17:Let Me Fight Your Battles?

Raiden's P.o.v.
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"Isn't it fascinating?" I asked, my eyes searching the horizon for nothing in particular, just taking in the scenery in front of me.


Second time him and I are on this damn cliff. Somehow fate ends up dragging both of us here. Who knows why? Maybe because I was always on edge, but why him?


We were sitting on the hood of his shiny expensive looking car. It was a little windy, chilly and crisp breeze was brushing us lightly. However, I wasn't talking about the scene. We did not have any poetry to recite, or anything to write on our arms. We only had fear.


"what is?" Thomas asked.


"How we're always one second away from death. A thin line separates life from death, and I almost crossed that line today."


"Are you going to tell me why did you almost kill yourself? Don't I at least deserve that?" he asked hopefully. Little did he know that he deserved everything and not only that. "and why were you doing it in your pajamas for that matter"
I totally forgot that I was in my pajamas, which resulted in a barely noticeable blush across my cheeks.


"This is all I have left" I answered, ignoring the first question, hoping he wouldn't press it any further.


"I beg to differ" he said. "you have a lot of stuff left. They don't need to be physical, tangible objects, but l'm pretty sure you have something other than your Pj"


"You went way too deep in this. You know what I meant"


"I know what you mean, I'm just trying to put some positivity in you" but it was like putting all your hopes in a wishing well that is directly connected to hell: it won't get you anything good.


I let out what I thought was a choked laugh "I appreciate it, but it's going to take a lot more than a few positive words to fix the mess I'm in" I said helplessly.


I was a photograph that was ripped to shreds, then soaked in water, then clumped into a chunk of wet ugly ripped unfixable mess.


"So I take it that you're not going to tell me what happened?" like I expected, he brought it up again. The truth is I didn't know how, or where to start. Everything was too jumbled in a dense knot.


"I don't know how to explain, and frankly, I don't know if I want to talk about it with you" I only realized how harsh it sounded after I said it. "I...didn't mean it that way" I said apologetically when I saw the hurt in his features.


"It's okay" he spoke, sounding defeated. His tone clearly implied that he was giving up. I knew that tone very well. "l can't force you to like me the way I like you, and I can't force you to open up to me. I only hoped you'd let me in like I let you, but it's okay, really."


"Thomas, no. I really like you. Really really like you. And that's why I can't open up to you." I knew I sounded paradoxical, and I could tell he was confused by the way his eyebrows arched, against a usually not-so-expressive face.


"What do you mean?"


I sighed, "l don't want to let you in because there's nothing really nice to see. I'm scared that you'd think less of me, and distance yourself, and as pathetic as it sounds, I don't want that to happen. I'm growing fond of your gestures and they make me feel good, which is not something that happens to me often, and I know it's selfish of me, but I don't want that to go.


His eyes gleamed with something I didn't recognize, something good nonetheless.


Pride, maybe? I mean I was surprised at myself that I managed to speak something longer than one sentence without closing up on myself again, and that was only because I was talking to him.


Him.


"Will you let me hold your hand willingly?" he asked as he lay his hand open for mine. I went over it for a second in my head.


Hand holding won't hurt me right? I could always let go of it when I'm scared or threatened, not that he scares me or anything.


My hand hovered in the air for a bit. I could do it right? I could, yeah. It was easy; just put your had on his and clutch it. It doesn't need much of a thinking. Then why was I debating it like it was some political agreement.


You know in a way, it was. To me, it was. I was agreeing that he could touch me, even though just a small touch, but touching nonetheless.


After an eternity or more, Thomas's open hand started to retract slowly back to his side. Just like it always does every time he reaches to touch me and realises I'm out of bounds.


I slid my hand in his. "yes, you can hold my hand, anytime you want" I said to show him that I do trust him in a way. I just hoped that he knew how much this meant to me, as simple and silly as it is, yet a part of me was reassured that he knows.


"Mom is back in town" I spoke after an episode of comfortable silence.


"I'm assuming that didn't turn out well?" I shook my head.


"And that's why you're here?" he asked seemingly not convinced that that was the reason why I was debating the last resort, death. I wasn't convincing myself either.


"I guess not"


"You poor troubled boy" he squeezed my hand a bit "You make me regret not approaching you any sooner" I was seeing a much gentler side of Thomas. A side that I was newly discovering, which was very caring and sympathetic.


"Come on, let's take you home" he said as he jumped off the hood, still clamping my hand.


His warm hand felt like it wasn't going to leave mine anytime soon.


"I don't have a home anymore"


"I never took you as a drama queen, now come on."


"No you don't understand" I argued. "No one understands. My family thinks I'm the reason why bad things happen. Heck they're right. And I don't know what to do about it."


"Raiden. Raiden" he tried to calm me down. It worked. "I'll take care of it. All of it. Just trust me."


"And how will you do that?"


"Just. Trust. Me. Okay?"


Something I never thought I would say since I lost all hope in life and death alike.


"Okay. I trust you."


He revved up the engine, the whole car turning to life. Its seats were comfortable and beige against a silver frame. He immediately turned the heater as I was shivering a bit from the lack of clothes I had on.


He only let go of my hand when he switched gears from P to R then D, and then held it again when he was roaming the streets. He took the words 'any time you want' too literally, but l was okay with it. I liked it actually.


We were stopping at my house sooner than my liking. I wasn't anticipating what was going to be the outcome.


On the way here I told Thomas a short summary of our brawl before I left so he didn't feel too left out.


When I got on my feet and closed the car door, a second door slam followed.


"You didn't think l'd let you go back alone, did you?"


As grateful as I was, I didn't want him to come with me. "Do you think it's a good idea if you show up with me? What if she lashes out on you?"


"It'll be fine don't worry about me"


"As you wish" I sighed and went up to the door. It was pointless arguing with him.


I had to knock since I didn't have my keys. A few seconds later and the door swung open.


"Oh thank goodness" Aiden sighed in relief, giving me a small hug. "Thank you so much" he thanked Thomas for bringing me back.


Little did he know that Thomas brought me back to life and not just home.


"Where is she?" I asked quietly, not wanting her to hear me.


"She's in the living room. I talked some sense into her I think she has calmed down" Aiden said, ushering us in. "Listen Rai. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. It's not your fault that things are the way they are."


I shrugged, not really feeling like talking anymore.


"Is it okay if I talk to her first?" surprisingly Thomas said that.


Honestly at that point I didn't care who does what.


"Do what you want. I'll be in my room".

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