Chapter 1

The first breathe of winter knocked at my window as soon as I woke up. Stretching in my feather bed, I yawned and let the soft light slant through the open windows, savoring the few precious moments I have with the sun. The blinds have to be shut before I freeze to death.

Sinulyapan ko ang natutulog na alaga. During the winter, Barin is lazy and likes to sleep all day. Hindi ko na siya dini-disturbo sa ganitong pagkakataon. I leave him alone and would feed him dressed chicken as soon as he glides downstairs.

Snatching the silk robe resting on the back of a chair, I shrugged it on and instantly regretted my poor choice of clothing as soon as I stepped out of the room. It's getting colder and colder, though winter has yet to come. It's the first few days when were given time to prepare for the harsh of the cold and the magic of the first snowflakes falling from the sky.

I turned on the coffee maker when I reached my tiny kitchen and started grinding coffee beans. Nakatanaw ako sa labas at medyo kunot ang noon ang makitang sarado pa ang bintana ng kapitbahay ko. Mrs Yahontov wakes up early and would greet me in the morning each time we glance at each other through the windows. The machine sounded as I waited for the coffee to boil.

After a few cold minutes, I was pouring the hot coffee in my white mug and freezing in the kitchen. Medyo nanginginig na ang mga daliri ko. I have yet to fix the heater in the kitchen and living room but I just don't have the time! I was too busy in the theatre and the upcoming opera.

Pinagmasdan ko ang itim na likido bago ito dahan-dahang sinimsim. I sighed in pleasure. A few minutes later, Barin joined me in the kitchen. He stretched halfway through walking downstairs and then leapt to the floor. I frowned at him. He's scratching the wooden floor with his sharp claws and looks at me as if he's done nothing!

"Gusto mo nang kumain?" namaywang ako habang tinitingnan siya pailalim. Barin went to me and started rubbing his head against my feet. "Oh, don't give me that act! Your sweetness couldn't pay my floor, you clever cat." I sneered.

I gave him a few pats before going to the fridge to pull out his stock of frozen chicken. Inubos ko ang laman ng kape at inilapag ang mug sa sink. I started boiling the chicken while Barin waited patiently. Glancing at the clock, I decided to get something to eat on my way to Mariinsky Theatre.

After my morning routine, I fed my puma and went back upstairs for a hot shower. Nagmamadali akong nagbihis. I put on a stylish mustard coat and knee-high leather boots. Hindi na ako nag-abalang mag-ayos pa. Pulling my dark hair into a high ponytail, I reached for my car keys and then went downstairs.

"Come here..." I gestured for Barin to come, already holding his leash. Sumunod naman siya at nakatitig sa akin habang ikinakabit ko ang collar niya. "Now, be a good boy tonight, okay? It's a big show, and people are looking forward to seeing you again. And this is our last show here, Barin. So, give it your best!"

His eyes gleamed in understanding. This sly cat likes attention more than anything else. I thought ballet dancing and pumas will never be made possible. But with Barin, I was the first prima ballerina to have ever danced with a black puma on stage. It sure skyrocketed my career as a ballet dancer and in just two years, I got my permit for instruction. The cash I'm making in performing is triple the amount I get in teaching ballet class, but young ballerinas make me so happy. They're so full of joy and a lot of parents wanted me to teach their daughters how to dance with a puma.

"You'll have to get them a puma first. I'm not letting anyone take my Barin away from me..." I would joke on them, but still offered those special lessons that only I could offer.

Limang minuto lang ang biyahe mula sa apartment ko patungo sa theatre. It sure drove me crazy to find an affordable apartment nearby. Mrs. Yanhatov is such a blessing in disguise to offer me a vacant space when her two military sons moved out. Mula noon ay nilalakad ko nalang ang theatre.

Barin would always wait at me at the doorsteps. I'm surprised I'm even allowed to take care of him there. Isa din ito sa naging problema ko. Whenever the landlords see him, they get terrified and would worry for the safety of their tenants even though I told them that Barin is basically a domestic cat. Just a bit bigger.

During the nights when I came home late, Barin would patiently wait for me outside. He won't sleep inside the apartment unless I've arrived. Kaya minsan ay hindi rin ako nakakasama sa mga kaibigan na kumain sa labas pagkatapos ng practice dahil umuuwi kaagad ako, lalo na kung tag-lamig. I don't want him to freeze to death outside, waiting for me.

When it started to become a challenge to me to go home as soon as I can, I decided to bring Barin with me at the theatre. I talked to the moderator and convinced her to let him stay, even if I have to bring a cage so he could still see me throughout the day. That was when I discovered Barin's love for people and attention. He started being friendly with them and during practices, he would leap to the stage and join me. The other ballerinas would be terrified until our moderator suggested something.

"Savia, if he really wants to dance, let him be!" she said in a stern voice nang mahuli niya akong pinapagalitan ang alaga dahil sa pagtalon ulit nito sa stage.

"But Iris..."

She smiled at Barin with twinkling eyes. "I think he wants to be on stage. Can't you see that smug look of him? Why don't you try dancing with him? Hmm?"

From then, I made history when I danced with him on stage. Dinumog ng mga tao ang theatre dahil sa nabalitaan nilang sumasayaw na puma. Barin basked in the glory and destroyed all the flowers he received from the audience who absolutely adored him!

"Why don't you take off your mask during opera?" Iris confronted me one time, while I'm in the dressing room. Inilapag ko ang isusuot sanang mask at nilingon siya. "You're very beautiful, Savia. I know your admirers will grow when they see your face when dancing. And you have the most raw and purest expression I've ever seen in a ballet dancer. It's a shame you put it away with that... mask."

"I have a brand to maintain, Iris." Pabiro kong sabi sa kaniya. Pero sa totoo lang, nag-aalala ako dahil baka isang araw ay hindi na niya ako payagang sumayaw dahil sa pagtatago ko sa likod ng maskara. "People know me as the masked ballerina with a black puma. I don't want to ruin that brand now that my audience is growing."

"Savia..."

"It's fine. I don't dance to be pretty. I dance to express myself. And with Barin by my side, I feel more comfortable."

Bumuntong-hininga siya. Si Iris na ata ang pinaka-maintindihing tao na nakilala ko. She took me under her wing as a young, lost girl in St Petersburg. Bitbit ko ang pangarap kong maging isang prima ballerina nang magpunta ako dito. Ngunit nang makita ko kung gaano kagaling, kagaganda, at kabeterano ang mga ballet dancers sa Mariinsky Theatre, parang nawalan ako ng pag-asa.

I could never be as good as them. They spent their whole life for a five-minute performance and they've been trained since they were little girls. While me on the other hand had a few hiatuses as I was growing up. Nababaliw na yata ako para isiping magiging kasinggaling ko din sila.

Shoulders slumped and with a dead spirit, I began to think of another plan. I should throw away my dream of being a prima ballerina, I thought back then. And then Iris found me. She found me silently watching professional ballet dancers during their practice and asked if I dance.

"I-I don't dance..." nahihiya kong wika sa kaniya, handa nang umalis anumang oras.

"You look like you dance..." she tapped my shoulders. "Strong shoulders, slender arms, and straight back. I saw the way you walked earlier. You moved like a dancer."

At first, I was reluctant to accept her offer. I am running away from my old life and that includes ballet. I am also running away from my life. Every day, I checked the newspaper and for the first two months, it was filled with the news of my death.

The De la Rua heiress found dead!

Daughter of a Hacienda Owner dies due to unknown reasons

Authorities continue to recover the body of the De la Rua heiress in an unfortunate death

Humupa din ang tension at natigil ang mga teorya ng mga tao tungkol sa biglaan kong pagkawala. I thought going to abroad will offer me even a thin wall of protection. I am thousands of miles away from my hometown, my parent's tombs, everyone I loved, and the mansion. For more than a year, I walked stiff with pain. Pakiramdam ko ay palaging may nakatingin sa akin o nakasunod sa akin o bigla akong aatakihin habang natutulog ako. What happened that night brought so much trauma.

But it also made me stronger.

The fact that I hadn't gone insane with everything that happened fascinated me. I know what I'm going through is a far cry from what other people are struggling against with. I'm still lucky to be alive, have a roof above my head, a food on my table, and Barin is still with me.

"So, you are really going home, huh?"

"Yes, Iris." I said in Russian, and then smiled widely at her as I slipped into my tights. "We've talked about this a month ago."

"Yeah, but I haven't really thought that you'd go away..." her voice dropped. The usual fiercely face of Iris softened as she stared at me. "You are going to come back, aren't you?"

"Of course." Staring at the pile of hairnet decorated with rhinestones and other little gems, I slowly turned to her. "I'll be back. It's just a small business that I have to attend to. After that, I'll be back here. For good."

She nodded and then gestured for me to come closer. Niyakap ko si Iris at nagtawanan kaming dalawa. We murmured sweet nothings to each other and she wished me good luck. Iris has been like the old sister I never have. If not for her, I wouldn't find my place here in the ballet world.

"Come on, the show's starting in 10." She said, and then hurried all the other ballerinas who are still doing their make-up.

Just like every other show, my stomach is in terrible knots before starting. The crowd of people waiting for me and Barin is just unbelievable. I know I made it to the headlines of some local Russian newspapers, and for a moment it terrified me. Building a name in the ballet world means risking my hidden identity as well.

"This might be the last time I'll be wearing a mask when dancing, Barin..." I turned to him and patted his soft head. He wore nothing but a huge chain with an emerald pendant pulsing and glowing and enchanting the crowd later on when he starts to dance with me. "After this, I'll be able to regain my last name and finally dance as Savannah De la Rua."

The first breathe of classical music is dramatic, as always. I started the show with a graceful pirouette as my lashes lowered to the dark crowd. Holding my breath, I lifted a leg to assembl

Other ballerinas started filling the stage as well. The male dancers took their position, and when the first drop of the soft melody faded and the intense wave of music took over, everyone started moving.

The thrill of my first performance and the thrill that I am feeling right now is almost the same. I still feel like puking while on backstage but whenever I step into the stage, I know that I own the floor. Through my mask, and as I turned fiercely, I caught glimpses of the awed faces of my audience. Most of them are elite people who watches ballet for entertainment. Nabubuhayan ako ng loob kapag nakakakita ako ng batang mga babaeng nagsasabing gusto din nilang maging katulad ko pagdating ng panahon.

While the male dancers are doing the tour en l'air, Barin stepped into the stage, mighty as always. Even the most disciplined crowd cheered for his appearance. Used to the presence of moving bodies, Barin glided effortlessly into the stage, following the gestures and doing the right positions at the right time.

When our eyes met while dancing, his intense blue and my glooming dark, a connection was form. I knew back then and there that it was a bond that would last for a lifetime. Even as I danced and turned farther and farther away from him, I could feel his pulse on him and his breathing on my neck. It was like Barin and I were inseparable.

The blur of gems and flashes of silver from the tutu dresses we wore and the stroke of beige from the male dancers melted and exploded into one beautiful canvas with the only contrasting color in the set-up. A magnificent black puma took his rightful position on the center of the stage while I lifted a leg over him and placed my hand at the back of his head. I almost stopped breathing back then because of the adrenaline rush. When Barin started to lower his head as if obeying me as his master, and all the ballerinas followed, the crowd exploded again.

Habol ko pa rin ang hininga nang pinayagan na ng floor director na ngumiti kami. I gave a shaky smile, as Barin turned to me, his jewel eyes gleaming. I patted his head and whispered something to him before he went to pick up a rose from the center. Mas lalo pa yata iyong ikinaaliw ng mga tao dahil lumakas ang hiyawan nila.

"Savia! We did it!" one of my ballerina friends jumped to me, almost in tears.

I chuckled and then hugged her back. We were both panting and crying in joy as if it's our last performance. Technically, this is my last performance for this season. I have already laid out a plan and there's no turning back from it now, no matter how good a life I made here in St. Petersburg.

When the curtains closed, we were ushered to the backstage and everyone is still crying and jumping in joy. I received lots of hugs while Barin is still the center of attention. Taking off my mask, I went to my desk in the dresser when I noticed a huge bouquet of pink roses resting on it.

Nagpalinga-linga ako, nakakunot ang noo. No one is allowed to come inside except for the dancers and the staff. All the flowers we're going to receive are either thrown on stage or handed to us on our way out of the theatre.

I plucked the card from the bunch of roses and almost dropped it when I read the message.

Your performance is as stunning as you are, Anna.

Frozen into the ground, the excited voices of the ballerinas and male dancers around me faded into the background. Bahagyang nanginginig ang mga kamay kong nakatitig pa rin sa card at sa sulat-kamay na hindi ko matukoy kung sino. I looked around, but could see no stranger except for my team.

"Savia! Come on, Iris is taking us to Noble Crust!" one of my friends pulled me. I deftly tucked the card back into the bouquet and toss it on the desk. Nang mapansin ng kaibigan ko ay nagtaas siya ng kilay. "Oh. You're not bringing that?"

I shook my head and smiled. "That's not for me."

The night ended with tears of joy and sadness as I bid goodbye to the only family I had for almost five years. I have to convince them again and again that Barin and I will be back.

When I went home, I was tired but proceeded to packing. My passport has been renewed and this flight was booked a long time ago. I dreaded for this day to come. Sinulyapan ko ang kalendaryo. Only two more days before my birthday.

My phone vibrated, snapping me out of my thoughts. Kinuha ko iyon at kaagad na sinagot ang tawag nang makita ang caller ID.

"So, are you ready?" his voice never changed throughout the years, it still held the same kindness and professionalism when I first met him.

"Yes, I am. Bukas ng gabi ang flight ko."

"Mm-hmm. Give me a call as soon as you land in Manila."

"I will. Did you find the guy I asked you for?"

"Yes, of course. His name is Salvador. I think he's going to be good, Anna."

"Savia." I corrected.

He chuckled. "I've watched your performance from the recorded videos on the site and I can't tell you how proud I am of you."

"Thank you..." I said gently.

"Mag-iingat ka... Savia." He said seriously before ending the call.

In contrast to when I'm about to perform, my arrival did not scare me one bit. In fact, I am very thrilled that I could barely sleep during the 10-hour flight from Moscow to Manila. The same man who arranged the permit for Barin assisted us during the flight and made sure he is transported safely.

Kung anu-anong pumasok sa isipan ko habang nakatingin ako sa bintana. I could see the outlines of the city, getting bigger and bigger. It's already morning and the first streak of the orange painted the blue sky with such beauty that I forgot about what I came here for.

I couldn't feel any fatigue at all. As I pull myself from my seat, I remained calm. It has been five years since I last saw this place. I could tell a lot of things have changed when I was gone.

It doesn't matter what changed during my disappearance. The only thing that matters is what I'm going to change now that I am here.

The staff assisted me with Barin and I felt guilty when I saw him really tired. He hates transportation. I patted his head and clipped the collar around him, gently guiding him to step out of the cage.

"The car is waiting for you outside, Ma'am." One of the men who assisted me said politely.

"Thank you."

Holding Barin in one hand and my heels clicking after me, I walked towards the exit point. Some passengers are staring at me and Barin as we walked past them. I immediately saw the driver of the Mercedes waiting for me.

Placing the Celiné sunglasses on the bridge of my nose, I tightened my grip on Barin.

"Welcome back and happy birthday, Savia..." I said to myself, smiling wickedly.