Not having been sure about anything to do with the shopping trip that was coming, Keely sat in the rental car, savouring the last moments of warmth as she looked up considering at Marco’s house.

Her knowledge ended with the time and place she was supposed to show up. She didn’t know if she was supposed to drive all the women or go in a car with them, not to mention what mall they were going or where that happened to be. Apparently Dave hadn’t thought to bring her a car with the necessity of all tourist, a GPS, and it was ending with her being very lost. Finding her hotel the night before had been a journey. After an hour, and swallowing her pride, she’d called Seth to give her directions as she drove.

Pulling in a sigh that was riddled with nerves, Keely leaned into the backseat, snatching up her white knitted toque and with one last look at the house, crammed it onto her already messy hair. Shoving out of the car, she quickly skipped through the almost knee high snow in her slip on sneakers.

At the door she skidded to a stop, knocking on it hurriedly.

But when it didn’t open instantly she fell back onto her heels, hopping lightly from foot to foot in the chilly weather that crystallized her breath in front of her mouth. She quickly rubbed her hands together, blowing on them wishing vainly that she’d worn more snow worthy shoes than the sneakers.

Not having done laundry the night before, not wanting to go out to find a laundry mat, Keely had opted to create a makeshift wardrobe that was somewhat lacking against the snow covered ground and clear skies. In a pair of ripped jeans, an open hoodie beneath her jean jacket to show the black Ramones shirt with a scarf twined around her neck, she was wishing for a few more layers by the time the door opened.

Still when she spun around, she made a sound of surprise. “What are you doing here?”

Colton grinned happily, leaning against the door with his hand on the door handle. “You’re so nice to me sometimes.”

Rolling her eyes, Keely hugged her arms around her stomach. “What I meant was, what are you doing here, at Marco’s house?”

“Organizing a whole freaking concert.”

“Huh?” she asked confused, still shifting restlessly.

However, before he could answer, there were exclamations of happiness from within the house, clearly female exclamations. Jolting in shock made her realize how unused to women she was becoming, sure, she saw them all the time at the concerts or in town, but still the majority of her time was spent in a bus with three boys. It was a rather nerve racking thought. With that in mind, Keely peeked around Colton to see the horde of mother’s making their way down the hall.

But that was when the nerves from before kicked into high gear. Not only was she not a big fan of shopping – something Haley had always thought was her biggest fault – but she was going shopping with three women, and she was far from being accustomed to women in general at the moment, who were the parents of her closest friends and people who’d she’d only spent a few hours with the day before.

Yeah, Keely felt that was worthy of a few butterflies.

“Hi sweetie,” called Liz happily, brushing past both of them, pinching her cheek as she passed.

Wincing slightly, Keely rubbed her cheek looking back to an amused looking Colton, she doubted she’d ever get used to the pinching of the cheeks. But she only had a few moments of those thoughts before her attention was grabbed elsewhere.

“I’ll see you in a few hours,” announced Heather, stepping up onto her tip toes to kiss her son on the cheek.

He looked down at her with a face that made Keely bite her lips together, trying to hold back laughter, a boy could only look at his mother with that pouting face. Anyone else, he’d get the shit kicked out of him. “Can I come?” he asked in the little boy’s voice.

“No,” Heather replied easily, patting his cheek.

“But Keely gets to go,” he whined.

In response she sent him an enormous toothy smile that made him narrow his eyes.

“It’s a girls shopping day, honey, you had your chance to be a daughter, you came out with a penis.”

That time Keely couldn’t help but as she let out a loud laugh, half in shock and the rest in pure hilarity as Colton looked at his mother with wide eyes. Spinning on her heel, she took a step back so she was in pace with her immobile friend while Heather moved out of the door with Linda.

“Too bad you came out with a penis,” she told him, her voice trembling with giggles.

Colton closed his eyes. “I never wanted to hear those words from my mother’s mouth.”

Feeling much more relaxed, Keely tapped him lightly in the back of the head before moving forward as she grinned broadly. “I’ll see you later,” she called over her shoulder, following the women down to the driveway.

She was still smiling by the time she reached the group, but then the smile slid slowly from her face as she looked at Linda. Her blonde hair falling straight around her face with her unsmiling mouth, and that severe line didn’t change when their eyes met. Keely couldn’t help but wonder if the expression was because of her, after all she could remember the woman smiling and laughing with the rest just the day before.

Since she felt no love for the woman, it was only fair that Seth’s mom felt the same lack of feeling towards her, wasn’t it?

Awkwardly Keely pulled on the ends of her black knit scarf, but didn’t look away from the blue eyes.

“You brought your car?” asked Heather abruptly, making Keely finally break the contact.

“Yeah...” answered Keely lamely, forcing a smile onto her face.

Liz shared a look with Linda before proclaiming, in her usual bubbly manner, “Well then I’ll go with you and give you directions!”

This time the relieved grin that slipped onto her mouth wasn’t forced, Keely was just overwhelmingly grateful that she wouldn’t be locked in a car with Linda. It might not have been her place, but she couldn’t help the anger that came into the pit of her stomach when she simply looked at the woman. And being locked in the car with her? Yeah, that wouldn’t be a good idea.

The drive to the mall wasn’t bad at all. Unsure of what the woman beside her considered good music, Keely opted for the safe route, and played the only NSR album that she owned, their newest.

But it wasn’t until she’d parked and pushed out of the car that the shopping day really started.

Linda had her arms folded with her foot tapping impatiently. “That car is rather attention grabbing, don’t you think? Are you trying to be noticed by the press?”

Keely blinked at her for a moment, was the woman really taking a go at the rental car she was driving? But then she began to grind her teeth together as the annoyance set in. Snatching her bag from the back seat, she sent the woman a sweet smile without showing her teeth. “Your son was the one that wanted it,” she told her in the falsely sugary voice.

And it continued on that way through the shopping trip.

Throughout anything that they did, Linda kept up a steady stream of snide comments. Usually they were about the rumours that the paparazzi loved to spread about her lately, or something along the lines of wanting to gain attention – although those words were never actually said, just allusions to it. And all Keely did was return in a stiff voice, the fake smile painful as she gritted her teeth.

Because what else she could really do? Even if it wasn’t Seth’s mother, she’d always had a hard time snapping at people who were literally her elders if they didn’t happen to be snarky lying television hosts. But it did also happen to be Seth’s mother, and even if she felt no respect for the woman, she couldn’t exactly tell the woman to go to hell. It would put a bit of a damper on their friendship.

It was at the post office where one of such events happened, Liz and Heather having wandered away to look at stamps or something of the sort. Keely was handing the last box to the girl behind the counter – inside said box being the insanely expensive purse she’d bought for Haley that was apparently fashionable and held an autographed photo of Marissa James as well as one for NSR – when Linda thought it would be a good point to start in on her again.

“So you don’t feel the need to go see your family at Christmas, do you?”

Hearing the emphasis on ‘your’ Keely’s chin snapped up, her eyes holding the woman’s blue gaze steadily. So her new tactic was to make her feel unwelcome? But she bit back the words that leapt to her lip, speaking of how if she wasn’t family, then Linda could never be after everything she’d put her son through.

Instead she’d only replied in a frostily polite voice, “I have to be back here for the studio by Boxing Day. There just isn’t enough time.”

Yet the woman didn’t let up, it appeared to be becoming her mission to make any relation that could have developed between them be animosity. “It’s the twenty third, I’m sure you could make it work if you wanted,” she observed before pausing. “Or do they not want to see you?”

Hearing the words come from another person made Keely feel as if the breath had been stolen from her very lungs, forcing a breath to sweep out of her lips. But although she felt as if she should be stumbling back a step from the force of the words, she just tightened her fist, tapping it jerkily against her jean clad leg as she stared flatly back at the woman.

“I’m on well enough terms with my family,” she retorted, meaning for the emphasis on her words to come out.

And it didn’t improve from there.

There was the time spent in the chain music store where Keely had wanted to search for music for the boys, but Linda had been tapping her foot incessantly. But still she’d managed to buy a Cream CD for Marco because she knew he liked to listen to the bass tracks by Jack Bruce, and, although it made her feel rather guilty, grabbed herself the self-titled Burn To Shine CD that caught her eye, but it also gave her an idea.

Then there was the time when she’d been searching for the Quinton Tarantino collection she knew that Colton wanted. Linda just kept complaining that she was taking too long. The same thing for when Keely had been picking out a sweater for Marco as well as belt for Colton since she knew that the boys had been trying an experiment in the bus and had broken his belt.

If it hadn’t been for Liz and Heather, the entire shopping trip would have been unbearable.

Hell, even with them it was.

The only peace she found inside that mall was when they’d been in the book store, allowing Keely to search alone. In the end, she came up with the Jim Morrison biography, No One Here Gets Out Alive, for Seth.

Even when they’d sat down for lunch at the Italian place Keely had barely released her fisted hand, her hand even shaking at points when she’d been eating. Not only had Linda been making comments that alluded to the fact she shouldn’t be there or her apparent drug use, but there had been a reporter there. And, according to Linda, it didn’t matter that they’d just sat down, it was her fault for just existing.

Liz and Heather had at least been patient while Keely answered the questions of the reporter calmly, keeping herself in check for once. Being the polite person she usually was to complete strangers as she responded to questions about everything from her the expected Seth related ones to the inquiries about Marissa leaving the tour, because apparently that was public knowledge already.

Still, at the very least, the reporter had left after she pointed out that they just wanted to eat lunch. Although it was only after she gave them a fair bit of information, or at least a fair bit of fluff that couldn’t bite her in the ass later.

And Linda’s obvious distaste for her extended to one of their last stops when they’d gone into a music store.

But at least there she was oblivious to everything else.

For a while she mooned over the road worn Stratocaster that she wanted so badly. Really, she just liked the worn look, the idea that a guitar had been through so much, played all that music with all the history and still survived to play to her about it. The only problem with the road worn collection was that they were just made to look like that; there was no real history to them. She was more than envious of the old guitars Seth hoarded.

Yet, in the end, she’d left it alone; she was getting more and more money from the shows, but didn’t mean that she had enough money for Christmas as well as brand new guitar while she kept up with the money she was saving for her father and the farm. At the music store she’d found what she’d been searching desperately for, the Burn To Shine album on vinyl along with a plain metal guitar pick.

So after the day of shopping had ended, the horrid day that it had been, Keely had finally finished her shopping day. Colton getting his movies and belt, Marco the CD and sweater, and then Seth who she’d gotten the book, the guitar pick as well as the record.

And, thankfully, she was in charge of driving Liz back to her home and left Heather with Linda.

“Linda really didn’t mean everything,” proclaimed Liz awkwardly as Keely pulled to a stop on the curb. “She’s just protective, you could say...”

Hoping that the sound she made in the back of her throat wasn’t too disbelieving, she killed the ignition, hoping to get away from the topic. The very thought of the woman put her on edge. Keely couldn’t help but wonder how much she’d grinded her teeth over the hours, she had to have lost some precious teeth. She was about to speak when Liz cut in.

“They’ll be in the garage,” Liz told her smiling.

Surprised, Keely arched an eyebrow at her. “How did you know what I was going to ask?”

She shrugged with a proud little smile on her lips. “I just did. Anyways, I’ll be going to Heather’s, so you lot don’t worry about the noise.”

Although her confusion was edging her to ask what on earth the woman was talking about, Liz just shoved out of the car, grabbing her bags from the back seat and was gone within seconds. Giving a little sigh, Keely pulled on her toque again before moving her bags to the trunk of the car, knowing that Colton and Marco wouldn’t hesitate to peek through her windows to know if they got gifts.

Even though she wasn’t sure what they were doing in the garage that would have to do with noise, Keely headed towards the plain white door on the side of the house. Unsurprisingly it opened easily.

Feeling the warmth rush forward, Keely hastily shot inside, slamming the door behind her.

But she stumbled back a step in shock before she could run into a solid body, her breath getting stolen from her as she looked up flustered.

“Hey rebel.”

Pulling in a shaky breath, she responded with a shaky, “Hi.”

Mentally she was chastising herself; the stupid crush was getting worse. But things were supposed to get worse before they got better, that was the rule, wasn’t it?

Brushing her bangs back away from her eyes, she fought back the blush, forcing herself to take account of her surroundings.

Yet she couldn’t help but take stock of Seth first, who wouldn’t? The messy hair that was sticking up more in the back, the dark grey hoodie down to the plain jeans held up by the brown leather belt. But her attention was still stolen by the black Firebird that was in his hands, she really was a musician through and through.

Frowning slightly, she looked away from him around the room. The ground was plain concrete, but she couldn’t say what the walls would have looked like, covered in poster from Led Zeppelin to Arcade Fire. There were a few ratty looking camp chairs set around, Marco sitting on them with his bass in hand. Colton was looking a little put out in the corner, drum sticks in hand but no drum set, instead just a plain box in front of him.

Only then did she remember his vague words from before, saying that Marco’s parents had been fed up with the noise so they’d set up in a parking lot, and it had been there that Maureen had discovered them.

“Ah...” she breathed, a small grin stretching across her mouth. “This is your bat cave?”

“We need a cooler bat cave,” announced Colton.

Smirking, Keely crossed her arms across her chest, moving towards the wall. “The warehouse is pretty kick ass,” she told him, stopping in front of The White Stripes poster tacked to the wall. “But this isn’t bad at all, I had a hay wagon.”

“Huh?”

Shaking her head, she spun around, decidedly ignoring the question as she leaned against the wall. “What have you three been up to all day?”

“Planning a concert,” answered Marco, wincing as he played two chords on the bass. Yet Keely already found herself distracted, watching as Seth replaced the Gibson back in its case expertly. “How was the shopping day?”

“Oh, it was lovely,” she replied vaguely before her eyebrows drew together. “Wait-what? What concert are you guys planning?”

“An outdoor concert,” Colton declared.

Keely stared at him, her nose wrinkling. “Why would you want to do an outdoor concert right now? It’s freezing outside.”

“It’s for the lost concert,” put in Seth. Her eyes automatically snapped to him, watching as he flicked a plastic pick onto one of the cardboard boxes, making her feel grateful for part of her Christmas gift to him. “People hate it when you cancel concerts, so we’re going to do an outdoor one tomorrow night for free. Anyone who wants to show up can, anyone who doesn’t, well, they don’t have to.”

“Still, you’re going to freeze your asses off,” Keely observed.

Seth smirked up at her before crouching down, opening one of the four guitar cases that were on the ground. “You are too.”

“What?”

“Yeah, I thought you’d be up for it, don’t want your fans to hate you, do you?”

Unable to help herself, Keely snorted, tipping her head back a bit. “Don’t they already hate me? I’m a bad influence.”

“Ah, but the bad influences are the most prominent.”

“Oh and who says that?”

“History; you remember the badass Johnny Cash before the gospel one, don’t you?”

With that, she couldn’t help but agree. “I don’t have a backup band,” she pointed out, “They all went home to spend Christmas with their families.”

“Could you two just get to the point?” Marco sighed, picking another chord. “Because, seriously dudes, the foreplay is getting sickening.”

Keely choked slightly, but no one paid attention.

“You’ll just play with us,” Seth said, picking up that worn Strat that she’d so admired. He’d let her play it more than a few times, but it just wasn’t the same as having her own. “It’s a relaxed concert, we won’t even write a set list. It’s like a club show.”

“Do you think anyone will show up?” she asked, gaining control of herself again. “I mean, it’s Christmas Eve and all.”

Before anyone could answer, a phone rang through the room. Keely looked around wide eyed until she saw Colton digging into the pocket of his sweat pants. “Oh shit,” he muttered, standing up, “It’s the news.” Dropping his drumsticks carelessly, he shoved up, putting the phone to his ear and speaking in a surprisingly professional voice, “Hello?”

“You mean the news channel?” asked Marco, hastily putting his bass aside in order to follow his friend who was pushing out of the garage.

“People are going to come to the concert,” observed Seth.

Shocked at the sudden isolation that left her and him alone, Keely pressed off the wall, falling into one of the lawn chairs.

And she wasn’t about to doubt his words. Not when he was slipping the black guitar strap over his shoulder casually and plugging into the amp, why would anyone be bothering with anything else when they could watch him play guitar? Chewing on her bottom lip absentmindedly, she leaned forward, keeping her arms tight around her. “Don’t you think not making a set list is kind of, well... idiotic?”

Seth just chuckled, looking down at his guitar as he began to strum a few chord the rift to one of the songs off their album. “Yeah, but it’s better that way.”

“We’re not good enough to do that,” Keely grinned.

“Who says?” he retorted, sending her a crooked smile.

But she didn’t have the chance to speak more to him, because he’d begun to sing as well as play. But it wasn’t his music, far from his song.

“Anger he smiles tow'ring shiny metallic purple armour

Queen jealousy, envy waits behind him.

Her fiery green gown sneers at the grassy ground.

Blue are the life giving waters taking for granted,

They quietly understand.”

Her grin broadened as she watched him, those fingers playing across the guitar skilfully. If she was being honest, she knew that Colton and Marco were talented, but Seth was the soul of the group that made their music so much better, not to mention he was more talented than the other two combined.

It was just the truth, and there was no better way to bring her around to that realization then a Jimi Hendrix masterpiece.

“Once happy turquoise armies lay opposite ready,

But wonder why the fight is on.

But they're all, bold as love.

Yeah, they're all bold as love.

Yeah, they're all bold as love.

Just ask the Axis.

My red is so confident he flashes trophies of war

And ribbons of euphoria

Orange is young, full of daring but very unsteady for the first go 'round.

My yellow in this case is not so mellow.

In fact I'm trying to say it's frightened like me.

And all of these emotions of mine keep holding me

From giving my life to a rainbow like you

But I'm a yeah, I'm bold as love,

Yeah, yeah

Well, I'm bold, bold as love.

Hear me talkin', girl.

I'm bold as love.

Just ask the Axis.

He knows everything; Yeah, yeah.”

And at the words: “My yellow in this case is not so mellow. In face I’m trying to say it’s frightened like me. And all of these emotions of mine keep holding me, from giving myself to a rainbow like you” she couldn’t help the sigh that escaped her lips, her heart melting slightly in her chest.

She would like to tally the people in the world who could watch him play the guitar as he did while singing in that voice that sent shivers up her spine and not be affected. Keely was more than certain that it was impossible.

When he let out a sigh, his hands dropping away from the strings, she leaned back.

“How many Jimi Hendrix songs do you know?” she asked, watching as he shook his hands slightly.

“Not enough,” he replied easily, “I’m still working on Little Wing.”

The side of her mouth quirked upwards. “You love Hendrix, don’t you?”

“Yeah, he was brilliant,” answered Seth, crouching down as he placed his guitar back in its beat up case. “Everyone loves him, or at least they have to respect him. He was the first guitarist I really listened to as a kid. He was the guitarist, and Jim Morrison was the singer I listened to.”

Smiling even bigger now, Keely leaned forward, cupping her chin with her hand as Seth continued to speak.

“Really, who else was supposed to make me want to play guitar? There was SRV, but Hendrix is still going to be the best guitarist in the world for the rest of time. He did everything. The psychedelic rocker, the bluesman, the guy who lit his guitars on fire, the lyricist, the instrumental guitar tracks that were so brilliant it’s almost painful to think that they have to end. “Who I am as a guitarist is defined by my failure to become Jimi Hendrix. However far you stop on your climb to be like him, that’s who you are.”,” Seth finished with the quote.

Not knowing what to say she just looked at him, her hands gripping the ends of her scarf tightly as she looked at him. For some odd reason she felt moisture pricking at the sides of her eyes, she was getting much too emotional lately.

“C’mon,” said he abruptly, breaking her concentration. “I’m going to go to my mom’s; Marco is probably at Colton’s by now anyways.”

Keely winced immediately at the thought of his mother. “Is she going to be there? I don’t want to... impose.”

He sent her a confused look, his golden eyes flickering towards her. “No, she’s going to be at Colton’s for a while, I’m pretty sure.”

For a moment she pondered the possibilities, staring at him thoughtfully as he stood up from his crouched position with the battered guitar case in hand. She really did not want to spend another moment in Linda’s presence and her house was part of it, there was always her sanity to consider. But she was rather addicted to spending time with Seth, so her sanity wasn’t really a question anymore. It was pretty much gone.

Because no sane person would be so hopelessly obsessed with someone that was never going to feel the same way back, a sane person would know enough to save their heart from the stress and pain that was going to be monumental at one point.

“You okay there, rebel?”

His voice had her jerking away from her thoughts, and blinking she began to actually see him again. There was a slight line in between his brows as he looked down at her, just a foot spacing between them now.

“Yeah,” she told him, her voice feeling slightly alien in her body as she shook her head. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

Seth sent her a plainly incredulous look, but didn’t comment, being intelligent enough to know she wouldn’t answer. After all, she couldn’t exactly say what was going through her mind, she already acted like a gaping idiot enough of the time. Instead he just reached out, leaning down slightly so he could grab her hand, prying it away from the way she’d been clasping it tightly to her side.

In her surprise Keely allowed herself to be pulled up easily from the chair, thankful for his warm hand that enveloped hers easily since it was still cold from the outdoors. And a laugh left her mouth as he spun her around so she was in front of him, giving her a gentle shove towards the door but not letting go of her hand.

Grinning she caught her bottom lip between her teeth lightly, not daring to look back at him. He didn’t need to know that she was becoming more and more obsessed, if they weren’t on the same tour bus Keely wouldn’t doubt she’d be classified as stalking. After all, smelling his clothes was rather creepy, wasn’t it?

And there was no way she was going to say no to spending more time with him, even if it meant she might have the chance of running into his mother.

“Keys,” Seth said simply as they neared her car.

Heaving in a great sigh, Keely dug into her pocket, finally letting go of his hand in order to press the rental car keys into his palm. One day she was going to drive when he wasn’t drunk, it was her new goal.

Thankful for the fact she’d had the peace of mind to put the presents in the trunk, she dropped into the passenger’s seat carelessly while Seth shoved his guitar into the back seat. But she didn’t have the time to remember that the new NSR album was set to play before the car was started.

Looking at her with raised eyebrows, Seth nodded to the radio. “Haven’t you heard this album enough at the shows?”

Sheepishly Keely shrugged, grinning slightly. “Well, it’s not exactly the same thing, is it? I can listen to all of The Who’s albums from The Who Sing My Generation to It’s Hard, but that doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t go and listen to Live At Leeds. Or that I wouldn’t go see them live if Keith Moon hadn’t died.”

“Keith Moon died in ’78, rebel, there was no chance of you ever seeing them live with him as drummer.”

Giving a dreamy little sigh, Keely slouched back against the chair, looking up at the ceiling without seeing it while the car moved forward. “Yeah, but if I could be about thirty years older, I would totally go see it. After John Bonham, he has to be the best drummer of all time. Him or Neil Peart.”

“Well John Bonham died a while ago too, but you could probably still see Peart with Rush one day,” Seth returned considerately.

“They’re putting out a new album soon,” Keely pointed out.

“Yeah, Clockwork Angels, isn’t it?”

Shaking her head, she looked out the window. “I don’t know why I thought that you wouldn’t know that.”

“What can I say I like Rush ever since I heard Moving Pictures, that was a kick ass album.”

“Yeah, it has Tom Sawyer, any record with a song that good would be kick ass,” she replied, but her voice was becoming vague.

To her surprise they were already pulling up to a house, sliding in the driveway, the snow crunching under the wheels of the mustang. The house didn’t look too different from the rest on the street, covered in the thick blanket of snow that had fallen before. There was a beaten path through the snow that lead straight to what she discerned were steps to the small wooden front porch with the single chair placed behind the railings.

Hoping with all her heart that his mother hadn’t decided to come home, Keely shoved out of the car, wrapping her arms around her for some resemblance of warmth. She didn’t look behind her to see what Seth was doing, but from the door slamming she’d heard as well as the footsteps crunching on the snow behind her, she could only be lead to guess that he was following her up to the house.

Hopping slightly up and down in front of the door, she watched in surprise as he brought a single silver key from his pocket. “Why do you have a house key?” Keely asked incredulously, “You literally live states away.”

He shrugged, pushing open the door. “Who else is my mom going to give a spare key to if not her son?” he responded, pressing his hand flatly high on the door to hold it open and gesturing her inside with the hand that held his guitar case.

Feeling her throat suddenly tighten at the unspoken implications of his words, Keely ducked beneath his arm into the house, pressing closely against the door so she didn’t brush him.

Since no one was there and it had been a long time since she’d truly respected Seth’s personal space, Keely dipped her hands into the front pockets of her jeans and strolled into the house. It didn’t have the same warm feel as she had felt in Marco’s house, in all honesty, it kind of felt like her home back in Bellingham.

Maybe because there was only one person living in the house alone, there was none of that comforting clutter inside, in fact it was almost as if no one was living inside it. Keely couldn’t say if that only came from a lack of people as only she and her dad had been living in her house to the same avail, but Marco’s family had had that warmth yet there was only Liz and George living in there. Or it might have been the fact that there was death so closely tied to both she and Seth’s family. Or maybe it was the way they’d lived for so long, moving from city to city constantly even if they’d settled in Green Bay long ago.

The ideas were speeding through her mind as she moved farther in, but after the hallway she found herself wandering into what she was to guess was the living room.

It had the same odd unlived in feel with the clean black leather couches and the smooth rug over the hardwood floor along with the spotless coffee table. But it felt warmer, but she could only guess that it was because the Christmas tree set up in the corner, the lights stringed around it and the ornaments strewn around it. The sight brought a smile to her face.

Grinning slightly Keely stepped forward to the fireplace, looking at the mantle where there were stockings hanging off of it, but focused on the picture frames set across the top. The smile grew on her lips as she stepped closer, looking at what could only be a small Seth Vaughn. She could only wish she’d thought to look closer at the pictures that Seth had around his apartment in New York, who knew if she’d ever get another chance?

Focusing solely on the first picture, she began to chew on the side of her lip out of habit. Even as a little boy who could only be about seven or eight he had that grin, the one that had his mouth quirked up on the side cheekily, his hair was longer with some falling over his eyes, messy as always. He was holding a football in his hand.

“I didn’t know you played football,” Keely said, crossing her arms in front of her as she glanced back into the room.

Seth was leaning casually against the doorframe in the room, his eyes were looking distant as he looked around the room, but he still snorted in response to her words. “I never played football, I stole that from my elementary school, I think.”

Laughing Keely smile at him. “Stealing a football as a child? Oh, you were so badass,” she told him sarcastically.

“A seven year olds plea for attention,” responded Seth easily, smirking.

But even though the words came so straightforwardly from his mouth, Keely couldn’t help the sinking feeling in her stomach. It would have been a plea for attention, there was no doubting it. A child who wanted his mom to notice him when he was being abused by his loser of a step dad.

Hoping to not show her reaction, she swallowed the lump in her throat and returned immediately. “You know, I thought you’d be a football kid when you were in high school, full contact sport where you’re told to hit people. Plus you guys like sports.” However when she spoke, even Keely could hear the strain on her voice.

His eyes flicked to her, seeming to focus for the first time since they walked in. And that dark look that had disappeared in his eyes at the reunion with his family was back. “Yeah, no. I wasn’t too good with rules when I was in high school, so when told to hit people I probably wouldn’t. When it felt like a good point to punch a dumbass jock in the face, it was pretty amusing though. Most of the time I spent at school was in the music room on their guitars,” he finished. “I didn’t tell you about all that shit for pity, you know.”

Caught off guard at his abrupt comment, Keely felt herself stiffen. “I don’t...” she said slowly, “I just wish you didn’t have to go through that.”

He grinned, but it held no sign of amusement. “Best music comes from the fucked up, right?”

“You’re not fucked up,” Keely told him sharply, surprising even herself.

“Then what am I, rebel?” he asked, the grin fled from his face and he was looking at her flatly, no emotion in his voice or face.

“Sad,” she replied simply.

Without another word Keely turned back to the pictures on the mantel. There were no pictures of him younger than that, all the sudden jumping to an age where she could see him around Green Bay with Colton and Marco. There was one where he was huddled over a plain looking acoustic, his eyes focused. He and his best friends at a lake, the trio sitting cross legged around a fire and it went on like that. Besides the one picture that could only be from two years before because he was holding a gold NSR record, Seth wasn’t alone in any besides the football picture, always with either Marco or Colton.

Hearing a creak on the hardwood beside her, she jolted in shock, pulling out of her stupor of thought around the pictures. To her surprise she saw Seth filling the log fire, pulling a lighter out of his pocket to light the fire he was building in the fireplace. “You can build a fire?” she asked in surprise.

Looking up at her from his crouched position, Seth looked as if he didn’t know if he should be insulted or not. “What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked, straightening as the fire began to lick the logs.

“You’re a New York boy,” Keely answered, crinkling her nose.

Seth rolled his eyes, stepping back as the fire grew. “I was never a freaking boy scout, but I lived in a lot of places. Even in Texas for a while in a town with a couple hundred people, I’m not exactly a city boy,” replied he, putting on a mock southern accent.

Chuckling she looked back to the photos, putting her attention on the one where both he and Marco were shoving Colton back away from the picture as they laughed. But as she looked again, Keely saw the shadow across Seth’s cheek and eye. Frowning because the sun in the picture shouldn’t have cast a shadow like that, she looked closer in her confusion. But only as her eyes focused did she realize what it really was and began to have the urge to be sick and sudden hatred for his mother flared inside her as she looked at the healing black eye on an eleven year olds face.

Before she hadn’t hated his mother, she just couldn’t bring herself to have any respect for a woman who had allowed not only herself to be abused but her son as well. But seeing the results of what had been happening first hand in the picture made it impossible to have any questions about her feelings for Linda.

“Do you want something to eat or drink?”

Hearing Seth’s voice made her eyes snap back to the real version of him that was standing beside her. Even though she would have liked to simply hug him, Keely just clenched her fist at her side, he’d just said he didn’t want pity. And even if she didn’t pity him, doing that could only make it seem as if she did.

“Are you saying you can cook?” she teased trying to be light hearted, but her voice was shaking slightly as she stuffed her hands into the pockets of her jean jacket. “You’ve been holding out on us, haven’t you?”

Seth chuckled, running a hand through his hair and making it stand up messily, his eyes not looking dark whatsoever all the sudden. What was with his mood swings? It was as if he was purposely making himself indecipherable. “Yeah, of course. My specialties are pouring milk into a bowl and the microwave.”

Feeling a bit comforted by the fact that he did have a fault somewhere in him, Keely pulled in a deep calming voice as she tried to focus on the present. “Can you make me hot chocolate?” she asked.

“If it’s the kind that comes from the tin and you dump it into hot water, than yes.”

“Oh, I’m heartbroken,” Keely proclaimed mockingly dramatic, pressing a hand to her heart.

Rolling his eyes at her Seth just turned around, shrugging out of his sweater and throwing it on the couch before moving out of the room.

Biting her bottom lip as she noticed the appealing way that the black tee his was wearing tightened over the muscles of his back ever so slightly as he threw the sweater, Keely began to follow him. She was thankful she was behind him, because it would be just oh so awkward if he saw her checking him out so obviously, not to mention that the view from behind was more the particularly good. His jeans fit perfectly, right on the line where they weren’t tight or baggy, his dark shirt caught over the plain leather belt. But she didn’t doubt he’d look good in almost anything, her producer/co-writer had a fine ass.

When they reached an unsurprisingly almost surgically clean kitchen, she lifted herself up onto the counter casually while Seth moved to dig around a cupboard. Finding that it would probably be a good thing if she didn’t get caught staring at him, Keely was looking around the bright kitchen as he grabbed a tin of that hot chocolate mix they’d spoken about.

Not thinking that he’d actually do it, Keely let out a loud laugh, burying her head in her hands.

“I’m warning you, hot chocolate is probably out of my culinary reaches.”

“The hot chocolate will be excellent,” she informed him, lifting her head. When he shook his head at her and turned away to plug in the kettle, she pulled the toque off her head, tossing it lightly on the kitchen table.

Uselessly Keely ran her hands over her hair, hoping to smooth it, but she gave up eventually.

“I’m still heartbroken that you’re not making it from scratch.”

“You’ll get over it,” Seth said dryly over her shoulder.

At the thought of heartbreak, Keely couldn’t stop herself having no censor with him and she couldn’t help the question that came to her tongue, even though she wasn’t sure she wanted to know the answer herself. “So, speaking of heartbreak, when did a girl first break your heart?”

Seth laughed, surprising her, as he set mugs down on the counter. “What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean, some girl that you were completely in love with has to have broken your heart. Who was it?”

He turned around, folding his arms over the well defined chest beneath the black shirt, giving a shrug as he leaned back against the counter opposite her. “I’d never been in love before,” he returned carelessly.

Even though it was what her selfish self really wanted to hear, Keely couldn’t help but frown as she tugged on the ends of her scarf. “How can you have never been in love before?”

“Have you?” he countered smoothly.

For a moment Keely paused, thinking back to the only guy she’d ever been with before all the way through high school. “No,” she answered honestly, “I thought I was. I guess I assumed I was, but we were friends who really shouldn’t have been doing that. Tony was a bastard when it came to girls, but we were still friends. Really, friends who kissed. But this is me, not you.”

“You’ve never been in love, why do I have to have been?”

“Well I thought I was in love, that’s different. And you’re the romantic, you have to have thought you were in love at least once.”

Seth sent her an incredulous look, straightening suddenly. “Who was I supposed to be in love with? Some chick like Rachael? Because I could barely stand to be around her half the time, I wasn’t stupid enough to think I loved her when I didn’t even like her on the most basic human level.”

“Well that’s because she wasn’t human,” Keely smirked. “But there has to have been someone.”

He just shook his head. “No, there was no one.”

Considering his words thoughtfully, she continued to tug on the scarf around her neck absently. It was a wonder that a man who could write songs like him could never have been in love, weren’t all musicians supposed to fall in love every month? “So you’re the romantic that can write the most beautiful love songs into a rock song but you’ve never been in love? I think that’s something that needs to be analyzed by top psychiatrists.”

Abruptly he filled in the space between them until he was standing between her legs that fell over the counter. “It probably shouldn’t be,” he murmured, pulling her hands gently away from the scarf. And as if it was an everyday action, he gripped the edge of the scarf, unravelling it from around her neck.

Hoping that he couldn’t hear her furiously beating heart at the close proximity, Keely gulped. “You afraid of having someone in your head?”

“I have enough people in my head,” he replied, throwing the scarf on the table to join her toque. But he didn’t move away.

Trying to ignore the fact that her stomach was clenching to the point of being painful in anticipation, Keely looked back at him as their eyes were level from her position with her legs brushing either side of his body. He really was much too close, if she just leaned forward slightly their lips would be touching. “I don’t know what that means,” she whispered stupidly, hoping to rid herself of such thoughts.

Seth grinned at her, that crooked grin that made her want to dig her hands into his hair and pull him forward.

But the kettle began to screech.

Instantly she blinked, shoving back away so her back was pressing against the cupboards behind her, as far as way she could possibly get herself. She couldn’t kiss him, for all almost all the same reason that her stupid crush had grown around.

In response Seth pushed back away from her as well, moving to the kettle and pulling the chord out of the wall with a jerk of his hand.

As he began to dig through the drawers in search of something, Keely pulled in a shaky breath. Yeah, that was too close. She’d been so close making a fool out of herself, if the kettle had been seconds later Keely didn’t doubt she would have kissed him.

“Do you not know where the cutlery is?” she asked, wincing at the breathless sound of her voice.

“I really don’t come here that often,” Seth replied, pulling open the next drawer.

Even from where she was standing Keely could tell there would be no spoons or forks inside it, the drawer looked as if it was the junk drawer. There were some papers shoved inside, little miscellaneous objects strewn through it, pens and pencils littering the bottom and a single folded sheet of paper lying on the top.

But apparently Seth saw something in it she didn’t, because she watched as his brow furrowed and he picked up the piece of paper lying on the top. Her nerves increased as his eyes quickly scanned the paper, becoming darker and darker. When his shoulders stiffened obviously, Keely couldn’t stop herself as she pushed herself off the counter moving towards him.

Silently she stepped close behind him, looking around his arm at the piece of paper. She didn’t take in a word of what was written in the childish scrawl across the paper, her eyes instead dropped to the bottom of the page where the signature was.

And it felt as if someone had punched her in the stomach as she read the name Jack.

So she didn’t know how it would feel for him.

“Seth,” she said quietly, not knowing what else to do just placing her hand on his shoulder.

But he didn’t say a word, just moved away making Keely drop her hand. Without a word he walked from the word, not so much as glancing at her.

Even though she was feeling rather dumbstruck, she didn’t waste more than a second of staring after him. Instead stumbling after him down the hall, calling his name in hopes that he would stop.

However he didn’t just crumpled the letter in his hand, stalking into the living room.

“Seth!” she yelled, running after him.

“What?” he returned darkly, not looking at her as he threw the letter into the blazing fire he’d set up just a little while before.

For a moment she stared at the fire that swallowed the sheet, darkening it places before it crumpled into itself. Turning her eyes back to him, Keely blinked back at the fury scorching through his eyes, making the hazel look an almost dark brown. She’d never seen him like that, she’d seen him mad, sad, annoyed, amused, everything she could think of, but never with something like that.

Still at a loss at what she could do she took a step towards him, placing her hand on his arm. But the moment their skin made contact Seth jerked away making Keely snatch her hand back as if she’d been burnt. Even though she felt like trembling, she controlled her voice and asked quietly, “What did it say?”

“Does it matter?” Seth snarled angrily.

Even though she flinched at the sudden outburst, she stood resolutely still. “Of course it matters.”

“You know what, you should go,” he told her, turning away.

Hurriedly following as he moved away, Keely stopped at the doorway, her hand against the wall. “What do you mean?”

“Go back to your hotel, go to Marco’s, just go,” he said walking away without looking back.

All the times he’d dismissed her before, telling her to go to sleep or changing the subject, Keely had let it go and did what he said. But she couldn’t do that now, she didn’t know why, she just couldn’t.

“No!” she shouted angrily after him, rushing after him down the hall. “You need to talk about this,” Keely told him, skidding to a stop as she gripped his arm. “You can’t just hold all this crap in, you’re going to explode.”

“Talk about what?” Seth bellowed, spinning around in a circle to face her. Keely just met his eyes boldly, if he was going to yell that was fine, he just needed to do something. “Talk about the fact that that asshole is going to be there for the rest of my life and I can’t do anything? That I still can’t protect my mother? That I’m so fucked up that I can barely see straight have the time?”

“I don’t care!” she exclaimed, flinging her arms in the air. “Choose one, any one. Because this, the drinking until you pass out, the smoking, the getting into fights, seriously it’s going to kill you. It will Seth! You’re going to go out and get drunk one day and wrap your car around a telephone pole. I don’t want you to die!”

He dug his hands into his hair. “Keely you’re wasting your time, and you should stop trying to fucking fix me. Some people are just so fucked up there’s nothing you can do!”

“I’m not trying to fix you!” she yelled, shoving him in the chest.

“Then what the hell are you trying to do?” he returned, his eyes still furious.

Not knowing if she wanted to hit him or start crying for him, Keely ran her hands over her face. “I don’t know!”

Turning on his heel away from her, Seth swung his arm. If she hadn’t been watching, she would have missed it, but she wouldn’t have missed the effect as his clenched fist made contact with the wall.

Her eyes widened.

Seth pulled his hand away, getting stuck in the wall during the motion.

“You punched through a wall,” stated she blankly, her hands moving back to push her hair from her face and staying caught in her hand as she stared.

“It was drywall,” he replied, sounding a little confused himself as he looked at the fist sized hole in the wall, “It’s not that hard to punch through.” Wincing he shook his chalk covered hand beside him, muttering, “Fuck.”

“But what if you’d hit one of the wooden beams?” she exclaimed, panicked, “You could have broken your hand!”

Seth sighed, but was still holding his hand gingerly beside him. “Well, I didn’t, stop worrying, rebel.”

“If you’d broken your hand you wouldn’t be able to play guitar the same way!”

“I didn’t break my hand, and anyways, I think it did an even number on my wrist,” he replied, still grimacing.

Their short fight far from her mind Keely grabbed his wrist, ignoring the way he swore ripely at her touching it. She could already see the bruising coming up on his knuckles as she held it closely to her eye line. “You’re such an idiot sometimes, Ryan,” she told him, looking up at him with her words.

Suddenly he smirked, “It’s Vaughn.”

Feeling that if he was joking even weakly that it couldn’t be that bad, she dropped his hand, making him curse loudly again. “I’m sorry...” she told him, trailing off awkwardly.

But Seth just shook his head, apparently already regretting the angry words spat between them as much as she. “No, you didn’t say anything wrong, rebel, I’m sorry I went off on you like that. You really didn’t deserve it.”

“I probably shouldn’t have pushed like that.”

“No it’s fine, seriously, all my fault.”

Hearing the tell tale sound of the door opening, Keely glanced backwards, but they were around the bend, out of sight from the doorway. On instinct she stood on her tip toes, reaching up to put her hands lightly on his cheeks and tugging him down ever so slightly so they were eye to eye.

“I’m not trying to fix you,” she told him genuinely as her eyes searched his, “Because, believe it or not, I quite like you the way you are. I just want you to be happier.”

Not thinking about what she was doing, because, had she done so, Keely was sure she’d never have done it. Closing her eyes, she pressed her lips to his forehead before letting go and spinning away.

As she rounded the corner, she wasn’t surprised to find Linda standing in the doorway, kicking off her shoes.

Her eyes hardened as she looked at the woman as her entire body stiffened. Even as the woman looked at her unhappily, Keely couldn’t find it in herself to care what she thought whatsoever.

“You need to talk to your son,” she snapped at her, pushing past the woman.

- TOQUE!!! BLOODY TOQUE!

"I don't have a fucking coffee problem. You know what my problem is? There's not a fucking fresh pot!"

FRESH POT!

Ah, Dave Grohl, how you are my new favorite person in the world.

Yeah, I had this whole rant I wanted to do, answer questions and that crap, even say something about the a concert. But I'm tired and I need to sleep because I've been very busy, I should upload soon and explain everything!

Anyways, I think my sexy boyfriend neighbor is adorable. There was this whole thing that wasn't quite a fight, and I'm not going into it, but we weren't talking. Apparently he thought I was mad at him, and I was just feeling really guilty. BUT HE BOUGHT ME NEVERMIND ON VINYL!!!!!!!!

You know how long I've been looking for it on vinyl?!?!? I haven't been able to find it, I have it on a CD and on my phone, but that's not the same. I'm sooooooooo happy right now.

I just had to tell people that, even if I don't really know you guys, you just had to know that! I want to listen to Nevermind, it's masterpiece, oh my I'm just so happy. But I have to sleep because I have things to do tomorrow.

Hope you enjoyed

I'm going to spend my night lying awake wanting to listen to this album.