38.

I was laying down next to him, but I turned my head and looked at him:"Why didn't you tell me about your nightmares? And why did Malia say something about you saying my name in your sleep?".

Stiles sat up straight again and looked at me with a nervous face. He didn't know what to say.

"You can tell me Stiles", I added with a soft voice,"Only if you want to".

"Well I don't know how to start. I guess um I", Stiles didn't know what to say, not at all. For sure he was trying to keep something to himself but I didn't know why. What wasn't I allowed to hear?

"I care about you", he finished,"Always have and always will. The Nogitsune brought out the worst in me. I've killed people and it made me weaker than ever. So when I was a human again I struggled a lot".

"I'm so sorry that I wasn't there for you", I said. I wasn't sure if I should answer the fact that he cared about me. Even if I wanted to, I had no clue what to say.

"You're here now", Stiles smiled and laid back down next to me, with our legs dangling off the bed,"And in fact it's getting way better with my nightmares".

"At least I'm good for something", I mumbled more to myself, but Stiles still Heard it.

"Don't say something like that", he answered with a frown on his face,"You're one of the best and strongest people I've ever met".

"No I'm not", I shook my head. He didn't know how hard it is to keep up the façade of being strong and intimidating. Stiles never had to keep that up.

"Don't say that", he whispered, but realized I wasn't listening, making him ask:"What are you thinking about?".

"I wish I could be human somehow", I answered, staring in his brown eyes,"As if I never had to go through all of this shit that happened to me. Just be normal for once and feel human again. I wish that would be possible".

"It's possible", Stiles said with a wide smile,"I'll make it possible".

"How?", I asked confused and sat up straight.

He sat up next to me and smiled mysteriously:"Just wait and see".

I glared at him for a moment. He wasn't playing. Stiles meant what he said and for a brief moment a flicker of hope lit up in my heart. Maybe he could make me feel again. Feel something great, something that will make you smile so hard, your cheeks hurt. I miss that feeling, I miss it so much.

To be truly happy is a gift in life and Stiles made me hope he could give it to me. If that's even possible? But he said that we would make it work. I didn't know if I was fooling myself or finally something good happened in my miserable life.

"Really?", I said and you could hear my voice break. I fought the tears that made their way up to my eyes, making them watery.

"Of course", Stiles smiled and wrapped his strong arms around my body, pulling me into a tide hug. For a while I was a shattered piece of glass and he was the only thing that could hold me together.

One thing I was sure of now: Stiles was the best thing on this earth. But I would never say that out loud. I'd be too afraid someone would take him away from me again, just like every great thing that happened to me once. I would never let them take Stiles. I'd rather...die.

On this night, where I fell asleep in Stiles armes, I realized that, but it just took me quite some time to admit it.

On the following morning, I sat with Stiles at the breakfast table. He drank his coffee before he headed out to school.

"Why don't you come with me?", Stiles asked and glared at me.

I shook my head:"Nope. I'm not going to school again. It's way to late for that".

"You're 17", he laughed,"And you never graduated".

"Yeah for almost five years", I corrected him,"I don't need to graduate anything, when I can compel people".

"But it would be a normal human thing to have prom", he smiled,"You're missing out for sure".

I could tell that he was trying to get me to go to school for the last few months until Highschool was finished, just so I could get to experience a prom. I didn't know what to think. For sure I was too old for that, but Stiles was right.

"Fine", I exhaled, making him smile,"Tomorrow I'm going with you to school, but today I have to do some stuff".

"Like what?", Stiles asked curious.

"Stealing blood, buy clothes and look for somewhere else to stay. I don't want to get on your nerves", Stiles tried to protest, but I cut him off:"It's great to be with you, but I can't stay here and drink blood in front of your dad, or even store it in the fridge".

"Okay", Stiles said with a sad voice. He was staring in his cup of coffee, not able to look at me. It made me feel bad.

"But whenever you need me, I'm there for you Stiles", I added with a brief smile, making him look at me again.

Then Stiles made his way to the Beacon hills Highschool and I went to the city, bought some new clothes, because I left mine in mystic falls, and a loft. It reminded me of Derek in a good way.

My new loft apartment was looking better and was more furnished, but still there was something about it that made me nostalgic almost. I stored some blood in the new fridge and most importantly bought a new phone, with which I sent a message to Stiles telling him everything about my day.

Now it was late afternoon. The sky was beautiful orange and it was almost sun set. I was staring out of the big windows and watched the cars pass by, while drinking some blood.

Stiles blue Jeep drove by and stopped right in front of my building. A few seconds after that I heard Stiles knock on my door and I opened it. Now I was staring into wide smiling faces. Liam, Scott and Stiles.

"What are you doing here?", I asked confused.

"Stiles told us about your new apartment", Liam answered and stepped inside with the others, looking around and taking everything in,"Looks good".

"And most importantly", Scott smiled,"You're coming back to school!".

Immediately after he said that, I was pulled in a hug by him, which I awkwardly fell into. He whispered in my ear:"We're so happy that you're back".

"Well um thank you I guess?", I answered confused and looked over to Stiles, who was giving me a reassuring nod. It made me more comfortable.

Before I was able to close the door, Stiles spoke up:"Nope wait! The others are coming too".

"Oh okay", I said and walked over to the others. Liam was already sitting on my couch as if he would've lived here since forever.

Scott, Stiles and I watched him lean towards the cup, that I was just drinking of, with a smirk on my face. He breathed in the smell of the liquid and then faced us with shock on his face:"I-Is that blood?".

Stiles and I couldn't help it but laugh by the look on Liam's face. Meanwhile Scott tried to keep it together and chuckled:"Yes it is. She's a vampire. Already forgot about that?".

"Oh yeah makes sense", Liam giggled, making fun of himself. Then I heard someone enter my loft and close the door behind them. I turned around and saw Lydia, who was walking towards me with big steps. She had Malia and Allison, who was holding hands with Isaac, with her.

"Jolene!", Lydia almost screamed my name with relief in her voice,"I'm so glad that your back with your humanity turned on".

She pulled me into a tide hug and I had to admit to myself, that I've missed her. In fact I missed everyone of them.

"I've missed you too", I whispered and my voice broke, which I hoped no one heard. Lydia gave me her big and flashy smile:"And you're coming back to school too! I'm so happy when you can put Coach back in his place".

"Oh yeah he's been acting up lately with all of the homework", Scott agreed and we all sat down.

"What do you mean with put him in his place?", Malia asked curious but I could hear some jealousy in her voice.

"Oh my god", Lydia gasped,"You weren't there back then". Then Scott, Lydia, sometimes Stiles and Isaac and even Allison told the story of how I dealt with Coach Finstock on my first day.

We were all laughing and cracking up, making Stiles, who was sitting next to me, lean closer to my ear and whisper:"See Jolene. You never lost anyone of us".

And he was right. It was as if I was never gone. Lydia and my friendship was just the same. Just like with Scott. With Liam I was getting along great, even though we just met and he was a kid. Allison and my relationship was getting a little bit better, even though she dates the guy I had a fling with. Well with Malia it wasn't really nice, but she didn't exactly hate me I guess.

At the end of the evening we tried to make a plan to deal with the hitlist, but no one had an idea, which lead everyone to go back home.

Stiles was the last one to leave. Scott and Liam were already waiting at his Jeep.

"You can stay", I told him,"You always can okay?".

"I'm going to be fine without you", Stiles said but it felt more like he was telling himself that's how it would be and he wasn't quite sure if it was the truth,"But I'll call you if...you know I have nightmares again".

"Great. Then I guess we'll see each other at school tomorrow", I smiled and hugged him,"Thank you".

"I'll pick you up at eight", Stiles chuckled when he left,"I won't let you walk to school, when you're worth about 30 million or something like that". I agreed giggling and he left.

My first day of school went over very quickly. I got some confused stares, but nothing necessarily interesting happened. I mean school is just school: Teachers teach you stuff that you forget immediately after.

"So what's school like again?", Stiles asked with a grin on his face, when he sat down next to me in the cafeteria.

"Boring", I answered,"But less boring than staying at home alone".

"See that's a great thing", he tried to cheer me up, which worked, because a smile appeared on my lips.

Then Scott arrived with Liam at our table and sat down. Then we focused on an important topic they were discussing about:

"And try to keep it cool okay? You don't want to turn on that field", Scott advised and I could tell that he was a great alpha.

"What are you talking about?", I asked interested, after Liam just rolled his eyes at Scott.

"The Lacrosse game. We're playing against Devenford prep, Liam's old school", Stiles explained.

"Uh so it's going to be fun I guess", I smirked.

Scott gave me a death stare and I could tell even Stiles didn't want me to say, what I've just said. Scott spoke up with a determined voice:"No it's not fun. Tell him that he should try and calm down. Or he's going to destroy them".

"Literally", Stiles added.

I rose my eyebrows and giggled:"Okay okay. You sound like you're his parents".

"That's what everyone says!", Liam said and looked up from his food again,"I can control myself".

Scott and Stiles glared at him, which made Liam shut up immediately. I had to hide my giggle.

"Liam!", I said and kicked his leg under the table, which made him look at me again.

"What?!", he spat aggressively. Oh yeah I could tell that he was a bomb about to explode.

"Try to keep it cool. Got it kiddo?", I smiled provokingly, which worked. His heart was beating way faster.

He immediately jumped up and said loudly with gold beta eyes:"Don't call me like that!".

Comment