Just stop

Recap...

"You're so strong and brave, don't blame yourself," he says. I cuddle into him more. I eventually drift off to sleep forgetting about my problems.

Kiera:

I wake up on top of a hard pillow. I look around as I get up and the memories of last night come flooding back. Oh shit. I grab my phone and check the time. 7:06. "Adonis," I say shaking him. He wakes up fast. "We need to go, I have to get back to my cousins," I say. He looks confused. "Why would you go back to them?" He asks. I don't know the answer to that. I fully intended to not return but I don't have a plan. I don't even have my spare phone so how could I get in contact with Tony? "Because I just have to ok," I tell him as I get up and put on my clothes from yesterday. He gets up to and goes to his closet. Probably getting dressed. I wait and he comes out a few minutes later.

"Let's go," he says and leads me out of the apartment. When we're halfway to the house Adonis says, "If they do anything else just tell me, ok." Why would he want that. "Um, ok," I tell him. "Promise me, please," he says as we pull up a block away from the house. "I promise Adonis," I tell him and get out of the car. I swear I saw a smile on his face as I walked away.

I make it the the house at 7:33 and climb through the window. I freeze when I see Alfeo in my room looking straight at the window. He stands up and comes towards me. "Where were you?" He asks. "I left to sleep at a friend's house, I didn't feel safe here," I tell him. His face softens a bit and he starts talking again "I covered for you to Allessandro, he doesn't know you snuck out. Get ready for school, Matteo's taking you. Also Allessandro says you can't eat breakfast now because you missed family breakfast time," he says as he walks out. I just roll my eyes once the door closes and walk towards my closet.

Maybe I can trust Alfeo. I'll text Santo later about it. Santo knows his brothers more than I do so he'll know if he's trustworthy and if he can keep a secret. I go into the bathroom and do my usual routine. And walk downstairs. Matteo drives me to school without a word and I get out as fast as I can. I'm not even sure if I want to deal with today. But I can't skip.

Her outfit. Pretend the shirt covers her stomach and is long sleeved.

I walk in and everyone stares at me as I walk to my locker. They start whispering and I try to shut them out. "I can't believe she had the guts to come to school." "She looks better in the photos." "I heard she told them to make the posters." "God she's such a slut." Those are only some of the things I heard as I walke to class. I just hide in the back. I don't even want to be here.

I go back to my locker after 8th hour and grab my things. I hid in the bathroom during lunch because I didn't want to hear all the rumors. Couldn't anyone realize I was raped. They seriously think and unconscious person can consent? They have bricks for brains. I almost make it out but I'm shoved to the ground. I groan. That hit my bruises. "Did you enjoy the posters slut," Chantel says. I look up at her. I'm pissed. More than usual. "I told you to stay away from Adonis and you didn't listen. Maybe that will make you realize you shouldn't mess with me," she says and walks away. I just pick my stuff up and storm out. I don't have time for this shit anymore.

Time skip. Monday.

I walk through the school and everyone's staring at me and whispering. We have a stupid assembly because of the posters. I never should've come here. I sit in the back of the room and wait for it to begin. The principal finally comes out and starts talking about the school values. I roll my eyes. This is a load of shit.

He finally starts talking about the posters. We don't condone this blah blah. This is a huge violation of our school. What about the violation against me? Those were my photos from my rape. It is important this doesn't happen again blah blah blah. I stop listening after that. I really don't want to hear this stupid speech anymore.

It finally ends and we leave. All my teachers look at me with pity. The students either look at me with pity, anger, disgust, or lust. I hate pity and this wasn't even my fault. Why are people angry or disgusted with me. Be disgusted and angry at my rapists. And don't even get me started with the guys looking at me with lust. It's fucking disgusting. They're horny over a girl who they saw being raped? They have no morals as long as they see a naked woman.

I get home and take a shower. Today was such a mess. I just need to feel something. I start cutting my thighs. I don't care where I just want the pain. I continue cutting until both my legs are covered in blood. I rinse my legs off and step out of the shower. I hide the knife as usual and clean my cuts. I get pants on and pause looking at myself in the mirror. Everything just hits me.

I've been abused and tormented my whole life. I turn 17 in 2 weeks and I've only lived with abuse. Yes I have some breaks here and there with the few nice people in my life but that doesn't cover the fact that my own blood abuses me. First my father and my brother and now my cousins. I've been raped and beaten to many times to count and I've never been safe.

And the time I finally get away from my father I fuck it up again. It's my fault I'm abused. If I didn't kill my mother I wouldn't have been abused by my dad. I wouldn't have been sold and raped. I wouldn't have gone through any of that. And if I had just fought against that I wouldn't be getting abused again. If I hadn't gone to that party my cousins wouldn't be angry at me. I wouldn't have ruined the family name.

I fall to the floor having a panic attack. I can't do anything but cry and rock back and forth. I just want the pain to end. I don't want to live through anymore pain. It's all I've known. Why do I have to go through this? Why did I have to be born a mistake? I continue having a panic attack but I hear someone unlocking the bathroom door. I feel them come closer and hug me. I lean into it, it's nice having comfort. I don't care who it's from anymore I just need it.

A/N

Just clearing up something. Kiera's brother's are no longer in the picture. Allessandro, Matteo, Antonio, Santo, Luca, Alfeo, and Marco are her cousins and they are brothers.

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