Even though I was expecting it, the floor of the gazebo turning into a portal to take me back to Briarville stole my breath. This time, I wasn't dizzy, but I didn't know if I'd ever be able to experience it the same as a normal action like opening a door to get from one room to another.

When I exited with Onyx, I blinked, feeling as though a sun shade had been pulled on my vision after experiencing the brightness in the Kingdom. The air felt less energized, the temperature was cooler, and everything just felt... dull. I wanted to go back. I could feel the need to, but it was at war with what everyone else required of me.

Calin wanted me to stop getting involved and I assumed get past my reservations.

Islene wanted me to discover my mom's secrets and give Calin a chance—and probably more, given nobody truly know the extent of what she saw.

Aiden, Julian, Nancy... They wanted me to deal with Trevor and come home for good.

Zach wanted me to embrace my role and train, then fix things... As did my mom.

Everyone thought they knew what I should do. Every time I learned something, another piece of the puzzle appeared before I could place the last, and all the information had become a jumbled mess. It was like there was no picture on the box to guide me or the pieces fit too many puzzles while I was trying to make one.

What could anyone do with that chaos to form order?

My breath wheezed out of my lungs. Suddenly, it felt like a weight was on my chest, and I couldn't breathe. My skin tingled. It's too much. No matter what I prioritized, I let someone else down or allowed something to be made worse by not dealing with it in a timely manner.

Gasping, I stumbled back and reached out with my hand until I felt the bench. I sat and leaned forward with my elbows on my knees and head in my hands.

Calm down.

My breaths came quicker, sounding like an animated air cushion that blows on a fire and had an irregular heartbeat. I closed my eyes and concentrated on the heat of Onyx against my legs while trying to rid all other thoughts from my head.

Calm down.

Breathe.

Since when did I panic? There were no emotions to pick up on here. How would I do anything if this happened?

Calm.

Calm.

Calm.

Breathe...

In-out, in-out, in-out, in-out.

I wrapped my arms around my body, hoping the pressure would help like I saw in the movies, and forced myself to exhale slowly. Once, twice. On the third inhale, I finally felt my lungs fill. My heartbeat slowed.

Calm.

Mid-exhale, my phone chirped. I took another deep breath and opened my eyes. I followed the notification, finding a text from Calin saying Nancy was waiting for us. Right. Trevor. My logic kicked in to remind me he was the first problem to deal with. Not only would it be the quickest, Trevor may have information that could help deal with the rest. Knowing my luck, I'd have to hand everything else simultaneously, so any help I could glean would be useful.

"Come on, Onyx." With a sigh, I stood on shaky legs, realizing that my breathing wasn't all I couldn't control. My fear of failing and letting people down scared me until taking a step forward was like trying to stand from a wheelchair even though I was paralyzed.

Calm.

Finally, I stepped, then did it again. The whole time every movement was hard, almost painful. The fear didn't diminish, my resolve increased.

Don't let it control me.

More than ever—no matter what problem I was trying to solve—I couldn't let my fear block my sight like it had in Hope.

The panic settled to a thrum and I managed to pick up my pace. Now more than ever, I couldn't let fear weaken me in any way or I was sure my fear of not meeting expectations would be reality when it held me back.

When I reached the back door, I shook my arms and legs and gave my body a wiggle. I blew out one last breath and pasted a smile, then entered the house. After all that happened, I was sure everyone thought I would crack—a person can only handle so much before they do. Instead, I made my smile wider and I made a silent commitment to keep it in place until I no longer had to fake it.

If anyone said anything about me acting weird, I would deflect. I mean, shouldn't I be a little off kilter after what happened and the fact that I was going to see Trevor? Especially since it was the first time since escaping him?

*****

"There you are!" Calin stood from the table as I entered the kitchen, and I felt my stomach flip knowing I'd planned to be dishonest. "Where were you?"

"I, uh... At the gazebo." I shrugged. Not a lie.

"Oh? You ready?"

I pressed my lips together and nodded, pausing in the doorway.

Calin's brow furrowed. "You okay? You don't need to be the one to do this."

"I'm good." I nodded, then nodded again. There was no point in feeling guilty. I'd share my secrets with Calin once he finished the journals and I knew more. Right now, I didn't have enough to be believable, and I was sure Zach would be more candid if I didn't return with Calin so I could prove I wasn't crazy to him. Really, any way I spun it, I already sounded like a lunatic. Plus, if Calin did believe me, there's no way he'd want me to go back alone. No, he'd insist on protecting me from whatever threat he thought Zach posed.

See Trevor, let Calin go back, then find out everything from Zach.

The next time I saw Calin after that, I could unload an info dump on him, and he wouldn't know enough until then to feel like he wasn't included along the way.

Putting it in a list made it sound easy—logical even—so why'd I feel so bad?

A part of me thought I should share—trust and all that. Plus, the selfish me knew it'd be easier to manage things calmly if Calin came. Soulmates gave each other strength. I wondered if any soulmates had had their other half committed for being too nutty or seemed disconnected from reality?

"Is it just us?" I asked, pushing my internal thoughts aside. As much as I didn't want to do this, the sooner it was complete, the quicker I could return to Zach and make my subsequent confession to Calin.

"Everyone will meet us there, if you're worried. I just figured we could spend a few minutes together."

"That's—I didn't mean it like that."

"You're sure?" Calin raised an eyebrow, though a corner of his mouth lifted.

"I'm sure." I started forward and slapped his arm as I passed. "Jerk."

Calin laughed as he followed me through the house. In minutes, we were in his car. Though I still didn't want to use magic since I had at the pool and in creating the living flame, I avoided contact with Calin so his calm didn't diminish the remaining strength I felt from visiting the Kingdom. Trevor deserved a good punch in the face, but I didn't want to hurt myself or waste energy healing. If I was going to use magic, I'd let him know exactly what he'd missed out on by keeping me drugged.

As if understanding I didn't want to be touched—did I generate a vibe? —Calin didn't try. As we drove, my anxiety built into fear as great as when Trevor held me against my will. Maybe more. At least that had been overshadowed by the desire to survive and hadn't been planned.

This?

I was doing it on purpose.

Leaning back, I closed my eyes and exhaled, trying to find the strength everyone said I had.

*****

In no time at all, the longest car ride I'd ended. I felt the car slow, halt, and the shift go into park. When the ignition shut off, I still didn't open my eyes, hoping to fit hours of mental preparation into a few seconds.

Don't let fear control you.

"Nora?"

Just do it.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

Face your fear and get control.

"Let's just go back—"

I reached out and stopped Calin before he started the car, keeping my now-open eyes on the keys in his hand. "No. We aren't going back. I... I need to do this."

"You're sure?"

I nodded. "Yes."

As Calin got out and rounded the car, I waited in my seat and focused on the dash. When the passenger door opened, I kept my head down, watching my steps so I didn't trip on the curb.

"Which way?" I asked.

"Straight."

I followed the path to a porch, still not glancing up as we ascended three steps. It felt like every cell in my body was doing a beep test as they coursed through my veins. I couldn't look up. If I did, I'd see the house and fear every house that looked similar.

I didn't have time to talk myself into overcoming my fear with the logic that I'd fear every house if I didn't look. As soon as the thought emerged, Calin was escorting me through the door, not bothering to knock. Finally, I lifted my head and looked around the landing we stood on that had stairs leading up or down.

The beep test morphed into jumping jacks. I bounced on the tips of my toes, antsy.

Why did everything seem so normal?

Somehow, I'd feel more at ease in a setting like the cabin Calin's parents abandoned. It was more fitting to the horror I'd experienced here. This... It didn't align, almost like it was trying to trick me into believing it only occurred in my imagination.

"Come on," Calin said, and started up the steps from the small landing. Instead of leading to the darkness the stairs down promised, we arrived in the living room I'd seen through the railing from the entrance. To the left was a hallway that branched off. To the right, an open living room.

A free-standing woodstove sat in the corner of the room, the colors throughout the furnishings neutral light tan with green accents. I actively avoided cataloguing everything else and locked gazes with Calin.

"Where is everyone?" I asked.

Calin shrugged and broke eye contact to continue into the room. Murmured voices began to echo into the space. He navigated us to an entrance I hadn't seen when we ascended into the living room. Through the doorway was a dining area.

"Nora!" Nancy sprang from her seat at the kitchen table. The room was cramped with five people—us, Aubrey-Lynn, Islene and Nancy—and in two steps she had me embraced in a hug.

"I'm sure she wants to breathe, Nance," Islene said.

Ignoring her, Nancy pulled away slightly. She left her hands on my shoulders and stared at me as though my eyes could produce text for her to read, but only in the smallest of print to challenge her perfect vision. "Are you okay? Do you need to sit down?"

"I—"

"Do you really think this is a good idea?" Nancy jerked her gaze to narrow on Calin, going from deciphering to having the ability to burn books with the heat of her stare. "Nora is injured. She should be resting while we get answers, even if she argues she's okay enough to do it."

"Relax. Trevor stole some of my time, not my ability to make my own decisions." I patted Nancy's hand and stepped out of her reach, looking around. "Where is everyone else?"

Don't say in the dark, dark basement.

I should have brought a flashlight.

"Aiden is out back," Islene said.

"He had to take a call, but won't be long," Aubrey-Lynn added.

My stomach clenched, and a chill froze my muscles. I looked at Nancy, ignoring the sharp look Calin sent me. "Did Duvessa come back?"

"No." Nancy pinched her lips together. "Julian went back to school."

"Still?" Calin asked. "I thought he'd be back by now."

Nancy glanced at him, then me. "Yeah. He can't handle being in Briarville and not blowing up at his mother. He's trying to avoid having to explain everything to his father."

"I didn't mean to cause him problems when I asked for everyone to keep quiet."

"He doesn't blame you," Aubrey-Lynn said quickly.

Islene nodded. "It'll be good for him to have distance and get his thoughts in order."

Nancy snorted. "You mean his temper?"

"Diplomacy, Nancy," Aubrey-Lynn said.

"Whatever." Nancy rolled her eyes and smirked at me. "He's pissed. It's better he isn't around Trevor or his mom right now."

"He's not alone," Calin muttered. "I'd like to talk to Trevor too."

"I think one of us with injuries is enough," I said. "We don't need you breaking your fist on his face."

"You know I can punch someone without getting hurt."

"Whatever. We want Trevor to be conscious, remember?" I went to the table and sat down, clasping my hands on the top. "What's been going on here?"

"Dude's phone is blowing up." Nancy shrugged. "Astrid is incessant but the unknown number tried calling. We didn't answer, though, and then both keep texting."

"For what?" My heart rate quickened.

"Updates. We say you're too drugged up still." Nancy shrugged. "Obviously, they don't know Trevor is here because both said they'd come by but haven't shown up."

"Maybe they are just watching. Waiting."

I narrowed my eyes on Calin. "What do you mean? Waiting for what? It'd be easier to grab Trevor when less of us are here. Two are already absent."

"You weren't here, though," Calin said, "and I'm betting your house has more security than Trevor's."

"It's a gated community. I should hope it would be," Aubrey-Lynn said.

Islene shook her head. "I don't think that's what Calin means. You didn't even bring Onyx with you for protection today. Your home has all kinds of protection spells placed on it, all of which were tied to the land so they are still in place. It makes it harder for people to use magic there."

"I use it fine at home."

"Because your mother's magic recognizes yours, and it isn't with ill intent that you use it."

I thought of the living flame and wondered what kind of intent they would construe my motives. I had thought it was positive when I thought it was just for me. Because of the unexpected consequences—short-lived as they had been—other people wouldn't agree.

Another wave of fear hit me, once again making me short of breath, and I was happy I was already sitting.

What if Calin was right?

The people Trevor was working with could be waiting. I felt stronger, sure, but I wasn't near full strength. With me being weak—Duvessa and even Julian could have relayed how affected I was since I was sure Nancy must have told him I didn't want to heal myself—and magic restored, I was vulnerable. I knew I could heal my wrists but didn't because I wanted the reminder, but... I didn't even have Onyx with me.

Ignoring Calin's worried glances as my fear kept rising, I pushed myself up from the table. "We should stop wasting time. I'm going to go get some answers from Trevor. Where is he?"

"You're sure?" Nancy asked, and I nodded. She sighed and gestured for me to follow as she started out of the room. "Come on then."

*****

To get to the sea can Trevor held me in, Nancy backtracked through the living room to the hallway, then took the hall that forked off. Why we didn't cut through the kitchen from the dining room was a mystery, but I saw it on the right as we passed. On the left were three rooms: a pantry, a pamper room, and finally a laundry room where I could see a stereo mounted on the wall through the open door.

No wonder it was so loud when Trevor blasted music.

The small mudroom straight ahead didn't provide much of a barrier for the music, despite Trevor's claim that he'd made the sea can soundproof.

"The sea can is through the back door," Islene said, pointing to the exit in the mudroom.

"It literally opens up into it," Nancy added.

"I'd like to see him alone," I said, swallowing hard even as I squared my shoulders.

"No."

"Yes, Calin." I stared straight ahead. I knew he could sense my anxiety, but I was determined to overcome it. "Leave the door open, if you want, so you can hear if something's wrong. I'd like it if everyone went back to the dining room and gave me space."

"But—"

"He can't hurt me, Calin," I said. "Not with all of you here and no drugs in my system. Just because I don't want to heal myself doesn't mean I can't access my abilities, if you recall."

"Fine," Calin said, sighing despite the reminder of our midnight tryst in the pool when I'd kept us warm for a while. "Just remember. I don't need to hear you yell to know if you are scared."

Again, I swallowed, hoping I could keep my feelings in check. "I know, but you also have to trust I'll let you know when I need help. Fear only controls you if you let it, but it doesn't go away."

A/N: Thank you being patient when I skipped a weekend for my bday - I posted two to make up for it :) Cheers!