Four in the morning. That's the time I got called out of my sleep to come to the hospital. Right now I'm very fucking tired. But I'm also trying to figure out what the fuck is going on.

No one is answering my questions or really trying to explain anything. All I know is something is up with Lani. All I can do is pray that it's not serious.

A nurse walked up to me letting me know that I could see Lani. I rushed into the hospital room but the moment I did I got this feeling that something was wrong.

"What the fuck is going on?" I asked Lani who looked terrible.

"I got food poisoning. Toxoplasmosis to be more exact." She answered.

"The fuck is that?" I respond.

I ain't never heard of that shit in my life. I swear they be making up words nowadays.

"It's a type of food poisoning. An infection you get by eating undercooked or raw meat that's been infected." She explained.

I nod understanding what she was saying. "So that's it right? Everything else is good?"

"I don't know. I just woke up not too long ago. All I know is they ran a whole lot of tests and stuff while I was sleep." Lani replied.

As if on cue, a nurse walked in the room with a clipboard reading over the papers on it. She just looked like she was about to break some bad news. It's all in her face.

"I'm sorry that I have to say this but you suffered a miscarriage. The infection from the toxoplasmosis caused the death. Your immune system normally fights it off but since you were pregnant the parasite went straight after the baby. I'm sorry." The nurse said.

She gave us a much moment alone. This baby wasn't planned and at first I didn't even want it but that doesn't stop the pain I suddenly feel. My baby boy is gone.

My chest felt tight like I couldn't breathe. I looked over at Lani who had tears coming down her cheeks. I know this baby meant a lot to her. She's always dreamed of having a child.

I sat on the hospital bed next to her and embraced her into my arms. "It's gonna be alright."

It's not. I already know that. Losing a child, born or not, is a feeling that will never go away. But all I can do is give words of encouragement. Even if I'm hiding how bad I'm hurting.

"No. No it's not going to be alright. That baby was my dream. I was once told that there's a chance that I would never be able to have children. Y/N I'm 32, getting pregnant was a miracle. And it kept you in my life." Lani said.

"What?" I asked, questioning the last part of what she just said.

"People come and go. It's a part of life and I should be used to it but when really great people come along, it's different. Y/N you're a one in a lifetime kind of person. I really love the bond we have. I'm afraid of you leaving my life." She responds.

"Leilani." I start. I backed up a little to look her in the eyes. I wanted her to know that I'm serious. "Child or not, I was never going to leave you. You're my dawg and I fuck you with you heavily. A baby isn't gonna prove anything. I could've dipped even with the baby being here. But I fucks with you too much for that. We good. I'll always be here."

We hugged each other knowing that each of us is in pain. My boy is really gone. The same boy that I prayed on having for so long. This shit is so fucked up.

_______________

I sat on my couch with my feet rested on my table. It was like five almost six in the afternoon. I never went back to sleep after leaving the hospital.

I would've still been with Lani but she reassured me that she was fine, even though I knew she wasn't. I just felt better once I knew her sister would be there with her.

Being alone is the only time I'll ever breakdown like I'm doing now. I had a more than half drunken bottle of tequila on the table and a freshly lit backwood between my lips.

Despite that I still felt very sober. Trying to cover the pain of the loss isn't working. It's like the hardest part of becoming a parent. Losing your child.

Royal's gone. I thank God that I still have Riley. She's my first born and now my only child. I'd go batshit crazy if I lost her.

I hated crying but I couldn't do anything else but that. There was a time where I didn't want the baby because I was trying to pursue a relationship with Maddy. Then everything switched.

I sat and thought about it. I was actually happy as fuck. Especially when I found out that it was gonna be a boy.

One day I pray to have another boy. It won't get rid of the pain of losing Royal. But the pain will subside.

____________

Maddy's P.O.V

I was currently on the way to Y/N's house. She hasn't responded to my texts all day. And she knows I really hate that shit.

Riley has been asking for her nonstop. Usually a FaceTime call works but like I said she isn't responding. I just know it better be for good reasons.

I pulled into the driveway next to her truck. I got Riley out of the car and proceeded to the front door. It was locked but luckily I have a key. We haven't been together for awhile now and I still have a key to her house. Like I should anyway.

When I opened the door I was immediately greeted by the smell of weed. It was dark as fuck in here but I knew that Y/N was on the couch.

I turned on the nearest light and was a little concerned at the sight. Y/N looked like shit. The drugs and alcohol all on the table. She looks like she hasn't slept in awhile. Her eyes are red from what could be both crying and weed.

I seen her put away the drugs and spray some air freshener. She doesn't like smoking around Riley. I wanted to ask what was wrong but I too stunned to speak. She was just fine yesterday. All happy and whatnot. What could've happened between that time?

She picked up Riley and held her tightly like she was afraid to let go. She didn't say anything and she didn't have to. It was obvious that she was hurting.

Deciding to finally speak up I asked what was wrong. Y/N put cartoons on the TV for Riley and sat her on the other couch. I got the memo that she didn't want to have this conversation around her even if with her being too young to understand.

"He's gone." Was all that she said.

"Who is he?" I asked.

"Royal. She had a miscarriage." Y/N mumbled closing her eyes to prevent herself from crying.

I never knew that they were gonna name him Royal. That's actually cute. Riley and Royal. Anyway that's not point at all. That's actually terrible.

I always had a nightmare of having a miscarriage when I was pregnant. I don't exactly know how it feels but I know it isn't good.

And I know was against it when I found out about the pregnancy but I do feel bad for both Y/N and Lani. Nobody deserves to go through something like this.

I wasted no time taking Y/N into my arms. Me holding her seemed to put her at ease for the moment. This is like the closest we've been in so long.

I laid back on the couch while she laid on top of me. Her head laying on my boobs. I rubbed her back trying to comfort her. I just wanted her to know that I'm here for her no matter what.

Whether she knows it or not, I'm not leaving anymore. Especially not at a time like this. My baby is so sad and vulnerable. It's times like this where she's gonna need me the most.

Out of nowhere I heard her say something that I haven't heard in what feels like forever.

"I love you so fucking much." Y/N said.

"I love you too Y/N. Always will." I reply honestly.

And I do love her. Now I just have to be here for her and show her how much.

______________

I originally was gonna keep the baby. Oh well.

Not proofread

Until Next Time.