"T-time?" I asked. I didn't know why I bothered at this point.

"Are you sure you want to know?" Papyrus questioned, recieving a rather shaky nod. In fact, my whole body was shaking. "Very well. One decade, one year, eight months, two weeks, five days, ten hours, thirty-seven minutes, and twenty-one seconds."

I was lying on my bedroom floor in silence, trying not to shiver as badly as I had been recently. A bad side effect of losing magic, I guess. We ran out of food a while ago, and the magic I had was the rest of it; There was no more. The condition also came with stuttering, which made me in turn try to speak less. Papyrus worried about me; I didn't know why: I mean, I killed him, didn't I? Did I care that he may have been suffering just as much if not more than I was now?

"Brother, how do you feel?" Papyrus doted.

"N-not g-g-good." I slowly replied.

"Does it hurt?"

I nodded. It hurt worse than every time I'd dusted, every ounce of pain I've ever felt, and so much more wrapped into one package. The worst part is, it wasn't even centralized; it coursed through my body, and it got worse every tormented second. I might have been whimpering, but my thoughts covered any sounds from outside; I tried my best to listen to what Papyrus said, but I wasn't doing a very good job. People said loud sounds make it hard to think; if that's true, loud thoughts make it hard to do anything. I wasn't scared, no matter what I must have looked like. I deserved everything that happened to me; I must have done worse to others. I wasn't complaining about anything, and no matter how bad it got, I never would. 

"Brother! Snap out of it!" Papyrus ordered.

I coughed and looked at him.

"Brother, we will get through this together, but I need you to stay with me!" Papyrus pleaded.

"I'm-m t-tryi-ing.." I managed to say.

"Try to focus on something, anything!"

"Y-you're th-the b-best, P-Paps."

"Brother, perhaps you should sleep. You can save more energy and magic that way!"

"Ok-kay....P-Papyr-rus.."

I shut my eyesockets and descended into another nightmare. If I had to use magic to get dreams at night, I would have stopped a long time ago. I was feeling the pain even in the dream, and it wasn't the best feeling; in fact, it might have made it hurt worse. I dreamed about dust, just like every other time I slept. Dust that just floated around, doing nothing but torturing me with its existence; I couldn't complain, though. In the past decade, I had learned a lot about dust; I guess that wasn't going to get me very far, was it? I could access the lives of people through their dust, recognize anybody instantly, and even manipulate it somewhat; that is, without magic, of course. I took to writing down what I learned about it, in case anybody else ever fell down; I doubted they would, though.

I woke up to all too familiar surges of pain, and the face of my brother, worrying about me. I never wanted him to have to worry about me, but I guess I couldn't really help that now, could I? I couldn't cover this up like I could with everything else. I was a terrible brother, friend, and all around person; I pitied anybody who had to be in the same universe as me. I wasn't going to let the kid win, though. I was not going to give up; I was determined to live until I couldn't any longer. If I had to go through years more of this torment, so be it, but I was not going to give in to temptation just because I'd been stranded in a universe with only my brother as a ghost for company.

"Murder, are you awake?" Papyrus wondered.

I nodded. I was indeed awake.

"Do you feel any better?"

I allowed my head's shaking to voice a 'no,' as I actually felt way worse.

"Do you need anything? I know I'm a ghost, but perhaps I can offer words of comfort?" Papyrus hoped.

"P-Paps.." I stuttered.

"Yes, brother?"

"D-don't-t w-worry ab-bout m-me.."

"Brother, I can't help it!"

I looked at him with a pleading face. "M-mag-gic?"

"Your levels..."

I nodded.

"Brother...it's bad."

"H-how..b-bad?"

"..."

I shivered more.

"Very bad."

I could practically feel the magic pouring out of my body, as if it were mere liquid. I deserved this, and so much more, for everything that I did. I was fairly sure the only thing keeping me alive right now was the determination I had collected. Heh, determination. When injected into monsters, it caused them to melt; like fire to ice. When collected naturally, however, it strengthened them and enabled them to do anything they might have set out to do. I didn't know how many resets occurred before I gained this determination - heck, I didn't even know how I gained the determination; I only knew that I had it, and it wasn't letting me die. Eventually, I knew it would give in, since it was only a minute amount -nowhere near the amount Undyne had- and nobody lived forever.

Speaking of Undyne, I wondered how she didn't remember the resets with her determination. Perhaps there were multiple kinds, and I just got stuck with the bad kind? Or maybe the kid could choose who remembered, and simply imparted some of their determination to force me to remember. Maybe I always had it, and just didn't realize it? Or perhaps somebody was out there, watching me, and I just never noticed it; I didn't know. What I did know was little; the more knowledge I obtained, the less I seemed to know. Knowledge didn't really help when I was shivering on my bedroom floor, losing magic, and each second the torture continued, the pain I was in grew. I guess I really was on my last legs, wasn't I?

"Brother!" Papyrus yelled.

I didn't respond.

"Brother! Can you hear me?!"

I could barely decipher what Papyrus was saying at this point.

"Murder, please speak to me!"

"P-P-Pa-aps.."

"Murder, everything is going to be okay! Just stay strong! Stay determined!"

"D-det-ter-term-mined."

"Murder, focus on something, you're going to be just fine! We'll be okay! Just please stay-"

I couldn't hear him anymore.

I couldn't hear anything.

My thoughts were too loud.

My thoughts were too loud, I couldn't hear Papyrus.

Was he speaking?

Was I speaking?

I wasn't dead, it still hurt.

If I was dead, it wouldn't hurt.

Was I dying?

I couldn't hear Papyrus.

My thoughts were too loud.

My thoughts were too loud.

My thoughts were too loud!

I couldn't hear Papyrus!

I couldn't hear Papyrus because my thoughts were too loud!

I couldn't.

It was too loud.

"Brother! Murder, please come back!" Papyrus begged.

"P-Paps." I whispered.

"Brother, stay awake, please! Just talk to me, focus on me, okay?"

"O-ok-kay."

"Can you walk at all?"

"N-n-no..." I couldn't feel much of my body, much less actually move it. 

"Are you cold or just in pain?"

"B-both." I wished I had a blanket or something else to warm me, since my jacket was doing less than exceptional work at the moment. I didn't know if I was shivering more from the pain or the cold.

"Murder, can you hear me?"

"Y-yes-s."

"Stay calm, brother."

I couldn't stay calm.

"Think good thoughts."

All of my thoughts were bad.

"And just relax."

I couldn't relax, I was shaking too much.

"Brother, you will be okay. We can get through this."

"O-ok-kay P-P-Pap-ps.."

"Do you feel calm?"

"N-no."

"How do you feel?"

"B-b-bad."

"Can you hear me?"

"Y-ye-eah..."

"Are you staying with me?"

"M-m-mhm-m..."

"Good. We are going to be fine, brother. Just stay determined."

"Y-you'r-re th-the b-b-be-est.."

"I know. Calm down, Murder. Everything will be fine."

"C-can-an't..."

"Can't what?"

"C-c-ca-alm.."

"Just try, brother."

"P-pa-ain.."

"Shh, it's going to be okay. You are going to be okay."

I coughed more. It hurt too much to speak. The shaking was too intense, the pain was too much, and I was worrying Papyrus. All I could do was stay determined. I needed to stay determined. I would stay determined. I would not let that kid win this game; I would not lose my determination. Someday, they might have reset, and if that day came, I was not going to have to say that I gave up when things got rough; I was not going to have to tell them they won. I was not going to accept defeat just because my body was wracked in pain and I couldn't move. Papyrus was right: even if I died before the reset, I would get through this.

"Murder, are you okay?"

I gave a shaky nod. I couldn't speak.

"Can you talk to me?"

I slowly shook my head 'no.'

"Do you want to know anything?"

I nodded.

"Time?"

I shook.

"..Magic levels?"

I nodded.

"Well.."

I silently pleaded. He sighed.

"Based on the rate you've been losing magic..."

"W-wha-at?" I managed to get out, before coughing prevailed.

"I don't think you'll last another hour, Murder. I'm so sorry."

"D-don't-t..w-wo-orry.."

"I love you, brother."

"I-I l-love y-you t-t-too."

I started another coughing fit, and Papyrus told me stories to keep my mind off of my problems. It didn't work, but I appreciated the effort. After a while, I closed my eyesockets, and allowed all of my regret to seep in. I figured I wasn't a good enough person to die happy: I didn't deserve that; I didn't give my victims that chance, so I wouldn't give it to myself. I recalled their feelings when I killed them. Some felt betrayed, others sad, others were angry, or even desperate; none of them were happy. I figured if they were watching me right now, they wouldn't want me to do what they couldn't, so I allowed myself to think of things I would normally stop myself from thinking about. Screams. Pleads for mercy. Why didn't I answer them? Did I even care? What's wrong with me?

Why was I so worthless? I couldn't even stop a child from killing my friends and family; I couldn't even stop them from killing me. I couldn't stop them without becoming them; why did I choose to become what I was trying to combat? I guess they really were better off without me. I guess I was never needed. If I wasn't here, they would all still be alive. They would still be breathing. They would be slaughtered by that child.

I felt my last reserves of magic dissipating, which only served to make me more unhappy. The pain also increased to a level I didn't know was possible, but I guess nothing was really impossible, now was it? I was fully conscious, though a bit spaced out, when I heard a sound. It wasn't me, and it wasn't Papyrus. Maybe my thoughts were taking over. I thought that, until I heard faint...talking?

"H---." I heard. I couldn't make it out. "Ki----, ---p m-."

"Ok--, ----tma--." Another voice said. I could feel something picking me up. I was surprised I could even feel at this point, to be honest.

I didn't know what happened after that. I was fairly sure I didn't die, since I could still feel the pain. I was also pretty sure somebody found me, although I wasn't sure how; I was alone for almost twelve years, then somebody decided to find me just before I died?  Either it was the biggest stroke of luck anybody's ever had, or they were just going to kill me. While I was being carried, I knew I was still shaking. I hoped whoever was carrying me wasn't worried about me; having Papyrus worry about me was bad enough, but having somebody else too? I didn't deserve people caring about what happened to me; I was just a murderer.

When I woke up, I didn't feel as much pain as I did before, and I wasn't shaking as bad either; I still shook and felt the pain, but it was like something was covering it up. I also happened to be covered myself, by a blanket; I had woken up in a bed, but I didn't know whose bed it was. I opened my eyesockets and noticed two people sitting next to the bed. One of them looked like me, except there was weird black stuff coming down from their eyesockets? Weird, but I wasn't one to judge. The other...well, the other just looked covered in some kind of goop. Again, I wasn't going to judge anybody; just look at me, I killed everybody I knew just to get enough strength to kill a child.

"Nightmare, he's awake." The one more resembling me said.

"Good. Killer, please get some food for us, would you?" The goopy one, probably Nightmare, requested. The other ran off, leaving us alone. "So, how do you feel? You weren't looking very good when we got you here."

"Fine...who are you? Where is this?" I wondered. I also noted that I wasn't stuttering.

"Ah, pardon my manners. I am called Nightmare. This is my home. I do hope you enjoy your stay here."

~~~chapter end woot~~~

Ayeeee Murder bean has friends.

Thanks for reading my sad writing!

Bye!