Two days had passed and Joyce hadn't spoken to Hopper since then because she hadn't seen him again. 

It was a Thursday, early in the morning and she had her back against the back of her chair, fighting not to fall asleep.

----

Hopper took a deep breath before entering Mervald's shop at lunchtime. He found Joyce talking to a customer at the corner of a section. He smiled as he looked at her for a few moments before deciding to join her with a bunch of roses in his hand. El had begged him to give her one and, imagining the reaction Joyce might have, he had cracked.

After all, if this little gesture could make her happy, why not? Everybody was used to doing that in the movies according to his daughter. 

But the closer he got to her, the more his confidence dissipated. 

Argh, why did he have to listen to a teenage girl! 

It was stupid... so stupid.

He cleared his throat when he came up behind her. First he had to take a chance to see if she would accept to talk to him.

"... but it depends on the children because..." Joyce turned around and saw Hopper looking at her and pinching his lips. "Um... I'm... sorry, excuse me, I'll just be right back in two seconds", she said to the customer before taking Hopper's arm and pulling him to the other end of the section, pinching him at the same time.

"Uh... Are you... are you all right?" He asked.  

"Can't you see I'm working here! Maybe you should do the same someti-"

Hopper handed her the bouquet of roses he had bought earlier. Joyce opened her mouth as she looked at the flowers and then closed it again, raising her eyes to Hopper's and crossing her arms.

"Don't you want it?" He asked, lost. 

"Do you really think a bouquet of flowers will make everything better?"

Hopper felt his jaw drop to the ground.

"No, of course not, but I thought that... I don't know... I just wanted..." He stammered.

"I don't need flowers. I just need explanations."

"I'm really sorry. I just... panicked? I don't know how to explain this to you without... well I mean... um..."

Joyce turned her eyes to her client who was looking at his watch.

"I don't really want to see you right now, you know", she said coldly. "Now if you don't mind, I'm going back to work."

She left, lowering her eyes so as not to catch Hopper's gaze.

—♡—♡—♡—♡—♡—

It was the day after and Hopper decided to have a new try, he wouldn't give up so easily. She wanted an explanation so he was going to try to explain to her even though it made him vulnerable. And then, actually, he liked to be vulnerable with his feelings, but exclusively if it was with Joyce. 

The bell rang and she turned and smiled, ready to greet her new client. She didn't. It was him and she didn't want to see him. 

"Hello", he said, smiling.

"Leave me alone, I don't want to talk to you, let alone see you. Damn it, I thought I made myself clear, Hopper."

"You have no right to force a client to go out, and you're supposed to help me if I don't find what I'm looking for", he said with a new proud smile.

Joyce looked up in exasperation and left for the back where Donald was.

She didn't feel like laughing at all. 

Hopper followed her with his eyes and listened.

"Donald, I'm sorry but I have to take my break a little earlier."

She walked out of the store and walked to her car, while Hopper was watching. She opened the door, wondering where to go.

"Joyce! What are you doing?"

She turned around after a few seconds of hesitation to see Hopper standing right outside the store door.

"When I take my break I don't have to talk to the customers."

Two could play this game.

She sat in the driver's seat and was about to close the door when Hopper ran next to her.

"Hold on, please. I'll try to explain... it's just that... that..."

He took a deep breath before continuing.

"It’s just what?"

Hopper squatted down to reach her eyes.

Shit, he was screwed up. After all, he knew he was going to ruin everything between them sooner or later.

"I got scared. I... panicked because that would mean it was official. Us, I mean."

"Ah. And that's not what you want? You probably wanted to "have me" like the other girls and write my name in some stupid notebook you keep or something like that!?"

Hopper closed his eyes and sighed... Of course it was going to come up one day.

"I've changed and you're not like all these other girls..."

"And how am I supposed to know that!?"

He had probably said the same thing to all other girls, she thought, as she bit the inside of her cheek.

"You already know that, otherwise you wouldn't have let me into your life like that... "

Joyce looked away again. 

"You know... I-I thought I was ready... but maybe it's too soon for us... I mean... Maybe it was... a mistake..."

She was staring at her hands on the steering wheel as she was saying that, which prevented her from seeing Hopper's face breaking down next to her.

"Joyce I... I want it, the us. And that's not what I meant... I would really like to live with you. But... I'm afraid of losing you."

He gave up trying to push back a strand of her hair that prevented him from seeing her eyes fixed forward.

"What you're saying doesn't make any sense", she whispered.

"Yes, it does! Look, I've lost all the people I have loved once and I don't want that to happen to you all... I'm sorry, I feel bad about how I reacted, it's not me but I just... just... Talk to me please."

He tensed up as he was waiting for her answer.

"You are an idiot."

"Yes, you're right."

"Go to your home, please."

"Yes. Wait no, what?"

"To your cabin."

"It'll only be my home if you're there too."

Joyce pressed her head against the steering wheel with her eyes closed.

"I just need to think I... Let me just fo-"

"Jesus Joyce don't do this to me!"

His words had the effect of a sting on her, she got out of her car and stood in front of him. An anger that she didn't suspect was bubbling inside her.

"Oh yeah? Yet you left for a few days!"

Hopper straightened up to be taller than her, but his height clearly wasn't going to help him in this situation.

"I just refuse to lose you."

"When are you going to get it in your head that you are not alone! We are with you and we are not going to let you down... And you know what? I thought you were different! I thought maybe we'd be happy together."

Hopper froze when he saw Joyce's eyes filled with tears, but strangely enough he knew they weren't tears of sadness.

"But we-"

"No stop. Stop it. Stop it. I can't take it anymore", she said as she walked back to her car with both hands on her face. 

"But we need each other, Joyce! Like the moon and the tide..." He winced as he saw her facial expression changing.

"I'm sorry, what?" She said, smothering a laugh.

"Why is there a tide? Because the moon is there! She needs the moon like I need you and yo-"

"Yes, but the moon doesn't need the tide to exist, Hopper."

She looked down and got into her car. Closed the door and drove off, she didn't know where yet, but she'll decide on the way. 

Hopper looked at the green car in the distance and looked up at the sky, what had he said wrong? He had just acted like that because he was afraid of losing her and it was too late to turn back. But he wasn't known for being able to handle his emotions well after all. 

One raindrop landed on his nose, another in his beard and then it rained. 

"But what the hell is this rain! Is it Vietnam or something!"

He went back to the station, his head down with a sentence from Joyce echoing in his head : I thought you were different! What did she mean with that? 

He would go back to see her the day after. Maybe if he gave her the night to think about it she would be less angry with him, even if he doubted it. He needed space so it was her turn now…

He wanted to fight for them because if he wanted one thing, it was that their relationship would last. 

—♡—♡—♡—♡—♡—

Hopper couldn't sleep, he turned in his bed. He had tried every possible position : on his back, on his stomach, on his side, on the other side. There was nothing he could do. He got up and kicked on his way his uniform rolled into a ball on the floor.

He went to fetch a beer from the fridge and sat down in front of the TV after turning it on. 

El was by the Byers. Hopper had told her he had a lot of work to do so she'd better stay at Joyce's while he went back to the cabin, but it wasn't true and she knew it, she wasn't stupid. 

So he was on his old couch in his pajamas with his beer, TV, thoughts and loneliness on a Friday night in November.