Hopper had been awake and sitting in bed for over 3 hours. There was nothing to do, he couldn't sleep. He didn't dare get up for fear of waking Joyce up but this time he was really sick of it. He had been feeling oppressed for a while, a fear that was growing inside him. That's why Joyce found him distracted; simply because he was. God, she saw everything, always.

So Hopper went out with as little noise as possible and went into the kitchen. He took out a cigarette from his packet next to his walkie-talkie and took a quick look at his watch which read 07:37, the people in this house would soon all have to get up.

Hopper sat down on a chair and exhaled the smoke from his unfiltered cigarette while looking outside.

"You're up early", Joyce said, sitting next to him with a faint smile on her face. She rubbed her eyes as she yawned.

"Oh, I'm sorry I woke you up... I tried not to make any noise."

"No, I was just cold when you came out... Why are you here?"

"I can't sleep and I've got to go to my cabin to get some clothes."

"Oh you don't have any more clothes here?"

"Nope..."

"Maybe you could... bring everything...?"

Hopper's heart had just missed a beat and he smashed his cigarette in the ashtray on the table.

"What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean", she said, trying to smile.  

Hopper took his face in his hands and rubbed his eyes together. Move in here!? With Joyce and her children? That would make it really official. They had never really talked about their future plans until then. 

It was true that Hopper and El were spending more time with the Byers at their home than in their cabin, and it actually scared him; he had lost all the people he had loved in the past. They were all gone... and he had to do everything he could to make sure it would never happen again. That's why he seemed more and more distracted and distant… He couldn't live without El and Joyce, it would simply be impossible. It was them who had lifted him up, who saved him. Maybe they didn't even know it...  

Hopper got up suddenly, his head was spinning, he was running out of air. His chest was getting tighter and tighter, he needed air now. 

He leaned against the wall and closed his eyes before opening them again several times in a row. Black mosquitoes were flying all around him.

"I... I have to go. I'm going to be… um... late."

"Are you all right? Are you okay?" She said, leaping up to join him, but he raised his hand in front of him, telling her not to go near him.

"Yes. I just... I've got to... I've got to go. I-it's... urgent... need some air..."

Joyce squinted.

"What are you doing!? You're just leaving like that? You're not fine!"

Hopper frowned, wondering for a moment where the oxygen in the room was.

"I'm sorry, Joyce. It's just... work... urgent."

"You weren't in such a hurry just thirty seconds ago!"

"I-I just have to go!"

Joyce approached to stand in front of him, crossing her arms on her chest. She was clearly determined.

"Jim, you're freaking me out. Tell me what's going on."

"You wouldn't understand!" He said, raising his voice, probably louder than he would have liked to because Joyce frowned.

"Oh that's right, I had forgotten I was stupid! I can't understand a word I'm being told!" She said, lightly hitting her head with her hand.

"I didn't say that!" He shouted.

"I deserve explanations then!"

"Look, I'm sorry. I'm... in a hurry, I really have to go... and I-I don't know when I'm going to see yo-"

"Oh no, don’t you dare do that." She said, swallowing tears of anger.

"To do... what?" He said, squinting.

"You're... you're leaving me and telling me you don't even know when you're coming back. Don't you dare do that. Don't you dare leave me", she said, sitting back down in her chair. She just wanted someone to explain to her what was going on.

Hopper closed his eyes, sighing. Why was it so hot in that kitchen! 

Joyce wouldn't understand if he’d explain how he felt. He had to leave without saying anything more before he made it worse. He knew Joyce would blame him leaving like that, after all he was kind of abandoning her, but it was too much for him. He just had to get out, get some fresh air. He wanted to think alone. She would understand him later, at least he hoped so with all his heart.

Joyce held her head in her hands. He hadn't really done that, had he? He wouldn't do that. It was Hopper, he was different... or at least she thought he would be. It was just a bad dream. She was gonna wake up soon, wasn't she? It didn't make any sense, why leaving like that... why him.

—♡—♡—♡—♡—♡—

Will and El just left for school about 15 minutes ago and Joyce had just been concentrating on staying strong but then she sat on her couch, she was just waiting to get out of this nightmare, but nothing was happening. And it was only when she realised that this was real that she let the tears she had been holding back flowing down her cheeks. They were a mixture of anger and sadness and they were falling harder than the rain outside. 

Joyce sobbed on her couch, wondering why he had done this. After all, if he had refused because he thought it was too soon for them, she would have been disappointed but she would have understood... why he hadn't said anything... at all...

She had been stupid to think he would be different. 

He was just like Lonnie.

*

I'm sorry, this chapter is short... To try to make amends I will post chapter 18 on Monday x)
Good evening/day! :)