CarmenAcker: Missing moments like this.

Being able to experience pregnancy twice has been the most beautiful experience and I am so grateful to be a mother to two wonderful children.

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It has been six years since Zander and I got a divorce.

We have been on and off for a decade now but between 2012-2015 we were married and it was honestly the worst time in our relationship. We argued like crazy and filing for divorce actually helped save our relationship.

Our son was born within the marriage so we focused on being the best co-parents and it worked in our favor because he was our top priority. This was our first child and we did not want to let our issues get in the way of us raising our boy.

"Mom." I look up to see my first born, Wyatt walking over to me as I breastfeed his sister. "Can I watch some TV?"

I raise a brow at him.

"Please." He flashes a smile at me.

"Have your dad set it up." I tell him and his smile grows wider. "I'm trusting you to be smart while watching TV. You have an hour to enjoy then we're heading home and straight to bed."

"Thanks mom." Wyatt throws his arm around me and I kiss his neck before he pulls away. "Bye aunt Ricci."

My sister blows him a kiss.

"I'm surprised to see how well mannered he is, considering who his parents are." Ricci says once my son has left the room and I give her a look.

"Really?"

"I'm not lying though." She purses her lips at me. "What's going on with you and the douchebag?"

When Ricci invited us over for dinner, I was worried that a fight would break out between them but she was pretty calm during dinner. My sister does mean well but her issues with Zander stem from her witnessing our relationship in its entirety. Ricci has seen him get angry at me, yell at me, throw things in my directions and break my heart into pieces. Zander is not all to blame as I have done the same which has changed her perspective on me.

She doesn't like us together and I can understand why.

"Don't call him that." I hiss and she rolls her eyes.

"Well he certainly isn't winning any gentleman of the year awards." Ricci snorts as she pours herself another glass of wine. "Are you together or not?"

"Not at the moment." I rub my lips together. "We want to do things right this time so we are building a friendship and setting boundaries. I really this to work because we've doing this for a decade now."

I look down at Paloma who is sleeping and I pull my boob away from her face before tucking it back into my shirt.

"You need to figure what you guys want." Ricci tells me with a serious expression on her face. "You have two children together, an eight year old and one that was born three months ago. You cannot continue this unhealthy relationship because it's only going to fuck up their lives."

"I know which is why we're working on it."

Ricci gives me a look, "You better do it fast and stop making a fool of yourselves in public. It won't be long before Wyatt types your name on the internet and sees the fucked up relationship that you have had with his dad. If he doesn't search it then I'm sure someone will show it and let's not forget all those Playboy spreads of yours."

"Wyatt has seen me naked and I have raised him to understand that this is the human body." I adjust Paloma's head which is falling off my arm. "He won't feel a certain way about seeing me naked on the web but I will have a chat with him about the lifestyle that we live."

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I have had an eighteen year career in Hollywood and it has honestly been the wildest journey. I'm so grateful for every moment and it's crazy to think that I'm still so relevant even though I'm in my mid thirties. I thought that people would brush me off as a has been but I'm even more popular now than I was ten years ago.

"Carmen Acker." Jimmy Kimmel stands up to greet me and I smile as I give him a small hug before waving at the audience. "You look absolutely incredible."

"Thank you." I blow the audience a kiss before taking a seat on the sofa.

"You recently welcomed a child and you look like a vision." The audience cheer and I let out a small laugh. "There hasn't been much information shared about your child in regards to the name and gender."

"I welcomed a beautiful baby girl." I lift a picture up and the audience sigh in adoration. "She is my world and the perfect combination of her parents."

"That's adorable." Jimmy smiles and I laugh as I set the photo down on his desk.

"I'm not going to share her name for the time being." I rub my lips together. "I tend to keep my children out of the spotlight because I want them to be able to make a name for themselves. I don't want them to be referred to as the children of the troubled rockstars because that's not fair to them. They have their own identities and it shouldn't be limited to the fact that they have famous parents."

Jimmy nods his head in understanding.

"When I changed my image back in the day, I was a target of a lot hate and threats." I roll my eyes. "There are horrible people out there who will hate on my children because of how I look. My children didn't ask to be born into this lifestyle so I try to keep them out of it. I'm sorry that was pretty long winded but I just wanted to get that out there."

"That's perfectly fine." Jimmy gives my hand a small squeeze. "What happens with the children when you go on tour?"

"Zander and I try not to go on tour around the same time but if the dates clash then we'll just tour together for the sake of our children. We have an older son who is eight years old and we would like for him to have stability. Going to school is very important for him as it allows him to grow outside of the household, meet people his age and experience things that we can't teach him."

"Do you want to have more children?" Jimmy asks and my eyes flick to the audience because I know that Zander is sitting there.

"No." Everyone bursts out laughing as Zander answers the question.

Jimmy starts laughing, "I guess that answers that."

"We have one of each children and we are pretty content." I giggle as I look at my man. "In less than three years, someone will be turning forty so I don't think they'll want to keep dealing with newborns then."