Chapter 17

At school, Samantha pretended as if I do not exist which is fine by me. Maraming nakakaalam na sa iisang bahay lang kami nakatira. Apparently, the marriage of my father to her mother sparked rumors and was a big talk of the town when we were away. Most people can't believe that my mother and my father separated, let alone the fact that he married his marketing strategist.

"Anna!"

I turned and saw Jess, grinning from ear to ear. I don't have any idea how my father managed to convince the school to accept my transfer papers even though I stopped for almost three months. They made me answer a long test and after getting my results, I was able to attend school again.

"Jess... ang aga natin ah?" nakangiti kong tugon sa kaniya.

Jessica was such a mess when we met again after two years. She wouldn't stop crying and wouldn't stop pinching my skin to convince herself that I am "real". Medyo nagtatampo pa siya sa akin dahil hindi ko siya nagawang ma-contact sa tatlong buwan ngunit nang malaman niya ang dahilan ay hindi na rin ito naging problema sa kaniya.

"Basta, sabihan mo ako kung may katarantaduhang gagawin ang Valerie na yan. Babalatan ko siya nang buhay!"

Natatawa pa rin ako sa tuwing naaalala ko ang mga banta ni Jess kay Valerie at sa mga anak niya. She's very snob to Samantha. Valerie's daughter is still adored by many. Balita ko ay marami siyang naging nobyo noong umalis kami. Now, she's dating a college boy and even though everybody knows it, there are still some boys who are desperate to pursue her.

Tuloy pa rin ang pagtulog ko sa guest room kahit ilang linggo na nang makauwi ako sa bahay. My father didn't do anything about it, or if he did, he failed to get back my original bedroom. Valerie is such a headache and I don't want to deal with her. She's making a big deal out of everything and as much as possible, I don't spend much time in the mansion.

Medyo nalulungkot ako nang mabalitaang umuwi pala sa probinsiya nila si Baste para alagaan ang maysakit na ina. Nandito pa rin naman si Manong Dante, at alam kong sakitin na rin siya kaya binawasan ni Papa ang mga trabaho niya. Baste's parents are getting old and sick, and it pains me that he has to stop studying just to take care of them. I wanted to apologize, too. The last time I saw him wasn't pleasant. My last conversation with him before I left was confusing and made things more complicated.

By the time our last period has ended, Blake is already waiting outside the gate. I could see the dark circles under his eyes, indicating the lack of proper sleep. Kakagaling niya lang sa business trip niya sa Japan, at alam kong pagod siya. I told him earlier through text to just go home already and rest but he insisted he wanted to see me.

Malakas na siko ni Jess ang nagpa-aray sa akin habang naglalakad kami. I glared at my friend, while rubbing the sore part of my side stomach.

"Ikaw ha... anong meron sa inyong dalawa ni Blake?"

Uminit ang mga pisngi ko sa sinabi niya. I stared at Jess, tried to think of an excuse, and then come up with a lame one. "We're just friends, Jess." I blurted out.

Umirap si Jess sa akin. "Savannah De la Rua, as far as I know, friends don't kiss each other's neck!"

Sa lakas ng boses ni Jess ay napalingon ang iilan sa mga kasabay naming estyudante. Na-eskandalo rin ako sa narinig at gusto nang lumubog sa lupa sa sobrang hiya, lalo nan ang makita ko ang gulat nilang reaksyon. I wanted to strangle my friend, who is now grinning widely.

"Jessica!" I quietly scolded her, but she just laughed anyway.

"Well, have fun with your 'friend', Anna..." she said loudly as we approached Blake's car. He looked confused for a moment, trying to configure what Jess had said. "Uuwi na ako. Ingat kayo!"

"Want me to give you a ride home?" Blake politely offered.

"Ay, huwag na! Baka maka-disturbo pa ako sa inyong mag-friends, eh." Ani Jessica sabay hagikhik.

I wanted to smack my head right into the window of Blake's car because of my friend's behavior. Sinilip ako ng tingin ni Blake at mas lalo pa akong nahiya.

"T-Tara na..."

He stared at me for a moment, and then nodded. I could hear his car keys. Blake opened the door for me and I slid inside, trying not to melt because of embarrassment. Prenteng umikot si Blake sa sasakyan at pumasok na rin.

"So... what was that all about?" Blake wandered out loud, as he started the engine of the car.

"Wala yun!" maagap kong sagot sa kaniya. Mabilis akong umiling habang namumula pa rin ang mukha. "W-Wala..."

"Hmm?" he muttered lazily, giving me a side glance.

Napanguso ako. These are the times when I really feel like a kid in front of him.

"Wala..." mahina ko nang bulong.

"What did you tell her, Anna? That we're friends?"

I groaned inwardly. Pati ba naman yun, narinig niya? Gusto kong magmaktol. I can't even explain our relationship to Jessica, and now he's grilling me about it!

"Wala nga..."

"You're not answering the question." He said in a firm voice, and even though he is calm, I could hear the undertone of urgency and impatience. He wanted answers. Right now. I feel like my heart is about to burst. "Answer me, Savannah."

Hindi ako sumagot kaagad. Pilit kong hinihila ang isipan sa ibang mga bagay. I know I have to answer him, eventually. Hindi pwedeng ganito nalang kami palagi. Blake is a man of principles. Even though he had a string of girlfriends before, they were his real girlfriends. Walang fling. Hindi ito laro-laro lang sa kaniya. It just so happened that all of his relationships didn't work, or if the rumors are true, Blake really gets tired of his girl easily.

Humigit ako ng isang malalim na hininga. What am I supposed to tell him, then? I want a relationship more than this, but every time I take a step forward, an urgency of a larger backstep dominates my mind. What if I invested too much on Blake, and then he realizes, in the middle of our 'relationship' that he's bored with me and wants to try dating mature girls? What if he realizes that I'm just a broken girl who can't even heal herself and wants to get rid of that responsibility?

Naputol ang mahabang tren ng pag-iisip ko nang maramdaman ko ang biglang paghinto ng sasakyan at natigil ang ingay ng makina. I turned to Blake, who is now looking darkly at me, determined to derive answers coming from my own mouth. My heart leapt to my throat, as I desperately search for answers myself.

"Ano tayo, Anna?" may diin ang bawat pagbigkas niya, na para bang pinipigilan niya ang sarili. His dark stares are making me dizzy, but I can't deny that it's so addicting. I never had a man look at me this way until Blake.

"We're..." I trailed off, licking my lower lip and averting my gaze away.

"We're certainly not friends..." it came as a hoarse whisper from him. A soft gasp escaped from my lips when I felt his hot thumb caressing the lower lip that I wetted.

My body went into jolts as he continued his lazy, sensual strokes on my lower lips. Raging desire clouded my eyes as I stared at him. Pakiramdam ko ay umuusok na ang katawan ko ngayon. Blake rested his thumb at the middle of my lower lip, pressed gently, and then he slowly entered my mouth. Like a child, I willingly opened for him as my heart exploded thousands of times inside of my chest.

"Savannah... you're going to kill me if you tell me that we're still 'friends' after everything we've done..." he leaned closer with his thumb still inside of me and then stared longingly in my eyes. If this was his way of seducing a woman, he's certainly an expert in this field. Now I know why most women have fallen under his spell. It's too powerful of a spell for a weak girl like me to ignore.

"Please, baby, answer me..." I could hear the plead in his voice. Nakakaramdam na ako ng hilo sa likod ng isipan ko. And the continuous lazy strokes of his are distracting me!

Even though my head is still in clouds, right then and there, I decided that I have to take this risk. If not, then I'll be living the rest of my life in what if's.

I'm already hurt and broken. If Blake decides to break my heart, it wouldn't be such pain that I couldn't handle.

"I'm your..." I wrapped my own fingers to stop his naughty thumb from going further. With the light of fierce determination that I inherited from my mother, I looked him in the eyes. "I'm your girl."

A satisfied grin slowly spread on his lips. He pulled out his thumb and immediately replaced it with his mouth, even before I could speak. I was drowned by his hot, demanding kiss that I has to grasp on his shoulder to steady myself as I am shaking from head to toe.

As I was kissing the man that I was admiring for years, it suddenly struck on me that I am still lucky despite everything that happened. Barin is here to comfort and protect me. Blake gave his promise, with a seal of a kiss, that he would be by my side until I am capable to stand on my own.

Young love comes with a craze that the two of you can conquer the world together, and maybe it was what I am feeling right now. I feel like if I am with Blake, there's nothing I couldn't do. I know my mother would disapprove of this mindset.

With or without a man, she's still powerful. And so am I.

"You can't imagine how happy I am right now, Anna..." sa napapaos na tinig ay ibinulong nang marahan ni Blake sa akin ang kasiyahan niya. I'm glad to be wrapped around his arms, too. I felt safe and protected for the first time in three months. "Ilang taon kitang hinintay. Hindi kita basta-bastang pakakawalan..."

I rested my forehead against his and smiled foolishly. I wish I could freeze this time. I wish I don't have to go home to my estranged father and evil stepmother. I just wanted to feel safe forever in Blake's arms.

My head is still in clouds as I went home that day, grinning to myself like a fool. I saw Barin sitting at the frontdoor, bored with his new toys. I know he wanted to go outside and run, tulad ng nakasanayan niya sa Negros. Papa said I could still walk him, but only within the bounds of our property. He doesn't want to scare the townspeople with a black puma, albeit his papers were arranged and we are licensed to keep him under our wing.

Barin leapt to me and rubbed his huge head against my leg. Natawa ako at hinimas ang ulo ng alaga. He rolled down to his stomach, and stared expectantly at me, asking for a belly rub. I dropped my bag and crouched in front of me, imitating Blake's lazy strokes earlier with the tip of my fingers. Barin purred.

"—don't know, Noel. Ang sabi ni Fiona, nakita ka daw niyang may kasamang ibang babae! Huwag mo nga akong ginagago... Oo! Break na talaga tayo!"

I looked up, startled by an angry, female voice as it was followed by hurried footsteps. Ilang segundo ang nakakalipas ay iniluwa ng malaking pinto si Samanta. Her cheeks are flushed, probably from the anger as she gripped her phone tightly. Nagtitigan kaming dalawa habang hinihimas ko pa rin ang tiyan ng alaga ko.

"What are you staring at?" she spat at me.

I stopped rubbing Barin's belly and stood up. Hindi ko binitiwan ang titig ko kay Samantha, na ngayo'y mukhang iritado na talaga.

She rolled her eyes heavenwards and then placed an arm on her left hip. "I'm not in the mood for a catfight, Savannah. Ano? Isusumbat mo din ba sa akin ang palagi mong sinasabi na ikaw ang may-ari ng mansion na ito?"

"I owe you an apology." I said simply.

She looked like she's about to counter me. Napa-awang ang bibig niya.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"I shouldn't vent out my anger to you, Samantha..." I sighed at the realization. "I'm angry at your mother, but I'm not angry at you or Steve. Valerie's mistakes are her's and her's alone. Hindi ko kayo pwedeng idamay sa galit ko."

Samantha looks taken aback. Hindi ito ang inaasahan niyang sagot mula sa akin. Even I couldn't believe that I am saying this. But earlier, when we were driving home, I realized that my anger toward Valerie's children will bring me nowhere. Hindi nila kasalanan na ganito ang ina nila.

"I'm sorry. I know we started at the wrong kick, and I'm not hoping we could be friends given how weird our relationship is. But I am hopeful that you won't treat me as your enemy..." I continued.

Humupa na ang galit at pagkalito sa mukha ni Samantha. When she's not furrowing her brows, she really looks like an angel. Samantha is genetically-blessed and it's no wonder why boys are going crazy over her. I'm just sad that some people are backstabbing and bad-mouthing her because her mother was a mistress. Narinig ko ang mga kaklase kong babae kanina sa ladies' room na pinag-uusapan si Samantha.

"Malandi ang ina, syempre malandi rin ang anak!"

I couldn't stand the hurtful words they were throwing at her. She doesn't deserve it. She's just unfortunate to have a mother like Valerie. She's still like any other female teenager. She's dating a reasonable number of boys her age and it's saddening that she's friends with the girls who like to talk bad about her when she's not around.

"What is this all about, Savannah?" medyo mahinahon na niyang tanong ngayon.

I shrugged. "Nothing, really. I just want peace of mind. Ayokong maraming kaaway."

She stared at me for a long time, nodded briefly, and then walked away without saying a word. Hindi ko na pinersonal iyon. I shrugged and then turned to my pet again, smiled cheekily before I continued rubbing his belly.

Gabi na nang makauwi si Papa. Hindi pa man ako nagtatagal dito sa La Union pero nakakarinig na ako ng usap-usapan na nagkakaproblema na sa hacienda. And it reflects on my father's face. He looks so tired and stressed most of the time. Valerie doesn't help in the business. She's just out there, shopping with her amigas and throwing unnecessary parties just to prove to her wealthy friends that she's capable.

"How about a New Year's party, dear?" she beamed at the dinner table, already talking about the important people she's going to invite and the dress that she's planning to wear. "I have a friend who works in the cuisine industry. Maybe she could help me get that amazing international cook to serve us!"

"We usually have a quiet dinner at New Year's, Valerie..." pagod na sagot ni Papa.

Valerie ignored him, and continued babbling about the party that she's planning to host.

"That would cost twice the budget we've prepared for the Christmas party, Valerie." Papa interjected gently again. Samantha and Steve don't seem to mind their mother. They're too busy on each other's cellphone while eating. Ako lang ata ang tahimik na nakikinig sa usapan nilang dalawa.

"Come on, Simone! It's a party. I'll be the one to host it and it's going to be fabulous!"

My poor father, trying to please his wife and make her happy, just nodded. I know it's going to be a tight budget in the hacienda and Valerie hosting these big, unnecessary parties will only introduce more financial problems to my father.

I spent most of my days inside the guestroom, and sometimes, I would cry myself to sleep as I missed my mother so much. Gustong-gusto ko na siyang mayakap ulit, makita at makausap. She's my only source of strength and now that she's gone, I have nothing but myself. In grieving celebration of my loneliness, I sometimes wrap the satin robe around my body just to feel the tiny bits of her warmth and smell her feminine scent.

Our graduation is fast approaching and this is when I noticed that something is wrong with my father. At first, I thought it was just stress. Palagi niyang nakakalimutan kung saan niya inilalagay ang mga gamit niya. Sometimes, he'd just stare blankly at me for a few seconds before he'd snap out of it. The first time he did this was when we were in a villa in Negros. I thought it was just a one-time encounter and it happened again.

"Sino ka? Anong ginagawa mo dito?"

I froze. Bumaba ako mula sa kwarto para sana uminom ng tubig. I found my father sitting quietly at the kitchen counter and greeted him politely.

"Pa?"

He looks very confused, and continued staring at me. Humigpit ang hawak ko sa baso habang nakikipagtitigan din sa kaniya.

"Papa, ayos lang po ba kayo? Si Savannah po ito, anak niyo..." my voice croaked as I approached my father.

As if someone had turned on the reset button, he went back to normal again. Papa stared at me as if seeing me for the first time this evening.

"O, Savannah! Gising ka pa?"

I stared at him, stunned and confused. I don't know what's going on with him and for the most part, it scares me.

"Just a moment ago..." I trailed off. Hindi ko alam kung papaano ko ito ipapaliwanag sa kaniya.

"Teka, anak, at may tumatawag sa akin," he looked at me apologetically and then went out of the kitchen to answer his phone.

I stared at the untouched glass of water, my heart breaking into million pieces as I tried to understand what just happened. For a few moments, my father acted like he doesn't know me. As if he lost his memory. And after a few seconds, he'd act normal again.

It was so disturbing that I wasn't able to sleep that night, thinking of my father and how hard life must have been on him. And how, in a way, destiny is making him pay for his mistakes.