Tammy's POV

“So, where are you taking me?" I asked, just to break the silence. We're already on the road for about thirty minutes and I really don't know where is he taking me. He said that he reserved us somewhere quieter than the café nearby. Well, I got to agree. We both really need to talk somewhere more private.

“El filete” He simply replied, It was my brother's favorite steakhouse, but I didn't know that they were still operating.

I turned on my location in case Troye was wondering where I am and texted him a brief message about what is happening right now. Though, he never really asked me directly to update him every time, but, we both think that we should let our partners know whenever something came up or whenever we are deciding about something atleast someone could help you instead of suffering alone.

He parked the car near the restaurant where we would eat. I roamed my eyes around and noticed some changes in the area, there are a lot of new stalls beside the steak house that makes it the oldest restaurant in this area.

Devian quickly went outside the car and immediately went on my side to open the door.

This is the Devian that I know, the gentleman.

He held my hand to help me get out of the car but, I immediately snatched my hand away from him. I wasn't comfortable with his touch.

We went inside the restaurant and was greeted by the manager, Devian told them his surname, and they immediately brought us on a nice table far from the other customers. Well, it was more like he rented the whole floor for us.

We need to talk privately so this table is perfect.

"Should we order first?" He asked, I nodded.

He ordered a steak with potatoes and mushrooms on the side, while I ordered a roasted chicken with salad.

"So, How are you?" He uneasily asked,

I smiled and then replied, "I'm fine, and I doing great in life,"

"How about you?" I asked.

"Well, you can tell that we are kind of the same, but I am still saving my company after it shuts down four years ago." He smiled,

I was about to ask something but the orders was delivered, the waiters immediately left us after so the whole floor has no one but us.

I told him that we should eat first before talking, he gladly agreed before starting to eat. Atleast we still have our appetite before we reminisce.

Devian get something from his pocket, it was an old paper, it was slightly ripped on the side, so, I assumed that it comes from a notebook or journal.

Devian smiled as he opened the paper, "Do you remember this?" he asked, and then handed me the piece of paper.

It was the bucket list that the two of us made when we were younger, some parts are unreadable, that leaves almost half of the bucket list wiped out.

The title of the bucket list says "Dev & Tam's Future List"

I chuckled while looking at it.

"It seems like we already achieved the things that are written there, I mean the first three because I wasn't able to recall the last three." He smiled while saying that.

The list is about us getting married, being successful, and travel different countries.

Well, obviously we got married and divorced, we are both successful businessman and woman, and we travelled different countries because of out of the country conventions before.

"Yeah, atleast we accomplished some." I replied before looking at him, he seems sad.

"I want to apologise Taylor Marie, I've had been an ass, I shouldn't have treated you that way, Karma really got me after you left." He said

"Is it okay if I ask what happened in the past four years?" I asked, while handling him over the piece of paper.

"Well, a week or two, before you left. Lauren came to my office and told me everything about why she left. Everything came back to me, and guilt was really eating me after all of what I've done to you. And when I was really eager to make it up to you, I started it without telling you what happens, maybe it was my mistake. I should have apologized to you first be making a move. But, the day I woke up with the letter that you wrote, and you were gone," He started. And I was listening intently. I have no plan to interrupt, I need to know his side to sort things out.

"I went to your parent's house to look for you, but your brother stopped me from looking for you. He made me sign the divorce papers, he told me to let you go because you suffered too much and it is the least that I can do to make you happy and keep you from being miserable," He paused for a little.

"There I thought, maybe it was time to let you go. So, I signed the divorce papers immediately and went home, but that didn't stop me from looking for you. I searched for you Tammy, I did. I looked for you everywhere! But you were so good at hiding. I was so busied looking for you and forgot to take care of my company, I just realized that I let my company lose the investors. Luckily my father helped me, but it wasn't enough to get it backed the way it is used to be," He said, when I felted, that he has nothing to say, I asked again.

"Why did you looked for me Dev?" I asked curiously.

"Because I love you, maybe I'm too late to realize that, but I love you, Tammy. I realized it when I woke up without you by my side. I realized how dependent I am on you, I realized how hard it was for you when you were with me. And guilt was eating me every time I looked at our house, I guess it is really true, that you'll only know that you love someone when they're already gone." He said it with his eyes full of regrets. I was still in awe because of his confession that I couldn't even utter a word.

"Tammy, would you give me a chance if I ask you?" He asked the pleading that is evident in his eyes.

"We can still be friends," I answered, Even though I know at the back of my mind that it will never be the same. He immediately shook his head.

"No," he uttered.

"You know what I mean Tammy, can you give me a chance? Can we start over? I promise this time I'll love you much better. I'll do anything Tammy," He held my hand and pleaded.

"I can't Dev, what we had before is over. it's all in the past, I love Troye more than I loved you. He made me realize a lot of things, he let me grow and go out of my comfort zone. And he was with me when I needed someone to hold," I said, looking directly on his eyes, he was silent.

"Why him?" he asked like he didn't hear my reasons. I smiled bitterly.

"You see, when we got married, all I care about is you. When I heard about the marriage that our fathers talked about, I opposed in an instant, because I know that you love Lauren, and you will be mad at me if I agreed, and I don't want that to happen." I said, his eyes widen a bit,

"Then why did you agreed?" He asked.

"I found out about Lauren, and that Peters plan, and I thought if I agreed to marry you, I could save you from their plan, and it did. But, I suffered, I never thought that you could lay a hand on me. In those years of marriage, all I wanted to be was for you to finally come to your senses and stop physically hurting me, because the Devian I knew, never hurt me. He was my protector, but you changed, and I am the one to blame, but I never lose hope, every night, I would pray for you. It was never really my plan to give up on you, but when I found out that I was sick, I thought of it as a sign to stop, to give up," I said, tears started to stream down my face.

"You were sick?" He asked, a bit surprised. of course, he doesn't know.

I smiled and nodded, "Heart failure,"

"I've been experiencing some symptoms even before we got married, but I never entertain those. That is also the reason I move out of the country, Troye looked for the best cardiologist, and he found one in Europe." I explained and smiled a little.

He grabbed his hair out of frustration, and let out a huge sigh.

"Why, why didn't you tell me? I am your husband! I should have known! I could've helped you..." He looks down, tears are starting to flow out of his eyes.

"Tell you? And then what? You'll celebrate because I am going to die?" I said.

"No, Is that what you think of me?" He looked at me with sharp piercing eyes.

"No. But that is what you put into my mind, you kept on repeating that you will be better, and be happy if I just died!" I said bravely. He again looked down the floor.

I calmed myself after my sudden outburst. Then, silence enveloped us for the whole of 10 minutes.

"When I found out that I was sick, and Troye volunteered to help me, I told myself that I would stay with you for a week before leaving. And staying with you for that week makes me think if I should just leave you or stay with you, it made me confuse, you were so good to me that week! and it made me hesitate to leave!" I wiped my tears as I continue, I didn't even know why am I crying. He just stayed quiet, giving me a chance to talk without interruption.

"But I need to collect myself, even though I knew it would be hard for me to leave you, I did. Because I already lost a lot of me when I stayed with you, so, I chose myself. And that was the greatest and most right decision that I had made in my life, Look at me I'm still alive," I tried to crack a joke at the end, but I failed because he is still looking down.

"I-I am sorry Tammy, I get that now. You don't deserve me, you deserve someone like Troye. Someone's who's capable of taking care of you, not some bastards like me." he said while sobbing.

"It's okay, I just wanted to be heard, I already forgave you years ago, you were good to me, and you know that I never hold grudges." I smiled, and reached for his hand on the table to squeeze it. He smiled weakly to me.

"I don't know if you would come but here is the invitation for our upcoming wedding, Troye said that I could invite you," I said hesitantly. While handling him the card from my bag.

"I'll try to come, but if I didn't, I wish you all the best. Maybe I really need to move on from you, you were the best person I met and I know that I waste my opportunity with you." He said, sadly.

"You'll find the right one for you, you were just too invested on finding me, you should come out, and have fun. Your life isn't over yet Dev, you can start again, you don't have to feel guilty anymore." I said while looking into his eyes. He smiled and nodded.

"I'm really sorry again Tammy, for everything." He said before getting out of the room. Tears stream down my face ones again, but atleast I can now finally say that I am free.

To be continued~