Requested by @augustheadley2

Red carnation-my heart aches for you

You keeled over the the toilet bracing your stomach as tears blinded your sight. You felt unbearable pain in your torso as you tried to get the last bits out of your system. You could feel them lodging in your throat, gripping onto your esophagus as if to say, "You can't get rid of me."

Like a damn cockroach, it always comes back when you least expect it. Arising from the dead, the silence, to remind you of what you yearn for.

Love.

That's what caused this brutal pain. That's what has you face first in the toilet throwing up these stupid petals. It's what made you avoid gardens and flower boutiques all your life, well, since you noticed your feelings, that is.

You were sick of it. Absolutely dreaded when he visited because you knew what would come the second he turned away. The second you remembered was the second it would come back. It made you want to claw through your chest and get rid of it once and for all. Maybe then it wouldn't dare to come back the next time.

The cleanup wasn't easy, either, no no it was a complete pain in the ass. You couldn't tell him, and you couldn't let him see. You didn't deserve it, at least, that's what you truly believed.

A knock on your door. Damnit. He's here earlier than expected. You flushed and brushed your teeth quickly. As you flossed the damned petals out your teeth, you hear his persistent knocks. "Yeah I'll be there!" You called out.

You checked your appearance, no petals in sight. You finally let him in.

He smiled at you, that damn smile that made you forget all the fuss that happened mere seconds ago. His wings raised with excitement upon seeing you as he swung two grocery bags full of takeout and assorted snacks. "Hey, what took you so long? The foods gonna get cold," he greeted and squeezed by you.

He made himself at home by kicking off his shoes, setting up plates and cups, and turning on the TV. It was movie night after all. Every Saturday Hawks came over to watch a movie with you, whether a new one or rewatching an old movie you both loved. It was a tradition since you both were kids. You're his best friend after all. Friend.

You could feel that disgusting bubbling in your stomach, the impending doom that was your feelings coming out in the form of Spring's mascots. You held your stomach to soothe the ache beginning to form and hoped you could hold it in until he leaves.

"What movie did you pick?" You asked as you started to scoop up some takeout and toss it on your plate.

You waited for Hawks to answer as you calmly gathered your food for the movie, but Hawks was taking too long. You finally looked up to see his concerned expression. You dropped your fork as your heart raced and your mind filled with worry.

"Are you okay, what happened?" You asked him.

"That's what I was going to ask...," he trailed off as he reached over and picked off something from your jaw. You see in his hand the all-too-familiar petal from a red carnation. You cringed inwardly and cursed yourself for not cleaning up good enough. You made sure to look in the mirror three times, how did you miss it?

Shit shit shit shit. Think!

"I've been into gardening this past week, I thought I cleaned up better. Sorry," you reply nonchalantly and tried to play it off by scooping up more food.

"Do you have... it?" He asked silently, as if afraid to hear your response.

"It? What are you talking about?" You ask feigning ignorance as you passed the boxes you already got food from.

"You know what I'm talking about," he answers almost a little too sharply.

You ignore him as you pick up the remote to play the movie. Please, don't ask anymore. Just let this slide. Please forget about it. You feel the rumbling in your stomach as the petals threaten to share your secret.

"Is that why...?" He trails off as his eyes widen with his sudden realization. "I didn't want to say anything but I noticed you were getting sick and never getting better. You've been sickly and pale and, and avoiding me. You never want to go out with me but make exceptions for movie night. I heard you."

"Heard me?" You ask as your heart raced with anxiety. Don't say it. Please, please, please. Let this be.

"I heard you throwing up. And I know you're not pregnant. You have the Hanahaki disease, the one that's been going around recently, right?" He asks as he stares at the carnation petal between his fingers.

Your stomach stabbed your insides, warning you of what's to come. And all you can think was, please not now. You can feel the nausea building up and you wanted to kick Hawks out of your house. Anything to make it all go away, but you didn't want him to leave. As he said, this was the only time you got to see him. And it was being ruined because one mistake.

"That disease is a myth, just some ploy to scare off the citizens and forget about the real problems. Relax, there's no such thing as whatever you called that disease," you tried to play it off as you ripped open a snack, it didn't matter which. You popped one in your mouth and the second it hit your tastebuds, the warning hit.

You spit out the candy and rushed to the bathroom with Hawks following close behind. You can hear him call out to you as you ignored him and closed the bathroom door behind you.

"Why are you lying to me?"

You tried to drown out his voice by throwing up unnecessarily loud, like that was a challenge. You could feel the burn of the petals scratching their way up your throat and out your mouth. You can still, unfortunately, hear Hawks over the sounds of your pain.

"Was it something I did? Is that why you don't trust me?"

Please, Hawks it's not your fault. You didn't do anything wrong. You could feel the second round coming but your first wasn't over.

"Please, tell me what's wrong? How do we... is there even a cure for this?"

Don't bother Hawks. It's too late. You were at an irreversible stage of the disease the second it started forming in your stomach. You had looked up survivors of this disease only to find that they were at the first stage, where the flower was forming in their lungs. Removing the damn flower from the lungs was no easy task, and usually they survived by confessing their love successfully. If not by confession, then the flower was small enough to surgically remove. Your flower reached from your lungs to your stomach. It was too late. No amount of surgeries would remove its roots from your organs.

You could feel your throat closing from the overbearing amount of petals, and you coughed desperately for air. You opened your eyes to see blood. Blood on the very petals you just coughed out. Maybe it was better that you didn't breathe.

In the midst of your vomiting and coughing, you didn't realize Hawks had stopped calling out for you. It was too quiet. Did he leave? The thought of him leaving made you feel relieved, but there was this pain at the same time that you weren't sure why it was there. Is it because, despite all this, you still didn't want Hawks to leave? Well, not surprising actually...

Thinking that he left, the petals closed in on your throat again, desperate for him to come back. You coughed several times to clear your throat only to see more bloodstained carnation petals. If the red carnation could get any redder, this is what it would look like.

"Keigo...?" You called out hoping he was gone, but a small part of you wished he was still here. It may not ease the pain in your stomach, but it was comforting knowing he was there, despite your feelings for him.

"I'm here," Hawks answered.

The tone of his voice sounded tired and somehow confused. Who could blame him? His best friend was locked in the bathroom coughing and throwing up their brains like no tomorrow. As cruelly ironic that was...

No tomorrow...? You looked in the toilet seeing all the petals and blood and came to the realization... maybe you were going to die soon. You thought you had more time to spend with Hawks. You knew your death by the Hanahaki disease would be inevitable. But somehow you didn't think of your death coming anytime soon.

"I'm sorry," you said and cringed at how painful it was to speak. Your throat was bruised, dried up, and practically beaten by the flower in your gut. Your voice came out scratchy and hoarse.

"Sorry for what? You didn't do anything wrong," Hawks replied from the other side. He sounded desperate and you could hear the door handle jiggle as he tried to get in.

"Can you unlock the door, please?" He asked cautiously as you heard him step back from the door.

You got up from the floor to look in the mirror, and you regretted it immediately. Your mouth was covered in saliva, blood and red carnation petals. You looked like someone who went cannibalistic over someone else's Hanahaki disease.

You sighed and dropped against your bathroom door. Hearing the sound of your body hit the door made Hawks panic and he slammed the door back. "Are you okay? What happened? Are you hurt?"

"I'm okay," you reassured but it wasn't convincing considering how you sounded at the moment.

"Don't lie to me," Hawks pleaded from the other side. You wanted to tell Hawks everything, but the fear of rejection held you back. You knew how Hawks felt about you, and it was pure friendship. He doesn't love you, not in the way you love him.

But the fear of death gave you the courage to confess. What else was there to lose? You were going to die sooner or later. The roots of the flower would grow beyond your lungs and stomach. Its roots would bury their way into your heart, threading through the arteries and use your body as its host for nutrients until you were no more. So confessing didn't seem so bad now...

"I've always loved you, you know?" You confess tiredly. You lay your head back against the door, feeling some relief knowing you don't have to see the expression on his face as he realizes what's going on. —realized that your feelings for him are the reason why the two of you are separated by a bathroom door.

"I could never tell you because I know how you feel about me. I know you only see me as your friend, a best friend that can't be anymore than that. And I'm fine staying that way. I don't need anything else but to be near you. Is that okay?"

Silence. You are no fool, you know what that silence means. He's a kind man, and you know he is going to stay away just to keep you safe for as long as possible. He will come to the conclusion that his presence in your life will only hurt you, and he will cut off all ties.

But it's too late. There's no saving you, not when you're in this deep.

"I love the way you smile at me, how excited you get for movie nights. It's cute, really, and it makes my entire week." You begin to confess just about everything you love about him. Might as well tell him now and dig yourself a deeper hole to climb in.

"Please stop," he pleads quietly from behind the door. If you didn't know any better, it would sound like you were torturing him. Maybe even traumatizing him.

Despite his plea, you don't stop. As selfish as it is to think, telling him everything relieves the pain in your chest, the burning of the petals that scratched their way up. "I love the way your wings move with your emotions, and how you use a feather or two to help me out with small things. I love how hardworking you are, and the look on your face when you're focused."

"Stop it," he pleads again in a soft whimper. You don't stop.

"I love how you take care of me when I'm sick, and how you worry over me when I'm not eating enough." You try to imagine what he's doing right now on the other side. Will he run away or cover his ears? Is it going to be too much to hear?

"I beg you, please," he pleads again but this time you hear a small sniff. Is he crying?

"I love you more than I love myself, Keigo. I really, really love you with all my—"

"Stop it!" Hawks interrupts you with a broken voice stricken with sobs. The desperation in his voice stops you successfully, and you hear his small inhales between silenced sobs.

You close your eyes and listen to him crying, trying to stifle his voice and the sniffles of his nose. You slip a few tissues under the door but he doesn't take them. You feel a twinge of pain in your heart as you listen to his tears, but it soothes the flower hearing how hurt he is. What a cruel, cruel flower...

"I'm sorry... I'm really sorry," Hawks says between tears and you shake your head, knowing he won't see.

"It's not your fault, Keigo. None of this is your fault." Despite your reassurance, he doesn't stop apologizing. But with each apology, the flower's stabbing pain in your torso worsens. The urge to throw up grows as you feel the buildup of petals surround your esophagus. You let it happen, let it enclose your throat and you stop breathing for a few seconds. You stay silent, listening to his apologies until you can't take it anymore.

You lunge for the toilet and expel the petals that halted your breathing. You cough, vomit, and heave until you can't hear Hawks anymore.

You know he's gone. Long gone in the midst of your pain in hopes his disappearance makes you feel better. And it does, but only for a second until your thoughts roam free to wallow in your own self pity.

You stare at the petals in the toilet covered in more saliva and blood. Confidently, like you've won the war, you tell the flower, "he loves me not."

***

Alternate Ending
"Can you unlock the door, please?" He asked cautiously as you heard him step back from the door.

A snort and chuckle are stifled from the other side. You raise a brow and wonder how he's going to mess up the scene this time.

You hear a slam against the door that bumps your head. You turn around to open it but stop yourself upon hearing his next words.

"Veronica! Open the, open the door please! Veronica, open the door!"

You slap your hand over your mouth to stop the laugh from escaping your lips. You were not going to miss this, not a damn second.

"Veronica, can we not fight anymore, please? Can we not fight anymore?"

He doesn't stop there and continues to slam his fist agains the door, mimicking the song.

"Veronica, sure, you're scared I've been there, but I can set you free! Veronica, don't make me come in there, I'm gonna count to three!"

He won't commit. No way, he wouldn't commit to the scene. But you still don't interrupt his moment.

"One."

No way.

"Two."

You snort behind your hand but stay still.

"Fuck it!"

The door slams open and he pretends to gasp. "Oh my God... no..." He pretends to caress your face as he fights a smile on his own. "Veronica..."

Before Hawks can continue his scene, the director slams the clapperboard causing the entire room to burst into laughter, including yourself. You lightly shove Hawks away and wipe the fake saliva and blood from your mouth. You pat away the carnation petals as you wipe a few tears from laughing so hard.

"Let's try this again," the director says as he's handing a few tissues to wipe away his laughter tears.

"Sorry I forgot my lines," Hawks says sheepishly as he helps you to your feet.