waking around the motel, i looked for the room number she gave me. i threw my head back in annoyance, looking across the see the last hallway i hadn't walked down yet, and made my way to it.
i stopped in my tracks once i heard a car speed off, i turned to where i heard it from but i didn't see anything, just saw a door open the slightest bit and loud cry's. what the fuck.
even if it was a stupid idea, i walked down to the door, and looked up to the number. 55. that's alexis's room..
i lightly knocked, but once i heard a male voice whisper, a little too loudly, "shit!" i opened the door.
immediately i made eye contact with anthony, who's hands were on his head and he looked panicked.
"oh no. no, no. uh.. you can't be here right now!" he quickly said, shaking his head frantically.
"my m- alexis told me to come here.." i said confused, slowly taking a step on the room.
he let out a sob, moving his hands from his head, which gave me a view of how shaky they were.
"what happened?" i asked him, not knowing if i should walk further into the room. but i took notice of the pill bottles on the desk next to me, and the bags if whatever substance that was inside next to it. is he on drugs?
that question made him sob even more, and i didn't know what to do, or what to say, i mean what can you dow hen you don't know what's going on?
and then suddenly, i heard a small, quiet whimper. my eyebrows furrowed, and again, me and and anthony made eye contact. "what's going on?" i asked again, and then heard another noise, but i didn't see alexis anywhere.
knowing anything could happen, i walked over to him, and once i looked over to what he was standing by, my heart dropped and i froze.
"malani." alexis smiled up at me, her body bloody.
i felt tears come to my eyes, and before i could think it through, i dropped to me knees and grabbed her hand.
"mom.." i whispered, tears now coming out of my eyes as i traced her body, and then i finally saw that the blood was coming from her stomach.
"you called me mom." she smiled, weakly pulling her hand up to cup my cheek.
i quickly put my shaky hand on hers, "you're gonna be okay. alright? i'll call an ambulance.." i trailed off, looking up to anthony. "call the police or something! what are you doing?!" and he quickly nodded, grabbing a phone.
i looked back down to her, a smile still on her face.
"okay." she replied, as i shook my head.
"you're so beautiful." she told me, her eyes never leaving mine.
i let out a sob, shushing her, i didn't want her to bleed faster. but she ignored me anyway.
"i'm so sorry i left you. i wasn't in a good place, i couldn't take care of you." she continued talking, ignoring as i tried to get her to stop.
"but i never stopped loving you. from the moment i had you.. you were the thing i loved most." she gasped, making me panic and look at what happened, but she quickly squeezed my hand which made me look back at her face.
"i'm happy i got to see you though." she finished, lightly rubbing my hand with my thumb.
"look in my purse, there's a letter i wrote for you a couple years ago.. incase i never saw you. i was gonna tell you everything tonight.. but i can't now, so read it for me. okay?" she took a breathe after every couple words she said, and i was panicking not knowing if one of time would be her last.
"no- no. you're gonna be okay, and you're gonna tell me yourself. you're gonna tell me everything you want." i nodded, but she shook her head, and i let out a sob, before turning to see anthony pacing back and forth.
"are they coming?!" i yelled at him, and he flinched, "yes! i'm trying!"
i turned back to my mom, to see her eyes closing and opening slowly.
"that boy.. that was with you, at the store. is he your boyfriend?" she asked, raising her eyebrows like she wanted to lighten the mood, but it wasn't working at all.
"yeah." i smiled a little, not wanting her to worry about me.
"keep him.. he seems to really like you." she chuckled, before gasping again, and i knew she was in so much pain.
"will." i nodded, giving her hand a squeeze.
just as i finally heard sirens, she let out a sigh. "i love you."
i quickly turned back to her, watching her slowly close her eyes. "no. no! fuck!" i panicked, shaking her, but she laid there.. her body slowly going cold and her heartbeat slowing.
"no..." i whispered once more, laying my head on hers as it felt hard to breathe and tears kept coming out of my eyes.
"i love you too." i whispered, hoping that would somehow make her gain a heartbeat again, but it didn't.
and finally the door flew open, and i felt someone grab me, but i didn't let go of her. "no!" i yelled, watching as they checked for a pulse, before looking at each other with a sigh.
and after that i was pulled off of her, and watched as they pulled her body up and put it on a stretcher, and then taking her outside. i quickly pulled away from whoever was holding me and followed outside.
"wait! please." i tried going over to her, but another person grabbed me and i watched as they closed the ambulance doors, and i let out a loud sob, letting the paramedic pull me to the ground, hugging me.
"i'm so sorry." the paramedic whispered, rubbing my back.
eventually, the ambulance and paramedics left, after i told them i had a ride, when in reality i was just gonna walk home.
"hey.. i'm sorry.. uh, do you want me to give you a ride home?" anthony walked outside, me still leaning on the motel wall.
i didn't look up at him, but shook my head. "no.. i'm okay, thanks."
he sighed, and walked back into the motel room, and i decided to get up and follow, before the police to show up. i walked in the room, anthony's eyes following me but i ignored him, waking over to her purse that was sat on the bed and searched for the letter.
i dug threw everything, before finally feeling a paper and pulling it out, "malani." was written on it. i grabbed it, and made my way out the motel room, giving anthony a small wave.
a million thoughts went through my mind, and again, i felt myself feeling guilty. maybe if i had been there sooner she'd still be her and we'd be talking right now.. but i think i'm all reality i just wished i'd been nicer to her. maybe gave her a chance at being a mom. but now it was too late.
the image of her lifeless body laying in my arms was still in my head, it was all i could see. i should've told her i loved her too, sooner than i did.
and before i realized it, i was home, tears still streaming down my face, i walked up the steps and knocked on the door.
soon, the door opened and ashtray stood there.
"what the fuck happened?" he looked worried, and i quickly pulled him into a hug.
feeling his hands rub my back, i sobbed into his shoulder. "she's gone.."
AUTHORS NOTES:
i cried.
and okay, no sad ending π (i'm jppp π)
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