Amber was breathing heavily, shaking, for a few minutes before she opened her eyes. She was in a strange place, the sunlight coming in from the wrong side, and everything just slightly wrong. It took a long time to realise that she was back in her own bedroom, after a memory that had been so intense, she still expected to be in Orsertro's chambers.

She sat up, heart still racing, and tried to take deep breaths as she recovered. Something had happened, something important, she was sure. But the details were just out of reach. All she was sure of was that she'd been exhausted. She remembered chaos, pain, and strong hands holding her down. Or her hands, fighting to restrain someone? It was all confused, she couldn't remember. The duvet catching and her trying to unwrap herself stirred another memory; fine ropes, maybe. Had she been captured in the memory, or caught an enemy? Or were the sheets a closer reminder than she thought, helping her to focus on a moment when even the powerful and confident Orsertro had managed to get himself entangled in the sheets and felt trapped for a moment?

Amber knew as she climbed unsteadily to her feet that she would have to ask Mel if this memory was real. The only problem was that she couldn't remember anything that had actually happened, so she couldn't describe it. She could feel the emotions that had got so strong she couldn't ignore them any more, like fear had when she first encountered the monster. But this wasn't fear, or at least that wasn't all it was. There were images in her mind, but they were so jumbled and confused that she didn't know what they could mean, and the few things she could see in her mind's eye, she didn't have the words to describe them. All she knew was that it was a big thing, it was so important, and her whole body had been aching for days after.

Then she thought back, to the meeting in the throne room. Even Mel, who she'd trusted completely, had wanted to talk about Amma slapping him. That wasn't even such a major thing, was it? She'd seen a lot of women slap a lot of men on television, and most of the time it meant they were going to be in love by the end of the story. Why did everyone hate Ammadrine so much? It just didn't seem to be fair, but Amber knew now that if she was going to try making peace with the Enemy, she'd be doing it on her own. And surrounded by monsters, if last time was any kind of sign.

"Amber?" Mom's voice came from outside the bedroom door, "Are you okay?"

Amber looked across at the clock, and saw that it was a good half hour after she would normally have woken up. Mom must be worried about her.

"Yeah, sorry," she called, taking a deep breath and holding it for a second first in the hope that would help her body to calm down. "I had a weird dream. I'll be down in a minute."

It took her longer than usual to get dressed, as well. She didn't know if she was expected to go to school, and it didn't seem likely after the damage she'd seen yesterday. But until she'd heard an official announcement, she decided it would be better to put on her uniform anyway. Help Mom to think that she was coping well, and that she was being a little more normal now.

* * *

"You cried out," Mom almost whispered. It was the first thing she'd said, after offering the usual choices of cereal or porridge, toast or waffles. She was using the kind of matter-of-fact voice that meant she was trying very hard not to sound scared or angry, or both. The kind of voice she'd used with Amber's dad when she was trying to put off the day he left.

"I did?" Amber tried just as hard not to let her surprise show, but fumbled her spoon and sent a shower of O-shaped sugary corn pieces flying across the table. She looked around and grabbed a cloth to mop up the spilled milk before it could mark the tabletop, and then tried to think more about how to reply. "Sorry, it was a weird dream. I woke up kind of scared, and kind of not, and I don't know what it was about. Sorry." And then she realised what was different this time. Normally Mom would be there to offer a hug at least when she had a nightmare. But this time, Mom knew about the memories she was getting back from her past lives. She knew that a dream might not just be a dream, and Amber wasn't sure if Mel might have mentioned that she could also have prophetic dreams.

"Was there a guy in this dream," Mom answered slowly, "That Mel?"

"No. I don't think so. I hardly remember. It wasn't a real nightmare, I think. I mean..." Amber had to put a lot of thought into that. She didn't really understand it herself, and putting words around her feelings was even harder. "It was kind of scary, I remember that. But scary like a roller coaster or something, like in a fun way. Maybe it was a scream like I'm excited? Sorry if I worried you, I think that must have been before I woke up properly."

"Was it one of these weird dreams with those people in?" Mom asked again, a couple of pauses in the middle of the question. Like there was something else she wanted to ask, but she was too nervous to say the words.

"I don't think so. It might have been a memory from thousands of years ago, but I can normally remember those better. This time, it's just a few little bits. I don't remember. It was just a bit scary, I'm sorry."

"Don't say sorry," Mom came closer and put her arms around Amber's shoulders. "I didn't mean to upset you, I was just worried. I think you can understand that, can't you? I don't like there being people hanging around with you that I can't check up on."

"Jack and the others are good people," Amber said, "Please, you can trust them. I've known them for hundreds of lives, and I don't think they would ever hurt me." But she wasn't so sure herself, after all the talk about sending Ammadrine back to the world of the ghosts. Had someone who trusted her twenty thousand years ago really betrayed them all? Or were the people she trusted now jumping to conclusions, and hurting someone who didn't deserve it? Either way, it was enough to make her think twice.

"I just keep thinking about Barry. I mean, somebody you trust, you'd do anything for, and you care so much that you don't see all the bad things until it's too late. Promise me, you won't keep ignoring the little things. If someone hurts you at all, or worries you, even if it's a tiny thing, you make sure they know you're upset. And if they don't try to make up for it, that's when you don't trust them so much. Or tell me, right? I don't want to be hovering around you all the time, but I want to be the kind of mom you can turn to. Maybe I'll understand better if you can tell me more. And I can try to support you instead of being too scared."

Amber thought for a good few minutes. She trusted the Rainbow Knights completely, she knew that none of them would hurt her. All of them. Roudi, Geth, Nico, Amma, Irvetrani, and Urdia. Alex, Jack, Violet, Mel, and Arnie. They were all her friends, past and present, and she couldn't imagine any of them trying to hurt her. But it was true, she hadn't told them the full story when she had memories of a past life. She was too nervous to tell any of them that Ammadrine had come to her in confidence, too scared to admit her feelings for one of her fellow knights. She hadn't told them about Amma's worries, that she'd been too scared to admit to the council thousands of years ago.

"There's some things," she mumbled. "Like, secrets. One of them told me a big secret, in a past life. I think everybody found out back then, and some of them got angry about it. But I'm the only one that remembered it now. And I didn't want to tell a secret, so I missed that out. But that's not the same as not trusting them all, right?"

"I don't think so," Mom ruffled Amber's hair. "All friends have secrets sometimes. Even the closest. Especially when you get to your age. You might have a boyfriend soon, or some boy you like, anyway. And then you'll have your own secrets that you can only tell to the people you trust most. Just make sure they don't hurt your friends, right?"

Amber wasn't sure why Mom had to bring boyfriends into it. She knew that some kids she knew in school were starting to think about that stuff, but she didn't really understand it herself. But then she thought back, to the few conversations she remembered with Ammadrine. A good friend, who was scared to talk to the boy she liked, because he said they shouldn't have feelings. That was a love story there, and that could have caused a lot of arguments. Maybe it was love that was the problem after all.

"It's probably better to tell someone," Mom said, voice low. Maybe she misread Amber's expression, and thought she'd been closer to the mark. "If there's something worrying you, then telling someone else might be a good idea. Even if it has to be someone who doesn't know the other people. Somebody who won't be upset or jealous, but maybe can give you some advice. Or even a friend who can tell you that you're not alone, that you're doing the right thing."

"I think... I think that's what I did for Ammadrine, thousands of years ago," Amber admitted, "I suppose now I should tell somebody, it might make me feel better. Or not feel so bad about not telling Mel and the others."

"A secret shared is an easier weight to bear. And if it's about people all those years ago, like knights and wizards and whatnot, then you could probably tell anybody now. Maybe your friend Lauren can tell you that you did the right thing?"