jupiter aria reid

i was finally back in my office, leaning comfortably into my chair as i ate my quesadillas. my husband seated behind my desk, leaning his head on his hands as he listened to me talk.

"-it just...i felt like the world's worst mother. you know? i let my child go through all of that. and god, every time i wake up i can hear the stupid fucking birds that were outside his window and i see his face in crowds and i just...jesus spen. this is my literal job. to figure out how to help people get better and i can't even help myself." i groan as i shove another bite of quesadilla into my mouth.

he sighs, leaning back into his chair and patting his lap and holding his arms open. i pout, standing up and seating myself onto his lap, leaning my head on his shoulder. he wraps his arms around me and presses a gentle kiss to the side of my head.

"listen, there's a maze, a person going through the maze, and a bird. who do you think is going to have a better view, the bird flying over the maze, or the person in the maze?" he asks, wiping a crumb from the outer corner of my lip.

"am i the bird?" i sigh, lifting my head up and looking at him.

"for everyone else, yes. you help people find their way out of these mazes. and now, you're stuck in a maze. sure, helping people out of mazes is what you do. and you're really good at it. but that's because you've always seen things from above, you could see the end when they we're stuck in the middle. it's not your fault that you can't see the end. you've just gotta find your bird." he smiles, rubbing my back softly.

"i just...spen i am the bird. a bird can't just go up to another bird and be like 'hey, i'm a bird, you wanna be my bird?' like it just doesn't work like that. plus, i'm supposed to be the bird of all birds. where am i going to find a bird that that's gonna understand my maze and doesn't look at me like some crazy bird who's lost her way?" i huff.

spen just stares at me for a while before he laughs.

"you said the word bird way too many times, first of all. second of all, you do know that you work for an entire team of birds, right?"

i furrow my eyebrows at him, pulling away slightly.

"first of all, none of you are birds, you're more like....penguins. similar, but not the same."

"penguins?" he laughs.

"yes penguins."

"you do know that penguins are actually classified as-"

"listen, they're not birds. penguins are penguins. they're their own thing and that's that. do not argue with your wife."

"yes ma'am." he chuckles and i lift myself out of his lap, sitting back in my chair.

"but seriously. none of you are actually qualified to-"

"i never said we were. you just...need a little guidance. you need someone to help you through the maze. let us be that for you...let me be that for you." he please, reaching forward to grab my hands.

i stare at him for a moment and sigh.

"yeah...i know. i'm sorry. it's hard to talk about. i feel like i shouldn't feel the way that i do. i'm alive. our baby is alive. i'm one of the lucky ones."

"what happened to you, was not lucky. everything you went through was traumatic, and some of it is bound to be difficult to process. and i will be there every step of the way. we all will. you're an amazing friend. an amazing psychologist. a fantastic wife-"

a short giggle leaves my mouth and he stands up, walking over to squat in front of me.

"and you're going to be a phenomenal mother. he drugged you against your own will and you had no idea our little embryo even existed."

"it's actually a fetus now." i sigh, letting the tears fall from my eyes.

"well, at the time it was an embryo, but you know what? you're right. anyways, you had no control over the things he was doing to you. but he's going away for the rest of his life. his trial is coming up, and we'll all be there when you get up on that stand to testify." he reassures, reaching up and wiping a tear from my face.

"i love you spen."

"i love you more, jup."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i sat in the break room as the girls crowded around me, their hands on my large seven month belly.

"are you excited?" jj gushes, pulling her hand back.

"very. i think spencer might be more excited than me, though." i chuckle.

"kick your godmothers hand. come on. you can do it." garcia whispers towards my stomach, making me laugh.

"who said you were the godmother?" i laugh, making garcia pout.

"well if derek is the godfather, then it's only fair that i'm the godmother!" she argues.

"you're henry's godmother." i point out and jj nods in agreement.

"i want many godbabies." she says, making me laugh.

"well, for all you guys know, emily could be the godmother. and if you really want him to kick. get spencer to talk to him. then he'll go crazy."

garcia snaps her head up and rushes out the door, making us all laugh.

"spekaing of godparents, how'd casey take the news that she's not the godparent?" emily asks, sipping on her coffee.

"she took it just fine. as much as casey loves children, she doesn't want any of her own. and the thought of being responsible for one really freaked her out. i think adrian was more upset than anything, but he understood why we didn't choose him."

"and why didn't you?" jj asks.

"because of the military lifestyle. should anything happen to me and spencer, we want to know that morgan and whoever his godmother is would both be able to provide a stable home life. whereas adrian would be all over the place. the constant moving on top of his inability to control his anger, plus the ptsd. it just wouldn't be the environment we'd want for our child. you know?"

they nods their head and garcia come in, dragging a complaining spencer in. gracia stops and points at my swollen belly.

"speak."

spencer looks over at me, his eyebrows raised.

"she wants to feel him kick."

"and he's not going crazy at your voice right now?"

"does he usually?" garcia gasps.

"yeah, usually. total momma's boy already. but lately it's been more spencer than me." i say, sipping on the lemon tea in my mug.

garcia looks up at spencer expectantly who gives in, kneeling down towards my stomach. my heart flutters as he leans in, smiling softly and the girls watch in awe. all of them witnessing spencer in this light for the first time.

"hey kiddo, it's daddy. you know...aunty garcia really wants to feel your soccer star kicks. she's really excited to meet you...we all are-"

i gasp as my son kicks exceptionally hard.

"jesus. here, garcia." i say, grabbing her hand and placing it over where my son was thrashing about.

the girls crowd me once again, taking turns to feel the baby.

"i really don't understand how this could freak you out, spen. i mean, that's your son in there." emily chuckles as she places her hand on my bump.

spencer smiles softly, bringing his finger up and tapping lightly on my stomach.

"i know."