i let time pass, i wanted to talk to ashtray, i knew what words i wanted to say. but every time i would push away all the nerves i had, worried he would think i'm lying and we would go back to how we used to be, he gave me a look.. a look i couldn't quite understand, and all those nerves came back, and i never ended up doing it.

but i wanted to do it today, i didn't want this awkwardness between us for any longer.

school just ending, i pushed my way through everyone and sped walked over to ashtray. "ashtray! wait.. jesus, slow down."

i sighed in relief, as he slowed down and turned around. i finally stood next to him, and smiled nervously. "uh... hey?"

he rolled his eyes, "what, malani?"

i sighed again, he is not making this any easier. "okay. so, i didn't-."

just as i had finally began talking, i felt someone grab my shoulders, and i huffed in annoyance.
"mal! hey, it's been awhile. uh, you remember that one boss.. drug dealer lady?"

ashtray rolled his eyes, making me shake my head and turn to face her. "hey.. rue, yeah i do. but i'm trying to do-." again, she cut me off.

"good! so i was thinking... you know what, i'm going to go with y'all because i have to tell fez." she nodded, pointing to fezcos car that had just pulled up. fuck!

i shook my head, noticing ashtray who had already started walking towards the car, and hurried over to him. "wait! i really want to talk to you." i breathed out, and he furrowed his eyebrows. "okay, talk."

i threw my hands up, "here?.. right now?.."

he nodded, and i glanced over to fezco and rue who was sat, fezcos eyes on us and rue talking to him.
"they're waiting.. you know." i pointed out, and he glanced over to the two, but shrugged.

"okay.. uh." i started, taking a deep breathe before continuing. "hurry up." he crossed his arms, making me roll my eyes. "relax."

"okay. i didn't cheat on you. okay? that guy.. troy? i didn't even know his name until he came up to me, and i didn't know he was the one that texted me. and i also don't know who he even got my number.. but anyway i didn't, okay?!" i finally let out, and then took a step back out of nervousness while i waited for his response.

he was silent for a second, before chuckling. "okay."

my mouth dropped, "'okay.' that's it?!"

he nodded slowly, making me throw my hands down from them being crossed. "i was so nervous to say that and all you say is 'okay.'"

he smiled, and i rolled my eyes, before making my way to fezcos car, hearing him chuckle behind me.

———————————————————————————

i sat at the table next to ashtray, listening to rue tell him her drug dealing "plan" while faye went through the fridge.

"im a fucking genius fez."

i heard ashtray scoff, "genius my ass." he mumbled, making me chuckle a little.

"is that so?" fez replied.

"it is fucking so, because i came up with an amazing plan." rue held to fingers on her lips.

faye closed the fridge, making the move back a little. "and what would that be, rue?"

"alright, so.. all you would have to do is front me like $5000 worth of drugs, okay? and then-." my eyes widened, $5000?!

"hell the fuck no." fezco cut her off, and ashtray shook his head.

"okay well before you say no you kinda have to let me finish, right?" she tried to continue, but fezco cut her off again. "hell the fuck no!"

"okay, why do you keep saying that?" she asked.

"i did not like the way that the plan started." he stated blankly.

"okay well, you have to let me finish the fucking plan." they continued to go back and forth.

"no."
"yes you-."
"hell the fuck no, rue."

and then she finally sighed, throwing her hands down. "fuck it, i give up." , "whatever.. i'll just take my business elsewhere."

"it's your fuckin loss man." she turned around, beginning to walk away.

but she quickly turned around, and started saying a whole different plan, and this time it was with laurie, which was completely stupid to me.

"- and.. i was thinking.. mal could go with me! you know, twos better than one. maybe she'll-." but fezco and ashtray cut her off, "fuck no." , "no."

she threw her hands down, "you didn't even let me finish!"

fezco shook his head, "it's not a good idea rue. and i don't want mal getting mixed up in that shit."

rue glanced at me, almost as if she was asking for help. but if i'm being honest, i'm scared of laurie... and i also don't think her "plan" is such a good idea either. so once i didn't speak up.. and i guess take her side, she huffed.

"fine." and eventually left.

———————————————————————————

like an hour or two had passed since rue left, and i right now i was sat in my room, writing how i've been feeling these past couple days, and thinking over was rue said. obviously i wasn't going to do it, i just felt bad that i didn't at least pretend to think about it. i mean, she seems really excited about it. but i don't think she should do it either, it's stupid. and she might end up getting hurt or something.. laurie's scary, and i've been around many drug dealers in my life. i think she tops one of the scariest.
i'm worried for rue, which is why i was thinking about it in the first place. "twos betters than one." is true, maybe laurie wouldn't be able to do as much to two people as she would one.. but there's nothing i can do if rue decided to go over to laurie's and explain her plan, if laurie agrees.. that is. because i don't want to be stupid and put myself in danger, even if it is to help rue. that isn't selfish.. right? fuck, you maybe i shouldn't text-

"what are you doing?"

i jumped, "jesus christ!" i hasn't even noticed ashtray opening my door and standing on the door frame. what if i was changing or something? he needs to learn how to knock.

"what are you doing?" i asked, closing my notebook and turning to him.

he shrugged, moving from the door frame to sit next to me on my bed.

i watched his every move, still feeling kinda awkward since we hadn't talked much before, and when we did it was more arguing than talking. "you're not mad at me, right?" i asked.

he laid back, "no. why?"

i bit the inside of my cheek, feeling more relieved. "we barely talked for like three days... i don't know."

i didn't say what i had actually thought, i thought ashtray was gonna break up with me. which is why i was so nervous to apologize to him earlier.

"yeah well, i thought you cheated on me so." he blankly stated, making me chuckle a little.

"yeah.. i'm not a cheater." i gave a sarcastic mad look, making him roll his eyes.

after that we sat in silence, and i had to say, it felt good to be here.. like this, with ashtray again. i was peaceful, and my mind was at peace. i moved over closer to him, "you know, i missed you."

he turned to face me, our faces now being very close. "missed me? we live together.. mal."

i scoffed, "yeah, but like.. not arguing with you.. i guess?"

i watched a smirk creep on his face, "aw."

i rolled my eyes, about to turn to face the ceiling again but he grabbed my face before he could, and connected our lips.

i smiled a little, putting my hand on the side of his face to deepen the kiss. and he put his hands on my waist, making us even closer than we were.. if that was even possible.

"yo mal! i'm going to-." fezcos sentence cut off, making me and ashtray pull away to see him standing in my doorway.

i opened my mouth a little, not knowing what to say but wanting to say something.

"oh hell nah." he shook his head, coming over to ashtray and grabbing him but his jacket hood.

"what the fuck?!" ashtray spoke, trying to get fezco to let go of him.

i laughed, getting up to peek out the hallway since by now they were probably in the living room.

"what the fuck what that, man?..that was disgusting."
"let go of me."

i shook my head, laughing again.

AUTHORS NOTES:

is this like real 😀

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