XLI

The next morning I woke up to the sound of my phone ringing. With a groan, I reached over blindly to grab it, smacking the edge of my dresser a couple of times before managing to get a hold of it. When I did, I blinked at the screen, trying to adjust my blurry vision. "What do you want?" I asked as soon as I realized who it was.


"Oh, my god, Isla, I'm really sorry about last night. I didn't mean to tell mom and dad. I was so wasted, because I-"


"Shhh, you're being too loud," I mumbled tiredly. I brought my free hand up to my face, giving my eye a quick rub as I rolled onto my back.


Next to me, Reid shuffled quietly, letting out a loud grunt as he adjusted himself on the bed. The last thing I wanted to do was wake him up on his day off so instead of staying I carefully sat upwards, biting my lip as I slid off mattress and tiptoed up to the bathroom.


"Sorry," Issac whispered, "I just... I didn't get a chance to properly explain myself. I know dad made us apologize to each other, but honestly you deserve a real one. I was way out of line and I understand if you're still pissed off at me."


I moved to the edge of the bathtub, letting out a loud yawn as I sat down. Lazily, I leaned froward, resting my elbow against my knee as I held my face in my hand. "I mean, yeah I am, but like, it's fine," I lied. Even though the rest of the night had gone fairly smooth I still couldn't bring myself to forgive him yet. Over the years Issac had done some shady things, but this definitely topped them.


"It's not," he argued, "what I did was shitty."


"It was shitty," I agreed.


"And I'm sorry."


I closed my eyes and let out a heavy sigh, feeling mentally exhausted. As much as I wanted a proper apology part of me just wanted to hang up and get some space. Sure, what he did was bad, but after everything that happened with the whole Kane situation I knew ignoring him would only make things worse.


"Can I say something?" He asked.


"Sure."


"I'm really proud of you," he replied, "I know things haven't been going your way lately, but I can tell you're getting there. You seem a lot happier."


I bit my lip, holding back a smile. He was right, I was happy. Happier than I think I've ever been, which was weird to think about. For the longest time happiness felt like this far off place; a destination I'd never think I'd get to. Whenever I imagined myself feeling good I always imagined success and stability and even though those things were still important to me, as time went on they kind of fell to the back burner.


"I'm really glad you found Spencer. He's a really good guy and I think you guys are going to be good parents."


At that point I let my smile break free. Even though I knew people were supportive, at the back of my mind I couldn't help, but wonder if I was truly meant to be a mom. As much as I wanted to agree with everyone, deep down their words just felt like lies. The team, while knowing a lot about behaviours, just didn't know me as much as Issac. So, even though they'd constantly tell me everything was going to be okay I could never bring myself to fully agree with them. Motherhood was obviously complicated and there'd definitely be days where I wouldn't be at my best, but was it possible for me to even strive for that? Could I really be a good mom without the proper experience? Could I provide for our kids in the same way I knew Reid could?


The second Issac told me I could it felt like a weight had been lifted off my chest. His words, while simple and to the point, carried such intensity that as I heard them I suddenly felt at peace. Never in my life had I been so sure of anything. I was going to be a good mom. I was going to love my kids as much as my parents loved us and I was going to love doing it.


"Thanks," I mumbled.


On the other end, Issac let out a small chuckle, causing me to raise my brow. "You wanna hear something dumb?"


"Obviously," I responded.


"I almost proposed to Maggie last night."


I widened my eyes and sat upright. "Yeah?" While I was somewhat surprised, part of me had some sort of idea after the events of last night. His fancy attire and lack of girlfriend was a clear indication that something was going on. That and the amount of alcohol he consumed. Other than parties, Issac never drank that much unless he was nervous, which was something I learned back in high school after he planned on asking out his first girlfriend. I remember him coming home from one of his college classes with a full case of beer, asking me to play beer pong with him. At the time, our parents were out of town on a work trip, so I immediately accepted. We spent the rest of the afternoon drinking, until Issac finally mustered up enough courage to call the girl and ask her out.


"She mentioned to me a couple of weeks ago that she wanted to be with me forever. She was drunk and it was cute, but it got me thinking that I kind of agreed with her," he paused to laugh again, but this time it sounded more nervous. "I bought her a ring like two days later thinking I'd wait a while, but yesterday while she was at work she called me just to say hi and... it just clicked, I guess."


"So, you got drunk, because you were nervous?" I inquired.


"Yeah. Before mom and dad showed up I took like five shots of tequila and had like a full blown panic attack. When they showed up I had to pretend like nothing happened even though I knew in like twenty minutes I'd be fucked."


I let out a small laugh.


"After you and Spencer showed up I was so wasted I honestly don't even remember eating dinner. Then, the next thing I knew you were punching me in the face and mom and I were in the bathroom and she was getting mad at me."


"Yeah, well, that's what happens when you steal my thunder, asshole." I smirked.


"Again, I'm really sorry. God, that was stupid. I can't believe I did that."


"I can, but then again, I know you pretty well."


"Indeed you do," he sighed.


After that the conversation grew silent, which any other time would've been fine. Now though, I felt a weird rush of anxiety hit. I stood up from the edge of the tub and started pacing around the bathroom, biting my thumbnail in the process as I stared at my moving feet.


"So, uh, did you end up proposing or...?" I eventually asked, feeling quite curious.


"Oh, uh, no. I didn't. After you guys left mom called Maggie and drove me to the hospital. I met her outside in the waiting room and told her what happened."


"What'd she say?"


"She yelled at me, which I mean, fair."


Both of us chuckled. I could only imagine how angry she must've been. Even though I didn't know Maggie all that well I wouldn't be surprised if she had a temper. She seemed like the type who would, which given Issac's personality was probably a good thing. He needed to be put in his place sometimes, especially on occasions like this.


At that point the bathroom door opened, causing me to jump. In the process, I hit my hip against the counter. I groaned in pain and doubled over, biting my lip as I brought my free hand to the wound.


"Ah, sorry," Reid immediately ran to my side, throwing his hand over mine. He gave me an apologetic look and led me out of the bathroom, muttering a string of apologies as he walked me over to the bed.


"What happened?" Issac asked.


"Spencer scared me and I bashed my hip against the counter," I mumbled uncomfortably. I glanced over at Reid who gave me a pout and rubbed my hip.


"Ooh, shit, that's rough."


"Yeah, I'll call you back. I'm gonna go die now," I joked. I earned a laugh from Issac as I hung up, watching as Reid frowned and wrapped his arms around my shoulders.


"I'm sorry. I didn't realize you were in there. I should've knocked."


"It's okay," I chuckled and hugged him back. The warmth of his bare chest hit my skin aggressively, causing me to sigh with delight. Naturally, I was a pretty cold person, which made Reid's constantly overheating state beneficial for the both of us.


I rubbed his back, resting my chin on his shoulder as I pulled him in tighter. After last night, I somehow loved him more. Having him stick up for me like that in front of my dad was weirdly comforting. I'd never had anyone react like that and while it definitely freaked me out it also made me proud to have him on my side.


"I love you," I said quietly, giving his neck a peck.


He let out a small giggle and kissed my cheek before pulling away and scanning my face. His brown eyes darted in various directions, while his lips moved out, revealing his perfect set of teeth. Out of habit, I reached out to stroke his high cheekbones, feeling the structured bone poke out from underneath his softly toned skin on my fingertips.


"I love you, too."


"Can I ask you something?"


He nodded and cocked his brow, his smile unwavering.


"Do you think I'm gonna be okay at this?" I shook my head, feeling slightly stupid. "The uh, the mom thing I mean."


"Are you asking me if I think you're going to be a good mom?" He chuckled.


I bit my lip and nodded, feeling nervous.


Without missing a beat he brought me in for a quick kiss. When he pulled away he pressed his lips together, giving my face another scan before nodding his head and smiling. "Of course I do."


I rolled my eyes. "You're just saying that to make me feel better," I joked, smacking his arm playfully.


He rolled his eyes back and shook his head. "And you're just fishing for compliments."


I fake gasped and pulled away, placing my hand over my chest. "Excuse me, rude."


"It's not rude if it's true," he responded with a smirk. "You know compliment fishing is a form of insecurity. While the majority of people do it because they're in need of reassurance there's also a small number of those who do it because they're aware of how perfect they are and want to belittle others."


I scoffed and hit him again, causing him to laugh and pull me into him. Tightly, he gripped my upper arms, placing a couple of quick kisses to the top of my head. "My rudeness is rubbing off on you," I pointed out, struggling under his grasp.


"It most definitely is not," he retorted, tightening his grip.


"Whatever helps you sleep at night." I pulled out one of my arms and grabbed his face. While laughing, I squished his cheeks together, causing him to groan in annoyance and push me away.


"You're gonna cause bruising if you keep squishing me like that."


I snorted and reached for his face again, earning a swat to my hand. "Oh c'mon, last time I checked you like when I give you bruises." I wiggled my brows suggestively and ran my finger along the edge of his neck.


He grabbed my hand almost immediately, offering me an eye roll as he placed a kiss to my knuckles. "Not like that," he replied.


I inched closer to him and pulled my hand away from his. "We could..." I trailed off, holding back a smile as I bit my lip and rested my hand on his inner thigh. It was the last day of our weekend and while I knew we should probably spend it doing more productive things like laundry and baby planning my hormones definitely had other plans.


"We could," he agreed quietly.


I closed the gap between us, feeling his hands make their way to my face. He gripped either side of it roughly in order to deepen the kiss. As he did, my hand moved closer to his bulge, causing him to jump. I giggled at his sudden anxiousness and awkwardly maneuvered myself onto his lap, trying desperately not to break the kiss. When I was fully straddling him we broke apart to breathe, both of us smiling widely at each other.


"You're going to be a great mom," he stated in between breaths.


"Yeah?"


He nodded, pushing his hands beneath the hem of my shirt. Slowly, he ran his fingers up my sides, sending a shiver up my spine. "You're so smart and kind and loving. Our kids are so lucky." He used one of his hands to pull down the collar of my shirt as he leaned over and placed a kiss on the centre of my chest. "I love you so much."


"I love you so much," I responded with a laugh.


"I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you."


The base of my stomach erupted with butterflies, causing my already nervous laugh to grow louder as I moved my hands to grip his shoulders. While I was fully aware of how much he loved me, something about hearing him say that sent me into a frenzy. Spencer Reid could probably have any woman on the planet, yet here he was choosing to spend his time with me. It seemed crazy, especially considering how just over a year ago my life goals were completely different.


"You're so gross," I responded jokingly. I pressed my hand over his face, feeling him smile underneath my palm. He grabbed my wrist and kissed it softly, while wrapping his other hand around my waist.


"And you're bad at accepting love," he stated.


"I'm not bad at it," I argued, "it just makes me nervous."


"Why?"


I shrugged.


He let out a heavy sigh. "You're scared, aren't you?"


"Maybe," I replied, even though he was exactly right. Sometimes when I thought too hard about how much I loved him I felt terrified. At this point so much had happened between us that if we somehow got separated again I don't think I could handle it.


I moved closer into him, wrapping my arms around his neck with a sigh. "Do you remember when you dropped me off at the airport?" I asked.


"Unfortunately," he replied.


"Sometimes I feel like that out of nowhere, like one day one of us is going to have to up and leave, even though I know things are different. I know our relationship is good and work can't do anything now that we're in different departments."


"You're right. They can't do anything," he agreed.


"I guess what I'm getting at is, what happens if I do take Hotch's job offer? I know he says everything will be fine, but what if it isn't? What is Strauss finds another reason to get rid of me again? W-what if I get hurt again or you get hurt or..." I trailed off, feeling my mind become overwhelmed with thoughts.


Reid ran his hand through my hair, letting out another sigh. I could tell at that moment he knew what I was going to say. After my conversation with Morgan it was obvious I couldn't stop thinking about it. It didn't take a profiler to figure that out. "You don't have to come back if you don't want to, Isla."


"I know, but what if I do? Profiling is my dream job and I thought I lost it."


"Then come back," he responded simply, "it may be scary, but we'll figure it out together, I promise."


"But what if I get hurt again?" I repeated. Out of everything that was the reason that was holding me back. I could handle the long hours and the disapproving states from Strauss any day, but the thought of putting my children at risk? I couldn't do it. I couldn't do that to Reid. "Ever since talking to Morgan I feel like I constantly have to ask myself what's more important."


"So then what's more important to you?" Reid asked curiously.


"My family," I responded almost immediately, "you and these gremlins in my stomach." I let out a nervous laugh and looked down at my torso suddenly feeling proud. While I'd done a lot of pretty cool things in my life somehow accidentally getting pregnant with two kids by my ex coworker felt like my greatest achievement.


"Oh, so we're a family now?" Reid questioned jokingly.


"Oh, so you got jokes now," I retorted back, offering him a smirk.


"I do, but only because I know you respond better to humour in situations like this."


"Wow, it's like you know me or something."


He softly laughed, placing a kiss to my forehead before pulling away and smiling. "I'd say I'm pretty well acquainted with the behaviours and emotions of Isla Rafferty."


"I'm pretty easy to read," I admitted with a shrug.


"True, but that doesn't make you any less perfect," he placed a kiss on my nose, causing me to giggle and pull away.


"Thought you said perfection doesn't exist?" I raised my brow.


"Perfection is relative, not absolute. What is perfect to each person depends on one's self-perception in relation to others," he responded with a smile.


"You're too smart," I groaned, placing my hands on his face again. "And pretty and dumb and ugh," I pressed the pads of my fingers against this cheeks roughly, watching his smile only widen underneath my grasp. "Can we just get married already?"


Once the words fell out of my mouth I felt my heart rack against my chest. To be honest, up until now I hadn't really thought much about getting married. To me it somehow felt like a waste. All that time you had to spend preparing for this big event seemed way too stressful to feel worth it.


The second I saw Reid's face brighten when I said it though, those thoughts went away instantly. In all honesty, I'd marry him in a heartbeat. I'd do it right now in this very basement in my underwear if I could.


"Marriage, huh?"


I closed my eyes and held back a smile, feeling my face grow warmer with each passing second. Out of the two of us I was the least romantic so having me be the first to admit the obvious was probably a win for him.


"You wanna get married and buy a house and have kids with me," he teased, poking my sides. In response, I shot him a fake look of annoyance and swatted his hands away, causing him to laugh.


"Shut up."


"You wanna get woken up by our four children in the morning-"


"If you think we're having four children you're crazy." I cut him off with a laugh, giving his cheeks another squeeze.


"Sorry, the marriage proposal can only move forward if you accept the offer of having at least four children." He grabbed my hand and tore it away from his face, giving me a stern look.


"Is two not enough for you?"


He shook his head. "Four or no marriage, that's my final offer. Take it or leave it."


I rolled my eyes and pressed my forehead against his shoulder in frustration, earning myself another laugh as he patted my back. Even though I knew he was joking somehow the idea of having a big family still made me happy. At this point I'd have a dozen kids if it mean we'd be together, which was saying something, because having two right out the gate was scary enough.


"Fine, we can have four kids, but we also have to get a dog," I mumbled.


"I can live with that." As he spoke he moved his hands to my arms, gripping my biceps tightly as he pulled me upwards so that I was facing him. When we made eye contact he let out a deep breath before flashing me his signature tight lipped smile. "Isla Rafferty, will you marry me?"


"Are you serious right now?" I asked anxiously.


He nodded his head. "I know I don't have a ring or anything and that this isn't very romantic, but I also know you don't really care about those things."


"I don't know man, proposing without a ring, that's pretty ballsy of you." I poked his chest and smirked, causing him to roll his eyes and groan in annoyance.


After that he pulled me into his chest and fell backwards onto the bed, pulling me in for a quick kiss. "I know I said I was fully aware of how you use humour to cope, but could you please give me a serious answer because you're starting me make me anxious."


In that moment I honestly just felt like screaming. Spencer Reid, boy genius, Dr. IQ of 187 was proposing and while it wasn't in the most conventional sense, in my mind it was perfect.


"Yes."


"Yes?" He seemed surprised.


I nodded profusely, holding back a smile.


"You really wanna marry me?"


I moved my body upwards, pressing my forehead against his. "Only if you get me that dog you promised."


He scoffed and tightened his grip around my torso as he lightly tossed me away from his body and rolled onto his stomach. As I laughed, he got up on all fours and crawled towards me, placing his hands on the mattress on either side of me as he leaned in and closed the gap between us.  

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