because he just looked like him... He had said the same thing he had said back in time and it had driven her crazy that she had barely listened to what he was saying. She also owed him an explanation... 


But he was still thinking he was alone with his problems and that drove her crazy.


And yet she realized something, she was right, he was really different, she just wanted him back in her life even though she was angry at him for abandoning her without explaining the situation better than that. 


Joyce entered the living room and hesitated to give Hopper a call. 


"Is Hop coming back tonight?" Will asked, sitting at the table. El looked up with hopeful eyes at Joyce.


"Uh, I... Actually, I don't know", she whispered softly, almost with shame.


—♡—♡—♡—♡—♡—


El and Will had gone for a bike ride, Joyce found herself alone on her couch when her gaze moved to the red flowers on the table.


She got up to put them in a vase.


There are eleven of them, just like me! 


Joyce frowned... She started counting them when someone knocked on the door, she got up slowly to open the door to the visitor.


"Oh Hop..." She said with a sigh of relief.


"Hey..." He said, taking off his hat. He then put it on the table and turned towards her.


"I was just about to, uh..."


Hopper placed a rose in front of her face and Joyce squinted.


"One was missing..."


Joyce felt a lonely tear run down her cheek, she wiped it off with a backhand so slowly that the sun could have set.


"I... thank you."


Joyce then moved her fingers to the stem of the flower but Hopper didn't let it go. So she raised her eyes to his.


"Joyce... We need to talk."


She nodded slowly, placed the flower in the vase with the rest of the bouquet and crossed her arms on her chest as she watched Hopper play with his own hands, he seemed tense.


"Hopper...?"


He cleared his throat before crossing her eyes.


"Look it's... I only want what's best for you but maybe I'm not the best for you I... I'd understand if you don't want me after me going like this."
Even if it would kill me in the inside. 


"Hopper, why...?"


"I got scared..." He said looking away.


"Of what...?" She slowly moved closer to him and took his hands in hers with an encouraging nod. 


She knew it was hard for him to talk about his emotions, but he had to understand that she was there for him, and he had to be able to talk to her if they wanted to make it work between them.


"The truth is that I feel responsible for you and I'm... Joyce, I'm a black hole..."


"A what?" She frowned, she probably didn't expect that.


"I'm a black hole that destroys what is surrounding it... or makes them disappear", he looked away, placing his hands in his pockets. "Just like Sara... and I don't want that to happen to you, or El, or the boys..."


Oh, so that was it... Joyce closed her eyes as she bit the inside of her cheek.


"I want you to stop thinking that you're all alone and that we're going to leave you or abandon you... We're not going to leave. I'm not going anywhere, Jim."


He raised his eyes to hers as he heard his name and smiled shyly.


"You should have told me long before you got scared", she said. "I would have understood... you're not alone with your problems, Hopper. I just thought for a moment that you were lik-"


"I know, I tried... I'm sorry, I really am. But we both know I'm not good at it", he said with a slight laugh at the end of his sentence.


"And stop thinking you're not good enough for me!" She gave him a light pat on the shoulder and he raised his eyebrows.


"Look Joyce, I'm sorry about this whole thing. It just went so fast and I didn't have time to think about it but... well, I want you to know tha-"


"No, Hop. Now I'm the one who wants to tell you that I'm sorr-"


"No, no, please, I don't know if I'll be able to say it again, let me finish. I need you to understand that I'm sorry for what I did, it's just the opposite of what I wanted. I also understand that you are angry with me." Joyce bit the inside of her cheek, yes she was upset but now she was sorry too. Could he stop talking so she could tell him!? "I just want you to forgive me so that we can forget about this and I can come live with you guys, with you. I want... damn it, I want you to be the first thing I see when I wake up and the last thing I see when I fall aslee-"


Hopper didn't have time to finish his sentence because Joyce pulled on the collar of his shirt, forcing him to bend down so she could reach his lips on tiptoes, damn he was really tall! 


They moved aside when they needed to fill their lungs with oxygen.


Joyce smiled when she saw him perplexed but smiling because of what had just happened.


"I'm sorry too. I really am. It's just that what you said reminded me of Lonnie..." She looked away and folded her arms. "He used to say things like that before leaving and he'd... well, you know, he'd do Lonnie."


"Joyce, I am not him", he said, shaking his head. "I'll never be like him. You all mean too much to me."


"I know, that's why I'm sorry I reacted the way I did..."


"We're really bad at this, aren't we?" 


Joyce rubbed her forehead and let a little laugh escape from her lips.


"I guess we are..."


"And what was the kiss for?" He asked, raising an eyebrow and smiling.


"Oh, that was because I love you, Hop", she said shyly.


Hopper made a grimace and rubbed his beard.


"Argh, I'm so sorry. I wish I could tell you I also do, but..."


"James Hopper how dare you!"


She opened her eyes wide and pinched his belly.


He refrained from bursting out laughing and at the same time El opened the front door.


She immediately jumped into her father's arms when she saw him.


"You're here!"


"Hey", he said, putting a kiss on her forehead. "Sorry I was... a little absent."


She looked up at her father with a smile on her face and then turned to Joyce who was next to them and pulled on her hand to draw her to them.


"You are no longer arguing?" El asked as she removed her head from the hollow of Joyce's neck after their embrace.


"No", Joyce chuckled "but it was your father's fault."


She gave him a look of revenge and then walked away to join Will in the kitchen.


El turned to her father, who shrugged his shoulders and replied :


"It's always my fault", he said, sighing.


"Yes, but this time it was really your fault, wasn't it?"

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