It really is such a nice night...

At least I will be resting in peace after this.

The water is soo cold.....

Whatever...

I won't feel it for long anywas.

I went to the ocea and stopped the moment the water hit my bare feet. The coldness of the water send chills down my spine. This water was really cold but it was also kinda relaxing too. The sound of the waves hitting the shore and pulling back some of the little stones and sand. If I was about to die then this was the best place for it.

After I got used to the coldness of the water, I started to get in bit by bit. The waves were a bit hard to overcome since they were strong today but I decided it would be nice to die like this. It was after all rather relaxing and I let my mind black out completly having nothing in it and don't letting myself pulled to a single thought.

Bit by Bit, I walked into the cold water until there was no ground beneath me. I decided to swim a bit out too just in case the wave would rescue me. It was really such a nice night to die. There was no wind, no noises and all there was around me were the stars, the city far behind me, the dirty beach and the dark water. 

To be honest, the color of the ater and the cold feeling pretty much described my desperation for freedome. I wanted to be awknowledged but never got anyone to look at me. I felt lonely and cold for as long as I could remember. This was definitelly the best setting to die.

Unce I was out enough, I dived straight down to the bottom of the ocean and stopped resisting at all. It felt so relaxing being surrounded by nothing just pure cold darkness. I could still hear the sound of the small stones echoeing through the water as it hit the shore and it all felt so relaxing. 

It wasn't before long that my lungs started to burn and my body started to ache for air. Still I didn't wanted to go up or anything like that. My goal was to be one with the sea. Maybe the fishes would be more happy about my death since they got some fish food. At least like this my body will have some kind of use.

Not son after the burning sensation started, I could feel myself getting light headed as well as grasping for air. Still no matter how much my body wanted air, it refused to breath in the water that is surrounding me. 

The burning sensation started to get soo strong that all the air that I was holding on escaped my lungs and I touched my throat lightly just caresing over it. 

I didn't wanted my life to be like this!

I never asked for being born and yet here I was.

No one would even miss me if I dissapear like this.

That one thing was something I was sure off.

My last thoughts were only one thing. How nice it would have been if someone was morning for my death but I knew deep down that no one would ever miss a uselss kid like myself.

There was nothing that was holding me back from killing myself and there was nothing and no one who would miss a useless kid like myself.

Life was cruel and I knew that all to well.

I went through everything and here I was in a total relaxed stage. Now that life was nearly over, I was not regretting a thing at all. I was calm and relaxes like the sound the ocean created. It was the first and the last lullaby I would ever hear.

Still I was happy aobut it since it made me feel like I have become one with the ocean floor. Tho I wasn't touching the floor and felt like weighless. This was the best feeling I ever had up until now. 

I never knew what a monthers love meant or what love on it's own meant but if I had to describe this feeling right now that I had then it was as one of reunion as well as love of the ocean. A sirens song would be fitting but this sound I was hearing was enough to make me sleepy.

Before long, I fell asleep in the darkness of this neverending nightmare called life. Thankfully I knew that this would be the last time I would open my eyes for another shitty day.