Hitting a wall

A/N: Another request from tumblr, a reader self-harming by hitting a wall and some comfort for that


"Babe! I'm home" Hawks exclaimed as he arrived through the bedroom window.


"First of all, why are you coming through the window again? Secondly, yes I can see that" you said as you stepped out of the bathroom, drying your hair and wrapped in a towel.


"I'm sorry I haven't been around, I brought you these as an apology" he said and handed you a small bouquet of your favorite flowers.


"Thank you" you said. "Can you hold them while I get dressed though, or if you're really nice, put them in some water?"


"Well I'm nothing if not nice" Hawks grinned.


While he went to put the flowers in water, you pulled on some comfy clothes.


Hawks had walked around the outside of the house, before flying up to the bedroom window, and had noticed something. There was a small spot of blood on the wall and a few red spots in the snow. He had considered the possibility that someone had tried to break in, but he saw a more likely explanation, you.


"Hey Keigo, what do you wanna eat tonight?" you inquired as you walked downstairs.


"Pizza?" he asked.


"Sure" you smiled.


Hawks could see that something was bothering you, and he had a pretty good idea what it was. You'd been keeping a happy face. Smiling, maybe a bit too much at times, too much to convince him you were actually okay. He knew that was a sign of you not doing well, among other things.


You ordered the pizza and sat down on the couch to wait for it to get to you. Hawks sat down next to you and grabbed your hand. He squeezed your hand, which made you flinch, because of the jolt of pain.


"Sorry, I had to make sure" Hawks said.


"What are you talking about?" you said, feigning confusion.


"You've been hitting walls again, haven't you?" he questioned.


"And if I have?"


"We talked about this before, if you feel like hurting yourself you come to me, and we work it out together" Hawks said, with a hint of annoyance in his voice.


"It's not your problem, not really" you said defiantly.


"It's your problem, therefore it's also my problem" Hawks argued.


"I don't want to argue" you said and stood up from the couch.


"If arguing is gonna get you to talk to me, that's exactly what we're gonna do!" Hawks said and grabbed your wrist, careful not to touch the part of your hand that you'd hurt.


"What exactly would you like me to talk about, huh?! The fact that I feel miserable every waking moment, or how I feel like the only control I have in my life is over the pain I cause to myself. How the hell am I supposed to talk to you, when you're never even here?!" you unloaded onto him, pulling your wrist away from his grip.


Hawks fell silent, and so did you after realizing what you'd basically yelled at him.


"I'm sorry" he finally said.


"No, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that" you said and sat back down on the couch next to him.


"Yes you should have, because you're right. I am never here, I barely pick up the phone or answer your texts. I know that, I just didn't realize how much it affected you"


"I'm not blaming you for what I did or do to myself, that's on me, but I just hate it when you say one thing and do a complete other. You promise to be available, and then you never are. I realize no one can be available 24/7 but, it would be nice to at least get a message back" you explained.


"We both could do better, huh..." he sighed.


"Probably, yeah" you said.


You were both just sitting on the couch, neither of you knew what to say.


"I hate when we argue, even if it's just a little bit" you finally said.


"Me too... are we okay now? I mean do you feel better?"


"Yeah, it was actually kinda freeing to get that off my chest"


"I love you, you do know that right?" Hawks said and grabbed your hand carefully.


"I know Keigo, I know" you said and kissed him on the cheek.

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