HEELS ARE REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE. Maybe that's just because I'm not used to walking in them, but I've never really had an opportunity to. Until today that is. Penelope had ordered me to dress for a 'girls night out' which I can only assume that means dresses, skirts and heels- at least that's what the girls at university would wear when going out.

After a shower I must have spent an hour staring in my closet, each article of clothing seeming too dull. Finally with fifteen minutes until we are scheduled to meet I was forced to settled on an outfit. Pairing a long sleeved shirt under a buttoned dress that fell just at my knees, dark tights hiding the exposed skin of my legs-- and of course these horrible black heels. I thought they were cute when I found them at a local thrift shop, they were really inexpensive, and I will admit I maybe was feeling a little envious.

The buy was a spontaneous one. The shoes badge of honor that I can wear to symbolize independence I haven't had before.

Unfortunately my independence may just take away my ability to walk.

After the case in Scottsdale was closed Penelope took it upon herself to arrange a night where all the women of the office can get together- no guys allowed.

I've been stressed out about this night since the moment they introduced the idea. I still don't know them very well, and I don't want to risk growing more fond of the crew then I already have over the past two months. The pros and cons turned into an inner battle over the past few days. Making me more on edge than I already have been since his phone call.

If I go, I risk having a nice time. I still don't know the crew very well, I'd like to get to know them better but keeping an emotional distance is going to be difficult- especially if I begin to like them. Going would also take time away that could be spent working on the extra work Strauss gave me. I could be home tonight. Alone but safe. Alone is stable and constant. It's a privilege I don't get much of.

But ultimately I decided to go. If I didn't go it could raise eye brows. I need to be more personable, someone trustworthy in order tone fully excepted by the team. My history with Aaron, the banter between Derek and I, and the friendliness Spencer and I seem to share will only go so far. Even still, they can look in my direction the wrong way and I'll be back to square one. I think Penelope likes me, and I know Emily is just tolerating my presence. I still don't know where I stand with Rossi, and JJ.

But even now as I near the local market we agreed to meet at, I can't come to peace with my decision. My hand tucked in my pocket to rest against the phone anticipation, hoping it would ring. I don't know if I've made the right decision. I don't know if this is what they would want me to do. Panic streaks across my lungs, uncertainty rotting every rational thought away.

I wish he'd tell me what to do. And I absolutely hate myself for feeling that way.

I'm on my own for now... I'm on my own for now!

The glossy black shoes rub at the upper part of my heel with every step. My independence. Painful. Blistering. Beautiful. The friction although not ideal, surges a bit of confidence through me.

This is my decision. My choice. I got to make that choice! I deserve a night out. I want to have fun, and I want to be a typical young woman for the night, feeling pretty and in pain but wearing it like the badge of honor it is.

This is going to hurt. Being on my own and making decisions without reassurance is going to be difficult. Standing by those decisions is going to be painful, and blistering, but also beautiful. I may wobble, needing some time to find my footing, callous over, but this is a good thing. Because no matter if its pain or beauty it's still a reflection of my newfound independence. It's still a reflection of me.

"Niki!" Penelope jumps into view as soon as I approach the market, her smile brighter then the glimmering lights. She waves me over to where her and Emily are waiting.

"Hi, sorry I'm late." I smile up at them, content in my decision.

"No, no you're perfectly on time!" She says quickly, her smile never fading. "We just got here, you look so so so so pretty!"

"Oh, thank you." I take my stand in line next to Emily. "You both look great too." I glance at their slightly more casual attire. "I feel far too dressed up." I admit, a blush forming on my face as I glance around at the bustling lobby, filled with many loud smiling people.

"Being 'overdressed' is a concept made up by people who don't want you to look better than them." Emily says seriously. "You look fire. Make people rise to your level." Her words surprise me, they're kind, and genuine. It actually makes me feel a bit better. Maybe she is actually warming up to me.

"Hey, you finally made it! We've been waiting forever." Penelope crosses her arms at a late JJ who comes quickly over to us.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." She sighs. "Henry was fussing and I lost track of time. You've gotten the tickets right?"

"Tickets?" I ask.

"Yes, we decided to go to the movie theater down the road!" Penelope holds up the basket of candy and snacks. "JJ you brought henrys old diaper bag right?"

JJ gives her a look, gesturing to the overly large bag slung on her shoulder. "No, I forgot it!"

Her sarcasm immediately draws a loud laugh from me, the genuine action taking me by surprise.

"You're the only one of us who's a parent," Penelope starts. "The venders never question you-- You've just got that 'mom' look about you."

JJ rolls her eyes with a teasing smile. "Heaven forbid we buy snacks at concessions like normal people."

"Oh, I'd rather die before I let us do that!" Penelope gasps in mock offense, looking over to me expectingly. "We go to the store, get our snacks and candy, then go to the theater. Sneak it under your shirt and pretend you're pregnant if you have too, right Nicolette?"

"Uh, right." I go along with it as they begin stuffing the snacks into JJ's bag. "I mean, it's illegal. But only like a tiny bit illegal? I don't think I've heard of anyone dong hard time for having a bag of chips under their clothes."

"Which movie are we seeing?" JJ questions as we walk down to the small theater.

"Four for Downton Abbey." Emily waves the four tickets in her face, before handing one to each of us.

I've never actually been to the cinema, I haven't so much as watched tv or movies since the migraines started. I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little nervous. Not so much the thought of watching something I never seen before, but the actual act of staring at a screen for so long.

I can't just wait for the white dots to dance in my vision, signaling my brain needs to shut down. So to prevent it, I grab my wallet and carefully pull out three small pills from the case within, and take them when both women have their attention turned from me.

I won't let my head ruin this night with the girls. This is going to be fun. I'm going to have fun.

We hand our tickets to the man outside the room, before the three lead me into the dark theater. We head up the steps, and find a row with four empty seats.

Our quiet, excited chatter during the commercials cease as soon as the movie begans to play.
••••

"That movie was- so gooood!" Penelope shouts as we exit the building.

"It was even better then the tv show." JJ links her arm with Penelopes.

"You watched the tv show? Wait- there is an entire tv show of that crap?" Emily asks, she didn't like the movie, apparently there wasn't enough action for her.

I follow after them, feeling relieved. I had tried something new, and it didn't end horribly. I didn't have anything to be worried about, the movie really wasn't that bad. Yes my head hurts due to the constant stream of voices for the past two hours, but thanks to my preventative measures it is all a dull ache instead of a soul shattering pain.

By now, the sky is dark, and the streets are all but empty.

I pause behind the group, taking out my phone to call a cab.

"Niki!" Penelope calls as soon as I pull up the service number. "What are you doing way back there?"

"I'm calling a taxi." I walk up to them, holding my phone up to my ear. "Hey-" I gasp as she grabs my phone away from me, hanging it up.

"How dare you!" She says dramatically. "You're all riding with me. You don't call a cab, you don't even ask- you just come!" She scolds playfully.

"Wait we all are?" I ask as I follow after them, trying to keep up in the very uncomfortable heels.

"Will dropped me off." JJ says.

"Car is in the shop." Emily shrugs.

I wrap my arms around myself following the group like a lost puppy, deciding I can just have her drop me off at a motel and I can call a cab from there. JJ took the front seat, leaving Emily and I in the back.

I rest my forehead against the warm glass of the window as the three carry on a conversation. Watching the street lamps pass in a haze. "First stop, Niki!"

"The mot-" I bristle as I see my apartment building come to view. She parks her car along the street. "I-I thought you were taking JJ home first-- How did... you're not sup... how do you know where I live?"

"What do you mean, sugar?" She gives an innocent smile. "You've gotten your own place nearly a month ago, and you expect that to be a secret? Don't you know I'm the goddess of knowledge? You didn't think to keep it a secret forever did you?"

Well that is the point of a safe house.

"Thank you for driving me home." The words leave me with a grimace. My heels rubbing the skin of my heel raw as I get out of the car.

This is why I should have stayed. I know Penelope Garcia is insanely good at her job, using electronic data to find out nearly anything. But I had hoped the FBI would have been better at securing such sensitive information when it comes to me.

"Wait Niki!" Penelope stops me before I close the door. "I drank wayyy to much soda, could I come in to use your bathroom? Please?" She pleads.

"I need to use the ladies room, too." JJ glances my way.

"Yeah." Theres no point. They all know where I am now so there isn't really any point in keeping them out. They weren't the ones I'm supposed to be hiding from. "Yeah, of course." My brows furrow as I open the car door. We were just by a washroom at the cinema, but now five minutes later their bladders are suddenly full?

"I don't want to be out here alone." Emily explains without prompting as she follows us to my building.

As soon as I line up my key to the door, my breath catches and I freeze.

The doormat is dirty.

It's such a small detail that any one could have missed, but there is no denying it is there. If I said it aloud, it wouldn't seem like something of note, but during the time I have been here I've made it a habit of stepping over the decorative doormat that Mr.Harlow had gotten me.

There is no other reason that the doormat should be dirty.

No. No. No not now. I never turned on my location. No one knows where I am, no one knows where I've been placed. Sure maybe they have a generalized idea.. but even he doesn't know which part of the city I'm in, let alone which apartment I'm in. Please not now. They haven't found me right? They couldn't have found me.

"What is it?" JJ asks, concern clear in her voice.

"Someone is inside." I whisper, taking a step back and pulling my phone out to call the authorities. That is, before I remember we are the authorities.

"What makes you say that?" Emily asks casually, obviously not taking my claim seriously.

"Trust me." I whisper, not wanting to explain while some stranger lurks around my home. "I-I we need... I need.. there is someone inside my apartment!"

"Okay, okay." Penelope shifts her weight from one foot to the other. "You two go in and see!" She snatched my keys from my hand and passes them to JJ. "You have guns!" She says defensively as the two give her a pointed look.

"Okay." Emily says rather loudly. "We'll check if anyone is in your apartment." The two enter my dark apartment, their hands resting on their guns ready to draw them if needed. I anxiously bite the inside of my cheek as I wait with Penelope in the hallway.

The confidence I had earlier this evening is long gone, cowering outside my 'safe' house makes me feel worse then wearing these stupid black heels! I never should have gone. I never should have gotten these shoes. Pretty and shiny-- what did I expect. Of course it would end up like this. He's right. Maybe I cant make my own decisions.

"It's all clear!" After a few seconds JJ's voice comes through the door. It dosent seem likely the two would have been able to clear my apartment in the dark in only a few seconds, but before I could question it, Penelope throws the door open, and pushes me inside.

The lights click on.

"Surprise!" Everyone yells at once. I bring a hand up to my mouth to cover my shock at the scene.

The entire team is standing in my apartment, with little party hats, food and gifts sat on the kitchen island. Aaron and Rossi are sat comfortably on my couch, while Derek and Spencer jump up from behind it.

"Happy housewarming!" Penelope squeals as she claps her hands together.

"What-- How- When did you-" I'm flabbergasted. Mouth open in shock, growing into a smile with each passing second. I place a hand on my chest, taking a deep breath in attempts to calm down. I'm completely overwhelmed. So many emotions happening all at once. I cant believe they could be so intrusive. So evasive. So thoughtful. No one has ever... Ive never had.. I have to blink back relieved and happy tears."I knew there were people in my house. My heart is still racing- don't ever do that to me again!" I laugh as I glance at the girls. "You planned this?"

"Hey- we all did!" Derek says defensively as he shoots me a wink. "Look at you!" He looks my outfit up and down. "Happy housewarming, Pretty Girl." I can't help but blush at the nickname.

"How long has this been in the works?"

"Since Scottsdale, sweet pea." Penelope giggles. "We had to get you out of the house so the boys could bring everything here."

"How did you..."

"I had a key made, duh!" She gestures to Aaron who holds up an identical copy of my apartment key.

"Which you will be getting back." He says.

"Sure she will?" Penelope says sarcastically as she snatched the key from his hand, tucking it away in her purse.

"You guys didn't have to do this!" I can't help but laugh as I notice Spencer wearing a tiny sparkly party hat with string anchoring it to his head by tying around his chin.

Awe.

Glancing around the room, I notice everyone else is wearing similar hats.

"To be clear," Aaron gives a uncertain smile. "I was completely against this."

"You planned most of it!" Derek calls him out.

"Yes but breaking and entering was not on the itinerary!" He snips back and I cant help but giggle at the scene. "Penelope didn't tell me she made a copy of the key without you knowing, and she certainly didn't tell me you didn't know about this."

"Well duh! You wouldn't have let us do it if I did!" Penelope defends. "Its completely normal-- You know like instead of a flash mob-- BAM flash surprise party."

"I don't think you know what a flash mob is."

I can't even be angry. I can't get rid of the cheesy grin on my face.

"It was just an elaborate ruse to get to see your apartment," Rossi says. "Since you never invited us over." His tone is serious, but the playful look in his eyes is enough to remind me he is trying to make a joke.

"We've got presents, we've got pizza, we've got games, we've got crappy dollar store decorations." JJ smiles.

"I'm really happy for you, Nicolette." Aaron comes up to me with a small smile, putting a hand on my shoulder.

"Thanks." I smile, before my attention is drawn to Emily who hands me a paper plate with a slice of pizza she got from the coffee table.

"What are we waiting for? Let's open the presents!" Penelope gasps as she approaches the island, and the presents on top of it.

"Ah- ah!" Derek wraps an arm around her shoulders. "They are for Nicolette, not for you."

She slaps his chest lightly, looking offended. "I know that! I want to see what everyone got her."

"Where is your patience, babygirl?"

She begins to pout, Derek laughing and kissing her head. I smile at their small banter.

What they have is only what I can describe as special— a strong friendship built on trust, love, and platonic flirtation. I can't even imagine how their dynamic started.

Once Emily passes me to join the others by the island, I take the opportunity to put the piece of pizza back in one of the boxes.

"Not hungry?" Spencer asks softly after a few moments. He unlike the others is still standing awkwardly by my couch.

I was hungry but the smell is making me nauseous.

"I don't... I don't like pizza." I say as casually as I can muster as I wipe my hands of any crumbs that had fallen off the crust. That wasn't a lie, but it isn't necessarily the truth either.

"Hmm."

Before I could ask him what that was about, Penelope pushes a pink colored present in my face.

"This is mine! Open it, open it!" I smile at her thankfully. Walking across the room to sit at the couch as Derek and Aaron bring the presents over. My black heels nearly forgotten, and suddenly they don't seem to hurt anymore.

"Presents, then we play games." JJ decides.

"What kind of games?"

"We have, Pictionary, Never Have I Ever, and of course Truth or Dare." Emily answers.

Aaron and Rossi share a look, clinking their glasses of whisky together. Something tells me they are going to have more fun watching us play games than we will have playing them.

I wait until everyone has gotten their food, and had gathered around before I carefully tear open the pink packaging to reveal a wicker basket that had been unceremoniously stuffed into the box. I pull it out, to find a tiny pot inside hosting an even smaller plant. Its leaves a brilliant shade of pink, the pot yellow with a smiley-face drawn on both sides.

"Penelope it's so cute I love it!" I stand from the couch, moving across the room to place it along the windowsill with the few other house-plants I already got for myself. "There!"

"Do you like it? I knew you would! We just, we see so many terrible things at work... and it's nice to come home and see something colorful and happy." She explains. "And besides if I kept her, she wouldn't live a week."

I smile at her thoughtfulness. The moment was short lived however, because I am almost immediately handed another gift.

Rossi gifted me a small book of some of his favorite recipes, along with what he calls 'proper cook wear'. Aaron got me two houseplants that require minimal care and water, perfect for our work schedule. JJ gave me some stone coasters, and candle that- as long as it belongs to me will never be set alight. I don't even own a match. Derek brought me a coatrack that he found at a flea market, I really wanted to ask what he was doing at a flea market, but before I could I was handed the next gift. Emily bought me a taser.

"Really Em? A taser?" Penelope shivers in disgust.

"A girls gotta have a taser." She smirks. "Zap, zap."

I giggle at her unusual silliness. "Thank you." I say genuinely. "This actually makes me feel safer." I set the taser down on the coffee table, and grab the last gift.

Spencer's smile grows wider as his eyes bounce between the present and I, anxiously waiting for my reaction when I open it.

So I do just that. Carefully tear the corner of the paper, dragging it down to reveal the box on the inside.

"Oh wow!" I gasp, turning the box around to show everyone else. "It's a chessboard!" Not just any chessboard, this one is made of brown and white granite.

I tear the paper away completely, thinking about the plane ride home from Nevada after my first case with the BAU.

Rossi had traded seats, leaving me to play chess with Spencer in place of him. Spencer reset the board, and began explaining every aspect of the game, going so far as to explaining the meaning of the pieces names.

I decided to play along, listening quietly to his excited rambling. Only speaking to say 'checkmate'.

I could tell he was going easy on me, taking more time before his moves to make it seem like he is really thinking about his decisions. That is, before I had him at checkmate within one hundred and five moves. The next game was longer, because he was actually competing that time. He put up a good fight, but I still had him in checkmate at three hundred and forty. By the time we were on our fifth game, the entire team was crowded around our seats, watching the battle of the two youngest teammates.

"You should have told me you knew how to play... before I... before I made a jerk of myself trying to explain it to you." Spencer flushed. "You should have been the one explaining to me."

"Yeah pretty girl how did you get so good at such a boring game?"

"Hold that tongue of yours, Morgan—" I shoot him a playful glare. "Before you lose it."

"I- Damn."

I laugh at Derek's gobsmacked expression. "Chess is my game."

I meet Spencer's eyes, and he sends me a teasing look. "Just wait until we play Poker."

As I got to set the box down, I notice a smaller gift at the bottom of the bag, wrapped in purple paper it's about the size of a book. "Oo there's more!" I start as I begin to open the paper.

"It's... nothing special." Spencer rubs the back of his neck sheepishly as I gasp in surprise.

My fingers feel the soft thread of the chunky scarf as I pull it from the bag. I immediately wrap it around my neck, my smile only growing wider. "My favorite color." I breathe as I look up at the man in astonishment. The color isn't blue, it isn't green, it's not teal, or emerald. It's viridian, the perfect mix of them all. "You remembered my favorite color."

"Viridian. Green-blue pigment. It is composed more of green than blue. Specifically, it is a dark shade of spring green, so it is the color between green and teal. It is a hydrated chromium oxide, with dark in value. The color takes its name from the Latin viridis, meaning 'green'. The first recorded use of viridian as a color name in English was in the eighteen-sixties."

He remembered. Of course he remembered, he remembers most things. But he chose to act on this, he could have gotten me any generic housewarming gift, and I would have thanked him, but I wouldn't have known he had cared enough to remember that little fact about me.

He got me something he knew I would love.

"I just- I-I didn't know what else to get you. I know you'd have to have had things for your apartment already. And I didn't know what you already had." He explains quickly, his voice speeding up towards the middle and end of his sentence.

"Pretty Boy, did you knit?" Derek asks with a teasing smirk, casing Spencer's cheeks to darken with embarrassment.

"I... I... had free time and extra yarn, I thought you'd like it." He stutters at the harassment Derek gives him.

My smile only grows at his lie. They don't sell Hand Dyed Noro Yarn that's this color at any nearby department stores because of the yarns demand they only carry five colors— you'd have to have the color mixed special.

But I decide not to point that out, I just tuck that little bit of knowledge away in the back of my mind as I try to hide the blush that spreads along my face.

"I absolutely love it, Spence." I smile up at him, my heart beating a bit faster then usual. "I love it, thank you."