My father used to travel a lot for the various companies that he owns and that led to him cheating on my mother with a glamor model who fell pregnant. Ricci is the product of that short lived affair and naturally my mother was pissed when she found out but she accepted my sister with open arms. 

A child of an affair is never to be blamed because they are simply a product of their circumstances.

Nobody knows how many times my father cheated on my mother during his business trips but they were somehow able to work through their differences. I may love our family but I don't know if I could ever forgive somebody for stepping out on me and I thankfully have never had to deal with Zander acting out.

"Ugh, I am so in love with this house." My mom remarks as we all get seated in the family room. "If you ever put this place up for sale then you better let me know first so I can be the one to snap it up."

My dad chuckles loudly, "We already own four homes."

"What's one more?" She shrugs her shoulders and I giggle while cradling my sleeping daughter to my chest. "This home is perfect."

"I'll take full credit for that." Zander winks at me before turning his attention back to Wyatt who is leaning on him while playing on his game device. "Carmen wanted to paint the whole house black and red."

"Of course she did." Ricci shakes her head while laughing. "When she first told me Paloma's gender, she showed me a whole Pinterest board filled with goth inspired nurseries."

I stick my tongue out, "That's punk rock."

"That is psycho." Renee gives me a weird look. "Is this why you were asking me for the Halloween stuff that I had in storage?"

"Busted." 

"It's funny to see how times have changed." My father wiggles his brows at me. "Carmen used to hate Halloween and she wanted nothing to do with it since everyone wanted her to play Barbie. Now she embodies being a rockstar."

I throw up the rock sign, "All day, everyday."

"Let me take that gorgeous girl out of your arms." I pass my daughter over to my mother who begins cooing at her. "She's the perfect little blondie, I can't wait for those gorgeous eyes to open so I can see how blue they are."

"I hope you have more." Renee winks at me and I flip her off. "You and Zander make the cutest kids."

"God blessed us with one boy and one girl." Zander adds while pouring himself a glass of wine. "Wyatt, you don't anymore brothers or sisters do you?"

Wyatt looks up from his game, "I want a brother."

My entire family bursts out laughing as we stare at our son in disbelief because he didn't even want a sibling to begin with. Wyatt threw the biggest tantrum when I told him that I was pregnant and I could understand why. He had been an only child for seven years and now we were bringing somebody new into his life so I was worried that he would hate his sister.

Thankfully, Wyatt adores Paloma and that's all that matters.

"That's my boy." Ricci laughs while pointing at Wyatt who smiles at her before turning back to his game.

---

I have not felt comfortable enough to grace the stage since having my daughter so I have kept it limited to talk shows where the footage can be edited. My body may have snapped back following the birth of my second child but everything feels different and I don't want to accidently pee myself while doing the splits.

"Wow." I place my hand over my heart as I stare at the crowd infront of me. "If you guys know rock then you know that the Viper Room holds a significant place in all of our hearts. Knowing that this place has been standing for decades brings such joy to my heart which is why I am so happy to be here tonight."

The audience cheer.

"Zander and I welcomed our second child together almost three months ago." I breathlessly say as I'm handed a bottle of water. "Adjusting back to this life following my pregnancy has been easier said than done. I thought I would be back on stage once I had my Paloma but my body needed to rest and I needed to be a mom to my two children."

I pause for a moment to watch the audience as they react to my words.

"I'm not going to waste anymore time with an introduction so let's rock on baby." I take a small sip of my water before tossing it to the side as the instrumentals to one of my songs begins to play. "This is dedicated to all the bitches who try to control me."

For those who don't know me
I can get a bit crazy
Have to get my way yep
Twenty four hours a day
'Cause I'm hot like that

I drop down into the splits which makes the whole room react and I flip my hair to the side.

Every guy, everywhere just gives me mad attention
Like I'm under inspection
I always get a ten 'cause I'm built like that

The guitarist helps me to my feet and we begin to gyrate on eachother as I run my hands down my body.

I go through guys like money flying out the hands
They try to change me but they realize they can't
And every tomorrow is a day I never plan
If you're gonna be my man understand

I can't be tamed
I can't be tamed
I can't be blamed
I can't can't, I can't can't be tamed
I can't be changed
I can't be tamed
I can't be, can't, I can't be tamed

Performing my iconic choreography from my music video brings me to life because this was a song that I wrote when I was at the height of my fame. Everybody was calling me a bad role model, I was receiving hundreds of hate mail from parents who were condemning me for being a bad influence on their children.

This was my fuck you to them.

Well I'm not a trick you play
I'm wired the different way
I'm not a mistake I'm not a fake
It's set in my DNA
Don't change me
Don't change me
Don't change me
Don't change me (I can't be tamed)

I end up surprising myself with my vocals which have definitely matured since I first sang this song. I walk to the end of the stage while belting out the lyrics to my song and there is a sense of peace that washes over me as I remember my true home.

I wanna fly I wanna drive I wanna go
I wanna be a part of something I don't know
And if you try to hold me back I might explode
Baby, by now you should know

I can't be tamed
I can't be tamed
I can't be blamed
I can't can't, I can't can't be tamed
I can't be changed
I can't be tamed
I can't be, can't, I can't be tamed

"And that's on period." I do the little hand motion before bursting out laughing because that's not me.