"In the midst of love, within my gaze,

in everything, I can't see but one thing,

no shade of tree, no blade of grass,

only a vision of you."

— Emperor Fushimi

Natsu dragged Gray along. People were beginning to peek out from where they hid during the freak blizzard. The frosty roads were melting, water trickled along the gutters, and slushes of ice and snow slid down the eaves of buildings to plop moistly on the ground where they melted back into the earth. Natsu's feet stopped crunching on ice and began to pound on wet asphalt. By the time they turned off the road and ran down to the river, the snow was all gone and the world glimmered in wet beads of dew.

Natsu immediately pressed Gray up against a tree by the riverbank and began to kiss him with the same passion as earlier. However, now Gray flailed out.

"Wait," he tried to say, but the scalding tongue attempted to mute him. He pressed his hands on Natsu's chest and shouted, "I said wait!"

Natsu stepped back in surprise. Gray wiped a hand over his mouth and huffed to catch his breath. Kissing Natsu was physically and emotionally exhausting!

"Look, I'm glad you feel this way about me," he said, shaking a bit inside. "I am, honestly. And ... I ... I feel ... the same," he said awkwardly. "I really do."

Natsu sensed there was more to come, and not good. "But?" he asked expectantly.

"But ... I don't know about this yet," he confessed. "It's something I need to think about."

Natsu let out a grunt of frustration. "We've been spending months thinking about it on our own. We both held back because we didn't know how each other felt. Now we do!" he cried out, but all he got was an ambivalent shake of the head. "Come on, Gray!" he shouted. "We like each other. What's the problem?"

Gray glared up at him. "The problem is that now it's not a matter of just fantasizing. It's real, it's here, and ... fuck, I really don't know what to do."

Natsu shrugged as if it was obvious. "Go out with me."

"No!"

Gray gasped as soon as he shouted it, and he glanced up in fear. Sure enough, Natsu looked hurt by the rejection.

"I ... I don't mean—" Fuck, wrong thing to say! "I need time, Natsu. I need to think about this. I'm not gay and— This whole thing, it changes everything."

Natsu nodded thoughtfully. "Yeah, it does. Do you want it, though?" he asked cautiously. "Do you want ... me?"

Gray closed his eyes and turned his face away. Voices were shouting in his head, protests against it, screams for it, a desperate voice begging to kiss and make out some more, one that sounded slick and sensual telling him how hot Natsu's body was and how good it would feel to be inside or even to have Natsu thrust inside of him, and yet another voice shrieking that there was no way in hell he could put a dick into his ass.

Gray rubbed the tension out of his forehead, trying to push away those clamorous voices. Softly, his words shaking, he said, "I don't ... not want you. I like you."

He finally looked up and saw the silly happiness in that face he knew so well, this boy he had grown up with, a rival and friend for more than half his life. He ached that he could not shove the doubts aside, grab Natsu, and give in. He wanted to, yet his heart was not ready.

"You need to give me time!" he pleaded. "Just a few days. I really need to think about this. Now that I know how you feel, I—" He clenched his teeth and groaned in frustration that he could not figure out how to say what he was feeling inside. "I'm not turning you down. That's not it." He at least wanted to make that clear. "I ... I want ... something with you. Just how much, though: that's what I need to figure out."

"But you do want me?" Natsu asked, wanting to make sure. "You like me?"

Gray's face softened as he reached forward and caressed Natsu's cheek. "Yes. I like you. But I need to sort out some things in my head."

Natsu did not really get it. Gray said he had felt this way toward him for months, and he knew his own desires for the raven-haired man had lasted almost a year. That was more than enough time for Natsu to think about it. If they liked each other, what was the problem?

Then again, he could not force Gray into anything. Natsu had already stolen somnolent kisses from Gray and touched him without consent. There was no way he would fall into that again. If Gray needed some time, he would respect that.

"Got it," he said, taking another step back to show he was freeing Gray from this storm of passion they had started to brew. "Can I ask you something?" Gray looked up in silent questioning. "Do you feel bothered by it? By me? You know, both of us being guys. Is it ... disgusting? Are you ashamed at the idea of liking a man?"

Gray flinched. He had said some awful things to Natsu earlier, things he never should have said, all out of fear and pride. "I—" He gulped hard and fisted his hands to stop their trembling. "It felt good. Kissing you. I liked it." Hell, he had gotten hard from Natsu's kisses alone! "It's not disgusting, but ... but maybe part of the issue really is gender. I've never fallen for a man and ... fuck, Natsu, it's terrifying! Especially you." Gray cringed right after he said that. "I don't mean you, not like there's a problem with you specifically, but ... as my teammate, my friend. Falling for someone like that. It makes this even more of a challenge."

"I get it," Natsu smiled sympathetically. He knew precisely how Gray felt. He had also felt fear when he realized he was having lustful desires for his teammate. "If it makes things any easier, Lucy and Erza already know I feel like this about you, and they're fine with it."

"They know?" Gray cried out in horror.

Natsu gave a sheepish shrug. "Lucy said I was making it obvious. Remember dinner with Loke at 8-Island? She set that up hoping we'd go out on a date."

Gray had to laugh. Honestly, hearing that those two approved really did make this easier. One of his greatest fears over the past few days was that he might lose all of his friends if they thought he was disgusting for liking a man. Maybe not everyone would approve—hell, not everyone approved of him and Juvia being together—but at least he had the support of his team. Erza could put everyone else in line.

Natsu began to blush. "Hey, um ... do you want more? Just kissing?" He twisted his toe into the ground nervously. "You're a really good kisser."

Gray blushed in a way he never had before when girls told him he kissed good. Normally, he boasted about his ability to kiss a girl to make her melt. This time, he felt sub-par compared to the Fire Dragon Slayer. Natsu's kisses were absolutely phenomenal, fiery and passionate and exhausting. Hearing that such an amazing kisser liked his own simple kisses made Gray warm inside.

"I ... I'd like ... more," he muttered. "Eventually." When he looked at Natsu's face, he could no longer hold back. "Constantly," he sighed in confession. He reached forward and pulled Natsu closer by the hips. "I keep fantasizing about kissing you," he said breathlessly, taking Natsu's face into his hands and lowering his eyes to those waiting lips. In a whisper, he moaned, "I already want more."

He pulled Natsu in for another kiss. He could physically feel the radiating heat from Natsu's body rising as their lips softly smacked and their tongues intertwined. He loved hearing the soft groans from the Dragon Slayer, and that spicy taste was already becoming something he craved.

Gray yanked his face away. "But I need to take this slowly," he shouted, panting as his groin screamed at him to shut up, stop thinking, stop analyzing, and just fuck Natsu senseless. "I want more, I really do, but I'm ... I'm not ... really sure about a few things."

"Like what?" asked Natsu, rubbing his hands up Gray's bare chest and feeling the muscles under the skin. "We can talk about it."

"No," Gray cringed, and he pushed away Natsu's tempting hands. "Things for the future, when we ... um ... do ... more." His voice faded as a blush brightened on his cheeks. That part really scared him.

"You mean sex? We don't have to do anything like that for a while."

"But you want to eventually, right?"

Gray looked up at him, and Natsu gulped as he realized, given the chance, he would absolutely want to go all the way.

"A part of me already wants to," Gray admitted quietly. "Eventually, at least. But I'm not sure yet."

"Gray, that's in the future."

He shouted in frustration, "I don't want to plunge in if I don't know for sure that I can make the distance."

Natsu pouted that this was obviously hard on Gray, and he wished he could make it easier. "I told you, we're equals in this."

"Which means I would have to receive as much as I give," Gray awkwardly pointed out.

"Receive? Oh! I see," Natsu smiled, understanding now what worried him. "If you want to ... um ... to give all the time at first, that's okay too. We can build up to the rest."

"No. That wouldn't be fair," Gray muttered.

"It'll balance out eventually. Even if you decide that you only want to top, that's also fine with me. I don't care who does what, so long as we have fun doing it and we both like it. Besides, I'm not thinking about sex right now. Eventually it'd be nice, but that's not all there is to this."

"I know," Gray cringed. He did not want to seem like he just wanted Natsu for his body. That wasn't it at all! "It's just one of the things I'm unsure about."

"Then take your time, and we'll go slow. If there's anything you don't like along the way, we won't do it, easy as that. I'm just relieved you even feel this way. I was so scared," he laughed diffidently. "Kissing you on that hill ... damn, that was terrifying."

Gray chuckled quietly in agreement. Somehow, laughing about it made this less scary.

"You really surprised me today, though," said Natsu. "Kissing me out of nowhere."

"You were about to leave me. What else could I do?"

Natsu looked at him with wary sadness. "You could have let me go."

Gray flinched inside. One of the voices in his head shrieked, 'Let him go? No way! Not an option!' In a reticent voice, he muttered, "No. No, I couldn't."

With a tender smile, Natsu's hand reached out and touched Gray's upper arm. Gray flinched back and crossed his arms over his chest, shielding his heart from melting too suddenly.

"I won't do anything weird," Natsu promised, reaching out again. "I just wanna feel here."

Gray shivered as that hot hand rested on his arm again. The touch conjured up instincts, desires, salacious fantasies that he was not ready to plunge into. Dreams were one thing, but reality held true risks. In the past, Gray never bothered taking his time with girls. Even his first few girlfriends had been a whirlwind of passion and physical discoveries.

This was different, though. Totally different.

It wasn't a girl. It wasn't even some random man. It was Natsu! His friend. His rival. His teammate. It changed everything, and that change—every awful thing that could happen if this did not work out—made him hesitate.

"Just this," Natsu whispered soothingly, like speaking to a wild horse. His fingers squeezed Gray's arm a little tighter.

The contact made Gray tremble inside. He wanted to pull away, and he wanted to fall into those arms. He wanted to scream "Stop it," and he wanted to beg "Kiss me again."

"Thank you for being honest, Gray."

He scoffed at the praise. "I'm not honest at all. Not with myself."

"What do you honestly want, then?"

Gray pouted and stared down at his toes. "To kiss you again."

Natsu took a step closer. "Is that what you want?"

Still looking down, Gray nodded coyly, but Natsu yanked his chin up.

"Tell me!" He stared longingly at Gray's lips. "Is that honestly what you want?"

Gray gazed at the waiting mouth loosened and aching to kiss, and those lowered, heated eyes that begged for more. Instead of speaking, Gray took hold of Natsu's face, tilted his chin up, and kissed him. This much, he loved. Although the rest of it scared him, he wanted to feel those lips more and more. If this could be a relationship of only kisses, that would make things easy, but Gray already knew he eventually wanted more.

"We can do just this much," Natsu told him between kisses. "Whatever you're comfortable doing ... mmmh ... I definitely like doing this."

"Shut up," Gray said with his lips right against Natsu's mouth. "Don't talk when I'm kissing you or I might bite your tongue."

"I might like that," Natsu teased playfully.

"Heh!" Gray smirked, and he nipped Natsu's lower lip in a light punishment. "Shut up, horny dragon."

Gray leaned against the rugged tree trunk, wrapped his arms around Natsu's waist, and pulled him in close, kissing him as the breeze rustled the leaves above their heads. His fantasies had always been so sexual, as fantasies of the night usually are. This was different. It was gentle, sweet, warm, like the summer day around them. There was not raw lust in Natsu's kisses, not like that dragon prince of Gray's dreams. There was something else, something amazing.

Was it love? Was this what it was like to kiss someone you actually love?

Natsu finally pulled back and smiled happily. He twisted around, fitting against Gray's chest, tucked slightly under his armpit, and rested there. He said nothing, just stood next to Gray as they both looked out at the river.

How many times had they fought here on these muddy shores? Now, whatever this was, it was starting here. This location had changed suddenly. It was not a place where they would fight in anger anymore. It was a place where they could go to remember their history together, good times and bad, moments of anger and moments of passion.

Slowly, uncertainly, Gray wrapped his arm around Natsu's shoulder. Holding him like this was sweet, but it made his heart race. He wondered if Natsu could hear it pounding so fast. He gulped and tried to speak without ruining the tender moment.

"Natsu?"

He hummed.

Gray tugged his lower lip between his teeth. "I'll be the one to ask you out. When I'm ready, I'll ask."

Natsu smiled and blushed. "Fair enough, since I confessed first." He leaned his head over onto Gray's chest, but then he yanked off. "Uh, can I do this much?" he asked first.

Gray chuckled that Natsu was being so diligent now. He put a hand on the pink head and pulled it down to his chest. "Yeah, this is fine."

Natsu grinned and rested on Gray's chest, loving how Gray kept both arms around him, hugging him in this simple yet tender embrace. Gray's fingers combed through his spiky cerise hair, mindlessly petting him, and Natsu hummed at such a simple pleasure. Silently, they watched ducks swimming down the river, a fish leaping up to catch a fly, and quietly gazed out at the world from under the shade of a tree.

"Gray?"

He gave a softly sedate hum.

"I'm sorry I never told you before. You're right; it's scary. I didn't want to live with these feelings forever, so I tried to shove them away. I didn't want the pain of being rejected. I feared mostly that if I said anything, I'd lose you as a friend. That's the last thing I want," he said in anguish.

Gray squeezed him a little tighter. "You're not gonna scare me away that easily, idiot."

"But you're still unsure, right?"

Gray kept quiet. A part of him still felt conflicted, but standing like this, with his arms wrapped around this warm and strong body, felt good.

"We can just do this, if you want," Natsu offered. "I'd rather have you than let something trivial get between us. I'm fine if you want romance without sex. She said that could be an option, too."

"She?" Gray asked suspiciously.

"If that makes it easier, we can do that. It's not like dating a person means you two gotta sleep together."

Gray sighed and just hugged the Dragon Slayer, wishing he would keep quiet so they could enjoy this. "I told you, I need to think about what I want."

"I know. Hey!"

Gray rolled his eyes. Seriously, Natsu needed to learn when to shut up and enjoy the moment.

"Maybe you could talk to someone. It helped me come to realize things, like about being bisexual. It's a bit embarrassing to talk to others about things like love, but it really can make you see yourself in a way you might not realize on your own. If you can find someone you trust, it can be really helpful."

A flicker of ice pierced Gray's heart. Yes, Natsu had talked ... to that busty strip dancer! She taught him about sex. That woman, that prostitute, that other stripper, had been the one who taught Natsu everything from kissing to even giving him blow jobs.

"I should go," he whispered, suddenly pulling away from that comforting warmth.

Natsu looked up sadly. Had he said something wrong?

"Give me three days, okay?"

"Sure," the Dragon Slayer nodded. That was fair: three days to come to grips with this new turn of events for both of them.

"Right, and I ... I might talk. I know someone I can probably talk to."

"That's great!" Natsu cheered.

"Y-yeah," Gray blushed. Hearing Natsu's exuberance lit a fire in his heart. His icy reservations wanted to douse that flame, yet kept melting instead. "Until then, this ... I don't want ... I mean ... maybe we shouldn't—"

"It's between us," Natsu cut in. "We won't tell others until it's official."

"Yeah," he muttered in shame.

Natsu frowned at that contrite expression. Suddenly, he slapped Gray across the side of the head so hard, he almost fell to the ground. The ice wizard shouted in pain and rubbed out the stinging ache in his head.

"What the hell, you bastard!" he roared.

"That's more like it," Natsu grinned cheekily.

Gray glared. Seriously, didn't this idiot know of any better way to get people to stop feeling down? Then again, probably not.

"Take your time, Gray. Even if it's more than three days. I won't bother you or mention it. I'll wait for you to ask me out." Natsu walked up directly in front of him. "I'll always be waiting for you," he promised, and he gave Gray a kiss on the forehead.

Gray squeezed up his face and shrank down under the press of those hot lips. It was a disturbingly adorable gesture.

"See ya around."

Gray opened his eyes as he heard Natsu's sandals moving away. He watched the flutter of the white scarf and sway of that battle-hardened body. He felt cold without the heat near him.

He let out a long, slow sigh. This really was a hell of a thing to think about. Still, remembering those kisses and declarations of love made him warm up and smile. Holding Natsu had felt right. Even if people teased them, ridiculed them, or hated them, maybe all of that would still be worth it if he could have Natsu beside him. Gray ran his hand through his hair and groaned as thoughts flew around, shrieking in their frantic speed, and bashed together in his mind. It was like a massive blizzard in his brain, and an indomitable fire burning in the center of the chaos. He wanted to reach that flame, he really did, but he had to fight his own frozen barriers first.

"I really am messed up over you, stupid flame-brain," he muttered.