(That poem just fits ^ )

Book 6} Chapter 49

Teach Me
教えて

(you guys don't know the pain in me when I saw that the Japanese translation was pronounced "Oshiete" and how I went "HIDEEE")

▌│█║▌║▌║ Reader's POV ║▌║▌║█│▌

"No, damn it... why now?" I muttered as I doubled over.
I lied to them.
I told them I forgot something.
Why did I lie?

We had all gone back to eat.
But I knew something was off.
I told Sonju I dropped something and headed off around the paths.

It was a mental breakdown.
I've had enough to know.

Tears filled my vision as I clutched onto the pill bottle in my pocket.
I let a silent scream out as tears continued to run down my face.
My breathing increased along with my heartbeat.
I sat down, gripping my leg as I cried into my knees.

Thoughts flooded my head.
Thoughts I didn't think of myself.
I never got used to it. 
The horrible fact I couldn't control my thoughts hurt me itself.

I don't know how long I was there, with puffy red eyes. I just knew that when I stood up, I would fall again.
And that I had no control over my thoughts.

"Y/n!" a voice then exclaimed.

"Norman?" I asked in desperation. He was always there to help me. No, he was gone now. It couldn't be him.

"Y/n," the voice said softer as their arms wrapped around me.
"M-Mujika," I muttered, but buried my head in her shoulder, sobbing.

She let me cry on her shoulder for a while.
"What happened?" she asked softly, running her hand through my hair.
"I asked Sonju where you went after you didn't show up after a while and he said you went through the paths. I thought you got lost."

"I-I'm sorry," I muttered. It's the only thing I could think to say.
"It's okay... you... you don't have to tell me what happened," she told me, giving me a smile.

And I did.

I started taking the Anti-depressants in Grace Field.
I tried explaining why I was sad
but nothing could come out
That was when I realized,
I didn't know why either

Seems selfish, huh?
Barely anyone noticed I was there.
They knew I was a person,
they just didn't bother to care.

Norman did.
Ray did.
and Emma did.

But they were more of the trio.
I just... followed them.

I'll never say they weren't my friends.
They are...
But to them, I'm just an add-on in their group.

Norman was the one to find me in pain.
I think that's the moment I realized I really liked him.
Because he was so gentle and kind.
Hm, like a lamb.
(He even looks like one-)

FLASHBACK

I clutched my stomach as I sat on the floor of the bathroom.
I let out a sigh.
It was another mental breakdown.

Collected from all the stress I had.
There was something off, I could never figure it out.

I stayed there for a while to calm down.
And well, I didn't seem to notice how long I stayed there.

Because soon after, there was a knock on the door.
I got up from my spot to leave the restroom, but the voice stopped me before I could,

"Y/n, are you okay? I saw you walk in here. It's been a while," Norman said.
"N-No, it's okay," I told him, but my voice was horrible, and he got the idea that I was lying.

He hesitated but soon came into the restroom.
He looked at me with concern.

I knew I probably looked like a mess.
A puffy face and red, watery eyes, ya know.

His face fell and he hugged me.
"Are you sure you're okay? You look like you've been crying. Or is it allergies?" he asked me. 

At the time, Norman was the first one to notice me when things happened. Or when I lagged behind. Or anything unusual about me.
"I'm sorry," I told him softly.

FLASHBACK END

Even though Norman noticed,
my depression got the best of me.

Mom had gotten me the pills one day all of a sudden.
She told me "I hope this helps" and that was it.
Norman didn't tell her, I knew that.

And so, after that day, I've had the pills.

I was lonely, and it can be painful.
It causes the heart to sting.
But physically being alone isn't always the same thing.

I took a deep breath as I finished.
"Let... I just need to... calm down," I struggled to speak.
She smiled and nodded.

"I have a technique. Maybe it'll help," she suggested.
She grabbed my hands and pressed them against each other as if I was praying.
Then, a tingly feeling ran through my body making a shiver run down my spine.
"What did you do?" I asked in awe.
She giggled, "A secret," she said.

I had instantly calmed down, and just from that.
I took out my pills and she looked at me curiously.
I was about to take the two, but I hesitated.

"Do you really need them?" Mujika asked.
I nodded, "I guess... If I want to be happy," I said.
She tilted her head, "How can that make you happy? To be happy, you do that yourself."

I put the pills back.

She was right.

"Now, c'mon!" she smiled, taking my hand and leading me back.

~
-·=»‡«=·- Time Skip -·=»‡«=·-

"What is it?" I heard Don ask.
"My cooking," Ray answered.
"What? How? What did you do to make it taste so good?!"

I smiled.
Ray was always a good cook.
We used to cook together when Mom let us.
And he was way better than that bitch.

"Nothing, really. I made it exactly like Mujika taught me," Ray answered.
"No way! You were just throwing stuff in there randomly!!" Don exclaimed.
"Then I'm just that good."
"Dang it!"

"Both of you were able to start the fire very smoothly," Mujika complimented the kids.
I got some food myself from Ray, and just by that I knew they didn't notice I was gone.

"What's wrong?" Ray asked Emma.
I didn't bother to look up as I helped Jemima balance her cup.
"Huh? Oh, it's just that... There's so much happiness when food is delicious."

~
-·=»‡«=·- Time Skip -·=»‡«=·-

Three days have passed.
We've made good progress.
We've been going through this maze...
So it's a bit round-about.

"I see. You want to go southeast, eh? Then you should exit the forest from the north side and go around," Sonju told us.
"From the north?" -Emma

"If you keep going southeast, you'll run into the territory of wild demons twice after you exit the forest." -Mujika

"But if you go north, there's only a wasteland. No horde of demons. You can get out of the forest in about five days. After that, if you walk for about a day, you'll reach your destination. Before we part, you should learn some things. Mujika and I will teach you," Sonju told us.

"Things that will help you survive the outside. The minimum amount of knowledge... and skills."

~TimeSkip~

I pulled back the string and let it go. I let out a huff as the bow made it on bullseye.
"You're amazing, Emma!" one of the kids said in awe, I turned seeing she made a bullseye as well, and I smiled.
"You really are physically made for this."

I sighed and turned my head to see Sonju walking off.
He turned back and motioned to me.

A bright smile came on to my face.
I had asked him whenever he went up, if he could take me. I believed that time was now.

For the past days, I'll be honest, I have distanced myself from Emma, Ray, everyone...
I spent more time with Mujika and Sonju.

Sonju helped me onto his horse, which I learned with a Sleipnir, an animal in Norse Mythology.

~Time Skip~

"Woah," I said softly as I looked around, moving the cloak from my face.
We stopped by a river, and I looked down at it.

"The river isn't that deep. The water is cold, but you can cross it on foot. The issue is your pursuers," he told me before he made his horse gallop.

"Are there pursuers near you? If there are, how do you run away?" He challenged me.
"I think of a strategy," I responded. He got off of the horse and looked around.

I looked around us.
"At the moment, there are none. It's so quiet and nothing has moved," I said.

"Yeah, that's good," he told me.
"So, what do you want?" he asked.

"You know what I want. I've been telling you!" I smiled.
He chuckled, "All right. Are you sure?"

"Of course. I want to know how to kill a living being. I know which herbs to eat, which are useful, to cook, to use a harpoon and a bow and arrow. So I want to know more. It might be hard to get meat and fish without knowing how to hunt," I told him.
"That's why I want you to teach me," I smiled.

He nodded and led me to a few bushes. I looked up and searched the sky for an animal.
A bird.

Before, I would've feared the thought of hurting an innocent animal.
And I still do. I just know now, that this is survival.

I aimed the bow and arrow and shot at the bird. It tumbled down and I went over with Sonju.

I put my hand on its wing, "It's warm and alive," I told him, frowning at the bird.
"Good shot. Next is the Gupna," he told me,
"Gupna?" I asked.

He held out a flower and my eyes went wide.

"Be careful handling it," he told me, handing it to me.

I looked at it.
"It's a vampiric plant called Vida. They grow wild anywhere. You need to pierce this through the heart of your game," Sonju started.

"You dedicate your food to the gods. If the gods accept it, the flower will bloom. Then you can eat the meat. This is Gupna, this is how we demons traditionally slaughter meat," he continued.

"It also works to drain the blood. Helps to preserve the meat longer."
"You pierce this while it's still alive?" I asked, memories of Conny running through my head.

"Yes, or else you won't be able to drain the blood," Sonju answered.
"It's okay. It's unconscious."

I stared at the bird, "This... this flower. It went through Conny's heart too... She was a kind girl with a cute smile," I muttered under my breath, tears starting to build in my eyes.

"So you've seen it before..." Sonju muttered.
"Yeah..." I replied, "I understand now. The flower was placed there while she was still alive," I muttered, the sick thought made my stomach whirl.

{ Conny, Hao, Ceddie, everyone... Norman }

My jaw clenched as I kept the tears from rolling down my face. At last, I took a deep breath, "I hope it didn't hurt them... I hope they weren't scared," I said.

"Gupna is a way to show gratitude to the Gods. It wouldn't work without respect. Don't worry. I'm sure your siblings didn't suffer," he told me.

"O-Okay," I stuttered.
I took the flower and tried my best to gently pierce it through the bird's heart.

"Sorry..." I muttered.

~*~*

I got back onto the horse and we headed back.

3/27/2020
Word Count: 1815