"When a man learns to love, he must bear the risk of hatred."
― Masashi Kishimoto

Gray sat in a hospital, his hands pressed together, his forehead down, praying. He had never been religious, not like Mira and Elfman, but just then he simply prayed to whatever was out there that would listen. It was not even in words.

He was hoping for a miracle.

Erza was somewhere nearby. He heard her sigh once in a while. He had not even bothered to ask yet what happened in her fight with Daegan. She had driven them past Lucy and Wendy, shouting at them to meet up at the nearest hospital. Erza had raced all the way back into a city with a hospital, draining much of what was left of her magic to make it. They managed to get the frozen sarcophagus to the doctors in under an hour. Gray had to unfreeze Natsu, and then he was whisked away, doctors trying to revive him while running, off on a gurney into surgery.

That was hours ago. Gray felt like the long wait should have made him edgy and terrified, even enraged, yet he felt only emptiness inside.

He heard running feet, then Erza's voice talking to Lucy. Wendy was sent on ahead to see if she could help the doctors at all. Happy walked up to Gray. He opened his weary eyes and saw the blue Exceed had a bandage around his head. Daegan had said something about him getting injured while he fought Erza.

"Natsu will be fine," Happy said confidently.

Gray smiled at the encouragement, but he saw Happy's eyes swimming with tears while still straining to keep his smile. Gray hoisted him up and hugged the little cat so he could cry into his shoulder.

"Yeah," he said, feeling Happy's tiny body shaking as his shoulder got wet with tears. "Yeah, he'll be fine. He's strong. He'll pull through this."

He had to. Natsu had promised to always be together. He had to survive.

Gray heard Lucy talking to Erza. Most of the Sons of Darkness were rounded up. This time, it was less than ten who escaped, but they included the second-in-command, Daegan. That was when Gray remembered to tell her what he had said about the darkness at the end of his road being gone. Erza seemed to know precisely what he meant.

"Then Mallumo is dead?"

Gray realized, all these hours sitting here, he had not told Erza what happened, and she had not bothered his brooding grief with prying questions. He related the details of the fight, from realizing Mallumo was the son of the man who had almost killed him last year—he got a feeling that Erza already knew that and simply had not told him—then about the fight, the strange memory-altering and emotion-enchanting magic, as well as the black orb magic that had hit Natsu in the gut and himself in the shoulder. Happy listened with a proud smile as Gray told them how Natsu got up despite being injured and saved him, then kept fighting alongside him, heedless of his wounds, up to the point when Mallumo was killed and Natsu collapsed without a pulse.

After he was done, Erza told them about Daegan, her fight with him, how he siphoned away all of her weapons and armor, but offered to give them back if she could defeat him in single combat with just one sword. She insisted, he was not a bad man, quite a gentleman with strong bonds of honor. He simply had the misfortune of being raised with the Sons of Darkness; they were his family, and his bonds to them were probably as deep as what she felt for Fairy Tail. She hoped he would at least seek redemption, and she said told her teammates that she would not even mind if he joined Fairy Tail. They could use someone of his magical power.

They were listening to Lucy's tale of battling the mercenaries and a bulk of the dark guild when a doctor came forward.

"Are you friends of the Fairy Tail wizard who was brought in?" he asked them.

Gray pointed to the mark on his chest, Erza showed her arm, and Lucy held up the back of her hand.

"How is he?" Erza asked, looking prepared for the worst.

"He's alive, and by a miracle. If it had been just a fraction over, it would have affected his spine, and he would be paralyzed from the waist down."

Gray felt his stomach turn sick, knowing what that was like. "But he's okay? He can walk?"

"Not anytime soon. The damage he suffered is severe. One kidney and segments of his intestinal track were completely obliterated. The other kidney was so heavily injured, there was nothing really to save. We had no choice but to remove it."

Lucy gasped in horror. "You're saying, he's lost both kidneys?"

"That's correct. He's on a hemodialysis machine. Your little healer said she would see if she can do more for him, but her priority right now is his heart. We can't do anything invasive if he has a weak heart."

"What the hell happened to his heart?" asked Gray. "He grabbed his chest just before collapsing. I've seen him do that before."

"Well, his charts show that this is an ongoing condition. It's called takotsubo cardiomyopathy. Basically, his heart is injured due to extended fatigue. Think of it this way: a strong man may be able to lift weights with no problem, but if he lifts a particularly heavy weight and holds it for hours, eventually his muscles will give out and he'll drop the weight. If he tries to lift weights the very next day, he won't be able to lift as much because he overexerted that muscle. With time and rest, the muscle will heal, but if he keeps trying to lift weights day after day, he'll only injure the muscle more and more, and it'll keep giving out on him. Mister Dragneel's heart right now is an injured muscle. Whatever fight you were in, especially with those injuries, it put an even greater strain on an already weakened heart. He can heal from this, but—"

"What the hell could have fatigued him to get this way?" Gray shouted. "Natsu never had a problem with his heart before. We haven't done any major missions until now, so why? What the hell happened to make him like this?"

Erza put a hand on his shoulder. "We'll talk later." She focused on the doctor. "What's the prognosis on his recovery?"

"We've stabilized things, but we can't operate to fix his intestines until his heart gains strength. That's what your healer is doing now. In the meantime, we put in a temporary pacemaker to ensure his heart does not quit."

"What's a pacemaker?" asked Happy.

Lucy whispered to him, "It makes sure his heart doesn't slow down. It forces it to keep beating."

"It makes his heart beat?" Happy asked in confusion and worry. "Will his heart stop if he doesn't have it?"

Gray spun away and dragged his hands over his face. He barely heard the rest of the doctor's report. It was all too familiar. Natsu's intestinal tract needed to be rerouted due to the hole that was blasted through his abdomen. Gray knew what that was like. The worst part was the kidneys. The shot that went straight through Natsu completely took out his right kidney as well as a part of his liver. The other shot went deep enough to blast his kidney to a point where it would never function again. They could look into a kidney transplant, but that could take a long time.

In the meantime, they had to keep Natsu sedated and unconscious because any excitement at all could cause more damage to his heart, and any sudden movements could damage the machines keeping him alive.

There was other information, but Gray's mind shut down, having heard enough. Basically, his prayers were answered, Natsu survived by a miracle, but he would never be the same.

'This is so damn familiar. Why would this happen to him? Why?'

At some point, the doctor left. Gray had not heard the last bits, something about machines that were keeping Natsu alive. Gray had enough of machines and hospitals and operations. It was like watching a part of his life again from the eyes of someone else. Only his heart was fine, and Natsu's was failing.

Erza clasped him on the shoulder. "Gray, you should come with me. You too, Lucy."

Gray followed where he was pulled, but his mind was still trapped. He used to say he would never wish this sort of agony on his worst enemy, so why did it have to happen to the man he loved?

"The machine," Gray muttered. "The healing machine. We could use it on him."

"That's right!" Lucy said in excitement. "I was thinking the same thing. I know the Magic Council confiscated it, but if we asked them nicely, maybe flirted a little—"

"They won't hand over something like that," Erza cut in with a grim look on her face.

Gray still felt a leap of hope. "We ... we could steal it."

Lucy gasped. "Gray! This is the Magic Council we're talking about."

"And it's Natsu we're talking about," he shouted. "I'm not going to sit around and watch him go through the same thing I did."

Erza shouted over them, "Natsu is like this because of you." She gnashed her teeth and looked away in anger. "Dammit. Come here."

She yanked them both by the hand into the nearest room, and Happy flew in with them. It was the hospital's chapel, quiet, empty, a magical self-playing organ doling out homorhythmic hymnals.

"Sit," she ordered both of them, and Lucy and Gray dropped down side by side onto one of the pews.

Happy looked up at Erza in worry. "Are you gonna tell them?"

"I'm sorry," she said. "I know I promised Natsu I wouldn't, but ... this has gone too far. It's not fair anymore." She looked up reluctantly, and her eyes met Gray's. "That machine that healed you: Natsu is like this because of that machine."

"Because he ran all over Fiore to find it and it wore him out, I know," he said.

"No. The machine made him like this."

Gray arched a confused eyebrow. "But Natsu wasn't even there. He left."

Erza shook her head and looked remorseful to explain, yet determined to get this dark secret off her chest after so many months. "He was in the very next room the entire time, powering that machine. See, it relied on magic and life force. Natsu volunteered to be the battery to power it. That machine siphoned off his magic and energy for days on end, without any time for him to fully recover before doing it again the next day. He powered that machine until his heart failed from the sheer agony."

"It's true," Happy said, looking down with tears in his eyes. "Natsu would be screaming from the pain for hours, but he insisted ... he wouldn't stop! I would beg him and beg him, but he insisted on doing it alone. He loved you that much even then, Gray."

"What ... that's ..." His world was spinning with disbelief and guilt. "What the hell was that machine? Draining life force? No one told me about that."

"Natsu said not to," Lucy told him.

"Wait, you knew?" he shouted.

"Only about the machine and what it did. Erza didn't tell me about the rest. The healer said it hurt. I didn't know was that painful. He said it might shave a few weeks or months off his life. He never said anything about ... no," she recalled, sinking down in regret. "I remember now, he said that device killed three people just to regrow an arm, sucked them of their life force. But he said your injury would not be that bad. Natsu ... we all volunteered to take turns running it, but Natsu took on the burden alone."

Erza scowled in old memories. "I can attest to how dangerous it is. I powered it myself at the very end after he was too weak to continue. I can't even comprehend how he put up with torture like that for so long. Just the few hours I powered it were agonizing and exhausting. Maybe it wasn't the worst pain I've ever experienced, but it was never-ending. He put up with that for days."

Lucy covered her mouth. "You kept slipping back to use the bathroom, and that last day you were back there for a really long time."

Erza nodded. "I was checking on Natsu. He seriously worried me, and watching him suffer ... I kept telling him to let me share the burden, but he was determined to do this."

She remembered what happened that first day of healing.

---

"I'll handle it! Just ... don't let him find out. I don't want him ... to feel ... g-guilty. This is my burden. Mine alone. I couldn't get to him in time. I was there, I saw him get shot, and I couldn't get to him. He almost died ... because I wasn't quick enough."

"That was not your fault."

"I couldn't protect him! This is my way of making up for it. I need to do this. It's the only way ... the only way I can forgive myself."

---

"He felt so much guilt that you got injured like that and he could not get there in time," she muttered, remembering the look on Natsu's tormented face. "This was his way to atone, but ... but it scarred him much worse than any of us thought. If I had known his heart got damaged so severely, I would have healed him on that damned machine myself. Now, it's too late."

Gray realized, he had been furious that Natsu left him there. They got into fights because of it. He had ignored Natsu when he was in the hospital after his first heart attack because he felt like paying him back for abandoning the group during those long days of recovering on the machine. He abandoned Natsu when he was gravely sick out of pure spite, all because of that incident.

He had also said some horrible things, accusing Natsu of goofing off, wondering if he had just wanted to run away and fuck Rei-chan.

"Is that why you ran away during my treatment? You couldn't stay with this stripper, so you had to run back to your other stripper."

Every time he said those sorts of things, Natsu looked deeply guilty. How badly must Natsu have felt all this time, hiding that secret while Gray hated him for leaving the group without a word?

"We'll steal it," Gray shouted. "He did it for me, so I'll do it back."

"No," Erza said firmly. "Didn't you hear Lucy. That machine kills people. If it killed three victims to regrow some dark wizard's arm, imagine how many people we would have to sacrifice to regrow two kidneys and heal his heart. Besides, the Magic Council locked it in one of their deepest vaults. The act of using a person's life force to save someone else is so dangerous and immoral, it's illegal in almost every kingdom in Earthland. Healing Magic like Wendy's is one thing, but that machine kills."

"I don't care!" Gray screamed.

Erza stared at him hard, feeling sorry for him. "You feel guilty."

Gray's fists tightened. "Hell yes, I feel guilty. No one told me ... and I said those things ... and Natsu almost died so many times now, all because ... my stupid leg? That's it? Fuck that leg! I would give it up if it'll heal him."

"That's why Natsu insisted that we not tell you. At first, it was because he knew you would refuse treatment. Then, it was because you were immediately so mad at him, he feared just how guilty you would feel if you knew the truth. Then his heart gave out, and he feared just how intense that guilt in you would grow, to know he didn't just power a machine, but he sacrificed his heart for you. It's been spiraling out of control, and now this." She shook her head. "It should be him telling you, but who knows when he'll wake up. I don't want you doing anything stupid like breaking into the Magic Council. To be honest, part of me wants to do that as well. However, Natsu dreaded that you'd feel guilty about what he did to heal you. Stop for a moment and imagine just how worse he would feel if you got arrested and locked away because you stole that machine, or worse, if you used it and then your heart was weak. Or mine. Or Lucy's. Or if one of us died. Natsu would never want that."

"Fuck that!" Gray screamed, and tears burst out. "Fuck what he'd want. We don't even know. He ... he almost died today. You didn't see it. He took those shots to save me. I don't care what happens to me. He saved my leg, and now he saved my life, so I owe him. I owe him everything."

"Then stay alive, stay by his side, and give him everything of you," Erza yelled back. "Don't throw it all away. Natsu needs you, Gray. He loves you that deeply. Tossing away your life is not how you return that sort of love."

"He just about tossed away his life for me, so why not do the same?" he shouted.

Lucy put a hand on his shoulder. "Gray, calm down. Natsu didn't know he'd end up like that, and in battle we do things without thinking. Let's think this through. Surely, we can come up with a better way."

"While he lies there dying?" he bellowed.

"He's not going to die," Erza said calmly. "The machines are keeping him alive and will—"

"Fuck the machines!" Gray kicked a pew and sent the wooden bench flying. "Fuck all of this. Goddammit, why did this have to happen to him? Why..." He sank down and shuddered out a sob. "Why him?" he asked, choking on tears. "Why did he do that? He kept trying to tell me something. All day yesterday, he seemed like he wanted to say something, and I told him to tell me later. I ... we were ... dammit!"

He had wanted a pleasant night with Natsu, and a few times, he had hushed him, saying to tell him later. Was it this? Had Natsu actually wanted to tell Gray about how his leg got healed before they had sex, before they went that extra step in their relationship? And he had hushed him, wanting pleasure and not confessions. All that guilt had to be bottled up. Did that mean Natsu still felt guilty even as they were making love? That question anguished him. Now, the hickeys he had that morning were covered over with bruises.

"I can't watch him go through this and do nothing," Gray whispered as he trembled in grief.

Erza walked over to him and placed a hand on his shoulder. "When the time is right, you'll be able to do something," she assured him. "Natsu also felt like he was useless for a long time, but he did everything he could while you were healing. You could start by donating blood. You have the same blood type."

"That's right," Lucy said, remembering that. "Natsu donated twice so you could have your operations. You practically have his blood flowing in your veins."

"And stay with him," Erza added. "When he wakes up, he'll want to see you. Wait at least that long, Gray. Don't run off and leave him. He needs you right now more than ever."

Gray still ached, but he nodded. Natsu had stayed by his side all the way through his recovery. He could do the same and cheer him on.

Happy spoke up now. "Natsu told me once, he did all that and risked his life because, more than anything, he wanted you to live on in happiness. So..." His huge eyes beaded up in tears. "So let's make sure he lives on in happiness, too."

Erza picked Happy up and hugged him as he began to cry again. "That's right. Let's all make sure he lives on in happiness. You, us, everyone in Fairy Tail, we're all going to make sure he can be happy from here on out."

Gray firmed up. "You're right," he said, but his voice sounded exhausted. "What he needs right now is to know, after a near-death experience like this, there's hope. There are friends who care for him, and even if life has can be a little different, it still moves on. He'll fight, he'll play, he'll laugh, he'll get into stupid brawls and set things on fire. There can be life after near-death."

Erza and Lucy looked over at one another, and both looked hesitant to say something.

"But Erza..." Happy began to say.

She hushed him and petted his head. "Get some rest, Gray. Heal up so you can donate blood tomorrow. I need to clear up things with the authorities. Lucy, rent a hotel for the night and buy one train ticket to Magnolia. One of us needs to go back to the guild and let them know what happened, then see about some way to safely transport Natsu back to Magnolia. It'll probably have to be teleportation since he can't risk getting sick and vomiting in his condition. Gray, straighten up the mess you made first. I'll see you either tonight or in the morning, if you stay here."

They left the hospital chapel and walked out into the hallway, leaving Gray to fix the pew he had kicked. Happy still looked worried.

"Erza?"

Lucy also looked concerned. "He wasn't listening to the doctor, was he?"

"Obviously not," Erza said, looking stern as she marched through the hospital halls. "He's had enough of a blow today, finding out about why Natsu's heart is failing. He doesn't need to know about that."

Lucy covered her mouth and looked back to the chapel. "When Gray finds out, he's going to really do something stupid."

"Aye," agreed Happy. "Natsu, too. When he finds out, he's gonna be really, really sad."

"We'll stay by Natsu through this," Erza assured them. "As for Gray, we'll tell him tomorrow after he's had a chance to calm down. We'll take turns watching over him as well, because you're right: he's going to do something stupid. I know I'm ready to." Erza reached up and wiped aside a tear. "Those two are going to need all the support we can give them to make it through this. Let's make sure they can both live on in happiness."

Lucy nodded, and Happy said "Aye, sir." They all had a duty to help their friends now, especially since this tragedy was going to rip their team apart for good.