With all my interviews done and nowhere to really go I had all the time to remember the conversation I had with Nyck and his tips. Knowing he was probably right, or at least knew better than I did, it was time for me to finally talk to Lando. As much as I wanted to get an apology out of him, I realised he wasn't the only one who had to do that. Choosing a spot which was close enough to his spot at one of the interviewers but wouldn't get me onto film, I waited for Lando to finish up and catch him before he could leave for either their hospitality or the hotel. If I let him leave from here all the courage I collected would be gone and it would never come back to me in the near future. Lil luckily decided to stay with me and pass the waiting time by going over the schedule with me again, as that would never hurt. I considered myself an organised person, but even I forgot a planned event or interview once or twice in my lifetime.

" We saw quite some people getting better and better throughout the weekends. They're getting more points every race even though fans already wrote them down as unsuccessful. Do you have anyone in mind who's becoming a threat as the time goes on that you didn't think you would have to fight? " The question was asked just as we stayed silent, and my curiosity was raised immediately as I knew even though it was asked anonymously, everyone knew it was about me too.

" We had a big break at the start, which means it's not surprising that for some the real start of the season was harder getting used to. Alas, it's inevitable that those are getting back into the rhythm by the time we are well into the season. " Lando gave quite a text book answer which made my eyebrows furrow as I couldn't really decide what he meant by his words. " It's also usually just a bit more luck than what they are used to having. Qualification isn't always a true picture of how good a driver or a car is, but more like who's the most there mentally in that exact moment and who gets blocked less. " He shrugged a little, inducing quite a bit of anger in me as immediately felt like he overlooked not just mine but at least 5 other driver's skills, talent and hard work.

" Does it feel strange that you went through a whole season before achieving your first podium but there are drivers who may even get one during their first season, which is actually shorter than usual? Or is that something that's normal to be different for everyone? " He was asked quite a dirty question, but somehow I was still mad at him and not the reporter who was probably just given the questions by someone over them.

" It's hard to compare people who drive different cars and start in different seasons. I'm happy for everyone's achievements but at the same time I don't feel like they are better than someone else just because they get a podium sooner into their career. It's also not as big of an achievement when it happens thanks to other rivals colliding or getting unlucky with their engines or breaks. " He answered with a smile on his face that I would have gladly slapped off. Just as he was about to step away and probably spot me, I turned back towards him and stormed off to get away from the media pen as quickly as possible.

I heard Lil's voice calling out for me, but my mind was clouded with anger and I wasn't about to stop, turn around and give Lando or anyone from the paddock a chance to see it on me. The idea of apologizing to him seemed absurd all of a sudden and even though in a tiny part of my brain I knew we still should have talked, the other part didn't want to listen. Doesn't matter how betrayed or hurt he felt by my actions or how I acted towards him, stepping up to the cameras and bashing me alongside several other people wasn't how he should have acted. It felt childish, even from him, and I knew it wasn't something I deserved from him while he knew how unstable my position in F1 was and how the media would go bat shit crazy about his words and jump on me in the next few days to get my reaction. It was everything I tried to get away from since the launch of the season, and he just pushed me into an arena filled with hungry lions. He was the last one I thought would do this to me.

I only had one thing on my mind as I walked through the paddock area and our garage, and it was getting out of this setting as soon as possible. I changed out of my racing overall and all the under layers in record time, getting my things together into my bag without any organization, just shoving the important objects inside so I could leave. I ignored the questioning gazes coming from the crew members as I said my thanks and goodbyes, before stepping out of our hospitality and left for the car park where a car was waiting to take us back to the hotel. I usually liked to help the team pack and clean up, but I couldn't get myself to stay longer than needed and make it possible for anyone to catch me and initiate a conversation. I felt betrayed and just wanted to be alone and deal with it on my own.

Before I could have done anything regrettable I just called it an early night and took a shower before crawling under the blanket. For a few minutes I was just tossing and turning, half hoping that I would finally fall asleep soon, before the itch I felt in my palm would win and my phone would get into my hand. I knew that would never turn out in a positive way with the kind of thoughts that were in my head in connection with Lando. He would have gotten quite a nasty text if I let myself, but that would have been a hole deeper than what I would have been able to climb out of. The PR department would have to deal with how his comments will change the questions we're gonna get during the next races anyways, and I wasn't about to make them have to work even more.

When my eyes closed and I could finally fall asleep it felt like I only blinked by the time they were already open and met with the rising sunlight. I let out a groan, turning onto my back before registering the sound from the bedside table as my ringtone. A call this early into the morning never meant good things, the thought firing up my brain in just seconds so I could take the call finally. My thoughts calmed down a bit when it was only Lily's contact info on my screen and I let myself fall back into bed as my finger swiftly ran over the screen and accepted the call from her.

" Sorry for the early call. I'm just writing an email about you not bringing Lando to the awards. Should I put someone else or are you just going alone now? " Lil started speaking as soon as the little speaker was pushed to my ear and I had to groan at the idea of actually using my brain and understanding what she wanted from me. " I can also just say you're not sure yet, but probably not alone. " She offered but I shook my head although I knew she wouldn't be able to see it.

" Is this a team decision or are you just playing my fairy godmother and looking out for my mental health? " I asked back, receiving an almost similar groan as an answer to my question. It told me everything I had to know, painting me a picture about how everyone thinks it's better to separate us now and not give another juicy bone to the starving media. " Give them Nyck's name. I will call and invite him. I'm sure he wouldn't reject such a brilliant opportunity to visit Italy and continue our catching up. " I finally gave an answer that she could work with and I could already hear her typing before she disconnected the call and let me close my eyes again.

I didn't get to sleep a lot more as we had to leave the hotel rooms empty pretty soon and there was the flight to Italy we had to catch of course. With all the time difference and not knowing where Nyck was I chose to text him to call me if he's free and I'm off the plane but I didn't mention anything as I wanted to talk to him about it and not just dump cold water on him with my question. I knew he would probably tell me if he didn't want to attend with me, but hearing the voices connected to the reactions made me feel secure about their true feelings. I never hated something more than feeling like I forced something on others and they obeyed just because they don't want to make me feel bad or just feel like they have to.

As soon as we were off the plane and in a car I got an answer from Nyck, saying he will be free in an hour or so. It gave me enough time to get to the hotel, pack out a bit and have a small little nap to make sure I will be coherent enough to talk to anyone during the day. As much as travelling was part of our lives it always took me a day or two to get used to the new surroundings and climate even though I should have been used to experiencing change after a year at max. Guess my body wasn't as compatible with this lifestyle as I thought. Also, as it turned out that day was about waking up to phone calls as the next time I was conscious it was my ringtone again that woke me up from the nap.

" Hi! Did you realize how much you missed me and want to make up for last year? " I heard Nyck's laughter as soon as I accepted the call and it made me smile for a second. " Just to make sure, it was a joke, and I really don't mind. " He added, probably because he knew how I can take jokes wrong thanks to my usual overthinking.

" Hello! I just wanted to know how free you are next week and if you would like to visit Italy for a bit. " I got straight to the topic, not being the best at small talk right after I woke up. " I'm invited to the W Series Award Show and I can take someone with me. It wasn't as bad to catch up with you, thought we could continue. " I tried to joke about it, to get my mind off the real reason. Even if he was a second choice, he was the first one who I knew wouldn't regret my decision. I thought the same about Lando, but he was always good at surprising me, no matter if good or bad.

" Award shows are always fun and I have time before going home, so why not? " He let out a laugh, making me smile too. " Is it between the two races? " He asked, making me sure he was onboard with the idea as he didn't immediately backpaddle after the initial excitement.

" Yes. Lily will send you all the info and get everything organized. " I nodded a little, sitting up in my bed getting ready to start the day when we put down the call eventually. " Are you sure you don't mind? You could fly home earlier... " I let out a sigh, making sure his answer was voluntary, even though there wasn't any sign from his side for me to think otherwise.

" I'm pretty sure I don't mind spending time with you and some other fantastic people. " Nyck confirmed, leaving me smiling and a bit more excited about the whole event than I was before. Even before Lando's interview somehow I felt awkward about the thought of attending together with him, although I tried suppressing it for the sake of staying away from an argument with the team and all the organizers. Somehow it still ended the same way it would have if I spoke up earlier. " Maybe even Susie will be there. And I'll be there too so you might finally have the courage to talk to her. " I could hear his chuckle which just made me hide my face in my palm. It wouldn't be the first time I talked to her as we usually knew the few girls and women around the track pretty well, but it was never ever a long and deep conversation between us. I was pretty sure Nyck wouldn't let it slide this time if we actually met her as he got to know Susie a bit better since driving in FE.

I spent the two free days mostly in my room or with Mark in the hotel's gym for a bit of training just enough to keep my fitness up between races. It was never really about gaining even more muscle, but just clinging onto the amount that was already achieved. Always enough to make the track walk a bit more uncomfortable with all the sore body parts though. It was the same situation every Thursday with me limping for the first part of the walk and Mark snickering next to me until my muscles finally warmed up enough to at least mask the small amount of pain. From that point I could always laugh with him at my own misery even though I knew next week would be a complete repeat if there was a race on the weekend.

" Just tell me I don't have to run this too after lunch. " I let out a sigh when we finally entered the pitlane, getting back to where we started. Looking up at Mark and reading his face gave me an answer I wasn't really looking forward to. " Oh my god. You're going to kill me one day. " I visibly winced at the thought of a track run in the humid afternoon air that Italy always surprised us with.

" You would miss it if we left it out. " Mark shrugged, bumping into me a little and making me trip over my feet a little. " That's why you need these sessions. Maybe you would finally stay on your feet even after a tiny little push. " He rolled his eyes, just walking next to me back to the garage where the team was already waiting for us.

Turns out the run wasn't the worst part of the weekend. Even though I was sore afterwards in the car luckily I never really experienced those muscle pains. Probably my brain cells were so occupied with racing that it couldn't register any more feelings coming from my body parts. It again felt good to 'sit down' in the car and finally get out onto the track as the timer started for the first practice session in Italy. The car felt the same as we stayed with last race's settings and only changed a few things, knowing the track won't be the same either, and I was happy to go several fast laps trying out the tyres. Just as I was about to go for two of them back to back when after passing the line it looked like everyone around me was staying on fast laps too. With all the information I didn't even consider a plan to pass the McLaren in front of me as I thought we would be able to just go on in the positions we already had.

I saw how I was getting closer to him, but not thinking anything of it I dared a quick glance into the mirrors to make sure no one was close enough. Just as I looked up from them we were seconds away from colliding and my only chance of missing him was by swerving to the right which ended with my car finding the wall and stopping after a spin. I let out a defeated sigh right before Aaron asked about my well being and even though I didn't feel like talking about it I had to. A breath left my lungs at his next question, my body catching up with the impact of hitting the barrier.

" Lando just... I don't even know. He just turned right in front of me and brake checked me like I'm not coming with almost full speed. " I shook my head as much as the headrest let me, my hands falling off the steering wheel so I could get my safety belts off. " Red? " I asked for the flag colour as the marshalls were almost next to me.

" Yes, it's over. Get back and we will talk it through. " His answer came just before I could finally disconnect everything and get out of the car. We were close enough to the pit lane for me to take a walk instead of someone driving me there.

Those few minutes were enough for me to calm down and also finally start feeling my neck a little from the crash. It made everything just that last bit uncomfortable to make me angsty by the time I finally entered the garage, putting my helmet in its place and getting the racing suit off my upper body. As soon as I mentioned my neck to Mark he brought some kind of a cream and was massaging it into my skin when I caught sight of Lando. He was just entering my side of the garage, which was still empty with the car on it's way back to the pit lane. I tried turning away from him, hoping he will rather just go back to where he came from and leave me alone. As soon as Mark stepped away from next to me I knew Lando probably wasn't giving up.

" Winnie, are you okay? " I could hear his voice before even seeing him come into my line of sight. My eyes lifted up onto his face and before I could have thought about it any more my answer came out as a small nod. " I'm sorry for whatever happened there. My team didn't see that you were on a fast lap and I wanted to let the one behind you pass but then you were just there. " Lando let out a sigh and for a second I almost believed him, but then somehow I remembered how almost everything is his team's fault or someone else's. Never actually his.

" Would your team say the same? Or do they see it differently? " I asked him, glaring at him before just getting back to quickly getting my hair into a bun and my things together so I could finally leave this place. " Somehow nothing's ever your fault. " I huffed out, forcing my eyes to stay away from Lando's face so his presence wouldn't affect me even more.

" When did I give you any reason to think of me as someone who wants to hurt others? " He asked, offended by my words and I had to agree with him there. Even if he did hurt with his words, I knew he would never put someone else's health into danger and try to crash with them. " You can think I'm an idiot or anything like that, but you don't get to tell everyone that I'm aggressive or that I intentionally want to crash into someone. " Lando added and I could hear how angry he was, knowing he had every right to be frustrated by what I was hinting at.

" Maybe it's better if we don't even try to spend time together. It goes to shit every time, no matter what. You can cancel the hotel if you already got one for the award show. I'm taking someone else. " I told him ruthlessly and I could feel the venom dripping from my voice already. For a second there was a bit of regret about what I said, but my anger and frustration level was too high to bactpaddle from where this conversation was going. " Thought it would be a waste of time for you to watch people like us, who only got to where they are right now thanks to luck, receive awards for hours and hours, anyways. " I couldn't help but mock him, crossing my arms in front of my chest. Not even the camera could bring me out of my mood, even though I knew deep down they would be filming our chatter from further away as soon as they spotted us.

" What do you mean a waste of time? An award show is never a waste of time, even less if it means so much for you. " He shook his head a little, although his words made me think at the same time it only made me roll my eyes. " What the hell is happening to you? You're fucking unpredictable. " Lando raised his voice, his arms flying up in frustration as a hurt gasp left my lips.

" I'm unpredictable? Maybe pay some attention to your own words and you will realise why people act the way they usually do around you. " My free hand clenched into a fist but I suppressed the urge of hitting him and rather just picked up my helmet from the table so I could finally leave. " Just leave me alone from now on. I have a big enough challenge on my plate already without you coming into the picture, and making my job ten times harder. " I couldn't hold back from pushing my helmet into his chest, which did send him a step backwards before he stabilized himself by leaning on the table. With another huff of breath I was already on my way out of the garage, hoping no one will let him follow me as he already shouldn't have stepped inside our garage.

" Mate, leave it. " I could faintly hear Dan's voice before finally exiting to the paddock and turning towards our team hospitality building. I took a mental note to thank him later when the red cloud around my brain finally disappeared but I needed to be alone for that to happen.

I didn't plan on leaving my room until I could pull on my helmet and get into the car without any conversations coming up, and somehow no one needed me. The next time I entered the garage my car was fixed up completely again, ready for me to get in. I was the first one out on track as soon as the pit lane was open, to get the most time possible into the tires after how the last session ended prematurely. After all the chaos in the practice session i was just hoping for a more or less straight forward race which in a way did happen. It was all quite hectic in the front but coming from the back I could gain some positions just by taking up the rhythm of the race and making sure I won't get taken out. Surprise washed over me as I crossed the finish line a bit behind Lewis, getting myself a top 10 position and of course the points that came with it. It was refreshing to see some new people on the podium, knowing all three of them deserved their positions and I made sure to congratulate all of them before retreating to my own team.

" That was a surprising outcome. " I exclaimed, putting down my stuff and taking the water bottle from next to them, downing all the remaining water in one gulp. " Can't believe I was a second off Hamilton. It's a huge gap, but still. " I grinned at Dan, raising my hand for a high-five and he didn't leave me hanging for long, leaving my hand stinging from his force.

" And second double points in a row. I'm not jinxing it, but lets keep this up. " He let out a chuckle as I shook my hand to stop it from throbbing, but the smile stayed on my lips. " Oh, we have a Mercedes spy in here. Never thought they would need our secrets to win. " Dan looked towards the garage entrance and as I turned around my eyes landed on Nyck.

" Am I allowed to step inside or should I start running before security gets me? " He asked, making everyone laugh as we all knew he wouldn't be the one to get our secrets out " Swear anything I hear comes with me to my grave. " He raised his hands in defence, making me laugh again before greeting him with a quick hug.

" Didn't know you're gonna be here this early. I would have asked the team for a pass for you, although it seems like others had the same idea. " I smiled up at him after spotting the pit lane pass hanging in his neck.

" Yes. Toto heard that I would be here for the awards and offered to get me in. Benefits of driving for a team that's in both championships. " Nyck shrugged a little, stepping away from me when it was my time to give a little interview to our own team about the race. It was the usual questions about how the weekend went and what we are looking forward to in the next race. Nothing special and straight to the point, which gives a bit of insight into our busy days even for the fans. " I was invited to their dinner but we can take one car tomorrow? " Nyck came up next to me when it was Dan's turn to answer the same questions.

" Yes, perfect. Thought the drive would be boring, so you saved me from two hours of misery. " I nodded a little, getting another water bottle from the side. " I'm guessing Toto will be there too if he knew about you somehow?! " I half asked, stepping back next to him at the computers, knowing well Aaron will need me for a minute or so before we get to go back to our rooms and then the hotel.

" Yes. It's amusing how neither of us was invited but gets to go thanks to you and Susie. Some would say it's a strange situation. " He answered, making me laugh too although I knew most people would call this situation strange rather than amusing. " He said they put you and Susie at the same table, as two of the top guests, so we will have some time to chat to them during the event. " For a second I thought he was joking, but the sip of water I took from the bottle almost went down the wrong way when his face stayed completely serious.

" Half of me just screamed like a little kid sitting around the Christmas tree, the other screamed in fear. " I leant my elbows onto the table, hiding my face into my palms as I realised I'll have to talk to her now. It won't be the first time, and I was sure it would be enjoyable, but it was different when you just passed each other and shared a few words or when you sat across the other for a whole evening.

" It's cute how starstruck you are, even though you're the one driving an F1 car almost every weekend. " Nyck didn't even try to hold back his laughter as I could feel the blush creeping up my neck towards my face. It did sound absurd, but I still didn't feel like a celebrity of any kind, leaving me just as excited to meet people who are big names in our sport or any part of the famous world.

A few minutes later he had to leave before we would start the briefing about the race, but the team photographers gladly took a few photos before his departure, which could get a few clicks for our socials from his fans. It was an everyday way to reach fandoms that weren't just ours and try to win them over a little with their favourites. I even dared a look while traveling back to the hotel, swiping through all the comments on Instagram but I was pleasantly surprised by what the fans thought about the pictures. Everything felt easy going and I could hardly believe that after a full night's sleep it continued as we got into the car and took an almost two hour long journey to another hotel that was closer to the venue than the one we had for the race. As both the journey and accomodation was organised by Renault I just had to give them my name and also change the other to Nyck's before getting the keys to the rooms.

" The plan was that I would bring Lando, but we changed it. Lily did her best but some things may have his name instead of yours. " I let out a sigh when his confused gaze almost burned holes into my back as we stepped inside the elevator. " And no, this isn't me running away from him. Not fully. It was a team decision after him saying those things about me after Belgium. " I added right as he opened his mouth to ask, his gaze still not in any way understanding. I could see he didn't believe it for one second, and in a strange way even I knew it was just an easier way to tell myself it was out of my control.

" It's not helping you to get on better terms with him if you cancel plans with him last minute and take another guy. Wouldn't say I would be happy if I was the one in his position. " He shook his head with a disappointed glare, making me sigh out.

" Can we just leave this topic behind and enjoy tonight? " I asked him before he could bring up another argument about how this was my worst ever decision. " I swear on my life that I will try my best when this is over, but I don't want it to spoil tonight. " I shook my head a little, giving him the key to his own room when the elevator doors finally opened on our floor. Our rooms were adjacent, making it easy to find each other when it would be time to leave for the event.

We had time to take a nap and then freshen up before getting some lunch. The plan was to get to the venue in the late afternoon, seeing everything from the start and probably giving some interviews, but I needed a bit more sleep to feel fully presentable. I already took a shower and washed my hair by the time we met up in the little restaurant downstairs to get some food. By the time we got back to our rooms we could still get ready in a relaxed style, only leaving the hotel when the car arrived for us. I felt tired again as we got in, making sure my dress won't get caught in anything. It wasn't that strange for me to wear elegant clothes but since it was usually documented on a bunch of pictures, I was always a bit scared to embarrass myself in front of everyone. The second we arrived and were allowed to enter the building I already felt a bit better with not having to really walk around and constantly be on camera.

From the entrance we were taken right to our table and I didn't have to wait longer to get to know who we're sitting with in the end, as the nametags told me everything I had to know. I glanced at Nyck for a second as he sat down on the chair next to Toto's, feeling like he would have done the same even if our name tags would have been the other way around. With a sigh I sat down in my own chair too, accepting his plan even though I didn't really know what it meant. Getting me to talk to Susie didn't sound like such a huge thing considering it wouldn't be the first occasion, but at the same time I suspected he had ideas up his sleeve I didn't know about yet. Things that will make me feel anxious for sure, knowing my luck and usual reactions. It was always strange to see how I could be level headed while driving a car at unbelievable speeds, but crumble under the smallest amount of nerves during a normal day of my life.

" Good evening! " Toto's voice and accent gave him away immediately, and I didn't even have to turn around as just seconds later both him and Susie were already next to their seats. " Such a long time, no see. " He joked, letting out a laugh and a smile got onto my face as I watched both of them sit down. It was a bit strange with how far we were sitting and having the masks, but it was the only way to keep this event in the calendar.

" Can't even remember the last time we talked. " I joined in, remembering quite well how we shared a few words in the pit lane after quali just two days ago. It wasn't really planned, but when he came up to George while we were talking, we didn't just ignore each other. I sent a little smile to both of them before looking straight ahead as I didn't really know what else to say.

Luckily Nyck was a great ice breaker for the evening. Whenever I felt like we ran out of topics he could bring something else up that somehow got me to talk too and not just sit there in silence. Ten or fifteen minutes before the start of the whole show an interviewer surprised us with a few questions that was mostly towards Susie and me about either F1, FE or just racing in general, almost not paying any mind to our 'guests' across the table. When the camera wasn't in our face anymore I couldn't help an amused chuckle to which the whole table joined in. It was one thing to know this evening was about all the women in motorsport and another to actually experience it on your own skin.

" This is very different from the attention I get from the media during the weekends. " I let out a sigh while Nyck and Toto went to get a drink. I surprised even myself that I was the one starting a conversation. " I'm at the point where I don't even want to be part of the press conferences. Most of the questions are stupid and aren't even in connection with racing. " I shook my head and as I looked at Susie she already sent me an understanding smile.

" Sadly, they can't really get their head wrapped around the fact that this situation shouldn't be considered special. Usually they look at us and think we have to be dealt with differently. Which is true to some extent, but what they usually decide to do isn't the right solution. " She shook her head, and I felt like she could see all my thoughts and opinions on the situation. I knew she probably experienced everything, and even more than I can imagine, during the different stages of her career. " You should never be scared to tell them when they're going too far. You got media trained to deal with it calmly, but not to let them make a fool out of you. I'm sure the team would back you up. " She added, lifting her glass while I took in her words, looking down at my own drink.

" I hope they will. I have been hanging onto the last shreds of my patience towards them for the past month. " I closed my eyes for a second, letting out a sigh. Maybe this was the point where I took enough from them to finally defend myself.

" Think about it in a way that you're paving the way for the ones following you. We already started it, but you and the next ones have to continue to make it into a fully supportive community. " She made me look up with a faint smile on my lips, her words making me feel proud as this wasn't something I thought about much before. " You got their attention with your performance, now show them you're not made of sugar. At least not completely. " She bumped our elbows together over the table, making me let out a quiet laugh.

We set there for a second in silence, although I could feel her eyes scanning me. I had to look around for a second, make sure Nyck and Toto were still at the bar and not planning on coming back in the exact second I took a deep breath, to ask something that I couldn't ask anyone else before. " I- And please tell me if it's not something you would share. When you and Toto got closer, were you scared that people would think you achieved things only because of him? " I asked her as soon as I turned back and my eyes stayed on hers as I didn't want to miss her real reactions.

" At the start. It was the first thing they like to use against drivers. Taking away their credit for what they achieved. It took me a bit of time but I realised nothing would change in the long run. " She shrugged a little, and I could feel as confusion got on my face. " They can say whatever they want, but it's still going to be me behind the wheel or making the decisions. You can get a chance easier, but holding onto it and proving yourself is a much harder battle. Look at it from a different way. You can always buy yourself a seat, but if you then never manage to perform, no one will keep you for long. " She added and I had to agree with her without a second thought.

" That sounds a lot easier than how it feels inside. " I grimaced, letting my fingers brush through my hair to get it out of my face. She was right though and even my brain couldn't fight this fact. However I managed to get to where I am right now, it was only my performance that could keep me there.

" Never let them control your life. Live it however you want and do whatever makes you happy. They will run out of ideas to bring up against you and just find another victim. It sounds harsh but it's the reality sadly. " Susie let out a sigh, and while it seemed like a simple conversation to her, I felt like she lifted a rock off of my chest and put everything into perspective. Knowing that she already went through everything I'm experiencing right now got my head stop fighting against her advice and made me see everything ten times clearer.

By the time Nyck sat down next to me we already changed to more light hearted topics, discussing their season over in the electric part of Formula racing. All the funny stories and the friendly bickering between the rival team principal and driver got me out of my head, letting me truly enjoy the company I had around me and the remainder of the night. It was already midnight when we slowly said goodbye to everyone and got back into the car that was waiting for us. The second the engine turned on and we were on our way back to the hotel, my phone was in my hand. Without even realising I opened up the messages I shared with Lando and typed out a quick message before I could change my mind about anything. Nyck seemed content with my plan when I looked up from the screen and at his small nod I hit the sending button. The breath that was stuck in my lungs rushed out of me, but there was immediately a smile on my face, even though I knew he wouldn't see the text until the morning. I didn't regret it, not even when I took one last glance at it before going to bed. Maybe he said some things out of frustration, but I was the one who started this whole tug of war.

'I'm sorry, for everything.'