Machines beeping, nurses and doctors all over the place, and the thought of not knowing. That's what killed me the most.

I ended up leaving the Halloween party early last night. I told Cassie that I would make it up to her for dipping on her like that. As for Maddy I got my shit together. Emotions got the best of me so I let myself be vulnerable but I pulled it together and got the fuck away from her.

She ended up dancing with Nate and leaving with him anyway. So I was right about the shit I said in the first place. Maddy was saying a bunch of shit that she thought I wanted to hear. All I want to hear is the truth.

And the truth is, she'll never love me like I love her.

But I can't be worried about her right now or ever. One of my homeboys, Jaden, called me at the party last night. I really wish I would've answered the first time he called.

Bobby got shot five times. Early this morning I drove all the way back to Compton to visit him in the hospital. He ain't looking too good. There's a slight chance of him recovering from this.

I looked at him as he was unconscious and hooked up to all them damn machines. I hated seeing my niggas like this. It was just apart of life. Especially when you dedicate your life to the streets.

I exited his room and met up with Jaden in the waiting room. "Y'all got word on who did it?"

"They been saying it was them Santana Blocc niggas. I ain't too sure about that though. Got a feeling it had something to do with Mob Piru." He answers.

"Man this ain't looking nice for us South Side niggas right now. I swear I'ma kill whoever did this shit." I say.

"You and me both. You headed back to East Highland?" He asks.

"Nah, I'm bout to go visit the blocc and see how everyone doing. You tryna ride?" I ask.

"You know I am." He says.

_________________

South Side Compton Crips. That was the gang I claimed. They were the ones who raised me. It all started with my great grandfather. He represented South Side then passed it down to my grandfather. Next came my father and now there's me. But this is where the line stops.

I'm not raising my future kids to be in the streets. I don't want them to experience the shit that I did. In and out of juvenile detention centers, witnessing murders, being a murderer, selling drugs out of a trap house.

I'll ride and die for South Side that's why I got it tattooed on me. Kinda like how Tupac has his thug life tattoo except mine obviously says South Side. Which is ironic that I used him for an example because they accused a South Side member of killing him.

I pulled up to the same old spot that we all normally hung out at. I hopped out my car and seen everyone with their blue bandanas. I look down at my own bandana that was hanging out my pocket.

These are my people.

_________________

It's been about three hours since I've been here but I ain't mind. I've been enjoying my time. It's good to see how they've been since I left.

My phone starts ringing so I walk away from everyone to answer it. "What's up Rue?"

"Hey cousin, I have a question." She says.

"What is it?" I ask.

"Do you still make music?" Rue asks.

"Rue, I stopped making music like two years ago. You know this already." I answer.

"Well there's this open mic party and I kind of told everyone that you still make music. So now everyone wants you to perform." She says.

"Who is everyone Ruby?" I ask.

"The group. Cassie and Maddy seemed to be really excited about you performing. There's supposed to be a lot of people from school." She replies.

"When is this so called party?" I ask.

"Starts at eight." She answers slowly.

"Ruby Bennett, are you high?" I ask.

"Uh no. Pick me up before you leave. Gotta go." She says and hangs up.

She was high and I hated it. I hated the fact that she kept doing this to herself but what could I do? I've tried to help, Aunt Leslie has tried, even Gia has tried. But you can't help someone that doesn't want it. It's like the old saying 'you could lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink'.

This was just terrible. I stopped making music for many reasons. Mainly because of my harsh and violent lyrics that were used against me. A few years ago I was a suspect in a murder case and they used my own songs to indict me. I've been charged with shit many times and thrown in juvenile for it.

The only good thing is that for every charge I've ever gotten they charged me as a minor and not as an adult. Which means that I've never been to actual jail or prison but also that I've never been locked up for long periods of time.

Although I'm 18 now. So if I were to get arrested for anything now I'm going straight to federal prison and skipping past the county jail. It could be for running a red light and they'd lock me up because of my history and background.

What's even worse is that it's six o'clock. I'd have to come up with a new song within the next hour and a half. Better get on it now.

"Aye Jaden." I say.

"What's up?" He says.

"You still be producing and shit?" I ask.

"I know Y/N ain't tryna get back in the studio." He chuckles.

"Nah I only need one song but we'll see how it goes after that." I respond.

"Let's do it." He says.

__________________

I stopped by my house so I can change into something else.

I kept my blue flag hanging out my left pocket. I put on my jewelry and some cologne and left my house. I went to pick up Rue first. She gave me the directions of where this place was at.

It was already packed by the time we got there. We got inside and met up with everyone else. I respectfully said hey to everyone. Maddy was eyeing me but I ignored it and turned my focus on Cassie, who looked really fucking good.

We all talked and whatnot until I had to go on stage. Some of my boys were here tonight so that made me feel good.

"Good luck." Cassie says kissing my cheek.

"Aww." Rue teases.

I glare at her playfully. Maddy in the other hand seemed like she wanted to knock Cassie's head off her shoulders.

"Tonight we got Comptons very own, Y/N." I hear my homeboys scream and yell at my introduction.

"Shut y'all asses up." I say in the mic which causes the crowd to laugh.

The music starts playing and I prepare myself for more of an emotional song.

Summertime but it feels cold
Sun's out, it ain't shining low
I'm just tryna make it through the day
Ain't thinkin' 'bout tomorrow
As I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord my soul to keep
'Cause there's darkness all around me

Told my brother we gon' slide (Oh, yeah)
We gon' ride
'Til the wheels fall off, we gon' ride (Ooh, woah)
'Til the wheels fall off, we gon' ride
'Til the wheels fall off, we gon'

Ride and we gon' slide, free my dad he doing time
Fightin' for our lives while they get paid off our confinement
They don't like the fact I went from Honda to a 'Rari
Bust down to a Plain Jane, hate the shit you can't change

Tryna be a winner, but I still be feelin' lost in it
Tryin' not to sin, but that shit hard when niggas crossin' me
Holdin' back tears, tryna write me off
Bitch, you don't know how to love, guess your heartbeat off, yeah

I been goin' crazy, tryna save me, ain't no antidote
I would say your name, but I ain't sayin' that shit anymore
Drownin' out the pain, it's just a feelin' you won't ever know
I'm a livin' legend, I'ma say it 'til it's time to go

I done put in heavy work, future kids won't ever hurt
Ridin' for my people until Heaven make another Earth
They shot my nigga Bobby five times, I was hella hurt
Caught up in some politics, now we on some wildin' shit

I just wanna see my niggas on without the candle lit
Most my niggas learn how to get money, but can't manage it
Couple of my bitches say the word and I'ma handle it
If my heart break, no compensation for the damages

Never thought that I could feel so low
All that shit I did for niggas and they still so cold
And why that bitch I really love won't accept my lovin'?
I'm grown and I still don't know

My eyes locked on to Maddy. She seemed to be in deep thought. I don't know why I can't get rid of my feelings. Why can't I just leave her the fuck alone?

Summertime, but it feels cold
Sun's out, it ain't shinin' low
I'm just tryna make it through the day
Ain't thinkin' 'bout tomorrow
As I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord my soul to keep
'Cause there's darkness all around me

Told my brother we gon' slide
We gon' ride
'Til the wheels fall off, we gon' ride
'Til the wheels fall off, we gon' ride
'Til the wheels fall off

I hear everyone clapping and cheering and I exit the stage. I went over to my boys and dapped them up. I was talking to them about what they were about to do but the conversation got quiet quickly.

"She bad as fuck." AJ says with everyone agreeing with him.

I turn around to be met with Maddy.

"Hey Y/N can I talk to you for a second?" She asks.

"Damn that's yo girl. I ain't know you had it like that." Jaden says.

"Nigga no, shut yo ass up." I say.

We walk away to a less crowded area. There was barely anyone over here at all.

"What do you want Maddy? I don't have time to here some more bullshit ass lies from you." I say because she wasn't saying anything at all.

"They weren't lies. I meant what the fuck I said." She replies.

"Sure you did. Now what do you want?" I ask.

"Dammit Y/N, I want you." She said.

And then she kissed me.

____________________

No cap I wouldn't know how to leave Maddy tf alone either.

Also they caught Bobby ass lacking. Poor Bobby.

Not Proofread

Until Next Time