I hated being me. I hated myself and I hated what I do. The thing is that it was me and I couldn't change it. I could only apologise.

I never expected I would reach a point where I apologize for being myself.

I was sat there on a picnic table banging my head to my bag and cursing waking up today.

Some people would think "Get over it, it's a minor inconvenience". I knew that. I knew what others thought.

But. It. Was. Not. The. Same.

My mind didn't work that way. My mind thought that that was the worst thing that ever happened to me- And yes, I was aware that a lot more worse things have happened. Things that left scars. Things that not only marked me on the outside; they marked the insides too.

"Hi, Hi!" a very cheerful perky female voice broke my line of dreadful thoughts.

Why is she talking to me, I thought.

I wanted to say go away, or just flip her off, but I decided to do none. I didn't even say hi back.

"Not much of a speaker huh" she added as she laid out her food tray; an assortment of everything. "It's cool"

She rolled up a hair tie that was lounging on her wrist and put up her curly brown hair in a difficult knot.

She swallowed a mouthy of mashed potatoes, "I'm Luna, by the way"

I didn't reciprocate. I didn't want anything to do with this embodiment of joy and everything good and happy. I didn't like cheerful things because nothing cheers me up. Not that I don't try; believe me I did. A lot. Nothing works as if it's impossible to lift up my spirits.

Right then at that table, I really regretted smashing my phone.

I placed my bag in front of me and let my face sink through it, not giving any fucks about the girl sitting in front of me. Thankfully she was a silent eater or else she would be eating her foot by now.

"Hey Luna" a warm soft voice greeted Luna. I couldn't tell who it is because obviously I had my face in my bag. Probably one of her friends.

"Oh my God hi Thomas!" she cheered even more and honestly she needed to fuck off already.

"May I borrow your friend for a few minutes?" I toned them out and went on a small journey in my own head, to somewhere I really hate, yet I always find myself there.

"I don't know. Which one do you think is better?"

"I would go with the black one, it makes your earthly coloured eyes pop you know"

I put the black hoodie against my torso, then the grey one. He was right.

"Thanks Blake" I kissed his cheek softly which he rubbed in embarrassment. He loved when I did it though.

"Besides you're the one wearing it so it's gonna be good no matter what colour"

It made me melt when he said stuff like that. I was such a sucker for cheesy talk.

"You're the best"

Little did I know that he was far from best. He screwed me over. Funny how he seemed like an angel at first. I felt myself growing angrier at myself and at the world and at the skies even.

I lifted my head up and saw the Greek God sitting in front of me. And then I realised he was the one talking to Luna, which was at a table a little further away now.

"Can I- help- you?" I muttered. Why was he here? I had enough embarrassment for one day. I was literally here to avoid him.

"I just wondered if we could talk for a bit?" he asked politely but I was even angrier then because of what he said to Luna.

"We can't" I dismissed him.

"Why not?"

"Because I'm not a property and you can't 'borrow' me like you asked" I spat. I always put the dots where needed.

"Oh, sorry about that. I didn't realise saying 'borrow' would be taken as an offense"

"A lot of people don't know that they're saying offensive things so don't flatter yourself" his eyebrows furrowed but he didn't leave the table.

There was a frosty gust of wind passing by us, so he lifted the collar of his expensive looking trench coat. His clothes looked like they cost as much as mom makes a month, if not more.

"You have a point" was all he said. He was looking me upside down and it made me feel uncomfortable.

I checked my watch and there was 34 minutes left till lunch ends. An hour was an awfully long time for lunch, and this hour seemed to last a lifetime.

"What class do you have next?" he asked after a short silence.

"I'm surprised you don't know already"

"I may dress like him, but I'm not Christian Grey"

"Can you speak like normal people?" I countered. I hated when people try to act smart.

"I am not a creepy stalker" he said in an overly slow way.

We didn't say anything for what seemed like a long time, until I eventually said "Math"

He contemplated it and I figured that he was trying to remember what's next on his schedule. "Mr. Walker?" he questioned which I replied positively after checking my schedule. "I have him too"

"Oh no" it slipped my mouth before I could stop it.

He scrunched his eyebrows and gave me a side look. "You're rude"

"So I've been told"

"But I like it" wait what?

"Don't-"

"No not in that way. You're an interesting person, Raiden" he commented, which wasn't to my liking.

I. Didn't. Like. People.

"How do you know my name, not a creepy stalker"

He let out a small laugh "you were sitting on my table just ten minutes ago" oh shit yeah.

I brushed it off and packed my stuff and went for a walk around school. I liked being alone, but I didn't like loneliness.

"You could've waited for me, you know" Thomas followed me apparently.

"Why would I?"

"Fair point well made"

More than a few people were greeting Thomas as we walked side by side, and I got the feeling that he's one of the "popular" kids who I hate with passion.

"It's nice out he-"

"Please don't start small talk because I hate it" I quickly interrupted his bad attempts at conversation. I was not someone you can casually have small meaningless talk with. If it's not meaningful then save it.

He breathed out audibly. Why was he trying? What did he want? I didn't want a relationship, nor a friendship, nor even the honour of knowing him. I did well on my own, thank you very much.

"Look if you're looking fo-" before I could finish my sentence, someone knocked into me from behind and had me face first into the dirt. I had to actually spit dirt from my mouth. The person who pushed me was no where to be seen as if they just did it and vanished into thin air.

I felt like just digging the rest of the dirt with my hands and then pile it over me and get it over with. It was obviously God telling me to just die already.

"Give me your hand" Thomas reached out to pick me up, and upon seeing that his hand was about to touch me, I freaked the fuck out.

"DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME" I screamed, scaring him off.

"I just wanted to lift you up"

"I don't want any help I'm good" I dismissed him and stood up. My clothes were dirty and my hair had grass in it. My cheek burnt a bit so I assumed it got scraped in the process.

Another mark to add to my map.

After I dusted myself and picked up my bag, Thomas wasn't there.

I was alone at last, but for some reason I felt lonely.

More next Saturday! Let me know what you think and enjoy x