Selfish?

A/N: I've been feeling kinda lonely lately, because I haven't seen my friend in weeks, probably almost a month, so platonic Hawks it is, since I feel like he fits this well

"Where you at?" you texted Hawks.

"I'll be there soon, sorry I'm late" he shot back.

You were sitting on the roof of your apartment building, just waiting for Hawks. Your meetings were always a bit clandestine, since he wasn't really supposed to have close relationships with anyone, even if you were just friends. The safety commission was tight with the rules like that. It sucked you couldn't see him often, since he was pretty much your closest and only friend aside from the gal that was basically like a sister to you. You had been feeling pretty lonely lately too, since you hadn't had anyone to talk to.

"Heyyyyy!" Hawks greeted as he landed on the roof just beside you, sending your hair flowing around your face with the gust of air from his wings. "Again, sorry I'm late"

"Don't worry about it, it's just good to see you" you said as he sat on the roof opposite of you.

"You're always complaining that you're hungry when we meet, so I brought you some snacks" you said and started going through your bag.

"Thank youuu" Hawks smiled as you handed him a granola bar, some grapes and a small smoothie. "Sooo, how ya doing?" he asked.

"I've missed talking with you, since we haven't seen each other in a while" you shrugged.

"I've mished you too" Hawks said, surprisingly clearly for someone with a mouth full of grapes.

"How long can you stay? I know you're busy with all the hero work, but I kinda want to vent, and hear how you're doing"

"I have time, a couple of hours at least" he said.

"Oh good, I'll talk while you eat"

Hawks just nodded with a smile, eager to listen to what you had to tell him. He had missed you as well and he felt bad for not being able to meet with you as much lately.

"So, you know my other friend. I haven't seen her in the last month at all, because she has been either too busy to come over, or sick, though I feel like half of the time she's lying to me, because she doesn't want to see me or something. I would understand that if she just told me, but she keeps making excuses or at least I think she does"

"That sucks, have you told her how you feel about it?" Hawks asked.

"I haven't really had the chance since I prefer talking face to face, and we haven't seen each other" you sighed.

"Well, maybe you could call or text her, if this keeps going on"

"Yeah, I guess, but I just feel like she might not even care"

"But you won't know that unless you talk to her"

"True" you grumbled and crossed your arms in front of yourself, throwing your head back with a sigh.

"Is there something else bothering you? You seem even more stressed than normal" Hawks asked, making a little "ah" sound as he finished the smoothie and set down the empty bottle.

"Pretty much everything is bothering me. I'm slipping back into depression and it sucks. I feel like I haven't done anything productive all week, I have a basket full of dirty clothes waiting for me when I go back home and I've been just not having a good time in general" you ranted.

"Hey, it's gonna be okay" Hawks said and grabbed your hand, trying to reassure you.

You took a deep breath in and out and said: "Can you take my mind off this? Tell me how you've been doing?"

"Same old pretty much, lots of work and no play. The safety commission is really running me ragged" he grinned and rubbed the back of his neck.

"I know you can't talk about your work much, so I'm not gonna ask, but you can still tell me how you've been feeling, right?" you inquired.

"To be honest, it's been a bit hard. I've missed you and our talks a lot, and the work recently, well let's just say I've been burning the midnight oil all the time lately" Hawks smile awkwardly.

There was something about the look in his eyes that told you you shouldn't ask anymore questions. At the same time he looked like he really wanted to say something to you, but he couldn't.

"If you ever want to talk about it, or just complain about the soda prices or something, you know who to call"

"Ghostbusters?" Hawks grinned.

"Yes, exactly" you rolled your eyes with a chuckle.

Hawks knew he couldn't ever talk about his work with you, because that would put you in so much unnecessary danger he couldn't even imagine. The League and the Liberation front were very dangerous and some of the members were very vindictive. He never wanted to put you in danger and he knew it was quite selfish for him to see you at all during such a dangerous mission, but he couldn't just leave you alone. Maybe he was a selfish person after all.

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