( TRIGGER WARNING: Suicidal attempt and suicidal thoughts... please if this triggers you I will do a recap next chapter and get you caught up. If you are suicidal or self harming yourself please seek help or call the hotline. You are important!!)

Reid's pov:

Garcia called Hotch while we were heading back "sir I think I got an address" she said more, but I didn't listen to that. I was in shock we may find her by tomorrow. I'm going to be able to see y/n again. I was finally happy, I quickly felt bad.. y/n was still with Rivers and i'm here feeling happy. Hotch told Garcia we would be there in 5 minutes. He turned on the lights and speeded all the way to the bau. JJ looked at me and reached her hand for me to grab it. I was going to interlock hands with her, but I didn't... I felt bad holding someone else's hand besides y/n. I shook my head and she nodded. I knew she didn't feel embarrassed, JJ understood. 

We arrived at the bau and I got of the car so quickly. I ran inside and went to the elevator. Hotch and JJ got in quickly because they knew i was anxious. The elevator door opened and I quickly opened the glass doors and ran to Garcia. I was so in love with her right now. She found y/n. I ran and gave her a hug. I let go and asked "Okay where is she". Garcia looked up and frowned, "I don't know the exact location because the picture is too blurry, but maybe you guys can figure it out" she said rubbing my arm. God why is everyone touching me now.. I hated it only y/n can touch me. I pulled me arm away so Garcia would stop. I think she got the clue so she took us to the table where we discuss all the cases. She pulled up the photo on the tv and showed it to us. "Do you guys have any clue what that sign may say" Garcia asked. I tried so hard to make it out and I couldn't.. How is it that I know everything but not this. The most important thing right I don't know. I was so mad at myself. I got out of my chair and ran to bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror and just broke down. I couldn't understand why this happened. Why does this keep happening to me. Tobias, dilaudid, Gideon leaving, Gideon dying, Elle leaving, my mom, and way more. Why does this keep happening. I shouldn't even be here. I couldn't protect y/n and i'm sure I couldn't protect my own kid. I am useless. Y/n would be better without me. Everyone would. I looked in the mirror again and went to grab my gun. I texted JJ, "I'm sorry if you find y/n tell her I love her and I'm sorry I couldn't find her... I just know I can't protect her anymore... I love you guys".

I grab my gun out of the holster and slowly put up to my head. "Please look after y/n and my baby please.. make sure my mom is okay.... let the team move on from my actions... I can't cause anymore problems, I'm sorry" I spoke out loud hoping someone would hear and listen. I was about to end it all when JJ came in.. she just stood there like she couldn't even comprehend what was happening. I looked up at her and I was about to pull the trigger when she spoke. "Spence please.. you can't do this okay, think of y/n.. when we find y/n I have to tell her that Spence killed himself... because he felt that he couldn't protect you" she paused " what do you think she will think... y/n will think that this is her fault....uhh what do you think she will do without the father her child.. how do you think she will feel knowing the love her life killed himself because he felt he wasn't good enough for her... c'mon spence think" she said stepping towards me slowly. I started crying again but this time I cried the hardest I ever have in my life. JJ was right y/n would blame herself, and I know she would never get over it. JJ took the gun out my hand and hugged me. How could I even think about doing that. I was so stupid. I hugged JJ for a straight 5 minutes. She finally pulled away and told me "C'mon Spence.. I know you will think of something, I didn't tell the team so you don't need to worry about them okay" she said in the most concerning voice. I nodded and wiped away my tears. We headed back to the table.. Garcia looked and saw how much of a mess I looked like.  She quickly looked back down playing with her fuzzy unicorn plush. I looked up at the screen and thought of ways I could be able to make out the address. I looked around the room and saw huge stacks of paper and it hit me. I went over got a piece of paper and got a pencil from my bag. I put the paper over the screen and scribble on the paper lightly. I took the paper off and there it was the address. I looked at JJ, Hotch, and Gracia. Garcia opened up her computer and typed in the address. It belonged to a small cabin in these woods. It was about 3 hours away, we couldn't take the helicopter because if he heard us he might kill her. So our only way was to drive. I was so happy that in 3 hours I was going to see her and just hug her and never let go.

(I suck at writing sorry lmao )