Just What I Needed (56)

“You sure that you can even play?” Keely asked hesitantly.


Seth glanced up at her, giving a careless shrug as his good hand plucked the white roll of gauze from the top of the plain wooden bureau. “I can play fine,” he answered confidently. Yet when he began to wrap the sore muscles of his wrist and hand with the white tape, she didn’t miss the quick wince of pain that flashed across his face before he quickly masked it.


Unsure she watched uncertainly as he tried to bind his hand tightly with his other hand so the pain would lessen in his wrist and hand while he played the guitar. Sending a quick glance to his blank face, she looked back down, drumming her fingers over the knees of her crossed legs.


They’d spent the whole day together with Colton and Marco, preparing for the concert that was barely more than an hour away now. And not once, in all the time they’d spent with one another, had Seth complained about his hand and wrist that now had a rather nasty bruise spreading across it, his knuckles raw from the impact with the wall. No, he hadn’t whined at all, not when they’d been squeezing in practice between their sound check, meetings with the sound, light and stage crew, phone calls with the news stations that were covering their show, and not to mention fending off a rather frantic Maureen. However, out of the corner of her eye, Keely had seen him more than once wince when he thought no one was watching and begin flexing his right hand.


It had only been a few hours ago when they’d finally called it quits, hoping that the frantic people around them could figure a way to handle themselves until the show. Apparently the show was causing quite a bit of stress for everyone it involved, except her. They’d split up with the intention of each of them getting ready for the concert, though Keely had used the time to duck out and get the stainless steel guitar pick she’d bought for Seth engraved.


As promised she’d gone back to her motel room eventually though, beginning to get ready for the show. It was almost strange to do that outside of a dressing room. Really Keely found it rather pointless to really work on her hair too much before a show, because it would only get messed up beyond repair by the time the set was over, she moved around a lot. Yet she still did it, blow drying it out so it was on the straighter side since doing anything else would be fruitless with the snow falling. She’d long ago stopped bothering with makeup though, it just melted off as she sweated through the performance. It was rather gross, but true, they all sweated a lot while they played.


After getting ready Keely had driven through the now thickly falling snow to Linda’s home where the four of them had agreed to meet. All the way she’d been pondering how frozen they would be, playing a concert in the snow was ridiculous. Although if she had put on makeup it probably wouldn’t have sweated it off, but she quickly shrugged that one off, it had come to the point where makeup was too much work for her. And it was only when she was shoving the door of the Pelham blue mustang that she realized how early she was.


So that was how she ended up in the middle of Seth’s painfully impersonal bedroom. Sitting cross legged in the middle of the very comfortable bed, wearing her stylishly ripped skinny jeans, slip on sneakers were waiting for her downstairs, woolly socks along with her zipped up light grey hoodie beneath her brown leather jacket. She felt it was fitting for an outdoor concert in the middle of winter, but what did she know?


Watching as Seth scowled down at the lump he’d created in the gauze and began to unravel the wrappings only to start over again, Keely pursed her lips thoughtfully. “You know I could take over the guitar for just one night until your wrist is better, and you could sing?” she offered.


Yet he just snorted, “Like that’s going to happen. Rebel, it’ll be fine.”


Instantly her eyes narrowed on him, her fingers stilling in their movement. “What’s that supposed to mean? Are you saying that I’m not good enough on the guitar to play the show?”


Looking up from his task Seth met her eyes, sending her a smirk that she steeled herself against, knowing her weakness. “You think I’d let you play on your album if you weren’t? I’d be your session guitarist if you weren’t.” When her gaze didn’t soften on him, he shook his head discouraged, focusing back on the task at hand, literally. “You’re incredible on the guitar, better than most people I’ve met, you could kick people like John and Tyler’s asses. But, still, it’s your voice that’s the best part, rebel, you could be fucking Eric Clapton and it would still be your voice.”


Wishing that she was unaffected by his words was useless, wasn’t it?


Because when he looked up again so his eyes caught hers, sombre as the golden sheen smouldered into her gaze, Keely felt her heart flip in her chest.


And since he still hadn’t tore his gaze away from hers, she could feel the electricity coursing through her body to the point she was surprised her hair didn’t start crackling from the static, Keely forced her eyes up to the ceiling. With her whole body screeching at her to just jump him finally, she heaved a great sigh and flopped back on the bed, keeping her legs crossed.


Yes, as much as she’d like to simply through herself at him to know for sure what would happen, she was sure she could hold back her desires until the day she died. Sure, that was a bit dramatic, yet she could do it even if it was painful. Of course she’d be wondering what it would have been like until her days as an old lady with a houseful of cats and a walker as she rambled on about the good old days when she’d been famous, but it would also mean her relationship with Seth would never change. Because she honestly loved their friendship, and depended on it – and him – more than she had ever wanted to rely on something.


So she could go on denying herself forever, she could never risk their friendship or their song writing or his producing over a maybe. Because he didn’t return her feelings... he couldn’t. After all, the only guy who had ever wanted her before had also slept with every girl in their high school.


Hearing a muffled curse, Keely lifted her head to peek up at him just in time to see Seth ripping the gauze off his wrist again, looking aggravated. Feeling a little laugh bubble up in the back of throat despite her previous thoughts, Keely shoved up on to her elbows casually for a better view as Seth began the entire process over again, although he wasn’t looking so patient anymore.


“You’re doing that wrong,” Keely informed him, unable to keep herself from using that smug tone. She was going to enjoy this moment, really savour it, because, honestly, how often did she know about something that he didn’t?


He looked up at her warily. “How would you know?”


Rolling her eyes, she pushed herself up fully so she was, once again, sitting. “I lived on a farm, Ryan, I had to wrap horses’ legs all the time, it’s the same premise.”


For a moment she had the great satisfaction of taking in his taken aback expression. Oh, yes, she was enjoying the fact that she knew something he didn’t. “Oh,” he answered simply, looking back down as he continued to clumsily bind wrist.


Sighing, Keely slid herself from the middle of the bed, her socked feet touching the carpet lightly.


“Here,” she told him quietly, moving closer, “I’ll do it.”


Ignoring – well, at least attempting to – the instant pick up of her heart rate as she stepped close enough that their bodies were almost brushing, Keely made sure she didn’t look up into his eyes. That would be her down falling. Taking the roll of gauze from his good hand, she took a hold of his sore wrist gently in her hand, her fingers feather light. But as she began to untie his attempt, the edge of her hand accidently grazed his stomach that was covered by the thin cotton of his shirt and she felt the muscles beneath her light touch tense.


Feeling her own body go taut in response, Keely bit down on her lip, hastening to continue on with her job as if nothing had ever happened. Just a few more moments and she could put a little distance in between them, and maybe then she’d finally be able to calm down her raging hormones. That had to be why she liked him so much, right? Hormones. That was it. She was a teenage girl who was completely single and always around a supremely handsome boy with dark hair, pillowed lips, bad boy grin, smouldering golden eyes, leather jacket and a guitar, not to mention the sculpted body. So yes, it was hormones, just physical attraction.


But even as the thoughts crossed her mind, Keely knew they were lies. She could be honest with herself about that, at least. Because if it was just physical attraction, she would have felt like this about him from the start. Yes, she’d always known he was devilishly good-looking, but she hadn’t cared the least bit until they began to spend together.


If it hadn’t been for Colton and Marco bailing out on her in the studio for that one day, she would have never spent time with him, let alone become friends. She’d never have gotten to hear him play in the same way that he had the first time or written a song with him. Sure, she’d have heard him play eventually and would have grudgingly respected him, but never liked him like this.


So no, she couldn’t manage to fool herself into thinking that all she felt for him was physical attraction, even if that attraction was so strong it almost hurt sometimes. It was because he could play the piano and the guitar as if they were a part of him. He was passionate. He had strong morals. He could smirk and laugh. He was serious. He was the best producer she could have wished for. He could be so sweet to her even when he’d just intentionally annoyed her. He was protective of his family. He had a dimple in his left cheek when he really smiled. He had the soul of a poet after all he’d been through. His acoustic music could be heartbreakingly beautiful but he could turn around and write a punk rock song seamlessly. He liked to read. He had a record collection. He knew more about music than her. He scowled. He joked around. He understood music better than anyone she’d ever met. He understood her more than anyone she’d ever met. He was the strongest person she knew. His eyes softened when he looked at her. He was intelligent. He had a black leather jacket. He had his fuck it attitude that came from the punk rock, but he’d hugged her when she’d cried...


Keely couldn’t find an end to her list.


Thankful for the fact that her heart was creating a solid curtain between them so Seth couldn’t see her face, Keely forced her hands to keep steady as she bound his wrist on the perfect balance between tight and loose.


However when she was just finishing the job, the wrapping looking neat and precise, she felt herself freeze, her hands becoming immobile as Seth’s good hand reached out, brushing her bangs away from her eyes. Her breath instantly catching. Even though she knew it was a bad idea, Keely tipped her head back, meeting his eyes instantly. There was no hint of laughter, sadness, anger or teasing, his hazel eyes with the overpowering gold highlights were intent and unblinking as they worked over her face. It made her heart miss more than a few beats in her chest.


Gathering what little self control that she had left, Keely wrenched her eyes away and tucked in the very end of the white tape before taking a careful step back, dropping her hand away from her wrist as her heart thumped loudly against her chest. Distance was bad. No, she corrected herself sternly, distance is good. Distance is very good.


“How’s that?” she asked, noticing that her voice was slightly hoarse.


At her words, Seth blinked, but quickly regained himself and grinned at her, flexing his fingers. “Perfect, rebel,” he answered, his voice husky.


Gulping at the low voice that sent shivers racing up her spine, Keely looked frantically around the room for something to distract her. But it was nothing more than a bare guest room. Her eyes landed unintentionally on the bed, and she could feel the heat rushing to her cheeks at the thoughts rushing through her head. Being alone with him in a room that had just a bed and a wardrobe did not seem like a good idea.


“I’m going to go grab water,” she announced at random.


Sending her a confused look, Seth responded, “What?”


Hoping that she wasn’t flushing like an idiot, Keely tried to nod convincingly, forcing out a dry cough that sounded rather pathetic to be honest. “Yeah, all the vocal exercises wore my voice out,” she lied, forcing her voice to sound raspy.


His brow furrowed slightly as he looked at her, and Keely couldn’t decide if he looked sceptical or confused. But all he said in response was, “Grab me a water bottle too, okay?”


Sending him an overly bright smile that really didn’t feel right on her face, at least for the moment, she headed thankfully for the door. Yes, half of her wanted to just grab him and press her lips to his, but the rest of her was terrified as well.


Frustrated with herself, Keely rubbed her hand over her forehead, heading down the hall away from Seth’s bedroom. She needed to stop this. She was becoming one of those girls who over thought everything to do with the guy they liked, had she really become that pathetic? She’d always been the one who had been so flippant about such things. But look where it had got her with Tony.


And if she was being honest, had she ever really liked a guy the way she did with Seth? Because ‘like’ felt too feeble of a word.


But she didn’t want to think about the other option, since it would only scare her further and she’d be running away so quickly she would have no idea where she was going. Yes, not thinking was the best option even if it hadn’t helped so far, she decided as she hastily fled down the stairs.


Fighting with her thoughts Keely moved down the hallway towards the kitchen, even if she didn’t need a water, she couldn’t go back up to Seth without them. Not now. Yet as she stepped into the doorway she pulled up to a halt, her hand holding onto the door jamb as if she might bolt in the other direction.


She was just stepping in it now, wasn’t she?


Linda was standing at the counter, cutting apples decisively with a rather large knife, her soft looking blonde hair pooling over her shoulder.


For a moment Keely continued to stand frozen in the doorway, her mind racing. As she saw it, she had two options. Risk an interaction with Linda or head back up to Seth’s room empty handed and have to answer his questions. Neither seemed very welcoming.


Or maybe she could just run away...


A better and better option.


“I know you’re there, Keely,” sighed Linda without looking up, causing Keely to jolt in surprise.


Awkwardly she stood there for a moment, watching as the woman continued to slice the apples, her shoulders rigid.


Remembering the last words she’d said to the woman the day before, she flushed but couldn’t find it in herself to feel guilty. It hadn’t been her place, but she’d been with Seth, seen what it had done to him to see that and she couldn’t do nothing. She and Seth hadn’t spoken about what had happened after she left, so Keely couldn’t even say where she stood with the woman at the moment.


That was something that she didn’t like, being unsure of her footing. Because one stray word could send her tumbling over the edge, landing somewhere she didn’t want to be or somewhere she didn’t know.


It was nerve racking.


“Um... hello?” suggested Keely uncomfortably, letting go of the wall to step forward into the kitchen.


“What do you need?” Linda asked, still not looking up. It was actually beginning to make her nervous, that rhythmic slicing was all too comfortable for the older woman. What could Keely say? The knife was making her a bit anxious, even if murder seemed more than a bit outrageous for Linda’s dislike of her, but you never know.


Side stepping  her carefully so that she came nowhere near the knife, she made her way to the stainless steel fridge that had not one fingerprint on it, pulling the door. “I was sent to get water,” Keely responded, her voice slightly stiff as she grabbed the water bottles from the fridge.


“So you two are done up there?” The question was delivered in a harsh tone as Keely shut the fridge door.


But only then did a thought occur to her, and Keely turned about to the woman, looking at her considering.


What did mothers do when they thought something was harming their child? Automatically they went into protective mode, animals killed what they thought might be dangerous. But people? They were more likely to scare the dangerous being away. And though Keely couldn’t pretend to know anything about the time when Seth had been growing up, Linda still was a mother through and through.


Blanching Keely gaped open mouthed at the woman, things beginning to fall into place in her mind. How could she be so stupid about this? It wasn’t like it was some other worldly possibility, she just hadn’t considered it.


Because why wouldn’t Linda be thinking that? She and Seth had never said anything about it, not even thinking about the rumours that gossip magazines had been spreading far and wide, it would definitely reach his mother. All she saw was Seth driving her everywhere as they spent all their time together.


“You know I’m not dating and or sleeping with your son, right?” Keely blurted.


Feeling the weight of the thought, her cheeks flushed hotly. It had to be the most embarrassing moment of her life. Nothing was that embarrassing. The thought of his mother thinking that they were sleeping together, all the time spent on the bus and in hotel rooms across the country.


At the words that had jumped from her mouth, the knife in Linda’s hands skittered and dropped from her grasp. Finally the woman looked up, turning about to look at Keely with a shocked expression, her blue eyes not so icy.


Oh, yes, most embarrassing moment of her life, definitely. Keely could only wish the ground would open up and swallow her.


And they continued to stare at each other with wide eyes.


As it happened Keely felt a vague thought cross her mind. It was the first time she’d noticed any similarity between mother and son. When she’d first moved to New York, Seth had treated her in the almost exact fashion that his mother was treating her now that they were in Green Bay, odd.


“Hey, rebel, you got the water? Marco and Colton are going to be here in a minute, we got to go...” announced Seth, trailing off as he came into view, framed in the doorway.


Finally Keely managed to pull her eyes away from Linda, looking to Seth. He was sending them a baffled expression, apparently sensing the thick tension in the air where they were standing motionless in the kitchen.


He too had stopped moving, but she thought it was most likely from his confusion opposed to the embarrassment she was feeling or whatever was going through Linda’s mind. Apparently he’d finally finished getting ready for the concert, which, for him, meant shrugging his black leather jacket over his white shirt. Seth was holding his old beat up Stratocaster by the neck, his hair sticking up messily in the front with a plain grey toque stuffed in the front pocket of his jeans.


“What’s going on?” he asked eventually, his eyebrows furrowed ever so slightly.


Was it wrong to think that he looked cute when he was confused?


Shaking her head at the thoughts, Keely straightened herself. If that wasn’t wrong, it definitely was to be thinking it in front of his mother. “Ah, nothing,” she answered breezily, “Just... talking?”


The line that came between his brows when he was confused didn’t leave. “Then why are you blushing?”


Grimacing she juggled the water bottles in her hands so she could rub a hand over her cheeks, hoping to get rid of the flush. “I’ll tell you later,” she told him with gritted teeth.


Getting the point Seth shrugged, tucking his toque more securely into his pocket. “You ready to go, then?” he asked. When Keely nodded hastily – hoping for nothing more than to get away from there – he turned his gaze towards his mom. “You’re coming to the show, right?”


As he looked at his mother, Keely couldn’t help but feel her heart clench. He may have been six foot two with stubble running along his chin and in his twenties, but the way he asked it made her think of the little boy he must have been, begging his mother to watch him play the guitar. He would have been a hard boy to say no to, she had no doubt that he would have been able to charm the coldest hearts.


“Yeah,” answered Linda, looking away from Keely who was beginning to shift awkwardly from foot to foot. She appeared to be a bit out of it as well. “Of course,” she smiled up at Seth, “I’m going to go with Liz for when the show starts.”


“Okay, see you later, mom,” he said, stepping forward to embrace his mother in a hug with one arm, stooping over to kiss her on the cheek in farewell.


Deciding that she was no longer needed in the kitchen, Keely edged away out of the kitchen, heading towards where she knew the front door was situated. She’d dropped the water bottles on the floor and was pulling her slip on sneakers on inelegantly, hopping up and down, when Seth made his way up to her.


“You need help?” he asked, his voice trembling with laughter and his eyes mischievously bright.


Scowling Keely lost her focus, causing her to tip over on her one leg as she stuffed her other foot into the sneaker in her hands, her shoulder hitting the wall loudly. Flustered she stood up, blowing the hair away from her face with a big puff of breath. “No,” she snapped, pushing her foot more securely into the shoe, “I’m perfectly alright.”


Seth smirked at her, slipping his shoes on without a struggle at all. It was getting rather frustrating; couldn’t he be clumsy once in a while? It’d make her feel a bit better every once in a while. “Yeah, it looks like it,” he answered, snapping his guitar into the case left beside the door.


Rolling her eyes at him, Keely decided to just walk away, best idea. With her head held high, she was the picture of dignity. That was until she tripped over the edge of the rug.


Laughing loudly, Seth stepped close to her as she straightened while she tried not to blush, and reached around her body, his arm grazing her side, pulling open the front door. “C’mon, rebel, don’t kill yourself before the show,” he told her, chuckling.


Trying to ignore the fact that his chest was pressed against her back and that she could feel the warmth of his body as well as the laughter rumbling in his chest, Keely hastily stepped through the door. Now she was trying to hide a blush for completely different reasons.


“So what was-?”


Seth’s words were cut off by a loud groan from the front steps.


“Are you guys finally done?”


Surprised Keely blinked, looking forward at the two boys who were pushing themselves up from their perches on the edge of the porch, brushing off their clothes. “What are you guys doing out here?”


Colton groaned, stretching with one arm as he swiped the curls away from his face with the other. “Waiting for you two; and it’s too cold to be sitting around without being dressed for it.”


Frowning she stuffed her hands into the pockets of her leather jacket, hopping lightly off the front porch, the snow immediately clinging to her hair. It was cold, but still it was better than she would have expected. Keely couldn’t decide if she was happy if it was snowing or not, because it meant that they’d be playing a concert in the snow but it also meant that it would be warmer had it been clear skies. Contradiction, contradiction; she was full of them these days.


“Why were you waiting outside?” she asked, thinking it had obvious with her original question.


Marco batted the snow that had piled up on his sandy blonde hair, flipping it to the side carelessly. “We were supposed to meet there.”


“Ah, no,” cut in Seth, shaking his head at his best friends’ antics. “We were supposed to meet at my mom’s house, but that includes in it, even Keely knew that-”


“Hey!” she interjected, feeling she should be insulted by that.


But Seth just ignored her, carelessly shoving Colton’s shoulder with his own, making the snow that had built up on his head tumbling off to the ground. “You could have come inside, you dumbass.”


“Keely,” Colton whined, shooting her a mocking pouting look, “Seth’s being mean to me!”


“And I wouldn’t have thought you’d want to be interrupted...” added Marco.


Shaking her head, Keely just walked away knowing it was the best course of action. Well... sometimes. Other times ignoring them could end up being disastrous, a poor hotel manager had found that out the hard way a couple states before. She shivered just thinking about it, the boys were quite diabolical sometimes.


It had been their agreement that they would simply walk to the show together; after all, the stage wasn’t very far from their houses. Plus there was the fact that where they’d had the stage set up didn’t have too much parking around it seeing as they wanted their to be as much room for the crowd – that they still weren’t sure were showing up – as possible.


Keely jolted slightly when she felt someone tugging slightly on her hood, but looked up in time to see the light grey hood being pulled over her head.


In response she smiled up at Seth, he was now shoving the grey toque on his head, making his black hair stick out from beneath. When he took off the hat Keely knew that his hair would be flattened, but with his habit of running his hand through it she also knew it wouldn’t stay flat for very long. It was as if he had something against having neat hair, but that might be a leftover policy from the grunge era. Which she couldn’t criticise, when was her hair ever neat really? Plus she very much liked the grunge era of music.


But hearing footsteps on her other side, Keely tore her eyes away from Seth to look at Colton who had fallen into step beside her and Marco beside him. It wasn’t until then that she noticed they were walking along the middle of the road, the white blanket of snow making everything almost indiscernible.


“What were you guys doing in there for so long?” asked Marco casually, stuffing his hands into the pockets of the ripped out army style blazer he was wearing.


 “Mr-idiot-that-punches-through-walls didn’t know how to wrap his wrist for the splint,” said Keely, sending Seth a smug look.


In response the boy just grinned, reaching up to run a hand absently through his hair, but when his hand touched the toque instead he just dropped his hand, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “So what were you and mom talking about in the kitchen?” he asked, kicking snow away from his path.


Instantaneously her cheeks tinged pink, and not from the chill. Screwing up her face in a pained expression, she replied, “She thought I was sleeping with you and really didn’t like the idea.”


The response of the boys was instant.


Seth’s step faltered and the other two burst out laughing.


With the other boys laughing beside her, Keely felt a grin slip on her face easily. It wasn’t so awkward around those two.


“So you guys really didn’t want to be interrupted, what’s it you guys do when you’re supposed to be writing songs?” laughed Colton, shoving her slightly with his shoulder while he gripped his stomach. The motion sent her forward a step, but she managed not to tumble into the snow.


Okay, maybe it was a bit embarrassing still, but that didn’t mean that she didn’t giggle despite herself.


“Oh Keely!” exclaimed Marco mockingly dramatic, flinging himself around Colton so he landed on his knees in front of her feet. She hastily came to a stop before trampling him while Marco just held up his hands to her, on one knee, pretending to be desperate as he used a pleading voice. “I’ve loved you from the start, you can’t be with him. I’m here, begging for you, just leave Seth and be with me!”


Rolling her eyes at his antics, Keely just shoved him lightly backwards with her the toe of her shoe, but she was still laughing as she did it.


“Come, marry me!” he proclaimed, his voice rising as he stubbornly stood still on the ground. “We can live forever in a-”


Where they could have lived she would never know because before he got the words out, a blur swept into her line of vision. For a moment Keely just looked with wide eyes as Seth tackled one of his best friends to the ground, but very soon she was rolling those eyes when the laughter from Marco drifted up to her.


Hastily side stepping as the boys rolled over, punching each other in a joking manner as they wrestled across the snow in the middle of the road. But the smile stretched across her mouth as she heard a loud laugh come from Seth, even when it was halted because Marco hit him in the stomach making him loose his breath. She couldn’t help it, seeing him happy made her happy... She was sure she was getting more pathetic by the minute. Yet it was nice to see him laughing with his friends.


“You guys are going to be soaking wet for playing a concert in the snow,” Keely informed them loudly, staying out of their path, though she was still grinning.


“Why am I always the responsible one?” sighed Colton from beside her.


Before Keely could point out that he was never the responsible one, in fact there were all pretty immature, he stepped away from her into the middle of the fray. Almost easily he grabbed the back of Marco’s sweater, yanking him off of Seth. Although she kept quiet with her thoughts, she couldn’t help but think if it had been Seth on top Colton wouldn’t have been able to drag him off.


Shoving the boy away, Colton held a hand out that Seth gripped, letting his friend pull him up. Even though it looked as if the mocking fight had ended, Keely kept her distance, knowing that with those boys you should be certain before you approached, like wild animals.


“You saved me!” exclaimed Marco in a high falsetto when Colton had left Seth standing. Without further ado, he threw his arms around his saviour’s neck jokingly.


With that Keely chuckled, but still staying a few feet away, it was a safety distance.


“I know!” Colton proclaimed when Marco let go of him, raising his hands in the air like a boxer who had just won a match. “I’m a hero!”


As Marco backed away, Seth came into view between the boys as he faced them, standing to the side. He was looking incredulously between them, his brow furrowed just slightly but he still managed to look amused.


Suddenly his expression smoothed, and a devious grin touched his mouth making Keely get a foreboding feeling in her stomach.


As if acting just because of her misgivings, Seth reached up, slapping his two friends in the back of the head with each of his hands in unison.


Still wordlessly the boys turned fully to look at him, making Keely wince. Devious couldn’t even cover them sometimes. As if having a silent conversation, Colton raised his eyebrow and Marco nodded in response.


Chuckling, Seth took a step back, holding his hands up in the air as if in surrender.


Taking advantage of the moment the two boys leapt at either side of Seth, gripping his arms as they tackled him back into the ground.


At the sight Keely let out a loud laugh, it ripping from her mouth fully. It felt good to laugh that loudly in the open, just being completely relaxed at being outside with her friends and no cameras stalking her or getting pestered by questions about her apparent drug addiction. It was a freeing feeling that she loved.


So when her phone began to ring, she didn’t stop in her merriment as she watched Seth try to push his friends off of him as the rolled in a tangle on the snow covered street. Without so much as glancing at the screen, Keely pulled her cell from the pocket of her jeans, bring the phone to her ear.


“Guys!” she called out, her voice trembling with glee, unable to care that her phone was against her ear. “You’re going to be soaked, stop it!”


“Hi Maureen,” she breathed into the phone, figuring that it couldn’t be anyone else. The only people she talked to anymore were acting like idiots in front of her and the news channels didn’t know her number, they were directed to talking to Colton only. “Sorry, we’re like a minute away, I swear. The boys are just taking Big Me to a whole other level.”


“What are you talking about?”


The voice had the laughter dying abruptly on her lips, making her blood feel frozen for the first time since she stepped into the cold.


“Dad?” she questioned, her stomach lurching for an entirely different reason than it had been doing lately. Half of the sickening motion was from excitement, but that was overpowered by the blind panic that rushed through her.


Excited because, yes, she really did want to speak to her father. Keely had been missing him whenever she had time to stop and think, especially with Christmas just around the corner, at heart she was still daddy’s little girl. He was her dad and she loved him, simple. Yet not so simple at the same time. Since as much as she loved him, she was terrified to speak to him. Years of lies would do that to a person. He knew that she knew the truth now, having spoken to her grandparents.


And there was the bigger question; was she was ready?


Because she also knew that she had a tendency to overreact when things affected her too closely, there was plenty of evidence to that fact. And especially when she was blindsided with information, Seth and her grandparents were prime examples.


However another voice broke through her thoughts.


“And Joe. Oh, and Haley,” supplied Joseph’s familiar rusty voice.


Rubbing a hand over her forehead blankly, Keely felt the sudden happiness flood over the panic. And it didn’t hurt that she knew by the presences of those two would prevent any talk of her mother between she and her father. Well, maybe they would have spoken in front of Joe, but definitely not Haley.


“Hey Keel!” added in Haley’s bubbly voice.


Feeling the smile reinstated on her lips, she stuffed her free hand in her pocket, looking up at the sky where the snow was falling gently, tickling her cheeks. “Hey Hales,” she greeted. In slight awe, she asked, “Why are you guys calling?”


“It’s Christmas Eve,” sad her dad in a matter of fact tone.


The way he stated the words made her smile brighten.


“And since we’ve never spent a Christmas Eve apart, it seemed fitting,” explained Joe. “Then Haley just wanted to join in, so here we are.”


Her stomach feeling comfortably settled for the first time in months, no thoughts tugging at the back of her subconscious asking for attention, Keely asked eagerly, “Did you get the presents I sent yet? I did send them express so they’d reach you in time, but you never know with the snow and everything.”


“Yeah,” replied Haley, sounding equally giddy. “I wanted to open mine right when I got it, but Joe made me promise to wait until Christmas morning.”


She could almost hear Joe roll his eyes over the miles spacing between them as he retorted, “It’s a Christmas gift, Hales. A Christmas gift.” The words made Keely snigger.


But the high spirits were cut short when her father spoke again, seeming as if he had to fight for his right to speak into the phone. “We wanted to mail the gifts we got you, but none of us even know which state to send them to.”


Wincing, she felt the guilt well up in her stomach. “Yeah, well, I’m in Wisconsin right now. You could send them to UAE Records in New York, though, that’s where all my paper fan mail gets sent. And I’m going back there for New Years, so I could get it with the rest of the stuff then.”


“They’ll be waiting for you when you get home.”


A slight sigh of relief escaped between her chilly lips at the words over the line. She at least knew her father was still letting her have some resemblance of a home in Bellingham.


“And we-” began Haley.


However Keely had stopped listening to her friend, catching the sight of the three boys gesturing silently from the side from the corner of her eye. Following their points, she found them motioning to the darkened pathway between roads, and she knew very well that five minutes of walking down the shadowed alley would lead them to the empty square where their stage was set up and awaiting.


“Guys,” she cut in remorsefully to Haley’s words, “I’ve got to go.”


“What – why?” asked Joe, “We just started talking.”


As the boys had begun walking to the path, shoving each other good-humouredly, Keely began to trace their steps, just slightly behind. “I’ve got to go do a show,” she explained, “And we’re kind of late for it.”


“Your tour was cancelled,” put in Haley shrewdly.


“Speaking of, when are you going to come home now that it’s over?”


Choosing to ignore Joe’s question since she didn’t want to analyze it before the show, Keely put in, “Marissa James’ tour was cancelled, not mine. I think there should be a press release for that in a few days, watch out for it. By the way, nothing is true, I’m not doing anything but literally sleeping in the bus and I since I haven’t done any drugs, I’m not going to rehab.


“Hey,” she said, her voice becoming energized again. “You can watch the show!”


“Huh?” was Joe’s short, grunted reply.


“Yeah, it’s getting covered by the news and it’s supposed to be a North American wide broadcast through a bunch of channels”


Before anyone one could answer, because she wasn’t sure she wanted to hear them, Keely hastily said, “Well, I got to go. Go, turn on the TV! Call me after the show, I’ll probably sound like I’m dying, but we can actually talk then.”


Hanging up, she shoved the phone in her pocket, skipping forward animatedly, Keely pushed between Marco and Colton, hooking her arms through theirs. “C’mon, we have to get there really soon,” she told them light-heartedly, tugging them forward in her hurry. In agreement, or maybe all of the boys just were deciding to humour her for a couple minutes, they sped up their steps down the alley.


Even though she knew it was very unlikely that her dad would watch – his issues with her music apparent – and Joe probably wouldn’t either having never supported her leaving in the first place, she knew that Haley would watch. She could always rely on support from her, it didn’t matter. Not even Joe had been able to come in between them when Keely had continued to talk to him after the break up. And maybe, just maybe, if she found the concert on television, her dad and Joseph would watch.


The thought of them actually watching her made her all the more determined to play well. Because if they did, maybe they would understand – just a little bit – why she had left and not resent her so much.


As they entered the square, Keely wasn’t surprised by what she found.


There was the stage crew plus the light and sound guys bustling around, not prepared for the abrupt show that had been planned within a day. Maureen had a group of people around her, looking slightly frazzled but put together at the same time as she stood at the edge of the plain black stage.


The stage was the same as when they’d done their sound check, just a black flat surface with stairs on the side, an apartment building stretching up behind it. There were four fifty style microphones set up around the stage – Keely quite appreciated the retro feel – one in front of a Colton’s drum kit at the back of the space, one with two bass guitars on a rack beside it for Marco, then there was the one with her two guitars beside it and not so far away Seth’s with his line of guitars he’d felt were needed for the show set up.  At the side there were stools waiting, in case of need. The amplifiers stacked in a messy yet somehow stylish manner all about.


And inside the square people had already begun to gather. Half of the crowd just normal people, but then there were the flashing cameras from the paparazzi and journalist, news trucks set around with people holding the video cameras, ready to broadcast the show. Even more than a few cops that had been sent out by a forceful police department as they were in fear of a riot.


All around there was the excited buzz of chatter.


And it only multiplied with cheers as well as they were noticed, suddenly being rushed.


For once she didn’t feel panicked at the cameras, flying questions and screeching fans, Keely just looked longingly up at the stage. With the cops holding back the crowd to make a slight path to the stage, Keely kept in between Marco and Colton, smiling and answering a few of the fans’ questions as she went.


But, really, as much as she loved the people for coming and supporting all of them, all she wanted was the stage.


Finally getting to the free space at the front of the stage, Keely found them surrounded, but this time by the designated news people holding microphones out to them. The crowd already growing in behind.


“Keely, Seth, can we have a word?” called out some reported eagerly.


Shrugging she stepped away from the two boys who headed over to the stage crew, stepping beside Marco.


“Who’s idea was the show?” asked one of the many people crowded around them, shoving the microphones towards them pointedly.


Sending Seth a grin, she looked back at them calmly. Who would have known she could have been calm at times like these? Maybe it was all just practice. “I don’t know, I definitely know it wasn’t me, I didn’t know I was playing until yesterday.”


Someone else shot out a question, but her focus was distracted to where she could see Maureen waving frantically to her. The woman was really taking a beating from the stress of the short notice show, because Keely knew for a fact Ms Jones would never act like that for any other reason, she was much too dignified for that. Sending her a quick nod, Keely placed her hand on Seth’s arm, speaking to everyone but mostly him as she announced, “I’ll be back in just one second.”


Leaving him to fend for himself in the crowd of hungry reporters, Keely hurried away from the crowd, moving away to where Maureen was standing with a portly looking man, a bald spot on the top of his head and a wide nose with an expensive looking camera hung around his neck. Her feet crunching over the snow, she pulled up to a stop in front of them.


“What?” she asked breathlessly, “Aren’t I supposed to be playing nice with the press right now?”


Maureen waved a careless hand. “Don’t worry about that right now. This is Mark Shelling,” she said, gesturing the man forward. Keely stretched out her hand, shaking his with a welcoming smile. “He’s going to be our official photographer for the concert.”


“Oh, hi,” greeted Keely politely, “It’s nice to meet you.”


Before the man could answer, Ms Jones shoved her lightly with a perfectly manicured hand. “Now go save your man from the rabid animals.”


Snorting, Keely twisted her head around to find Seth looking incredulously at the press around him as they moved closer with every blink. Rabid animals was a pretty good analogy. “He’s probably better at talking to them than me, I’ll just manage to become a self absorbed rock star as well as a drug addict if I talk to them.”


“I told you not to worry about it,” pointed out Maureen.


Raising an eyebrow, she looked back to the woman. “And what if I put my foot in my mouth again?”


“Say whatever stupid thing you want, it’ll probably help. There’s no point trying to give you the good girl reputation, you’ve totally blown that one. Now we’re just having you be, well, you. The more some people hate you for things you say, the more others love you. Putting your foot in your mouth would probably be good.”


Abruptly an excited grin came onto her face, she’d never been a good actor, the idea of having to act like someone else had always been tiresome. “So how much of a rock star am I allowed to let on?”


“As much as you want,” answered Maureen, shoving her again.


This time Keely made her way back to the foot of the stage’s stairs without hesitation to where Seth was dealing with the press.


As she approached, she heard one of the reporters say, “Well what about Christmas carols? It’s Christmas Eve after all, our viewers will want to have some kind of festive music, why else would they watch?”


“What Christmas carols are you talking about?” retorted Seth pointedly.


“Well, Jingle Bells or Deck The Halls, something like that.”


When she saw Seth’s eyes darken dangerously on the cameras in front of him, Keely hurried her step, but couldn’t stop him before he was talking. “We’re a fucking rock band, we’re not singing at a Christmas party.”


The smile twitched on her lip, she was sure you weren’t supposed to say a variation of ‘fuck’ on live television, but she didn’t care. Before someone could ask another question or Seth could say anything more, she sidled up beside him, placing a hand on one of his arms that were crossed in front of his chest defensively, silencing him effectively.


“What he means,” Keely said pointedly, gaining the attention of the cameras. “Is that we’re not Bruce Springsteen, we’re not cool enough or good enough rock stars to pull off something like Santa Clause Is Coming To Town and still be able to look at ourselves in the morning.”


Suddenly the topic was changed.


“So is this is when you announce you’ve joined NSR?” called out someone.


Keely snorted loudly. “No way, I’m never joining the band. I love them and all their music, but I couldn’t join a band as tight knit as theirs successfully.”


Suddenly Seth’s name was called out loudly from the stage, at a quick glance they found one of the sound guys, by name of Ralph, gesturing him up. Gripping his guitar tighter in his hand, Seth nodded. And grinning, he leaned down to whisper in her ear so no one else could hear, “Have fun with them.”


Fighting back the shiver, Keely scowled after him as he hopped up the steps to the man.


“So, Keely,” began another faceless reporter, making her look back to them. “What advice would you give to your fans?”


Smirking, she blurted out the first thing that came to her mind. “Smoke weed and make babies; it’s fun.”


Her words were met by wide eyes.


“It was a joke,” Keely told them, surprised at the seriousness that had overcome the situation.


“What about the little children who might actually take your words literally? They might not get the humour of your words, and parents are not going to approve of you.”


“When have parents ever approved of a rock band before?” she replied, rolling her eyes. Why did it always have to come back to her being a role model? Keely had never wanted to be one, it was too much work. When they continued to look at her patiently, she sighed and quoted, ““I’d rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I’m not.”.”


But she just received blank stares.


“Kurt Cobain!” she exclaimed, looking at them incredulously. “Oh, c’mon, now that’s just pathetic.”


Before anyone else could point out more of her short comings, Keely heard her name being called now from the stage. Glancing up, she found the boys waiting in position for her on the stage.


“Well, enjoy the show,” she grinned at the cameras before turning around and sprinting up onto the stage.


Getting to her microphone, Keely gripped her guitar, looking up and across the space that they had chosen for their show. Already it was filled, people from young teenagers and long haired men in their forties that looked as if they’d just stopped listening to a Led Zeppelin record filling the space.


Her smile broadened as she slipped the strap over her shoulder, the snow already beginning to pile up on the stage. Looking to where Seth was waiting at his microphone, she plugged her Stratocaster in, calling out, “What song?”


They’d been true to their word, they hadn’t made a set list.


“First track of our album,” he shouted to her over the crowd.


The crowd’s noise level was enormous from where they stood, making it almost impossible to hear themselves talking to one another.


But Keely didn’t mind that they’d be fighting with the crowd for sound the whole concert, it was just getting her more keyed up. At the announcement, she grinned, getting ready to play rhythm guitar. It was a great song to start with, having strong seventies punk rock influences in everything from the shouting that Seth would have to do and to their strong bass lines, heavy handed drums that Colton could pull off but weren’t exactly his style, to the tricky guitar tracks spanning through it.


As Colton tapped his drumsticks together, counting them off, she jumped in the air with the starting drums in time with Seth as the guitar rang through the square.


In short, Keely thought it might have been the most memorable thing she’d ever done, playing in the snow to the crowd that just kept growing. It had swelled to the point that they people were pressed like sardines against one another in the square, others crowding around the tops of the buildings.


Plus it was one of the most high energy things she’d ever done. From the jumping up in time with the guitar, sprinting across the stage, leaning her back against Seth’s during a guitar solo, singing into all the microphones on the stage to dancing about the stage with the influences of artists like Tina Turner, Jim Morrison, Janis Joplin and Mick Jagger, it was perfect. Maybe they weren’t playing perfectly, almost having a match with the crowd about how much music they made, but rock music wasn’t perfect. The soul of rock came from the mistakes and edginess, if it was perfectly smooth all there’d ever been would be Frank Sinatra.


Although there was the issue over the fact that they didn’t have all that much original music to play for the crowd. They weren’t about to play any of NSR’s old music, so they were left to playing only the new album and music they hadn’t released off her yet to be released album, even playing songs that hadn’t been made the cut to be on their albums. But even with that, it wasn’t enough to play the entire time slot that they had.


Yet they’d always loved to play covers. After all, they played their music constantly, it was nice to play something new. They played their own music, after all they were artists, but they loved their covers.


Midnight, just a few moments to the end of the news coverage, found them sitting on stools in front of their microphones, playing the final original song they had left in their arsenal, her song Breaking Time that had reached number one on more than one Billboard chart across the world. In front of their lowered microphones with acoustic instruments, Keely sang smoothly to the crowd that sang loudly with her. It was almost like an enormous sing along, making a fire of happiness burn brightly in the pit of her stomach.


The snow was piling on the stage, a member of their stage crew would come past with a broom, sweeping off the snow, but it was of no use. And despite the cold, Keely was down her The Stokes t-shirt, the other boys had stripped down, sweating from the exertion on the stage. Her hair was sticking slightly to her face, but it was so familiar by now she barely noticed.


When she ended the song, shaking her guitar for the wobbling effect, the applause was incredible, shaking the stage.


Glancing to the side, Keely saw Seth speaking, but she couldn’t hear the words, just the movement of his mouth. Sending him a puzzled look, Seth sighed, gesturing for her to come over to him.


Holding her acoustic guitar by the neck, she stood up, gripping her water bottle as she moved. Hastily she chugged down on it, her voice feeling raspy from the hours spent on stage, much longer than they were usually allowed during their shows. “What?” she shouted when she was just beside him, the crowd screaming making her voice sound like a whisper.


“Bring your stool over here!” he yelled back.


Even though she was still bemused Keely hastily retrieved her stool, placing it beside Seth.


Rolling his eyes, Seth pulled it forward so it was beside the microphone before gesturing for her to sit down.


Obediently she sat down, placing her guitar in her lap as she did so. Thankfully she’d been given a taller stool than the rest of the boys, allowing her to have the same eye line as Seth despite their height differences.


“What song?” Keely bellowed.


Smirking easily at her, Seth just shook his head, looking down at his guitar. But before he began to play, he sang into the microphone.



So this is Christmas


And what have you done


Another year over


A new one just begun


And so this is Christmas


I hope you have fun


The near and the dear ones


The old and the young.”


 


The smile touched her lips as she watched him. What other Christmas song would he play? It was a war protest song, that was the closest her could ever get to. Hastily Keely began to play beside him, singing when it came to Yoko Ono’s section, Marco and Colton providing the children’s choir behind them with Seth joining in when he could.



A very merry Christmas


And a happy New Year


Let's hope it's a good one


Without any fear.”



She couldn’t help but stare at him as she sang into the same microphone, their mouths just a whisper length away from one another.


Even when she was singing with Colton and Marco for the background of War is Over, if you want it, war is over now” while he sang the lead. It made her heart squeeze when she saw the belief in his eyes as he sang the truest Christmas song of all.



“And so this is Christmas


For weak and for strong


The rich and the poor ones


The road is so long


So happy Christmas


For black and for white


For yellow and red ones


Let's stop all the fight


 


A very merry Christmas


And a happy New Year


Let's hope it's a good one


Without any fear


 


And so this is Christmas


And what have we done


Another year over


And a new one just begun


And so this is Christmas


And we hope you have fun


The near and the dear ones


The old and the young


 


A very merry Christmas


And a happy New Year


Let's hope it's a good one


Without any fear


War is over, if you want it


War is over now.”



And when his eyes met hers over the mic, they stayed tight for the rest of the song.


At the end it was finally she who looked out to the crowd, tearing her gaze away from his even though it felt as if she might collapse without the support of his gaze. She smiled broadly as she looked out at the crowd that had joined in to replace the children’s choir from the original song, covered in snow but loyally staying, waving lighters and cell phones through the air.


“Well, that’s it for the guys watching at home,” announced Seth into his microphone, making Keely’s gaze snap back to him. “We hope you enjoyed watching, and do whatever the hell-” she laughed, seeing the angry looks on the television peoples’ faces, they weren’t appreciating the swearing that had been constant through the show. All four of them didn’t exactly have spotless vocabularies. “-you want to do,” continued Seth.


Cheering was pulsating again, the automatic response for a crowd when a good show was ending.


“But you guys here, we’re not stopping until we get kicked off the stage.”


Leaning over, Keely giggled but the sound was lost in the eruption of screaming, shouting and cheering at Seth’s words. It was nice not to have a time limit on their shows, at the stadiums it never seemed to be enough time.


When she looked up over her guitar, she smiled back at Seth warmly, Christmas setting in upon them.



It turned out they had been kicked off the stage.


At three in the morning the police had forcible pressed them from the stage, disallowing any more music to be played to the great disappointed of the crowd.


And that found them alone in Seth’s mother’s home, standing in a circle in the room where the only light was coming from the fire blazing in the corner. The parents had been caught up in the crowd, but they’d been given a police escort to his home because apparently they needed to be protected from their fans.


Keely and Seth had thought that was bullshit, having wanted to at least sign more autographs than they’d managed to do on the stage when things had been passed to them, signing with frozen and clumsy fingers. They’d wanted to do more for those people that had come up, Keely feeling a bond to her fans as if they were her best friends as they sang along with her music. But Colton and Marco hadn’t really minded.


“I don’t really like eggnog,” Keely pointed out in her hoarse after show voice, frowning into the plastic cup she was holding.


The rest of the boys were holding the same one. Seth raised his eyebrows cheekily at her, sending her the crooked grin. “Don’t worry, rebel, I don’t think it will make a difference.”


Shrugging, she held up her glass, tapping it to the boys’ cups.


She tossed it back hastily, not really wanting to taste it. But what she did taste burnt her throat, making her gag and sputter at the taste. “What the hell?” she gasped, wiping a hand across her mouth and staring accusingly at Seth. Marco and Colton didn’t seem to have the same surprise as her, just drinking it back easily.


“Why would anyone drink eggnog if there wasn’t rum in it?” responded Seth easily.


Keely shook her head, “There was like no eggnog in that.”


“It’s a Christmas tradition,” said Marco and Colton in unison.


Laughing, she handed them her cup for a refill.




- There's supposed to be more, but I need to sleep so I just gave you what I could.


Anyways, this was supposed to be a long rant, but I'm just giving you an explanation as to why uploads aren't going to be as regular.


I just started another job which is soon going to become full time. I'm not telling you where I work - NO JULIA YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO TELL! - because for some reason some of you like me, and I don't want to be totally lame as to where I work now.


So I have full time, along with all the horses I ride and the barn chores I do, a boyfriend who really doesn't like being ignored, I'm now a chauffeer, my needy sister is there every few seconds, my friend and her boyfriend are getting kicked out of their apartment so I need to help find them a new place, and blah blah blah, the list goes on and on.


I'm thinking about giving up sleep completely.


But when I say not so regular, I mean not regular for me, so probably about the same as most other people on wattpad lol.


Anyways I had all these funny things I wanted to say, but I'm lame and I can't remember. Now I'm going to go to sleep because I have to wake up at 5:30 tomorrow morning as I have been for the whole week, I'm going to be dead by the end of this week. Not enough sleep.


I'm going to end up killing myself for you guys! 


Lol, okay, I'm going to stop being dramatic now.


I've had four extra large Tim Horton coffees today, you guys in Canada know what I mean.


Anyways, I love every single one of you. I'll stick around!

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