Recap...

Today has been such an long and surprising day. And seeing Tony also reminds me that I still haven't figured out who some of the men following them are. But I don't have my laptop so I'm just going to go to bed and worry about everything tomorrow.

Kiera:

I wake up in a cold sweat. I had yet another nightmare last night. Actually a memory but it wasn't exactly a dream either. It's still dark out so I'm assuming it's early morning. I decide to get up, there's no way I could fall back asleep after that. I walk over to the mirror where I hide my phone. I check the time and groan. It's fucking 3:48 am.

There's no way I could fall asleep again so I'll just have to deal with it. I go to my closet and pick an outfit and then go into my bathroom. I locked the door and set my clothes on the counter. I'm not taking any chances. I strip out of my pajamas and look in the mirror. My wounds have fully healed up at this point and have left scars. I have a ton of scars everywhere. I don't hate them. I hate what they represent. All the abuse I've dealt with throughout my life has stained my skin permanently. A permanent reminder. I can't believe I almost started to trust my biological family. At this point I think I can only trust Santo. I at least have one cousin. God I can't believe I'm even upset about this. It's not like my own father abused me. This isn't new to not have a good family. And at least now I have someone in the house I can actually trust in. Unlike my old home. I need to stop caring about my cousins and work on getting out of here. I don't need more memories of abuse. More stains of abuse on my skin. I'll get through this and I'll escape this time. I don't think it'll be easy though. Although I have Santo to help me I feel like something with go wrong with our plan. I feel sick. Like something bad is going to happen that I can't stop or get away from. I don't know what it is though.

I finally walk away from the mirror stopping my thought as I step into the shower. I wash my body and then my hair. I love the calmness of a hot shower. After shaving I just stand under the warm water enveloping my body. I feel as if it's washing away my pain and suffering. Although I know it can't. I start to think about my situation again. I just have to play my part and act submissive. Just like when I was living with my father. I was stupid to think it would help me then. So then why would it help me now?

Flashback

I'm running through the woods. I don't know where I just know I need to get out of here. Last night was the worst night of my life. I can't believe my dad did that to me. No. Not my dad. He lost that title. Rodger. He's my own blood. My family. As I'm running I feel my feet being cut up on twigs and rocks. My tears are blurring my vision as I wipe them away attempting to clear them. My body is sore, I've been raped again and beaten. I can feel a black eye forming from when I tried to hit him when he wanted me to suck him. I feel so disgusting. I just want to get away. I continue running until I can't anymore and I find somewhere to sleep. I eventually find a small cave and crawl in. I hope they don't find me. As I fall asleep I hear Rodger's voice ringing in my ears, "I'll catch you you bitch. When I do you better pray that I don't kill you."

Next morning

I wake up and I'm still in the cave. Thank God he didn't find me. As a fully wake up and rub my eyes I remember everything that happened last night. I don't know what I feel. I have so many emotions right now. Anger, sadness, pain. I feel everything right now. Physical pain is bad but I would argue that emotional pain is worse. I slowly get up and look around. After I see nothing I start running again. At this point he has to know where I am. So I keep running. I can't let him catch me.

After running for what felt like hours I was suddenly picked up off the ground. Before I could even react I feel something going into my neck and then I feel nothing. Darkness soon follows. Before I fully passed out I heard laughing. Rodger's laugh.

5 days later

I'm allowed upstairs now. I don't even want to tell anyone what happened. It's just to much. I don't ever want to go through that again. I don't ever want anyone to know what happened. I can't even think about it. I don't want to. I just know I have to act loyal. If I ever want to get out eventually. I have to do what Rodger and his friends say. I have to be submissive. Although I'm only nine I still have my pride. So it hurts to do this. But it will hurt more if I don't. I just feel numb. I can't even look at Rodger in the eye. I don't think I could ever be the same. I don't think anyone could break me as much as he has.

Flashback over

I turn the shower off and wrap a soft towel over myself. I hate my memories. I just wish I could grow up normal. Hell. I would even be ok if I was just physically abused. But sexually. That's a different kind of pain. I thought what happened that night would be the worst night of my life. I was so wrong. I learned eventually there were even worse demons lurking. Even worse abuse that was waiting for me. I still don't talk about that night though. I don't think I'll ever be able to tell anyone. That night I was brought back home after running away was the first time someone broke me. The first time you break hurts the hardest. The second time it's not so bad. The only thing is. The second time it has to be worse than the first time. It just doesn't leave the same mental scar.

That night is the perfect reminder that I have to play my cards right. My plan never worked then. I need it to work now. I need to plan more. There can be no holes in my plan. For now I just have to stick to my act. No one besides Santo can know. I can't have to many people involved. That can easily ruin my plan. I've already learned my mistake. But that's a story for another time.

After drying my hair and my body I finally get dressed. I cover up my scars with concealer and foundation. And put my clothes on. I decided to make myself feel better by putting on a cute outfit with my favorite leather jacket. Although I'm not sure can make me feel better or calm my nerves. It's nice to try.

Her outfit.

After I finish getting dressed I leave the bathroom. It's still steamy in there so I watch as the steam flows out. I wonder how long I was in there. I go over to the mirror and grab my phone again to check the time. 5:06. Damn I was in there for over and hour. Eh. I don't have to even be up until 6:00. So it's fine. I just hope I can stick to my act. I'm turning off my emotions for now. I know it sounds crazy but it's possible for me. To just not feel anything. It feels so much better than breaking down. The only bad thing about it is, it only happens in public. In private I'm back to over thinking. But it's fine. I can deal with it. Speaking of over thinking. I have to find out all the men that were following Tony and my babies. I'll have to get my electronics back from Allessandro though. Ugh. I hate that man. I can't believe he so boldly talked about arranging me a marriage in front of me. I want to choke him out and watch the life draining out of his eyes. But for now my main priority is self preservation. I just hope today goes well.