Book 4} Chapter 31
Emptiness
空虚

He’s gone.

He’s gone.

He’s gone.

He’s gone.

He’s gone… 

I know that he’s gone… yet my eyes and ears still search for him.

Norman’s gone.

His death hurts me.

I sat by the tree again. I tried not to cry. My eyes hurt. My throat hurt. I’m tired.

Earlier

“We’ve done enough. Let’s die here,” Ray said. He looked and sounded tired. I didn’t bother to question him. I was fine with dying.

“It’s impossible. We’re surrounded by cliffs. And the only bridge is the one going out of the headquarters. Besides, I’m tired,” he said. He was looking down the whole time.

“I’m really tired…” he muttered.

“Then what about this?” Emma asked, showing him the device.

“I don’t need it. You can have it. If you want to escape, go. I’m out. Sorry, Emma,” Ray told her. I was sat next to Ray on the ground.

No look of emotion crossed my face as he talked. I was tired as well.

Now

I laid on the bed as I thought.
{ I have to think of something. Something that’ll work. }
I tried thinking but my brain didn’t want to function.

{ Norman kept me going. But Norman’s gone. And Ray’s given up. Emma is also done. Can we even escape? Hell, I can’t do anything. I’m useless. I can do it without Norman. But I need to move. I need to get up }

My eyes widened once I saw Mom hover over me.
“I did knock. Didn’t you hear it? You poor thing. You’re in pain,” she said as she took me into her arms. I wanted to push her away, but she was warm.

“You’re suffering. Norman died. Ray and Emma are not themselves. You can’t do anything along. Your wings are broken. Your escape route is blocked. And now you’ve lost your emotional support. You poor girl. You must be in total despair. You will never be able to escape. Just give up,” she told me.

She kissed my forehead softly, “The best way to not suffer anymore… is to give up. Just accept things as they are and resign yourself. You’ll feel much better. It’s easy. You’re suffering because you resist. Just concede. Listen, Y/n. If you’re interested… I’m thinking of recommending you as a candidate to be the next Mom of this farm,” she told me.

“A candidate to be Mom…?” I asked.
“Yes. If you become an adult, have a child, and prove your abilities… You can come back to this house as a Mom or a Sister. You have that right. If you desire it, I’d love to recommend you,” she said with a smile.

Who could…--
“ “Who would take up that offer?” Is that what you’re thinking? But then… what else can you do? Nothing. You can’t save anyone. It’s just a cycle of suffering and cursing the death of others. Live and aim to become a Mom, Y/n. Accept despair and free yourself from the pain,” she said, touching my cheek.

“Reckless idealism. A juvenile sense of justice. An impossible escape. Futile resistance to reality. Become a Mom and give that all up. Be relieved of the pain, Y/n,” she said, trying to convince me.

“No, no… That’s one of the things I can’t do,” I told her in a shaky voice.
Her expression turned into an unamused one.
“Fine. Then you can writhe in agony as you wait for death. The farm and I will never let you go. None of you can escape. You can realize that to your heart’s content,” she said harshly as she walked away.

“Foolish girl. There’s no choice but to give up. It’s the only way to stop the pain.”

Think.

Think.

Think.

Think.

Think.

A moment of silence rushed through the room.

It’s useless.
I can’t do anything.
Nothing moving forward… except… time.

Two Months Later
Sunday, January 14
2046, 23:28

I walked into the Dining Hall in my crutches. I couldn't sleep.

I haven't slept a lot in these two months Norman was dea– gone… 

"Ray? What are you doing at this hour?" I asked.
"It's my last chance, so I'm saying goodbye to this house," Ray said.

Emma then also entered the room. She stayed quiet as she watched us, "It's your birthday tomorrow," I realized. "Yeah. Tonight's the last night. Tomorrow I'm getting shipped out," he said making my heart stop.

"Hey, Emma. Y/n. Tell me. Did you really give up? You haven't actually given up, right?"

11/17/19
Word Count- 764